bf and video games

Amber - posted on 10/13/2010 ( 82 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have have lived together for almost a year now. I have 2 small kids from a previous relationship. My boyfriend works from home but is working all day (which is to be expected lol) and I'm a stay at home mom. He is usually done by 3:30 when my 3 year old is home from school. We make go outside and play, make dinner, feed the kids, bath time, story time, and bedtime for the kids around 7pm. Then he goes straight onto his computer for the night playing video games. Our original deal was he could play his video game Monday, Wed, Friday nights. Now it's turned into well he plays "wow" mon, wed, fri but he does other video game related stuff tues, thursday, sat and sunday.
I'm starting to feel so alone, more like a room mate than his girlfriend. Any time I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad and says he'll just quit playing all together. On one hand I want to scream yes! But I know he enjoys it so I wont. But at the same time I feel like I shouldn't feel less important than a video game.
As much as I love him and I honestly do love him I'm starting to feel like were not going to work out bc of the video games. I want someone that wants to spend time with me, and wants to go to bed with me. He says we spend enough time together during the day but really he is upstairs working all day and I'm down stairs with my daughter.
Idk do you think im over reacting?

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Morgan - posted on 10/14/2010

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Have you ever thought of maybe trying to use it to your advantage and use it to create bonding time? My husband is a bit of a nerd and gets into video games. He loves spending time with me so he wouldn't play his games. I finally one day sat down with him and we decided that we both needed to be interested in each others ideas of good times. So I started playing video games with him. He showed me how to do it and taught me how to play and all the cheats and stuff and we'd have so much fun. Especially in the beginning when I was HORRIBLE at it because he'd be bad on purpose just to make me look better. It really felt good to get involved with something he loved. In return, he knew how much I ADORE dancing (started dancing at 3 and did it until I had to stop at 18 because of joint issues) so we started dancing together. At first it was just at home, because I'll be brutally honest, he suffered from a SEVERE case of white boy syndrome. But he tried so hard and it was so cute watching him learn how to dance at home. Then we'd go out and bust a few moves at a club or bar together and it was so much fun!!! Now that we have our daughter it's a bit harder but we still make it work. When he's home (he's navy and gone a lot) we have a game night where we sit down and pick a game together and play. One week it may be CoD the next it may be something cheesy like Battleship on the Xbox. Never the less, it's fun. Then he'll surprise me and push all the furniture out of the way, put on some music, and we'll bust a move in the living room and have a "dance night".

We've been doing this for 5 of the 7yrs we've been together and I can honestly say that things have never been better between us. It's helped us bond more than you'd think. Maybe it'd help you guys. Taking an interest in a hobby that your other half likes but you never has is a GREAT way to get to know each other better and build a very strong bond together. You never know, you may get hooked and end up better than him and kicking his butt one day ;).

Janelle - posted on 10/14/2010

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Oh dear... WOW rears it's ugly head once again. I had a boyfriend once who ignored me for this game and I told him I was leaving because I felt like I was dating a five year old. So I left because he didn't seem to care until he realized it was too late. I understand how this is hard, trust me. But you need to somehow make it clear to him that this is presenting a problem in the relationship and that he needs to man up and address the problem with you like an adult.
See the thing is.... you are both home all day together. Yes he's working and you're busy with the kids, but you guys are still exposed to eachother 24/7. It's understandable for him to want "alone" time to do the things that he "personally" enjoys doing. It could be a therapy of sorts to him. Just like when girls want to have a night out with their girlfriends or a day to go shopping or go to the salon. Making him have a schedule can seem a bit controlling. Tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe you guys can set aside a weekend day to go out on a date and make it all about you guys as a couple.

Rebecca - posted on 10/29/2010

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My boyfriend is obsessed with his video games also. It may seem like your boyfriend does not want to spend time with you, but in all reality he may just want your support for something he loves to do. Let him know that your time with him is important and make time to do things together and then take a little alone time for yourself and let him play his video games. There is always a balance you just have to find it!

