can my sons father take him and not bring him back?

[deleted account] ( 93 moms have responded )

I am 20 years old and have a 6 month old son, I have recently broke up with his father because he cant stop drinking, Im not bashing on him i use to be the same way, a big party animal but once i got pregnant the party didn't seem to stop around me. He drank until or son was about 2 months old and even then only stopped for a week or so, Well anyways i was just wondering if i was to let him take our son for a few hours could he tech not give him back to me because he is on the birth cer. and we have no court order custody or visitations. We are not married, and like i said he is an acholic so i am not sure about letting him take him in the first place and i am thinking about taking him to court for custody, But like i said earlier before i got pregnant i was a big drinker to but i mean since then i got a job and have stop drinking all together, I have only traffic tickets on my record, and nothing else, Him on the other hand, he has 5 duis 4 in the state of wis. and 1 in the state of il., He has a domestic vilonce on his record against me when i was 4 months pregnant with our son, he is a raging acholic and doesnt have a job. So i was also going to take him to court for child support which he wont be able to pay and its not like the state can take his lisence cause they already have it so he would end up in jail. Just please help me make some dessions on what is best for me and my son. I dont want my son to grow up without a father but i think it might be the best thing in this case.. PLEASE HELP ME!!

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Angel - posted on 03/14/2012

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Legally, he can keep him for small periods of time...a week maybe. But not without allowing you to see the child at all. I'm not sure how the other woman in here's ex got away with keeping him for 10 weeks without seeing the child... After a few days I would have called the police. Parents have equal rights to their children unless otherwise stated Ina court order. I would have filed kidnapping charges on the father if more then a week went by and I wasn't able to see my child. (yup, you can do that) And if the dad crosses state lines with the child without direct permission from the other parent, it becomes federal kidnapping charges.

Since your ex has a lengthy criminal record and history of drinking, I would suggest he only be allowed supervised visits... And must go to rehab AND anger management since he also has domestic violence. Who's to say he's not going to be getting wasted and unintentionally harm the child? Get a temporary custody order from a judge until details can be hashed out. You'll feel terrible if something does happen to your baby and you did nothing to prevent it. Let him come to your house to visit for the time being. And most Of all, remain calm and collected. Don't let your emotions get the best of you!

[deleted account]

Do not let him take that baby alone. He has a history of drinking and violence, so the chances that your baby would be safe w/ him are not very high.



Take him to court for custody, visitation (supervised), and child support. He can either man up or pay the consequences, but at least your child will be protected.

Morrie - posted on 03/14/2012

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Yes he can keep him....I just recently went thru this...My son is fixing to be 2 years old an we did visitation how we wanted an everything was just fine....



Well i finally got a new bf about 6 months ago an he decided that he was going to keep my son an not give him back....an since we had no court order he tech could.....I did not see my son for 10 weeks only talked to him on the phone when his dad decided to answer....



We finally went to court an got a temp week to week schedule....But i am truly advicing you to bring him to court an get a court order cause he can an just might take the chance of keeping your baby, an crazy part is he will do it when you least expect it just like mine sons father did.



Bringing our sons father to court is not an easy thing to do especially if you love them, but its whats best for you an your son believe me!

Alyssa - posted on 03/26/2012

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When i was pregnant with my 2nd child my kids dad hit me and knocked me out and took my son and ran to his moms house. After i was released from the hospital that is where I found them. I called the local police department and they told me it was a civil matter. They told me to contact the sheriff's department. I did. They asked if I had custody papers. I went home and showed them to him. Even after explaining to them what he just did hrs before they were not going to make him give me my son back without custody papers. GO GET CUSTODY PAPERS! EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED THEM IT'S ALWAYS WORTH THE TIME AND EFFORT JUST IN CASE!

[deleted account]

*Parents have equal rights to their children unless otherwise stated Ina court order.



Which is exactly how some men can and do get away w/ it. Equal rights means just that... HE has as much of a right to take the child as SHE does (depending on the particular law where you are as far as married/not married/whatever).

