bi racial children and family not accepting

Emily - posted on 05/27/2012

My mother was very negative before my son was born and she threw out a lot of negativity and derrogatory names and was displeased with my decision. She even through out the A-word procedure to terminate the baby. I was fortunate she changed her mind, when she saw him born at the hospital, not to mention I am her only daughter and her only hope of grandchildren. She now loves him dearly and calls him "grandma's chocolate chip". However, everyone is different and I wish you the best of luck. I also agree with obstaining contact or mild interaction with your parents and explain to your children that they are set in their ways and it has nothing to do with, your children directly and they will meet people in the world that will dislike them just because.

Alisha - posted on 06/16/2011

Hello. I understand your situation, but from a different perspective. I am a 26 year old biracial (blk n wht). My mother told me that when she was pregnant with me, her parents told they didn't ever want to see me (i am the oldest of 2). When she told me that I was about 12 or 13. I saw them for the first time when I was 15. I did not see them again until I was 24. As time went on, they began to realize how much they had missed out on our life. They were always involved with my cousin, who is all white. My brother and I NEVER received a birthday card or anything. My mom would go visit her, but we would never go.

So what I'm trying to say to you is worry about your children and your husband. Yes, deep down it hurt a little to know how she felt, but I cannot control that...there are still tons of people who still choose to be ignorant. It's only up to them to change their mind. Yes, it took my grandmother 25 years, but she came around. Just love your children unconditionally and maybe communication would be best for you and your family. I agree with having small gatherings to kinda ease the tension. Good Luck!

Abba - posted on 06/12/2011

That is so sad Kimberley. If thats the way your family want to be then Id just let them be. One day hopefully they'll have the peace in their heart to come around & be grandparents to your kids. That is so sad for your little family especially your babies. :( Its only a colour, not a disease ! Good luck darl :)

Kelly - posted on 06/12/2011

*not at his dad, at his work lol.

Kelly - posted on 06/12/2011

So it's kind of funny this topic came up in my life. My sons dad has black like ten generations back in his family and it still shows a little, dark difficult to manage hair, prominent facial features etc. But mostly they look Italian in his family. So one of the people at his dad found out somehow that there is black in him and the business is owned by my family, so this genius goes and tells my cousin, the manager and part owner of the place, that he isn't okay working with a ni&@$& (I'm sure we all know the n word). My cousin immediately pointed out that if my fiancée and father of my child is that word, then so is his son, and we don't appreciate people discriminating against our family members, especially when this guy got the job with less qualifications than most people because he's a family friend and was desperate. How ignorant can a person get! And he was saying all black people do drugs so my fiancée should be tested periodically just because he's mixed. Wtf! I feel for the original poster, most of my family is pretty accepting and my son doesnt look very mixed and this still is a problem in my life! I do have one grandparent who we don't contact due to racial slurs but he's argumentative anyway so for me it's no huge loss. Thanks for starting this thread, people need to be aware of how much of a problem this still is today.

Jane - posted on 06/12/2011

There is hope. My grandmother was a "proper Southern lady," which means she definitely had problems with other races besides her own. We worried because my husband was of Japanese ancestry, but he charmed her by bringing her a big box of her favorite candies and by listening to all her stories. Then we adopted two children, both of whom are mixed race, black and white.

We worried what she would think and how she would act since she had a long history of open and vocal bigotry. Amazingly enough, when she actually met our son, who was 3 months old, she saw a baby, not a black person. She cooed over him and said he was adorable.

People do change. Let's hope your family will change. Denying a grandbaby is not an easy thing to do, especially if said baby is an adorable, big-eyed toddler, so there is a possibility.

Test the waters and let us know how it goes.

Kimberly - posted on 06/12/2011

Thanks everyone. I am sure that in time maybe they will come around, but if not WHO CARES!

Danielle - posted on 06/11/2011

tough love, to your family that is. its a shame that we are not allowed to love and be loved by anyone of our own choosing, regardless of race, etc. i cant say i understand your position completely, but ive seen enough to know enough...you have 2 beautiful children. 2 children who are a major part of your life. your family needs to basically accept that or miss out on some of God's creations...yes, certainly, try to get closer. do what you have to do. but if you see that your family isnt accepting still, then dont waste a moment on their small-mindness...im sure your family can see the love you have for them, and hopefully in time they will get to see the children's personalities shine through. give it a chance, but always mind your childrens' feelings!! good luck.

