c-sec made me feel i failed bcmin a woman

Amanda - posted on 02/15/2011

Yes a cs can kill you and the baby but so can vaginal. i labored for 14 hrs non stop, the contractions alone i thought i was dying. thats when i found out that my cervix was to small to have a vaginal birth. i was so scared it was not funny. more scared than i was to give birth period. but having a cs saved myself and my 2 healthy boys lifes. it is very scary but i would do whatever is in the best interest of yourself and that baby. giving birth is giving birth even if its not a natural birth. you still feel the same way you would when you first hear your baby cry.once i heard my first son i knew as a new mom that i have done the best i can and have succeeded it for the last 40 weeks so there for i will do the best i can again and hope it goes right again.

Amanda - posted on 02/15/2011

I had to have 2 c sections. vaginally or c section either way you still brought him in to this world. which is way more special than anything... I know how you feel but you have to remember, it was for the best of you and your son. when you agreed to th c section instead that was a mothers instinct. yes it was an emergency one, but here in the state of michigan you have to sign a paper stating it is ok to do one. and remember It was not your fault, and that it had to be done... soon it will pass over

Shauna - posted on 02/15/2011

My mother had me vaginally, but she had to have a c-section with (second child) my sister because she was upside down. Then, she ended up giving birth to my (third child) younger brother in like 20 minutes total. She practically popped him out in the car on the way over!

I gave birth in a birthing center and I did it vaginally, but my daughter was smashing up against my spine so I needed the epidural to relax and let my body do what it needed to do. I had a great vaginal delivery, but I know that if I had to get a c-section for the health of myself and my baby, I would do it in a heartbeat. Being a mother is more important than having your baby pass through the vaginal canal.

Michele - posted on 02/07/2011

You shouldn't feel that way because ur baby is here & healthy. I had a c-section with both of my kids. The first cause i wouldn't get past 4 centimeters & was in labor for 24 hours. The second was by choice. Some peoples bodies aren't designed 4 natural birth. Happy healthy kids are always a great outcome.

Heather - posted on 02/07/2011

That's how I felt and I feel like people judge me because I was 18 when I had my son. Plus I am 4'11. My son head is way bigger then most babies and I think that my body wasn't going to let me dilated. I was in labor for 17 hours and only got to 4 cm. & the doctors were tryin to push me into get it.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/07/2011

I feel the same way, but we did what was best for ourselves and our baby. Mine is 20 months old and sometimes i feel like i have failed as a woman, but i know deep down that i haven't because i am still alive and so is my son. I developed pre eclampsia so if i would have waited any longer it would have turned bad.

Alex - posted on 02/07/2011

you def did not fail!!! i had both my children early and by c-section because they were in distress and there was no other option. that is not a failure, that is the first of many very important decisions you will make for the health of your child! although i would have liked to have that expirence of vaginal delivery (it is no longer and option for me after to c-sec) it's not the end of my world. i have two beautiful healthy girls who are my world. i would never have forgave myself if i would have held out for a vaginal delivery and something had happened to one of them! i'm sure you feel the same way. you grew a human being inside of you and brought him into this world. that is amazing! you are more a women than anyone who hasn't had a child inside of them. :)

Amanda - posted on 02/07/2011

I felt the same way. My son is now 3 and I still feel like that. I was fortunate enough to have a VBAC with #2. Many people tell you it's the same thing, but it's not. I really wish that I could offer some advice, but just know that you have a very good chance at having a VBAC, that's what kept me going.

Karianne - posted on 02/06/2011

I had my daughter by c-sec... I wanted to do the naturally birth but like many others I had to have a emergency c-section... at the time i felt as if i had failed at giving birth and on the way to the O.R I cried and begged my husband to forgive me for not being good enough to have her naturally... mind you I had my epidural already and ways kinda looped...

