Bickering/Fighting/Arguing Whatever ya call it....

Heather - posted on 12/15/2010

There are huge differences in those words to me. Disagreements are healthy, bickering is short lived - more of someone annoying the other person. Arguing and fighting tend to be more serious in our house - not something the do in front of the kids. When there is something wrong my husband and I bring it up. I tend to like to wait until I have either cooled down a bit or have at least formulated what I want to say. We had one fight when we were dating that we said hurtful things to each other and after that we laid down some ground rules: 1. We don't say hurtful things regarding each other's personalities, looks, etc. We tend to use the old standby "When you do this, it makes me feel this way." people can change what they do, not who they are, so there is no sense in telling someone "you're lazy," when you can say "You don't help around the house as much as I need you to."
2. (My favorite rule) is double jeopardy. just like you can't be tried twice for the same crime in a court, you can't keep getting in trouble for the same mistake. once a fight is over a dealt with it's done and cannot be brought up again. Mind you, we have never had to deal with any major breach of trust, such as cheating, but we feel that if an old hurt keeps on being brought back to life every time we fight it can only poison our relationship.

Candace - posted on 12/15/2010

My hubby and I have disagreements not too often but when we do it's about me wanting more attention from him. He works a lot so I don't get to see him as much as I like. To me disagree and bicker are the same and fight and argue are the same. Fight and argue makes me think of yelling and saying hurtful things

Anna - posted on 12/15/2010

We fight, but not in front of our son. I don't mind him watching us have disagreements, however. It's important for him to learn how to work things out with other people (in a constructive way) and children learn by watching those around them.

Janis - posted on 12/14/2010

My husband and I have our disagreements and disagreements are healthy because each person has their own point of view on things. Instead of getting mad at each other for not understanding we talk things through until we can come to a resolution. Communication is key to a strong relationsthip so keep those lines open. I don't think fighting is every good and only leads to one or both of you being hurt and the children are stuck helplessly in the middle.

Stifler's - posted on 12/14/2010

We don't fight that much. Only about sex and how he doesn't feel like it. We discuss everything else rationally. They are all the same to me.

Medic - posted on 12/14/2010

My husband and I hardly ever fight, yes we have disagreements but we tend to talk it out. My husband is so laid back he could quite frankly be comatose so fighting with him is next to impossible. I think that fighting is never ok because its not constructive and it tends to be hurtfull. Bickering in my mind tends to be more for fun or sport I guess. And arguing makes me think of yelling. I'm sorry if that does not help or if I totally missed the point.