Janessa - posted on 10/23/2010

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I understand the video game thing, my husband is really into it too, but he has his limits, and it sounds like your bf does too, unfortunately I think it is a hobby a lot of guys have and a lot of their significant others feel left out because of it. But, ask yourself the question, would I really be better off without him? It sounds like he helps you with the kids, which aren't even his, before he starts in on it. I know I am am much happier with my husband than I would be without him, so it is just something I deal with. I tell him I'd rather he not play when the kids are awake because I need help with them, and for the most part he sticks to that with some exceptions, and I tell him if he wants to spend time with me at night he's got to come to bed at a decent time, if he doesn't I read or do things I like to do. I know he loves me, and would do anything for me. I know if it came down to it he would quit completely if it meant losing me, but I also know that he likes it, and might resent it a little if I became that controlling. So my solution is to find things I like to do, if he wants to play. If your bf is helping you out with the kids like that he is already showing you he loves you, also if he said he'd quit completely that also shows he loves you. So it comes down to the question again, would you honestly be better off without him?

Christa - posted on 10/23/2010

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You are not over reacting at all..my Fiance does the same thing...except its all his free time. I joined a group on here called "Mothers with husbands addicted to world of war craft" its just nice to know your not alone in this tough situation.

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Alicia - posted on 11/01/2010

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i have the same problem w my bf w the same game actually. i finally had to tell him he could only play the game when me and our baby were sleeping as he works nite so that shouldnt b a problem. here recently though he has started playin it more and more and so i talked to him again. i told him i felt and gave him an ultimatum. as for now its worked but we will see in the long run...

Afton - posted on 10/29/2010

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its just a guy thing!!! He pays attention to the kids and you have family time before they go to bed...thats a lot better than most!! my guy is just getting better in the last couple months, he used to be on his xbox all day on his days off, now its just a couple hours a couple nights a week. He liked that i didn't nag and just let him do it and get it out of his system. Plus...there is waaaaaay worse things he could be out doing!!!

Sylvia - posted on 10/22/2010

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ive been married for 3 years and have two kids. my husband plays call of duty, it sucks but i just deal with it. at least he waits till the kids go to sleep! he only plays for about 30 mins to an hour at a time, but it really makes me mad when he gets frustrated with me or the kids for messing him up. its really a loosing battle sorry but it is. just keep a hold of it so it doesnt get out of control. make agreements for time and days. or just set aside time to watch a movie together or go out to eat.

Ashley - posted on 10/22/2010

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ive been in this sorta relationship for almost 7 yrs. mine has not gotten better,

Elisha - posted on 10/22/2010

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At least one night every two weeks, my husband and I get out of the house together, and alone. We have to schedule our dates, which sucks, but it's better than nothing! You're craving attention, and as long as you get it SOMETIMES you won't need it all the time. The problem is that you're getting none, so you feel every second that he doesn't spend with you. Make sure that once per week you make time for eachother, watch a movie with popcorn, get a babysitter for the kids when they sleep and take a walk, make some cookies or something. Otherwise, go out with friends or start your own projects. You're not asking too much for some time.

Leah Jeppson - posted on 10/22/2010

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i hope you don't mind me being a little religious, but this article my church put out is really good about the reality of the gaming addiction. Its just as damaging to the body and brain as drugs, alcohol, and smoking. I never thought about it, but its true. I would first try to make a compromise, like morgan robinson said, you try to show interest in what he likes. Then have him try something you like to make it a mutual thing. But if it doesn't work, and he chooses games over you, then i would leave him, because you deserve to be treated better. Hope this article helps. http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNa...

Lisa - posted on 10/22/2010

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my x partner of 6 years and farther to 4 of my children was like that when he wasnt working hed be playing all day and sometimes hed be on it all night and not come to bed we never talked and we never went out together as a family cause he was always playing games id take the kids school and pick them up every day cause he was either in bed for work or he would be playing games

Lisa - posted on 10/22/2010

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i no what your going through just split with my partner of 6 years and when he wasnt working hed play video games all night we never talked or go out

Laura - posted on 10/22/2010

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You are NOT overreacting!!! I'm going through the same thing with my husband of 8 years, the father of our 2 year old, so leaving him wouldn't be an option, but I can not stand the feeling of him not wanting to go to bed with me, just like you. My problem is that he works until 7 every night, and then he comes home, eats dinner in front of the TV and then starts the games. It's not every night, but it's mre than I'd like. So if you have the option of leaving him, I hate to say it, but leave, and be serious, and if he wants to stay with you and choose you, he will.