After I came out of recovery and held my daughter and saw my husband and family I felt better... I was set on breast feeding until 6months... and was determined to do it because I couldn't have her naturally... well.. at 3 weeks she decided that I wasn't enough for her... so that wonderful failed feeling over whelmed me once again... but now she's just about 8 months old and for me all the failed feelings are gone but that's mainly do to the wonderful support of my family and husband... and all the wet baby kisses =)

Ali - posted on 02/05/2011

if it makes you feel like ur not alone i had to have an epidural and i felt the same way.

Stephanie - posted on 02/05/2011

Oh, honey! You did NOT fail at anything! You did what was best for your baby. You can't always control your body and how it works. I delivered vaginally, but used medication and felt like I'd failed in a way myself. I still say I will try it without meds if I ever have anymore children, though both times I delivered I got the epidural. But the most important thing is that you carried your son and cared for him and yourself. You are a mother, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I admire women who have gone through the pain and difficulty of a c-section! You go girl! You had major surgery to bring that baby into the world! Talk about sacrice!

Heather - posted on 02/05/2011

There is nothing wrong with a c section.. unless your son walks backwards and eats paste from the imaginary jar... then I wouldn't worry :) I had an emergency c section too but only because the epidural was going to kill us both ( had a reaction which caused my blood pressure to dive drastically, then my little guy got tired and so did I ) I basically loved the c section in all honesty it was like taking a nap and waking up and having a kid. I only got knocked out fully because I tried to get up off the table while still open.... Would I have a c section again? You betcha. My best friend had a vaginal delivery and she hated every painful moment of it. Am I glad that my crotch still has its original integrity you betcha :) Don't feel bad it just means you get to point to the c section scar and be like most babies came from there but you were special enough to come from here! ( and point to your scar )

Ashley - posted on 02/05/2011

You know what, I came dangerously close to having my son via c-section, and it doesnt make you any less of a woman because you had to have one. You need to remember that YOU HAD TO DO WHATS BEST FOR YOUR BABY. You should never feel bad, just think about what would have happened if you would have waited... could he have had a birth defect, could it have cause worse complications on both him and you?

Be proud of yourself! You are a strong woman for making it, for having him, and for being such a wonderful mom to him!

Erin - posted on 02/05/2011

I have two babies, the first I had naturally the second was emergency c-section. I never had the feeling of failure due to how I had my baby, but I did have guilt because my baby was born 5 and a half weeks early. I had been sick and they think that's why I went into labor early so I did feel like it was my fault I didn't carry him to full term. However the way I delivered didn't matter to me I was actually relieved when he came out and we could figure out why he was in such stress. Also I liked recovering from a c-section better than naturally. When you give birth naturally you don't realize all the muscles it involves and can totally catch you off guard say going to the bathroom. With a c-section you knew exactly what area you needed to be careful of. But neither way is a perfect or best way, all that matters is a healthy happy baby. They don't remember how they were born and I doubt they could care they do remember how good of a mom you are and that's all that matters.

Jennifer - posted on 02/05/2011

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was born by c-section as well. For the longest time I couldn' t get over this terrible feeling that I failed because I couldn't deliver her myself. My cervix wouldn't pass 8cm and I had already been in labor for 12 hrs+. Also when they had broken my water there was meconium (sp?) in the amniotic fluid so my dr wanted to be safe and get her out through emergency c-section. I finally came to the realization (although it took some time) that it had nothing to do with my wants and desires; mother nature had taken that decision out of my hands. I'm just happy that she is a happy. healthy, growing 1 yr old. That's all I could have ever asked for. Just keep reminding yourself that your body and circumstances made the decision for you, not your heart & mind.

Heather - posted on 02/05/2011

I went through the exact same thing. I developed preclampsia with my daughter, she was a month early and the Dr told me that I had no choice. I suffered for a long time and sometimes would cry for hours because I felt that I had failed as a women. My husband was very supportive and when we got pregnant again we made sure to use a Dr that would allow me to do a VBAC. My son was born late, but he was born VBAC, both of us were healthy and everything went well. I think having my son helped with how I feel. But it also helped to talk to my family and my hubby. They were very understanding and supportive. Truth is, you have not failed. Back in the day you would have possibly died, but because we have improved so much you are here and able to be with this beautiful gift that God gave you. And one big thing is you tried, you did not just walk in and say hey doc dope me up and cut me open. God knew the situation and he knew that you would need this, you carried a healthy beautiful baby, nourished him in your womb, and were able to deliver him healthy and beautiful. It does not matter how he had to come out. Just that you are both safe and healthy. :) Hope that encourages, I remember what you are going through and it is very herd.