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93 Comments

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Terra - posted on 09/16/2012

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Take him to court ASAP and get a custody order!! I know here in Canada, if there is no custody between the child than that child is considered a "pawn" and if the father wanted to he could take him and not have to legally return him to your care. With his record you shouldn't have a problem getting custody of your son. I would let his father see him even if it is supervised visits

Karen - posted on 09/15/2012

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My ex just took my 4 year old son and moved 130 miles away with him so yes if his name is on the birth certific he can. I have filed all the legal papers, hired a private processor and so far no results. The next step is construive process to find him to be served. At this time he will let me talk to him but will not let me see him. He wanted to move away from all the drugs, but he moved back to where he started doing drugs in the first place, how smart is that. He is recording my and putting things in his head, but legally I can not do anything til he is served and ordered back. So the answer is yes he can and you can do nothing about it with out a lawyer and a judge.

The laws are so screwed up to the point my ex is on supervised probation for drug charges and no one will help. His probation officer will not even call me , family services wont help, the police can do nothing.

So word of advice dont send your child with him if you are even slightly in dought he will run with your child!

Jacquelyn - posted on 09/15/2012

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Here where I live it is kidnapping but I do advice you to still just go do custody

Meghan - posted on 09/14/2012

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Unless you have file something/anything through the courts he can take your son anywhere he wants for as long as he wants. But, you can also go take him back just the same. If you have something filed through the courts, even if it's only filed and not finalized, he cannot cross state lines with your son otherwise it's considered kidnapping. So definitely file something ASAP.



Having a dead beat dad is NOT better than having no dad. You can set a positive example as a single mom, rather than having to "clean up" the mess his dad will create. File for custody and push for supervised visitations for the father.

Beej - posted on 09/13/2012

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Both parents have equal rights. Even if he is an alcoholic like you say you knew that already and you were a partier yourself. I am not in favor of the alcohol but you are keeping your son from knowing the only dad he will ever have.

Megan - posted on 09/06/2012

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If the father is on the BC and there is no custody arrangement in place then most of the time yeah they can take the kid and there is nothing you can do. It's like that lovely expression "possession is 9/10 of the law". Protect your self and your child, go to court and petition for sole custody. Dad can still have SUPERVISED visits if you want him in your sons life but your baby has to be the priority. If the dad is even truly half as bad as you say then you need to make sure you and your baby are safe. And that legally he can't snatch your son.

Davida Marie Narcissa - posted on 09/03/2012

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I wouldnt leave my little boy alone with his father untill the little boy knows how to run

Stephanie - posted on 09/01/2012

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No dont let him! Yes he can take and not bring back! I'm not sure of what state you live in but here in Louisiana that same thing happend to me. Here if there is no court order whom ever is in possession of the child and if on birth certificate has custody. You have equal rights and if there is no papers there is no way of saying who has what. You can start by filing child support papers with your state that at least can show you as the primary care taker even then get it in writing. The worst 6 months of our life! Good luck be blessed!

Charlie - posted on 08/28/2012

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hi if ur babys father is on the birth certifaacte and there aint a court order to keep him away then he can just take baby my ex done it to me i phoned police nothing they could do as he was on birth certifactes wich gives him joint right x

Judy - posted on 05/02/2012

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yes he can take the baby and the police wont do anything without court orders. take him to court and get custody orders

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2012

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As far as I know yes he can definitely keep your son if he wants to see there has been no legal custody agreement, if he is the father and on the birth certificate. You could go to his house and he can tell you no you can't take your son because legally he does not have to give him to you, he could even move away with him. The best thing to do is go to court ASAP and get a custody agreement to protect you and your son. I made the mistake of not going to get a custody agreement right away and now he made false accusations, had CPS at my house and he lied to get emergency temporary custody until we go to court June 12. I wish I had gone the minute we split up because I would not be going through this. So yes go to court!

Ashley - posted on 04/26/2012

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I honestly dont know. I heard that from where I live in MN, the mother has primary custody of her children when the parents are not married. So if my bf were to take my kids and not give them back, legally he should get into trouble for it even though hes the father cuz I have primary custody of them. Id check into your states statues and see. I would like to believe that almost all states should be like mn. Good luck hun.

