being a single mother living alone with no help really?

KANASHIA - posted on 12/18/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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im 23 stay alone with me and my son with very little help. Is it normal to feel overwhelmed im starting to feel so overwhelmed with everything. I try not to let him see me cry at all, but when he goes to bed at night I just brake down, Is this normal? lately i find myself crying more then ever my emotion are all messed up.. with birthday and christmas and no help i dying inside when do thing get better ?

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Meghan - posted on 09/01/2012

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Hi hun-I am literally in the same position. I have a 1 1/2 year old son and his dad NEVER wants to see him or visit him. My mom lives near by but she doesn't respect how I raise him (hes starting to throw things but AIM for people's heads and if i put him in time out -he understands) but if she ever watches him and he cries or does anything bad she will laugh or cuddle him-it creates confusion so then i just never ever want her to watch him because she will say "i watched YOUR son" you "CHOSE to have him" I live next to my brother and he NEVER visits me or my son. where i live is a prison to me-a remote location where its all families. I was supposed to be engaged to the father (thank God he left me because he doesn't DESERVE such a beautiful son). I feel overwhelmed everyday of my life. There is no one around me in a similar position. The girls i know that have children live with their parents, sleep in till noon and get free childcare from their parents or family members etc mon-fri and the dad will watch him and get child support without any lawyers etc. They actually have lives. One thing I've learned from doing everything on my own for the most part with some help here and there (although it wasn't worth it in the end) is in order to be a good mom-you have to be happy yourself. I know how awful it is to not be able to cry. when you're a young, single mother you have to be a dad and a mom-you can't rush over when they're learning to walk. You have to be tough even tho it kills you on the inside the first time they fall. it is not easy. The stress of it has given me more health problems than i could list. Doctors look at me and tell me its killing me. I want to move because i feel like both my son and I are in a prison and socially isolated. It's also hard for you being so young (23) im 24 myself and my mom and my grandmother dont understand the generation difference. they say things like "your ONLY job is to be a good mother" and i say things like "thats not a job thats who i am now-he is a part of me" because babies cost $$$ but to them-thats being spoiled or selfish if I want an hour a week to get out and do something myself. I love my son to death and thats how i get through everything, but when there is no one near you that is in even a remotely similar situation-it really starts to take a toll.



I am having the same problem but all i can say is i wish i had someone to reach out to ...a year ago...because what its done to my health is not good. Stress is so so detrimental. All i know is even tho I have family (i wish my father was alive but passed away a couple years ago) I am alone and my son deserves better. I just am too young to know where to go (i want to move out of state) and what to do (i got pregnant in college) :( I pray that you find a solution as well (both of us!!) if you ever want to talk-i definitely can relate and would love to offer you that. Just remember how much he loves you and it does get better ...sometimes my son sees how sad i am inside without me actually crying and he will say "ug mama" (hug) or give me a kiss and all my pain goes away and i remember what an angel he is and how all i need is him and i owe it to him to be strong no matter how hard it is sometimes.



my thoughts and prayers go out to you though. i truly understand and just remember that he loves you so much.

Ashleyparker721 - posted on 11/08/2013

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Hi Kanashia I understand exactly what you going through you see I'm also 23 with a little prince and he just made three. It can be very hard especially being a full-time college student with a little toddler that also just started head start, but God is right there by your side he's always there at the right time. keep your head up everything going to be OK.

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You need to find a support network. IA community center that has baby related activities. A moms group where you can talk to people. Believe me, i know how you feel I'm 23 live alone and I'm a 4 hour drive away from my family. Her dad is still in the picture but he works all the time so im alone here constantly. I felt lost, alone and like i was in over my head. I couldnt deal because i didnt have support. Now i go to play groups and converse with other moms. It made me feel a lot better just to know other people are going through the same parenting issues and to discuss what we do to solve them. Its much better when you know your not alone.