Savona - posted on 02/05/2011

I totally know what you mean!
A day or so after the c-section I was getting totally upset because I felt like I should have beared the pain to go through with it naturally cuz it would of 'turned out better' I was angry and upset with myself that I didnt push myself to just 'do it' and I felt like I gave up on trying completely... although, the c-section I just had was an elected/planned c-section, although it was planned for the next day, my water had broke and I could have had my baby boy that day but I freaked myself out and had them call in the surgical team at 5am. >.>

After I wrote down everything I felt and cried a couple times and spoke to a few friends about it, I got re-assured and felt like things happened like that for a reason. (Not sure what reason, but they panned out that way and its not like I can turn back time to go back and try and for a vaginal, but allwell)
Just remember that you DIDNT fail!! You are a proud mom! You have a healthy baby boy =O oh I mean toddler =) Be happy! Love him to pieces! BE strong! Cuz youre the mom! =D

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2011

honestly it doesnt matter how one delivers, the main thing is to keep baby and mama healthy and safe,, I personally had mine vaginally and although I was lucky and recovered quickly (he was 5wks early and only 5 pounds) a lot easier Im sure than a term 8 pounder, my "bits" are never going to be the same. I pee if I sneeze, for the first month after having him it took a loooong time and very delicately I may add to have a bowel movement. SO with that said regardless of how a baby is birthed there are pros and cons of c sections and vaginally (the grass is always greener on the other side) My advice to you is that u remember how blessed you are to have a healthy happy baby who is thriving, some moms would die for that :) You are a hero and amazing just for the capabilities of creating and growing a baby!!!

Alexandria - posted on 02/04/2011

I don't think you're a bad mom for not delivering vaginally. If anything you would be a bad mom to continue in the situation you were in just so you could deliver vaginally. One of the hardest things about being a mom is making the best decision you can for you and your children. That's what you did and if anyone frowns on you for that they're not worth knowing...

Cassie - posted on 02/04/2011

I had to have a c section aswell because my daughter was breech. I didnt feel bad as she is healthy and alive :)

Tah - posted on 02/04/2011

why in the world would you feel like a failure, you have a healthy baby. does it matter how he got here???..i had my last through an emergency c-sections because his fetal heartrate dropped to 40....at that point i didn't care how he came out, save my baby. there is no reason to feel like a failure, who says which way is right, you can't always plan these things, noone tells these babies what to do, they come when they want and how they want, we are just along for the ride, it doesn't define you as a woman.

Christina - posted on 02/04/2011

This is why I tell people that EVERY birth is a natural birth. A child being born is natural, and it does not matter how that baby came into the world. Birth itself is not special. It is horrible, painful, and messy. Your son is the thing that is special. I know that you feel like a failure, but you are not. You sacrificed your own feelings to have an emergency c-sec for the safety of your son. That makes you a wonderful mother.