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2012

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He could keep him if he really wanted to since there are no court orders in place. You should file for child support ASAP that way there will be orders in place to prevent that from ever happening. I kept my son till orders were in place. However the fact that your not married might be an advantage for you. My husband and I are going through a messy divorce and he has taken my 12 week old daughter 4 weeks ago and since we can't come to an agreement in court (he wants full custody, I was joint with me being primary) he is allowed to keep her until trial.

Rachelle - posted on 04/25/2012

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Been here and done this... I agree with the mom that said get an order ASAP!!! Alot of times you can get a temp order until the true one is ruled upon. If you have an order then he has to give him back, if not then it is "whom ever has the child... HAS the child" Now days the courts are aaaaalllll about fathers having share rights and sometime I agree with that but in your case it can be dangerous. Always make EVERYTHING legal! Protect yourself and your child! Good luck!!! I will be saying a little prayer for you :)

Ashley - posted on 04/24/2012

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This happened to me with my daughter. And yes he can. My ex took my daughter and never brought her back. The police can't do anything without a court agreement. Even if you write up a personal notorized agreement they still can't help you. I would only let him do supervised visits until you go to court.

Tyesha - posted on 04/24/2012

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If there is not legal documentation through family court (not child support court) naming you as the custodial parent (primary) parent. He CAN take him and not bring him back. How do I know because I wondered the same thing and contacted my lawyer and its possible and there isn't anything i could do about it. So at the advice of my lawyers, given your situation. 1. get an order of protection because hes violent. 2. file for full custody in the courts. It may cost some money but if you need a legal, contact me and I will tell you what I used. It will cost you but you will at least have a discount with with.

Christin - posted on 04/23/2012

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I would go to court and get it in writing if you are concerned about it since then it is more secure. Even if you have sole custody due to being not married, some states will not consider it a crime if he takes him since he is on the birth certificate. Also get a clause that he has to be sober 100% of the time while with the child / I would push for supervised visits only, like court supervised as they can make him take a breath test before being let near the child. I am only saying this in the interest of the safety of your child.

Besides with the domestic violence charges against you / him (technically both since you were pregnant at the time) you have a decent case against him for sole custody. Many states since he is unable to support the child (not currently employed) he will have a real rough time fighting you at all.

Nyco - posted on 04/20/2012

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the law is any child born to an unwed mother, that mother has automatic custody. meaning the father has NO rights to that child whatsoever even when his name is on the birth cetificate. you dont have to establish custody you have it already on the other hand if he wants to see his son and you dont want him to he needs to establish visitation through the courts. as for child support if i were you i'd pursue it for your sons sake even though you say he doesnt work... eventually your ex will get tired of going to jail for it and start workin and being responsible. i've had to go through this in the past with my two oldest boys and my ex... my best advice to you though is dont keep your son from his father he'll grow up hating you not him, every boy needs their father just like they need their mother too, just set boundries. and say if you let your son go with your ex and he doesnt want to give him back the law is on your side and he can be charged with kiddnaping.

Teela - posted on 04/20/2012

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It actually depend on the state laws. Because in some states it is illegal for the father to take the child. Even if his name is on the child birth certificate; but because the mom is the automatically the primary parent it would be consider kidnapping if he doesn't bring the child back home. But like some of the other parents are saying go to friends of the court and get it in writing showing that you do have full custody of the child

Amy - posted on 04/19/2012

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I to live in WI. And I am almost positive that the Mother has the right to deny visitation if you are unmarried. I went through something similar and take it from me go to court ASAP I had no fear that my son's sperm donor would try and take him because he was (still is) a complete loser but better to have it on paper, and even if he can't pay child support if you have an order for it they (the state) starts counting and whenever he does get a job or wins big at the casino, that moeny goes to you. I wouldn't worry, if he as big of a loser as he sounds he probably won't even won't to see the baby he'll just want to annoy you. Don't give in, in my case the judge ordered him to go to drug and alchol counseling and make a valid attempt to find a job before she would even discuss visitation and immedialty granted me full custody. My son is now almost 11 and my husband adopted him over 4 years ago and the sperm donor has NEVER seen him (not one single time) If your ex is willing to clean up his act and be a good father then great, but sounds like he is more concerned with himself then your child which is a shame but his lose not yours or your baby's.