Ashley - posted on 10/22/2010

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Man, my husband LOOOVES his video games. He even has his desktop computer hooked up to our 55 inch tv in his "man room" so he can play his PC games on the big screen. He plays every night, but I've gotten used to it. He all day just like me, and he does a lot for our 8 month old baby, so I feel he should be able to play his games to relax and unwind, but to an extent. He can only play when she is sleeping at night but we I still make sure we all have dinner together and spend time together watching TV shows on certain nights. I'm just lucky he stopped playing WOW after we had our daughter so he doesn't have to be home at certain times to raid liek he used to. I totally understand your frustration though and there should be some limits for sure. But tell him you would like to spend some time with him too and not to be such a drama queen when you bring it up and going to the furthest extreme of "not playing at all" My husband pulls the same crap on me with things like that and it drives me nuts, lol But I would tell him he can play everyday but limit the times during the day so you guys can spend time together as a couple too, but he can still have some of his unwinding time with his video games.

Catherine - posted on 10/21/2010

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me and my partner have been together nearly 5 yrs and have two children together, would spend time together all the time, but now its always tele, computer or iphone, he is always playing with one of those things.. we hardly talk anymore either, tried bringing it up but he doesnt think its a problem either! i feel alone too...and then i comfort eat!!

Kayla - posted on 10/21/2010

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My husband is the same way. I think for a lot of men video games become an addiction. I know me personally, when I find a game that I like, I can get really into it and it may be hard to put down. But when it starts interfering with your relationships and parental responsibilities then it does present a bigger problem. I can't really give you a solution to the problem, but one thing that has helped with my marriage is the way I talk to my husband about it. I try not to confront him when I'm so angry that I explode, and he automatically gets defensive. I have found that instead of telling him he can't do it, I ask him to turn it off for a bit and watch TV with you. Let him know that you miss quality time versus just time together in the house. You might even be able to set up a date night every couple weeks where you get out of the house and have a picnic or something to take him away from that temptation, and have somebody you trust watch your daughter for a couple hours. At this point if it does continue you have to decide whether or not it is something you will tolerate, or if it's worth leaving him and possibly breaking the bond he has with your children too.

Nicole - posted on 10/21/2010

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You are not over reacting. Yet, I do believe you two can make it work. First you need to talk to with him and find out if there are things that he lacking from you. Express your feelings of loneliness to him. Games seem to be his outlet which is fine. But you two need to really compromise. Let him know you don't feel loved, safe, etc. Don't bring up how much he plays though.

Nicole - posted on 10/21/2010

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omg if u find a solution to this let me know, worst part is i bough the damned thing for him because he said it was a thing him and his brother (miles away) could do. then his brother sold his... he stays on it till all hours of the am. bitches when i want help with our daughter or to babysit her and is very LOUD at night...u can hear him in other rooms... ugh i hate it and he says i want u in the room wiith me... i say to watch u?> i dont want to play that thing... and he says atleast be in the room with me.... like hes paying me any attention... my family is moving to pa and i finally told him he needs to fix it by the time we move or hes not invited... i can live with my parents if i need... ugh... ur sooo not over reacting... between work and games the closest i am is when he crawls into bed around 4 until 8 when i have to get up with the baby... and guess what... we are sleeping! sry to ramble u hit a sore spot with this question

Megan - posted on 10/21/2010

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I had the SAME prob with my husband! SO I made an agreement with him he can play all he wants and for every minute he has "game time" I get "ME" time...so if he plays for 2 hours I get to hours kid free to go to the mall, have cocktails with the girls, etc. too bad he doesnt play as much now...I guess he didnt like my me time as much as he liked his game time LOL

Teresa - posted on 10/21/2010

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I'm not going to read what anyone else says here, but I'll give my response and hopefully its not the same as everyone else.

*First off, no one needs to play computer games 7 days a week. If he's playing games like WoW (I myself play) I can assume his other games are just as complicated and time consuming. If he wants to play wow 3 days a week I can see that with the way raids run. But, there is no excuse for him not spending time with you. He needs to spend more time with you, not his online friends playing online games, you are his gf, not them, he lives with YOU not them. Ask him to take turns with what games hes playing, maybe one week he does WOW the next he does other games, but he needs to spend at least 3-4 days of the week on you.