Bernadette - posted on 02/04/2011

I also have to say I feel pretty lucky that I got to have my c-section, as I have since heard a lot of stories from friends who gave birth at the same hospital - all had similar situations, where they were in difficult labours and all were denied it by the head obstetrician at the hospital, because part of his job, apparently, is to keep the number of emergency c-sections down as it makes the hospital look better (???) and led to these friends having very traumatic births. Two of them eventually got their c-sections, after being allowed to labour for WAY too long while their babies were distressed and the mums were just not coping, and another good friend of mine was denied the c-section altogether, despite one of the doctors pushing for it. My friend was in a delirious state and wasn't really able to speak up for herself. Her partner and mum were there arguing on her behalf, but the head doctor refused to go ahead with it. She ended up hemorrhaging and needing three blood transfusions. Her body was so distressed she was unable to breast feed, and even though her child is now 2 1/2 years old she still hasn't fully recovered. She needs monthly iron injections, and has been advised not to have any more children for at least another year or two, if at all, and still has severe scarring. She has also had trouble recovering emotionally, and the experience has put her off wanting more children. Oh, and on the day she was due to leave the hospital, one of the doctors said to her that she had no idea how lucky she was to still be here. So basically, she came pretty close to not even making it through her delivery, and still they didn't operate. I think she feels like a failure sometimes, and wishes she had the opportunity for a c-section. But she got through the labour, and both she and her little girl are here to tell the tale, and she is an EXCELLENT mother. I was lucky in that I had the same doctor who was pushing for her c-section and when she suggested it was necessary she said she had to run it by the other guy first. She poked her head out into the hallway and couldn't see him, so she came straight back in, said she couldn't find him and wasn't going to waste time looking, and took me straight to surgery. I am very glad that guy wasn't around, and that she moved quickly to get me to surgery before he turned up. I wouldn't want to ever have the experience my friend had.

Bernadette - posted on 02/04/2011

I had an emergency c-section for similar reasons (foetal distress and dilating too slowly) and I was disappointed that I didn't get to experience birth naturally, but I certainly don't feel like a failure as a woman. As a woman, I carried and nurtured my child for nine months, and then as a mother made the choice to go ahead with the c-section in order to make sure she was delivered safely. Everything I have done since has been for her, and I feel that I am a good mum - she is happy, smart and well adjusted and to me, that says that I am doing my job as a mother well, and that is the most important job a woman can do in my opinion. I do often wonder what it's like to give birth naturally, and hope that I will get to find out soon as I have a son due in 8 weeks time. I don't know yet whether he will be born naturally or by c-section. My plan is to try for a natural birth, but if necessary I won't hesitate to go for another c-section even though I have been told that a second c-section will pretty much end my chances of ever giving birth naturally. I'd rather never get to experience it and know that my children have been delivered safely than take any risks.

Rachle - posted on 02/04/2011

listen ur not a failure because u had him c section take it from a woman who had a baby vaginally u would want stiches down there lol ouch but keep your head up make everyday special with you son thats all you can do

Ms.Khulu - posted on 02/04/2011

again thanx so much ladies at least i will know how to rationalise my feelings of inferiority next time on this issue. i guess in african societies like the one i am, both women and men place so much emphasis on such rites of passage and things like the amount of kids a couple has and such so i guess thats why i beat myself over the issue so much....

Joanne - posted on 02/04/2011

I felt exactly the same way after having an emergency c-section myself. It really got me down for months afterwards, especially seen as my friends who were pregnant at the same time all had a natural birth. Like you I was dilating slowly, I stayed at 9cms for 4hours :( then my contractions started slowing down and when the midwife put me on a drip to speed them up my babys heart rate was rising really high. So I was told that after being in labour for 37 and a half hours Id have to have a c-section - gutted wasn't word!
Im hoping that if/when I have another child I can do it naturally - be a VBAC :)

At least we gave it a go and weren't "too posh to push" lol! x

Donna - posted on 02/04/2011

Both mine were delivered by section, 1st was an emergancy section-but was breech anyway and my second was an elective section as i had high blood pressure and it was only a year after my first... The docs were scared that id tear inside when i was in full labour n started pushing etc... I culdve had a vagianl birth but had the risks of complications n wouldve had to have a section... But i feel the same some days... Feel like ive missed out on an awsum experience but then i think i have two abloutly gorgeous children that arrived safe... So what i do is think bout the positives and you forget bout that..

Andrea - posted on 02/03/2011

Hi i know how you feel i went threw the same i was in labour for 3days but wasn't dilating any more i felt like i was robbed of natural birth untill i had a conversation with a midwife and she told me i must be happy "would i rather have had natural birth and not have a healthy living baby" also she went on to sex she mentioned that its more injoyable for a man with his wife if it wasn't natural so now i feel better i have a happy healthy little girl and can still have good sex lol hope it helps you like it did me.