Crystal - posted on 04/17/2012

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go to court get the custody order without notice should take about 2-3 weeks from now till u see a lawyer and its granted although it can take less time, if in an emergancy, he will get visitation then and yes u will be in controll of the situation in the sense u no there are gona be consequences if he doesnt stick to the rules. but if he does break the rules keep a copy of the parenting order in ure handbag because the cops will be asking what are the specific rules to the order. if he does mess up write it down if he smells of alc write it down and refuse access. it will also give him a path to help himself if he choses to get help. i no what u mean bout sons not growing up with there fathers, i am going through my second court case with my boys birth father, my son is 3 1/2 and i broke up with his father over 2 years ago, this was due to a very voilent relationship, lots of alc involved aswell, i am still terrified of him to this day, and now my lawyer it telling me get prepared the protection order is cuming off at the hearing and that his father will get unupervised access to him. he is a very dangerous person who has a record a mile long, but he is saying and trying to show change over the past year, hes done the court apointed activities and has ALSO REFUSING TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION for bipolar and many orther things. with my experiance of him its this is very dangerous, but in the courts eyes, he may be granted a second chance with our son, i want him to stay away from me forever but i do also no that i have no right to refuse a relationship[ between them. but every fiberr of me says protect my son as i also no my sons sibling have nothing to do with thier father becasue of his screwd up ways. they choose not to c him (they are adults older than me) i am only 22 and i have never nown my father, i wish i new more about my dad but for all i no he could be dead. heack im not even in the same country to where he was last seen. but definitly get the court order they can protect u if things get iffy, but remeber once u involve the courts in this he can turn round in a few years and try get more access thats if hes improved in behaviuor! stay strong and remeber

Amber - posted on 04/16/2012

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Every state must have different laws. We're going through that right now. My mom took care of my niece for her first two and a half years and her mom decided she was gonna take her one day and isn't allowing any of us to see her. including my brother (the baby's dad). When calling DCF they told her that she technically doesn't have to let him see her and the cops can only go with my brother to do a well check.

Theresa - posted on 04/15/2012

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i don't believe he can keep him....and beside going by what you described i doubt he seems like they type to want the responsibility of a child....Anyway if he tried to i think all you would have to do is call the cops and tell them you are worried for your child's safety and that his father will not return him to his home....in most states the mother has more rights then the father (even when it's the mother that is completely screwed up, which is sad) but it's true. But in the meantime i would file for CS and Full Custody right away your baby does not need that in in his life. and as far as you being a drinker and partier.....who didn't do things like that before kids?? i know i did! the important thing is that you are smart enough and loved your child enough to do what was right for him and stop!! That shows what a loving and dedicated mother you are..Good Luck

Ayana - posted on 04/13/2012

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I don't know how the "rules" are where you live but I'm from Mississippi and I have a 1 year old with my ex. Here I automatically have full custody of my son whether we go to court or not. The only way he has any rights at all is if he takes me to court and the judge grants him custody. Here if he was to take my son and not return him even with his name being on the birth certificate I could call the cops and they would track him down, return my son, and he would more than likely go to jail. The mother has full custody here and unless the father takes her to court she can pretty much do whatever she wants. If the mother is getting any type of government assistance she has to put him on child support but him being on child support does not give him any rights other than to pay. Only a judge can grant him rights to his child. Not fair but its just the way things are here. A lot of women here make the father pay child support but will not allow him to see the child and most of the time the guys just pay and never see their kid instead of taking her to court.

Amanda - posted on 04/13/2012

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Yes it is true if you allow him to take the baby he doesnt have to bring him back. You would have to take him to court. You must get a custody order i went through this with my oldest and her real father and it was not pretty at all. Good luck

Tabitha - posted on 04/11/2012

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"here's the thing: the relationship is betw the father and the son and really it's nothing to do with you". That's true Threenorns, but the safety of the child has EVERYTHING to do with the mother. I haven't seen anyone post that he should be barred from seeing his child. The important thing is to protect the child. Get custody established, request and push hard for supervised visits. The fact that he assaulted her while she was pregnant, should be enough to get them supervised. He clearly was not concerned with his child's safety at that point. Also, he clearly doesn't care about anyone's safety if he's been caught driving under the influence 6 times. If he's been CAUGHT that many times, I'd imagine, it's probably the only way he drives. He most likely doesn't have a license now anyway, so if he shows up behind the wheel to pick up the baby after visitation is ordered, she won't have to let him go.