*Second. Do you own a second computer? If so perhaps you can try to get involved in some of the games hes playing. That way even if he is spending computer time, it can be you and him time, with both of you doing something TOGETHER.

*I have a rule in my house. My hubby gets to do D&D every Tuesday night. He has the option of doing LARP on two other nights of the week. But, he has to choose which hes doing that week so hes spending time with me and the kids.

If he can't lay off the games to spend quality time with a real life right there person, then its time to move on to someone who isn't going to be wasting your time and emotions.

[deleted account]

This is a very delicate situation and you can't just start demanding to control when he plays like some people are saying here. Me and my partner have been playing games like WoW off and on for years, mostly together. You need to communicate with him and maybe show some interest in what hes doing, not just get angry about it. If you have 2 kids, then you can't play the way he does, but coming from experience, its a way to relate and bond.
Playing together did wonders for my relationship. Its a fun release and after having your support, he might rather make you happy by spending more time off game with you. This is just my opinion from another point of view.

[deleted account]

i know what you are talking about, my husband is more or less like that too. he says he does it to relax after work, which i can understand. However, once our very active son goes to bed i would like to relax by talking to my husband, so we have a deal that for an hour after Joshy goes to bed we are together, even if we are watching tv, and talking, and then he can go and do whatever he wants.

Heather - posted on 10/20/2010

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I COMPLETELY FEEL FOR YOU!!! My hubby was into WOW before we got married and then for a while after we got married. It was SO hard, I used to call it his "mistress". I couldn't ask him to stop playing b/c then he would just be mad and resentful at me and that wouldn't help. I got to the point where I would schedule time with him. I got married to spend time with him, not wait in line while the guild got first dibs. Now, he would point out that he made a committment to the people he's playing with, so I needed to respect that. Our solution was him playing with a guild that was less intense, so he could still play but it was easier to get time with me. We had some hard discussions about why I hated WOW so much, what a makes a hobby vs a part time job and what counts as spending time together. We had to have those talks when we were both in good moods, not tired etc just like when we talked about anything that's a sensitive subject. Eventually he was able to see where I was coming from and I was able to understand how important WOW was to him. Good luck finding a solution that works for both you.

Linda - posted on 10/20/2010

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I agree that you ought to take a hobby instead of taking it personally. You should have some you time, since he's hell bent on having his time. I feel that it would be counterproductive to cut the cords or take a drastic measure, and I think you know that too- But I understand your frustration. My husband and I had to go through a hard time where we tried to have 'us time' scheduled, and he couldn't understand why, if he had friends over during 'us time' , I didn't feel like it counted. We had our troubles that I won't go into, but they were bad.
Time heals all.
My husband and I are closer now, and I still let him have his 'f-ck off day' from work to play video games or whatever without getting mad at him for not helping with chores or spending time with me (which also shouldn't be a chore) and he tells me how much he misses me when he's at work. We have naked time, where we cuddle and talk, together time where we don't have to be doing the same thing but are in the same room, and our own periods of personal time. It's a happy balance.

I truly hope you find it.

Keri - posted on 10/20/2010

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Sometimes my husband does the same thing. It's more a release from the pressure of the day than ignoring me or my son. We are a "stay at home" kind of couple, and do what we want because we know we love each other enough not to want to spend every second with one another. Just being close to him - in the same room or just home together - is enough. We all need "decompression" time, so maybe get a babysitter and have a date night or something - a time you can definitively say "we're spending time together now". Maybe it's time to put your foot down and not back down when he gets mad. When you do that, he knows he can win just by getting upset. However, there's a fine balance between too much and not enough. Insisting on spending every free minute with him likely cause HIM to head for the hills instead of trying to work something out. When he's playing, read a book, watch a TV show or movie only you like so you don't feel abandoned when he's playing games. Or just make a move - go sit on his lap and block his view of the game and go for it - guys can't think when their mind drops below the belt - it's sneaky but it works ;-)

Jennifer - posted on 10/20/2010

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You arent overreacting you guys need your time too.....I would say give him time limits , Thankfully my husband isnt into video games, but my friends bf is and its a daily struggle...Maybe go out more? to the mall or something? get him out of the house when you can to try to break the habit? Just some suggestions. Good Luck!