Candice - posted on 02/03/2011

I been through the c-sec five years ago I can tell you My son head was to big and if I went Naturally It would round up being a emergancy c- sec he would've went into stress or I would that was the last thing I want I had a stressful pregancy I had premature labor I was put on meds keep me from having tractions. after I had my son I was very sick . I started hate how my body look having the baby fat, and I was getting where I was shame of my body. Now my son is five years old I see my self beatiful no matter how I look. and you should think the same way of your self before you know it you won't noticed the scar . Try think postive and stop punshing your self for there's a reason why you had a C-Sec think what if you didn't what would come from it.

Christina - posted on 02/03/2011

I totally understand how you feel. My youngest is almost 15 months old. Like your son, mine was delivered by emergency c-section because he was in the transverse position and his heart rate kept dropping. I have two other children that were born vaginally so the let down I had when my youngest was born by c-section was tremendous. I went through a period of depression because of it. I still feel that way on occasion but it is becoming less and less. Hang in there. Best wishes!

Rozess - posted on 02/03/2011

i felt like i failed my son aswell,to me i didn't feel like a mother but i am happy now that i had a c-sec my son was distressed aswell and i would have rather them pull him out instead of me losing him

Ange - posted on 02/03/2011

I had to have a c-section and I was 5 days over due with my son and I was induced first to try to go natural but after 48 hours sitting there waiting for something anything to happen my doctor gave to options either wait 5 more days or they would deliver by c-section... with the back pain that I went through just sitting in bed I decided to go the c-section in fear of the same thing happening again now I wish I had natural but it was not in the books for me in my 48th hour of sitting there waiting by the baby monitors that they had on me I should have been in labour and in full pain but I felt no pain but back pain and was very uncomfortable and they give you the option of spinal or epidural so I went with spinal and that didn't work so they had to knock me out cold to deliver him..... my husband and parents were the first to see my baby boy and I was in the recovery room coming alive...... Do I feel bad sure I do cause it wasn't me to hold him first and I had to wait to hold but in the end all that does not matter your baby will not remember who got to hold him first or if he was delivered naturally or c-section he will love you for ever and always just for you

Kara - posted on 02/03/2011

I can't understand why women think they're less of a women if they do not deliver vaginally. Give me a break!
I had to have a c-section for various health reasons. Personally, I could have cared less how my son got out of me - AS LONG AS WE WERE BOTH HEALTHY. I wasn't going to have balloons fall from the ceiling, make the front page of my local newspaper or have a parade in my honour depending on how I delivered my child. Women need to understand and get it through their heads that its the safety and well-being of the child and mother that are most important.

Jamie - posted on 02/03/2011

I had a natural delivery with my first and a c-section with my 2nd and to tell you the truth for me the c-section was much better, less pain. Your little boy loves you regardless :)

Brie - posted on 02/03/2011

I went through a scheduled c-section because my son wouldn't fo head down.. he was going breech or transverse but couldn't make it all the way around to head first... they said my frame was to little to try to turn him without hurting him or me.. i feel like i missed out because i really didn't do any work during his birth... and i feel like it may have cut out a little bonding but other than that i really don't beat myself up about it.. i kinda wish i could have had him vaginally but i couldn't... my c-section went great and was fine without any complications... i don't think you have failed at all... you, like me, didn't have a choice... and like it was said before you have the option of having a vbac with your next pregnancy... everything will be ok and you aren't a failure at all!!

Erin - posted on 02/03/2011

you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty, it was something you couldn't have any control over. I had a C-section as well at 32weeks, my placenta broke off from the wall and i was bleeding heavily they had to give me an emergency c-section 12hours later. I was robbed of having a full pregnancy. But you were able to. So don't feel you did something wrong because it was out of control. Just be a good mom to your baby. You can always have more children naturally.