I don't care what kind of relationship my son has with his father, he has a history of driving while under the influence and he knows he is not allowed to drive with my son in the car at all. I made the same rule for his paternal grandparents. While I was pregnant, I saw them countless times put their other grandchild in the car and drive off with a case of beer, which would be empty by the time they got home! My son is 14 and has never ridden in the car with them. Either way, get full custody established before you let him take the baby anywhere.

Threenorns - posted on 04/11/2012

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unless you have a court order granting you sole custody, then yes - he can take the child and there's nothing you can do about it until a judge rules the child has to be given back.



his driving record, drinking, violence against women, etc actually don't matter when it comes to his relationship with his son - none of that is enough for a court order barring visitation. if it were violence against the child, that would matter. as it is, if he was a raging cokehead with a meth addiction, at least at the beginning, the worst that would happen is supervised visitation.



here's the thing: the relationship is betw the father and the son and really it's nothing to do with you.



my daughter's father didn't come up very often to visit her - i also fled bec of domestic violence. he phoned her every day but he would never pay child support and the car he bought me to make up the back payments was seized and destroyed by the cops and i got charged with driving a dangerous vehicle (it came with certification and everything - clearly not exactly legit). for all that, i never interfered betw him and his daughter - i never stopped him from talking to her on the phone and i never told him he wasn't allowed to see her. i gave him the number and location of her day care, her specialist, and the family doctor and left permission for him to call and talk about her any time.



she was 4yrs old when he moseyed on up and she wouldn't go near him. he was hurt and almost offended until i pointed out that he'd been to see her 4 times in the previous year and that he'd been gone 75% of her life. what did he think was going to happen?!?



and yes - he woke up. he left his friends and party life in the city; he moved up here and bought a house; he has a steady job doing something he's actually very good at and enjoys doing; and he has a great relationship with his daughter. i live in the basement of the house so we're living together but we're not "together" (iykwim) and he's still a class A jerkwad but we keep it civil for our daughter and she's happy as a cat locked in the creamery.

Ellen - posted on 04/10/2012

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take him to court 5 duis no way that is not good get things set up to make it safe for the both of u. I wouldn't let my baby in a car with a man with five duis

Tabitha - posted on 04/10/2012

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If both names are on the birth cert and there is no custody order in place, basically, you both have custody. I don't think the states differ much on that fact. No one parent automatically gets custody unless there's only one parent listed on the birth cert. Since he's on the birth cert, the court doesn't have to "give" him parental rights, if he gets possession of the child, he can keep him. Since he was violent with you when you were pregnant, I would not let him take the baby at all. If he wants visitation rights, let him take you to court. At that time, custody will be established, child support will be ordered and you can request supervised visits (which I suggest considering the history).



If you are at all concerned that he'll be violent with the baby or with you while he's pickin up the baby or with him deciding to take off with your son, don't let him take him. You don't have to let him until there's a court order. But right now, he has all the same rights as you do so if you let him take him, he won't have to bring him back if he doesn't want to. Get custody established with the court before he takes him anywhere.

Kate - posted on 04/10/2012

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My daughters dad and I do not have a visitation court order. he took her to saint louis for a wedding but did not tell me. She was staying with him from friday afternoon till sunday morning. Once I found out I called the police as i did not give him permission to take her 4 hrs away from me and possibly into another state. Not sure which part of STL they were in. Anyways the police said that since i gave him permission to have her I cant control where he takes her during the time I allowed. HOWEVER if he didnt not bring her back at the time we decided, which was 9 am on sunday or if i feared for her safety then the police would go get him and bring her back. He can not technically take him as you have sole custody. My daughter now only sees her dad 3 hrs a week. he has 2 DUIs as well and has not had a job for over a year, he got fired for not showing up to work when he lived 3 blocks away. also hes 28, should be mature right?? im 21 going to school and working while caring for my daughter.