Michelle - posted on 10/19/2010

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My Aunt had this same problem and it ruined her marriage. The WoW game is rediculous. It takes over peoples lives and is deffinately an addiction. She went online and researched some forums about the game and got a bunch of information on it. It was truly disgusting what some people have given up just to play idiotic computer games. some people have lost their houses, families, credit all because of a game on the internet... not that the game doesnt make it easy for this to happen. I mean they have a full on credit card that is only good on WoW. that is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard of buying virtual clothes for a imaginary person with real money. Sadly when she brought all of this information to him he could care less and the marriage of 9 years has now been called quits all because of the computer games. Quite sad really. In my house my husband and I go to bed at the same time practically every night and I wouldn't trade it for the world it is nice to have the calm relaxing time even if we arent necessarily tired we go to bed and cuddle and chat about the kids or our days. It is absolutely needed in a relationship to have the "alone" time otherwise it will crumble and fall, to me having alone time means when the kids are sleeping. Even if you do see each other through the day if the kids are around it doesnt count as quality time as a couple. hope you can figure it out and it works for both of you.

Grace - posted on 10/19/2010

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i feel the same my partner is on the poker all day and nigh and im running round after my 4 year old and i have new baby and hes on computor im sick of it we fight all the time cause of it , i know how you feel men a so selfess i should of being a lessbeing ha at least a women understands ha

[deleted account]

Sometimes I have that same problem with my fiancee... I get so annoyed by it sometimes, but with him going to school in the mornings, and working the rest of the day til 9, and then our daughter the rest of the time, it's something for him to do to unwind... i do get mad at him when he plays it too long and i end up going to bed alone, but we actually got a good thing going about a year ago...we went to the video game store together and scoped out some multiplayer games that we could play together, and most nights we play them together... it's actually a really good way to bond with your partner, i believe and it will make him fall more in love with you cuz you are into the videogames lol that is what i found anyway... then other nights i let him play by himself so he can play online with his other friends, and then i ask him for at least 2 nights a week to dedicate to me and he went for it... so i would try talking to him about finding a videogame both of you can play like 2 or 3 nights a week, and at least 2 nights a week to watch a movie or do something other than games... and then he can do whatever he wants other nights... i know its frustrating, but please try the multiplayer games and see if it helps... one good one my fiancee and i really enjoy playing together is Sacred 2: Fallen Angel for the xbox 360... give it a shot. good luck hon

Lucy - posted on 10/19/2010

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Speaking ur mind and even talking will not work ... pulling the Plug will make him attack u... all u can do is Live with it or Maybe Smash the Pc, or Leave him Sorry but Its a Drug, he may Quit wow but he will go back , he will be making Friends on wow and talking to people. oh 1 more thing maybe u could get some of his Friends to come ova and take the pc away .. his friends making it less likely for him to Yell abuse at u infront of them..... member this game is a Drug ur dealing with a Drug addict. and most Wow player find other Games to play when the Quit wow ie Hon , dota , Cs

[deleted account]

I don't blame you but giving him a schedule won't help! Why don't you find your independence and when he has no clue whats going on, where your going till your ready to leave thats when you say listen up. And he will probably change his tone and not get mad when you tell him you feel neglected. Speak your mind sometimes you have to make a point before they will listen.

Tracey - posted on 10/19/2010

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Communication and Comprise! Relationships don't last without these two.

Tell him how you feel: You feel left out, because most of his attention is elsewhere. You feel lonely, because he's spending more time doing something else. You still love him, and would love to spend time doing something together, because you miss him. I'm sure he'd be more apt to listen, if you tell him the truth, in a sweet manner.

Compromise!! Ask if you can play! Sometimes, we have to bite the bullet - just to be near our spouse. (Wouldn't we expect the same in return?) Also, ask him if he'd want to join you for some late night movie time, or something you enjoy, after an hour or two of his, "Play Time".

Amanda - posted on 10/19/2010

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I'm kinda having the same problem with my husband; I feel he forgets about me. (We've been married for 16 months, and our daughter is 6 1/2 months.)
We've tried to have the same Argument over and over, but it doesn't solve anything.
Then I stumbled upon this website: www.marriagemax.com; you can get free email help (I think there's 7 in the series, they come every couple days) from Mort Fertel. We're not even all the way through, and it's helped us. My favorites are the power talk and power touch (talking about something non-logistical, and playing footsie or holding hands). I started doing them by myself, and casually mentrioned I liked it, and he started to do them, too!!
Hope it helps!

