bf has no time for me coz of his other daughter

Ria - posted on 01/28/2010

I have a 16 month old boy with my partner, who also has a daughter aged 12. We originally got together when his daughter was 3 and it didn't work out as his whole world revolved around her. 8 years on we got back together and everything was fine until i fell pregnant. Now it has got to the point where his daughter no longer wants to see him unless he ' gets rid of us'.
I have found that -although it is very hard being with someone who has another child; it is important that the child has as much to do with you as she does with her dad. You need to do things as a family to help prevent problems in the future. It is natural to resent her (especially now you have a baby of your own) - You could try asking his mum to look after the baby whle you go to the park and play? it will always be difficult but it can get easier if you can talk it through.

Iris - posted on 01/27/2010

omg!!! i was just dealing with this, and i still am. my bf has a five year old and his sister is his goddaughter!!!! but lets face it no matter how we feel its selfish at the end of the day. my bf goes to work to provide for me and my daughter, we see him on a regular basis, his other kids don't. its hard to deal with, but you have to realize your man has to split his time up with others. its kind of the path we chose bc we decided to have babies with them...... but talk to your boo about it, i did, and while it did spark a big argument, he knows how i feel and he made it clear that its hard for him too, but he loves us to death.

Sherry - posted on 01/27/2010

yes, if you love him then you should be understanding toward his situation please don't blame his daugther for something he had done when he was younger it isn't her fault. you should be happy he is even spending time with his child cause there are alot of dead beat dad's out there still and as long as he still comes home to you every night don't really worry about it at all.
best of luck to you

Samantha - posted on 01/27/2010

I just know with the tantrums, my step daughter does it at her mums and gets what she wants and that started after her father and i had got her out of them altogether, and now that she is with her mum the majority of the time she has them more often then not and we will not give into them never have and never will, which makes it hard but we won't be brining our son up withthe idea that he can crack it and get what he wants so we won't accept it from her either. It's just something to think about and maybe get nana on the same page

Cara - posted on 01/27/2010

he only gives into them coz she runs to nana really, and to not make things awkward between us all i tell him to go play with her, my own fault i guess

Samantha - posted on 01/26/2010

Wow just read about the tantrums. If he keeps giving into those expect a hell of a lot more

Samantha - posted on 01/26/2010

Its not wrong at all. I get the same thing sometimes and also that he is not getting that time with our son. Why can't it be altogether? And occassionally time alone with each child?

Stephanie - posted on 01/26/2010

I would hope that he would bring her to y'alls place so you can all hang out & you will get to see him.

CHRISTINA - posted on 01/26/2010

im in the same situation as u we have a 16month old daughter and my bf has a 4yr old and like u his mother has her fri and sat and he stays at home them nights he doesnt live wit me but is here most of the week he started a new job recentky and is working a few nights a week i visit his mothers on a saturday and like your step daughter mine is very jealous of my daughter and throws tantrums etc wen her daddy plays wit our daughter he ignores this and includes her or explains that hes my daughters daddy too i feel the same as u about all this and i find that my stepdaughter is favoured over mine its naturl to be like this because ur daughter will always come first to u u need to talk to him i know its hard i went thru this and although u mite feel resentment towards your stepdaughter its the nana whos makin u feel like this try by taking her to your own house one night a weekend first and ull find she is different witout her nana around it takes time and i know u feel bad but i feel the exact same its hard to say anythin witout it sounding like u dislike ur stepdaughter

Marie-Christin - posted on 01/26/2010

maybe you let him hold the baby and you play with his daughter? dont feel bad about it, you are just a woman who wants to spend time with her man :-)

Cara - posted on 01/26/2010

we all go round at the weekends and have a play together when tyra is having a nap but then as soon as she's awake i get 'lumbered' (sounds horrible to say that coz i love my daughter) with her and i'm stuck and then they'll go off and play, or bf will be holding baby and she'll demand to play and he'll have to give her to me, or if he says he can't she'll start having a tantrum and run to nana and she'll ask y he's not playing with her so i'll take baby so no one else feels bad,

sorry i no this all sounds really bad and like i hate my step daughter but i don't i spose i just wanted to let it all out without making anyone feel guilty about my feelings, thanx for ur imput :)

Leslie - posted on 01/26/2010

well im a step mom of 2 girls. i have been with my husband for 10 years this year. one is 10 will be 11 in august and one is 14 but she is not his he raised her since she was 2. i have been around like i said since my middle child was 6 months old(i was 17 at the time) right now things are hard one is that shes around the corner two is that u just had a baby so you need the attention and three maybe u all can come to an agreement and take a weekend out of the month for just u and your bf. he needs to know how u are feeling if not u will start to dislike his child and ur relationship will have a turn for the worst. i have gotten into fights with my stepdaughters mom and im happy to say that over the years we've came to terms with the whole idea of all of us being together. it will work out! ill pray for u he needs to make time for you and thats the bottom line!!

Rachel - posted on 01/26/2010

have you tried to include yourself with him and his daughter, that way you all do something together, no one looses, and you all bond better

Marie-Christin - posted on 01/26/2010

i can understand where youre coming from my ex had two kids and i know its hard to understand that the kids are the number one. i used to think that only females have this special bond to theire children but of course that was kinda dumb to believe :-)
it is what it is and i dont think you would choose him before your little one, wouldnt you? why cant you guy (you, your baby, him and his daughter) just go ahead and do something together(playground, picknic, park, zoo...)? that way you all have fun and spend time together. and if you drop his daughter off at grandmas at evening you`ll still have the rest of the night to do WHAT EVER :-)

Cara - posted on 01/26/2010

she stays with her mum during the week and my bf's mum at the weekends, so he goes over there to see her, she doesn't come to ours coz we have nothing really here for her, plus we moved house not long after my daughter was born so we r still in the middle of that as i am so caught up in tryin to look after her and do washing up etc, so the place is a tip, not the place for a 3yr old to play in :( plus her favourite person is 'nana'

i try and make an evening just about us but all he wants to do is finish work on the house, to make it better for me which i appriciate so much but i just get left on my own :( when i try and bring it up he tells me he's doing it for me and it makes me feel so guilty :(

Jamie - posted on 01/25/2010

Im a little confused, did you say the daughter stays with the boyfriends mother, or the daughter stays with her mother? Either way, why is the child not coming to your house during the weekend. Or during his visitation time?

Sheryl - posted on 01/25/2010

both of my kids are from my husbend and he don't have any other kids. but i can say i don't see my husbend much too. cause his working and trying to spend time with the kids. so what we do is make a time and day that is just for us. yeah sure we don't go out on big dates but it just time togather. like watching a movie or dinner at home. you guys could try like in the at night time after the kids are sleeping. spend time with each other. that what we do. try that! it may help! but it not the kids falt life just gets carzy with kids! just hang in there! things should get better! just talk to him and then make time for the two of you. good luck!