Caitlyn - posted on 02/03/2011

I had a C-Section as well. I figure it doesn't really matter how I delivered my daughter. The important part is that I delivered her and she's healthy and happy

Kendall - posted on 02/03/2011

I never really understood why some women would feel this way. I had a c section after pushing for 2 hours and honestly, I was happy that they were getting my daughter out of me. The cord was wrapped around her foot, pulling her back in. They did what needed to be done. Don't feel like you failed, you grew a beautiful baby and get to love him for the rest of your life. That's the best thing EVER!

Stifler's - posted on 02/02/2011

A birth is a birth regardless, don't feel like you're any less. lots of women have c-sections.

Ms.Khulu - posted on 02/02/2011

to September

i hope i will rember to say happy birthday to your son on my son's birthday

Ms.Khulu - posted on 02/02/2011

i stilll believe that this is the greatest site for moms. its consoling to know that there are women out there who feel the way i feel. i guess i betta thank modernisation for probably saving my life and my babys'. i wonder sometimes what i would have done if it was in the past

Rachelle - posted on 02/02/2011

You got pregnant... Carried a baby for 40 weeks... and now you will raise that baby the best you can. Congrats! You are a woman. Dont let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise. I labored for 12 hours and only got to 2 cm. I had a CS as well but that will never determine if I am a woman because I got pregnant and NO man can do that... naturally LOL

Katherine - posted on 02/02/2011

not to mention i have a fear of surgerys and people cutting me open for any reasons. i dont want their tools let in me an i certainly dont want their hands inside my body. scares the crap out of me.

Katherine - posted on 02/02/2011

I am pregnant and my baby is breeched. the dr. gave us options and I was always against c-sec. becasue i didnt feel it was natural. but considering my situation now i will do whatever procedure i have to to keep my baby safe. My outlook on c-sec. have changed. You had no choice but to let the doctors do a c-sec. you both could of died. and believe me I have had 2 vaginals deliveries 1 with epiderol and with no pain reliever at all. your not missing anthing special. lots of pain and long recovery time. i am still annoyed with the c-sec. choice but in the end its about your health and your babys health. you can always have another.

Shauna - posted on 02/02/2011

I was induced, and in labor for 24 hrs. I pushed for 3 hrs with absoloutly no progress. Also had 3 failed epidurals, and a sunny side up baby. I was exhausted and they did the c-section. Turns out good they did, dr thinks babys shoulders would have gotton stuck, and worse probs could have occured. I beat my self up over it as well. but you cant do that. I wish i had my son naturally too, but whats important is that hes here and both mamma and baby are healthy!

September - posted on 02/02/2011

Your son and my son share birthday's :)

September - posted on 02/02/2011

You still created a human life it’s your body that even made giving birth possible, that’s amazing! I had a c-section as well and did feel that way for a day or two but quickly realized what my body had created and that I was thankful for. Sometimes it takes looking at it in a different way. Good luck and I hope that you too realize that you're no less of a woman due to delivering by c-section.

Rachael - posted on 02/02/2011

I had a c-section with both my children one was an emergency and the other was elective because of the trauma and neither of them would breast feed I too felt like I had failed or been cheated out of something that should be so natural I think it is a normal feeling. We didn't fail just did things different We still got the same result and every now and then when I see breast feeding mother I get that twist in my stomach but without my c-sections my first child could have died and my second was very big so that would have caused all sorts of complications to me because I am very small. Please don't think that there was anything you could have done to change things, let yourself have every feeling in the book from these uncomfortable ones to the best when you accept them as just something that happens I would like to hope they would get better for you

Victoria - posted on 02/02/2011

I feel like that all the time! my son is 5 months old but i had no choice he wouldnt rotate and he was head up so i mean i was schedualed c section! but dont be so hard on yourself .. you cant control what your body does and it dosnt make u any less of a mother! some of us cant do it vaginally but hey .. maybe next time u will be able to.. and in emergency situations u had to do what was best for u and the baby there was a reason it was an emergency so dont sweat the small things!