Ashley - posted on 04/09/2012

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Depends on the state. I know in some states if you haven't went to court and you guys are not married then the mother automatically has custody. While in other states both parents have the legal right to take the kid if they have not went to court yet. You need to talk to legal aid or someone pertaining to the laws in your state. Make sure everything is in writing when you two make decisions or anything that happens with your son. Documentation is very important when it comes to these cases.

Jessica - posted on 04/09/2012

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get a court order and see about supervised visits till ur son is old enough to let u know how things go on his visits

Janelly - posted on 04/06/2012

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i went through the samething with my fiance ex wife we were to going to court for his now fourteen year old daughter and i decided to let her stay overnight at my house and she wanted to go see her sister and just spend one night the next thing we know she send him a voicemail saying thast she was on her way home and she took my step daughter we called the cops and they asked us if she had a ny rights over we told them that she had lost all her rights in a different state and they said that they couldnt do anything cause in the state of pennsylvania she still had custody they told ur the best thing we could do is to go back the other state and file fir kidnapping, well she didnt get locked she had her for a whole week and thru that week she ewas being watched by the cops in her town cause she lived right next to them and they told us if she saw them packing her things she would get locked up. at the end the state of pa tiik away all her parental rights

Janelly - posted on 04/06/2012

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i went through the samething with my fiance ex wife we were to going to court for his now fourteen year old daughter and i decided to let her stay overnight at my house and she wanted to go see her sister and just spend one night the next thing we know she send him a voicemail saying thast she was on her way home and she took my step daughter we called the cops and they asked us if she had a ny rights over we told them that she had lost all her rights in a different state and they said that they couldnt do anything cause in the state of pennsylvania she still had custody they told ur the best thing we could do is to go back the other state and file fir kidnapping, well she didnt get locked she had her for a whole week and thru that week she ewas being watched by the cops in her town cause she lived right next to them and they told us if she saw them packing her things she would get locked up. at the end the state of pa tiik away all her parental rights

Kayla - posted on 04/04/2012

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as long as he is on the birth certificate he has every right as the father to not return the child to you and cops can not intervene... until you take him to court to get the baby back he will get to keep the child.

Amber - posted on 04/04/2012

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your best bet is to go through the courts and get visitation stated and in writing that is the only way to protect yourself and your son!!! my ex and i didn't have any strict visitation set up in the divorce agreement and he would not let me see my son for 2 months so i had to take him to court so that would not happen again so for your sake and your sons go through the court system so your legal rights are protected!! gl wish you the best

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2012

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well to be honest he cannot just take him without a court giving him all parental rights i am going threw the same thing with my daughters dad be strong and remeber court is there for a reason not all men are made to be dads

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2012

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if there is no court order saying he has right he can go to prison for kidnapping my daughters dad did anbd let me tell u the judge was hard on him

Amy - posted on 04/04/2012

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The reality is that all the advice from here is subjective...while some laws are fairly even across the states...child custody and child support are so different in each state that it is appalling what some states allow and excessive what other states control. The one good piece of advice I've seen is that you defiitely need to get at least a temporary custody agreement. Most states have programs for moms who cannot afford a lawyer in child custody and child support issues.

Nikki - posted on 04/03/2012

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I think it depends on the state you live in. I live in washington, and for the longest time i thought that since my child support papers state im the Custodial Parent that means i have full custody of her, well needless to say, i thougth wrong. I was told that since him and i have no parenting plan he has just as much rights as i do, also meaning he could leave the state of washington with my daughter if he wanted to and there was nothing i could do about it. i guess the custodial parent on child support jjust means thats who the child mainly stays with!! Id suggest a parenting plan or file custody.

Bree - posted on 04/02/2012

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Well in that case then wouldn't he be able to file the same kidnapping charges against her for not letting him see the child?

Amie - posted on 04/02/2012

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yes he can, just as you can however if any does so- a recovery order can be applied to the court.