Tiffany - posted on 10/19/2010

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I'm in the same situation. It's plain ridiculous in my opinion lol. It drives me crazy. The best thing you can do is sit down and talk to him and just share how you're both feeling and figure out what to do from there. We're still trying to figure it out too, because it gets so stressful. There are times I feel like smashing his computer in all honesty. I have never had to deal with someone playing as much as he does. But, if you two talk openly and honestly you can work it out. Good Luck.

Nicole - posted on 10/19/2010

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I'd remind him that he is a grown man! He does not need to be spending that much time playing video games! He needs to make some REAL time for the the 2 of you!

Laura - posted on 10/19/2010

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If its the WOW game he's always playing... me and my husband had that same issue... He was Addicted to that damn game.He'd get off work, and go STRAIGHT to the computer. I work nights, and I would get home around 11pm and I always ask him if he gave our 2 small kids baths, brushed there teeth, read there books, PLAYED with them... his response: "huh?" "oh I forgot. I do it tomorrow." I was so upset that he couldnt remember to do the necessary things... when he went to bed that night, I took the WOW disk, broke it in half, then deleted the entire program off our computer.

Tracy - posted on 10/19/2010

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ooh honey :( I am married in the same situation you are in . My hubby plays hours of WOW all the time. on weekends almost the whole day and stays up past 2am sometimes playing. then when he wakes up the next morning he ill go on for another couple hours. he had a schedule as well. but unfortunately there is always something to done on the games and they are pretty much never ending. i dont know how to help you... but i wanted to offer my support in what seems like an never ending battle. we have a 7yr old boy and he tells me MOM dad is online again. he is always ignoring me. so thats when i yell. sometimes i wont say anything to him for days then it builds up and I explode. we end up arguing but at least I get some attention. its not like this all the time. i mean we go out and stuff but it still seems like way too much sometimes. I dont think you are over reacting at all. think of it this way though, its an addiction. and like any addiction they will get mad if you call them on it. also if they cannot do what they love. but on the other hand, he isnt out spending money, he is not doing drugs or getting drunk. he isnt hurting you physically or the kids. but i know you are hurting emotionally. so sometimes that feels as bad. :( I know I didnt help you, but remember you are not alone

Huda - posted on 10/19/2010

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i know this might not sound be very helpful.. but try to play with him.. if he cant join u.. join him.. the goal is to spend sometime tigether.. even if it is not as romantic as u expect it to be.. but if he is appreciative n supportive.. he will be greatful to u.. n will appriciate what u r trying to do.. video games r addictive.. so he is excused.. another way is to act copletely ignorant and reckless towards him.. dont show him how attached u r to him.. n get ur self busy with other stuff.. dont wait up for him.. this usually iritates men.. when they feel ignored.. try it for sometime.. go out with girlfriends.. alone for shopping.. not with the kids though.. this wont help.. spending ur time with kids is excused .. but spending ur time with ur self drives men jelouse.. they like to be the center of attention.. hope it helps

[deleted account]

Like some of the other folks on here, understand that it is an addiction. When confronted about it, especially in a negative way, he will be defensive and angry. This is an addict's reaction.

It sounds like he works from home, yes? Like he doesn't really hang out with anyone besides you and your children? Remember that his video games ARE his friends. I'm willing to bet that he feels like he has deep, meaningful relationships with the folks he plays with. And yes, that is taking away from time with you and the children. And no, you should not feel guilty for asking him to limit his time just because he is the breadwinner of the family. Remember that you have an important job too, and you need to have meaningful adult relationships in your life. I was having a similar issue with my husband, although the roles were reversed (he stays at home with my son, while I work 10+ hours a day). His outlet from the stress of his day was video games. However, he would play for hours and hours at a time, and would often be tired and cranky in the morning from staying up all night. He could not limit his time on his own, so our solution was to turn on the parent monitor on the Xbox. He could only use the Xbox for 4 hours every day (it would reset at midnight). You can do similar things with your household internet connection. If you can't figure out how to do it on your router, call your provider. I was the only one with the password, and would only turn it off when he was willing to spend quality time with me and watch a movie or something similar. Eventually, he began to realize how much his video games were taking him away from his family, and we disconnected and sold all of our video game systems. This is an extreme solution, but it was his idea, and he knew he wouldn't be able to break his habit any other way.