Kelly - posted on 06/11/2011

Prejudice is soooo hard to overcome, it's still one of americas biggest problems, I would personally do things like invite them out to eat or to do something out of the house, the zoo, whatever so that if they feel uncomfortable or uncommunicative they can clam up and concentrate on other things for awhile, and you can distract the kids from bothering them. Maybe you could invite friends over, other kids, and allow your parents to watch them play and see that if children can be accepting of other races it's pretty immature to hold a grudge against your own blood family.

Erica - posted on 06/10/2011

If you feel in heart that your family should be a part of you children & husbands life then try. If there will be any negativity based on their race, I wouldn't let my children around it. Or my husband. They will face enough adversity & everything else in the world, why should they have to hear it from their own families. That is a big sacrifice to make, but sometimes it is neccessary. Do what is best for yourself, husband & children. Good luck.

Kimberly - posted on 06/10/2011

they suck. My moms family is great, my dads family is horrible.

Nicola - posted on 06/10/2011

If i was in your shoes, i would just concentrate on the kids and leave your family to it. Race shouldnt matter at all.

Rene' - posted on 06/09/2011

Your children have been fearfully and wonderfully made. They are beautiful and deserve the love and acceptance of their family. I believ that you should do your best to mend any broken relatonships, but your children are your priority. If trying to mend those relationships causes your children emotional or physical pain then it is your job to protect them. If it brings them peace and joy then it is your job to embrace it. Again, this is what I believe. I pray they will receive all the love every child needs.

Madeline - posted on 06/09/2011

It seems to me they have something in for your husband and not your children. This conflictation has nothing to do with you children, maybe is the race as well, unsure I married christian Lebanese and had a child with him, mind you I was english/Australian, a completely different race as well as religion. But sometimes it take time for your parents to approve no matter how old you are, if your making the right decision or not, they are your parents and they are only looking out for you... Your parents obviously don't know your children, maybe consider making dinner plans or picnic's and invite your parents around or maybe just one at a time, either your mum or just dad. That way each parent will have completely different opinions to the situation, other than them both together and they might just agree with each other, because thats what they would do.
I hope this helped.

Jacqui - posted on 06/09/2011

I feel your pain and predicament as my son is too bi-racial and my family do not accept his father being black. It is extremely hard and hurtful, but they love their grandson to bits

Jane - posted on 06/09/2011

I am sorry to hear that your family has not accepted your kids. Parts of my husband's family wasn't accepting of our kids either, not because they are biracial (which they are) but because they are adopted. Once my FIL and MIL both passed away we stopped going to family events because we did not want our children hurt by their remarks and treatment. We still send Christmas cards and photos, but we don't bother to go see them ever or go to family events.

I hope that you find a way to get closer to your family. I suggest that you send periodic emails or snail mails talking about how your kids are doing, and include lots of photos. Eventually, someone's heart may soften. However, I wouldn't do anything that would cause your kids to hear any hurtful comments. You and your husband are adults and should be able to cope, but it isn't fair to the kids.

Good Luck!

September - posted on 06/09/2011

If they can't accept and love your children then personally I would have nothing to do with them. A human is a human regardless of race. I have a bi racial family as well and I would disown anyone that was not accepting of my family.

Jennifer - posted on 06/09/2011

I think the only solution to helping them to become more accepting is for them to become more attached to your kids. Unless harm will come to your kids from being around them then spend time with them. Once they realize they love your kids it will change their hearts.

Alison - posted on 06/09/2011

I wouldn't take your kids around them if they would say hurtful things or exclude them. Someday they might come to terms but I wouldn't subject your children to a bad situation. IF they're capable of being respectful and loving, then maybe more interaction with them would be good. I just wouldn't want to subject my children to anyone who didn't accept them, especially family where they should feel safe and loved. You have to do what you feel is best though.

Rachel - posted on 06/09/2011

i guess i have a question..... was your family not accepting of your relationship from the start? i dont know why they just wouldnt like the kids because they are bi racial. if that was the case where they didnt accept it from the start, just ask them why they would want to miss out on your awesome kids just because of who their dad is. i would definately try, talk to them about it and it may take a while and it mite have to be baby steps but just let your fam know in the long run its not about the outside, but who your kids are on the inside.