Amber - posted on 03/31/2012

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I could have written this about my life! My son is now seven and his "father" still has a drinking problem. I wish I had fought harder for sole custody when we broke up, he never intentionally hurt my son but he was injured many times due to neglect. It's been a long fight but he has supervised visits now. Good luck! And no I wouldn't let him take your child until there is something in writing

Sofia - posted on 03/29/2012

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I would def talk to a lawyer. Dont worry about what you did in the past. Keep looking ahead and how you will be the best mother you can be for your baby. You cant control what is in the past. You can only control what is in the future. So good job on not drinkning anymore and getting your life together for your baby.

Carmel - posted on 03/29/2012

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If your boy friends name is on the Birth papers then yes he can but you need to attend court and get full custody and let them know he has a drinking problem.

Dawn - posted on 03/29/2012

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I know money might be an issue (b/c I know it is for many...) but if you can try and get in contact with a lawyer to explain the situation, and know exactly what your rights are. From what it sounds like you shouldn't have any problem getting a custody agreement. In this case, however, because you already know he doesn't have a dime to his name--and would likely not be able to handle child support--perhaps you could arrange and agreement that he needs to get sober with a rehab program, get a job, and keep it (not to mention stop getting into major legal trouble) in order to fulfill his part of the custody agreement.



In my eyes, this way it shows that you don't want to just rake him over the coals and that you want to show him mercy by allowing him the chance to shape up so he can be a good role model for his child. If you do it through the court system, there is a chance he will feel more obligation to do so, and it will be better for him and for your baby. Heck, even if you two don't ever get back together at least you can try to have a somewhat harmonious custody agreement with the potential for the father to make his life better. Idk if there is any possible way to make something like that work, but perhaps it could be an idea =]



Just be sure that no matter what road you choose legally, be sure that you cover all your bases so if he tries to pull anything you and your baby are covered.



Wishing you the best of luck. I'll be praying for you =]

Myra - posted on 03/28/2012

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I personally know exactly what you're going through, I am 27 and have a 7 year old son. His father was violent when I was pregnant, doing drugs and was in and out of jail for the first 3-4 years of my son's life. I took it upon myself that this man will never change. I thought about my little boy first and realized that his father will never be a role model or good influence in my son's life and because of that I cut all ties with his father. I put him on child support and let him see his son as little as possible. My son comes first, I'm his mother and I want to protect him from all things negative. His father never finished high school or went to college, he's 30 years old and has no job. He always chose his friends over his son his whole life. However, just recently started to be more involved with our son, he tries to get him weekly ( only because his friends aren't around because they grew up and have a family on their own). Okay, I'm totally babbling on BUT my point is do what is best for your son. I barely let him see his father and I put him on child support. BUT, Don't depend on child support for financial help if he does not work. My son's father doesn't work and I haven't received a dime from child support. If your baby's father isn't a positive role model in your childs life. Limit their time together. And maybe when your child is older you can give them that choice if they want to get to know their father or not. Once my son reaches a certain age I will tell him why I did what I did and how all the choices I made were best for him because his father was never a good influence and I wanted to protect him.

Misty - posted on 03/27/2012

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Sounds to me like you have your handsful hun! I have a 9 year old son and his father and i split when he was about 18 months, he had a drug problem and I could not deal with it anymore, we split up he threatened to take my son, I got a lawyer and sued for custody. If your ex tries to take your son it can be classed as kidnapping get things written down as to the return of your son, and judging by what you have stated he is not responsible enough to even take care of himself let alone a baby, my advice to you would be to get custody of your son and have visitation set up so that your son can know his father (if thats what you want), You have clearly cleaned up your act for your son and that is amazing good on yah!!

Stacey - posted on 03/27/2012

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If you allow you ex to take your son, be sure you get everything in writing first and, if possible, have it notarized. I know it's probably difficult to ask your ex to cooperate but at least getting it in writing will give you proof that you allowed him a certain amount of time at a certain location with your son if anything bad were to happen. It can help with the 'he said/she said' that commonly happens. I went through a terrible divorce where my ex took my 2 children out of state for several months and because I didn't have any proof that stated he couldn't do that, he retained physical custody when I get to court. I wish you the best for your little guy and I hope everything works out for you.

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