So that being said, you need to confront him about it in a loving and caring way. Don't get angry, or emotional, or pushy. Don't make ultimatums unless you are wiling to accept the worst case scenario. If you limit his internet without his consent or knowledge, he will get angry. If you disconnect his computer, or break it, or in some way sneakily make it so he can't play, he will get angry. Remember that an addict will almost always choose their addiction if they are not directly and actively involved in their recovery. Possibly google "internet addictions" or "video game addictions" or "breaking addictions" for more help. Good luck!

Tammy - posted on 10/18/2010

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Honestly, maybe you should have e-mailed this post to him instead of a chat board. Sometimes writing out things makes it easier to communicate, especially things that the other party will be defensive about. What you said above are the things he needs to hear. If he can't accept how you feel and be willing to do something to change that (even if it really is give up all gaming) then maybe he isn't grown up enough to be in a relationship.

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Tell him to quit altogether, if he's going to be an ass and get mad at you for trying to talk to him. I don't think you're over-reacting. I get mad at my hubby when he wakes up and starts playing video games immediately when I want to cuddle or something. But that's when I tell him to get off the Xbox and come cuddle or whatever. Your boyfriend is overreacting about the video games, getting mad at you like that. He needs to realize that just because the two of you are in the same house doesn't mean you're spending time together. And even if you are taking care of the baby together, that's baby time, not bf/gf time. You aren't getting time together, just yourselves. You should arrange a date night. Let the grandparents babysit or have a friend watch your kids while you and hubby get out of the house and away from the kids and the videogames. Go out to eat, see a movie, go for a stroll in the park, something besides sitting on the couch twiddling your thumbs.

And girl, if he can't handle being away from the computer for a day, then maybe he needs to get a grip on reality because he's being ridiculous. If he wants to be with you, he needs to make time for YOU, not time for you and the kids. Just because he's with you and you have kids doesn't mean he has to accept the full package all the time. You're a person too, with thoughts and feelings and wants, and he's made the choice to be with you so he needs to actually BE with you. I dunno if I made any sense there, but...

What I'm trying to say is just because he helps with the kids doesn't mean he's spending time with you. He is, but at the same time he's doing so because of the kids, and he needs to do so whether they're there or not.

And for a guy to be that involved with video games? I understand playing once in a while but to play every day and get mad if you say something about it? How immature.

Shona - posted on 10/18/2010

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well i know the feeling its classic destress time for the man to do that but he plys the ps3 i dont mind him playing it but it usually happens afyter we watch a tv show together and while our son is in bed try and get a show u both enjoy watch it and let him do what he wants after it you both get what you want in the long run hell get over the game sooner or later lol dont stress to much

Kara - posted on 10/18/2010

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video/computer games are the biggest waste of time. My hubby played a lot when we were dating..but then slowed down a lot when we did get married. Mostly because I told him he could either be with me or be with his computer without me. He probably only plays a couple times a month now..and he always asks...I always ask him, "Is your family taken care of?" So he asks if there is anything I need and then plays with our daughter. Honestly I think that if he really wants to be with you his priorities should be with his family first. good luck.

Kayleigh - posted on 10/18/2010

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Friends don't let friends play WOW...

Ruins lives and relationships as much as alcoholism..

Video game addiction is a real problem... get him help before its too late...

I'm really not joking, I have see the worst happen b/c of this... it can consume your entire life.

Jeri - posted on 10/18/2010

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My husband and I had MAJOR issues with this for a few years... and no it never stops. But After about 3 yrs of trying to get him to stop, I decided to try playing along with him, cause at least that way I was included. Well, I have alwyas sucked at video games, so I figured he'd get sick of trying lol. Turned out he started only buying games that could be played co-op or online, and ended up buying me my own PS3 haha. After a while of playing, I'm better than he is and we have TONS of fun playing together =)

Amy - posted on 10/18/2010

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If you're spending little time together and your unhappy tell him to grow up and stop being so overdramatic. If he has a little strop saying he'll give it up then tell him to do it and grow up a little bit. I know it sounds harsh but I've been through it in the past with my Boyfriend and he's pretty good now :) x