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Darlene - posted on 10/26/2013

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Hi my name is Darlene, Ive never wrote in a frum like this so bare with me if i stray off topic im sorry. Well have 2 children im 24, i have a 2 yr old who just turned two ending of june, and a 5 yr old who just turned in oct 7th. It is very hard for my mom has a heart condition and she is hardly able to help me take care of my children. It is very tough for me my sons father(not together) is around for him and i am married with my daughter whom i always have, so im never alone when one goes the other stays, it hurts to watch people go out and have a life and a caring family, my mom abuses her heart condition though she and my father frequently go out to karaoke, she eats out alot and sops all day though she never helps me but takes care of her sisters kids??.. it hurts to go through that it confuses me a whole lot. What I do is pray cry and release stress when i listen to music when they sleep i sometimes take a long warm bubble bath with epsom salt have a glass of red wine on the weekends and relax dont get tispy or drink u just need to relax, u can go for early morning walks with your baby listening to the birds chirp is like therapy for u and ur bby, im sure if your bored being home so is he, remember they are little humans like us were older but they still feel♥ Let theyre happiness feel you and keep you going when u feel weak. Pre-school here in ca begins at 3 so u might want to look into that. I hope it was helpful. take care and god bless you. Have fun with your baby try to enoy what u do nd it will come naturally.

Baby - posted on 08/07/2013

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Oh I forgot to mention the group called "MOPS". (mothers of preschoolers) The leader helped me tremendously. You can find one in your area. VERY supportive group.

Baby - posted on 08/07/2013

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You are totally normal!!! Cry girl cry!! We are human and live in a country that is TOO independent. One person can NOT give everything to a child and themselves, we run out of gas. You are so young too and need lots of support, please go to church and reach out to a leader (who you can trust) or someone else (who you can trust). Im 37 and have a new baby on my own (and in china) and I'm so overwhelmed, even as wise as I've become...I can't imagine being so young and so alone. Im so sorry. Keep reaching out!!!!

Ivy - posted on 09/02/2012

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I'm 38, and I frequently feel overwhelmed, too. I think it must be normal if you're a single mom. I think if you have no help, you must feel that way almost all the time. You need to take care of yourself since no one else will. If you have the funds, HIRE a babysitter every so often to give yourself a break. Sleep enough if you can. Think of things YOU want to do and then include your child, if possible. Take your child to McDonalds and let him play for hours while you read, daydream, or realize that you temporarily have very few responsibilities. Find joy in little things. And, if you need to, go to your bathroom and lock the door for a few minutes peace & quiet if you feel you can't handle it. I particularly like to take my daughter to the library too because I can read while she plays on the computers. There is also a grocery store here that has free childcare. Sometimes, I deliberately shop SLOWLY. Also, parks are nice if you can exercise while your child plays (then, you can feel better, too). Find other moms like yourself to vent with and do fun things. Good luck! And, remember, to enjoy your son also--he needs your love :)

Shelby - posted on 12/22/2010

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I actually had the same problem, in fact, it got to the point that i quit school, slept all day, until one day i realized i am not doing my kid any good if i am not able to pull myself out of bed in the morning. I started talking with someone, who prescribed antidepressants, and they are working. hopefully by august i will be off of them. maybe you should consider talking with someone also. also, my doctor said the more you feel like with drawing from the world, you need to go out into it. call friends, make a playdate, or even just walk around the mall.

Nicole - posted on 12/19/2010

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Being a mom is a hard job and an impossible one to do alone. No one can raise a child alone. Social groups, even church groups, regardless of what faith you practice, can get you out of the house, interacting with people. Lessons and drop in play groups are invaluable to young moms with and without partners.

The library might have story time. It's worth looking into.

Chloe - posted on 12/19/2010

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You sound like you need support. Have you got any friends/close family who can come over and help you out or even just for some company! Maybe you could try mothers groups to meet friends in the area with kids around the same age. There is usually support out there you just have to go looking for it sometimes.
Hope it works out for you! Xo

Rosie - posted on 12/18/2010

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i was a single mom for 2 years before i met my husband. i was majorly depressed. i now completely regret not getting help when i needed it. my son missed out on having an attentive, loving mother who didn't get angry at the slightest things. please go ask for help with depression, you'll thank yourself later! :)

Sammie - posted on 12/18/2010

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Kanashia, I strongly suggest you consult a health professional. Be honest and open with them. Also keep an eye out for localo support groups in your area, try to attend playgroup or a mother's group.
But most importantly, see a health professional.

Good luck girl x

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