Jayde - posted on 10/17/2010

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i didnt read the other posts but this sounds like my hubby!! haha. I'm lucky in the way that he's a very hands on father & hubby. We have worked out a home routine that he cooks at night (so that's one thing off my load of things to do) We worked out a deal that when i put Summer to bed at 7 we have a cuddle on the lounge & watch TV together for an hour - then i go to bed to read & he can play as much WOW as he wants for the night- nearly every night. A few times when i've wanted to spend more than an hour with him, only sex could lure him away, ESPECIALLY if he's doing a raid :) but i understand that he needs his alone time & he understands that i want him (he does too) to spend some time with me too. :)

Sarah - posted on 10/17/2010

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Amber i hope it works for you! i really do it! sucks not being able to spend time with your husband because he'd rather be on a comp game! i run my own daycare in my home so i don't get out much and i only have 1 daycare kid since i've been pregnant so i don't get much adult interaction besides my husband, daycare parent and calling my mother! as christina said i even tried not saying anything to him hoping that if i didn't nag he wouldn't find the need to be on so much but that as well failed! in a way i felt as if he didn't love me anymore because if he did he would WANT to spend time with me... but thats just the differences of how we were both raised! my dad worked 2 jobs and when he wasn't working he was spending as much time with us as he could... my husband however grew up with his mother in a nursing home because she had MS and his dad was at the bar avoiding his responsibilities (hence where my husband thinks its okay to be in his own lil world instead of dealing with real life!) Take it slow with him... guys don't change overnight! if you really want it to work try everything you can think of and hopefully he will stick to what you agreed on and things will work out great for you!

Christina - posted on 10/17/2010

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Mine loves video games as well. He plays in the evenings while I am at work, since I'm a nurse and don't get home from work until around midnight every night. When I get home, he gets off. For mine, his ex use to always harp on him not to play and it would piss him off so he would play more to piss her off. I leave him alone about it. If it starts bothering me, which isn't often because he is careful about when he plays, then I mention that I miss spending time with him because he is playing. I come about it in a way that I'm not nagging or fighting, just stating how I feel without being angry or annoyed. He responds to that very well. Try a a different approach and see if it is effective. If it isn't, then you might have to make a tough decision.

Amber - posted on 10/17/2010

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So we turned yesterday into "date day" spent the day together just me and him walking around the city together.(No cell phones were allowed unless it was a call about the kids) We spent a long time talking about the game and came to a new agreement. The 3 nights a week he raids are the only 3 nights he will be on the computer and the same for me. If he finishes his work early and the baby is taking a nap and my 3 year old is not home from school yet then he can log in and play until she wakes up or my son gets home. Well see how this works lol I'm not holding much hope but it's an attempt and we both said things that needed to be said.

Sarah - posted on 10/16/2010

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i've read some of the replies and for my husband nothing worked! we'd sit down and talk about it! i actually got my husband started playing guildwars...which was his game of choice before our son was born! nothing worked! i didn't care that he played i just had a problem with the amount of time he spent playing! he would literally be on from the time he got home from work until he went to bed... then would get upset with me if i tried talking to him while we were in bed! (i couldn't talk to him while he was playing because it was too distracting for him and he'd get mad at me for making him lose) we tried time limits or having certain days that were "no comp" days but it never worked! we even started counseling because it was getting so bad (that was after he got mad at me about bothering him while he was on the comp and started threatening to divorce me and said he wished our son (who i was 7 months pregnant with) would die so he didn't have to see me anymore! counseling didn't help at first but eventually he realized that he never got anything done around the house because he was always on the comp! i'm not saying nothing will work for you but i've been through it ALL! talking it out, threatening to leave, trying to compromise, counseling, changing the password so he couldn't log on i've tried it all! and from what i've heard in other posts about bf's/husband playing games too much.... most guys have to figure it out on their own that they are on the game too much and the girls just gotta wait it out! other wise its just nagging to them which makes them want to play the game even more... why... because its their escape from the real world... its their break from reality and all the stresses they have and nagging only stresses them more!

Emily - posted on 10/16/2010

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no, i do not. i have that same problem. i ask my bf to help me watch the kids so i can clean or take a shower, but he thinks watching the kids is letting run around doing what they want while he plays video games. or he has been out all day and then comes home and wants to play video games and video games on the weekend. i honestly feel the same as you i dont feel important to him at all.

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