can my sons father take him from me?

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My son's father just got out of the military and now he wants to have joint custody of my son. he wants holidays with him and 2 months for the summer. my son doesnt know him at all. and i dont want him to be away from me for 2 months at a time and i dont want to spend the holidays with out my son. he has never showed any interest in him till he was out of the military. he complains about he couldnt talk to him on a daily basis because of the military he has told me that he doesnt care if hes in my sons life at this age. from an infant till now because he wont remember it. i dont like when mateo isnt with me and now he all of a sudden wants him. he wants to go court for joint custody and for his last name to be changed. will the jugde let him have joint custody and his name changed??? i really do not want that to happen. and especially to have my sons last name changed.

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Kimberly - posted on 08/21/2012

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As the mother of a child with a father in the military, it IS rather difficult for them to have contact, but it is not impossible. A judge would never force you to change your son's name because there has to be an agreement between the parents that the change is going to occur, if you don't want it, it won't happen. However, I personally, do feel that it is important for boys to have their father in their lives. My son has had some contact with his father while he has been away either over seas or out of state on base. The father's other son however, has had much less contact with their dad and is exteremly excited whenever he gets to spend time with him. If your son's father gets any kind of joint custody he will not likely get such a large chunk of time as two months in the beginning, especially since your son doesnot know him. In my experience the judges, and I cannot say this for your area, are quite fair to both parents, and unless you prove to be an incapable parent, which I'm sure you're not, you will stay his primary care giver and he will be with you the majority of the time. Hope this alleviates a few concerns. Best wishes to you.

Sarah - posted on 08/21/2012

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The name change has to be agreed upon so if u say no it wont happen. But w the joint custody it might happen, probably supervised visits at first and then every other weekend

Ashley - posted on 08/20/2012

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I doubt the name change but the custody would be likely. I can understand where the father is coming from actually about not really wanting to talk to him n get to know him while he was in the army due to the fact that he would be gone all the time. I dont agree but I can see his point. But he would have to prove that he is fit enough to have part time custody like that. It would most likely start at weekends visits n see how he acts with the child. Then move to joint like he wants if he can show he can handle it. Sorry but thats life.

Jo - posted on 08/18/2012

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I'm going to put things in a different light & readers probably won't like this but hey-ho.

Is the fathers name on the birth certificate? If not then he has no legal rites over your son.

The only wayhe can get parental respsonsibility is to go throigh court for. Joint residency is a seperate issue, again accessable through court, but he has to prove himself capable of caring for you son and providing for his everyday needs, if you are scared of him or do not trust him, the court can issue an order of supervised contact in the company of child workers.who will monitor everything. He has to prove he can be patient with everything a.child does.

I.have personally been thru this. my little.girls.dad dragged me thru court for 2 & 1/2 years demanding thia and that, he never got it & and she kept my last name.

Please dont.worry, play nicely but.dont give in to his demands, your the mother, you know your child and thats what tjey have to realise. xxx

Claire - posted on 08/17/2012

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i had a simular problem with my ex he had nothing to do with my daughter who is now three and half for the first 2 and half years of her life, he took me to court when she was 2 1/2 and now he has contact alternate weekends even though she didnt no who he was or anything he pays nothing towards her and he refuses any responsibility to this but i keep getting told that no matter what he his her father and he has rights the question i keep asking is dont children have any rights but apparently she has to do what she is told as she doesnt no what she wants

Jennifer - posted on 08/16/2012

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My son is 3 years old and I moved away from his dad when he was 2 months old so he never really knew him. He didnt want anything to do with him til just this year and I took him back to visit in March. I was worried about leaving him but I talked to my son and gave him the choice to stay with him or come with me and he wanted to stay. He was there for 2 weeks and it was so hard for me but I felt it was only fair to my son because it is his dad. I'd give anything to know my dad today but he passed away when I was a child. I dont want to take that away from him. His father and I came to an agreement for visits with our son and even tho I dont want to send my son to see him I dont think it'll last long as it's Aug and he was supposed to be there for the summer and never went. Plus he stopped calling and everything else. I just play it day by day and see what happens. As for the name change I wouldnt worry because your son knows that name and all his documents state it and the judge will wonder why he is waiting so long to care about his name if he's known about him all along.

Heather - posted on 08/15/2012

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Yes he can, my husband didn't know he had a son till the kid was 3. We talked to the mother weekly about a phone working as it was on his plan and she moved 1200 miles away. We get him half the summer on easter and half of christmas break and any other time they can work it out. I do feel Noah(stepson) should have my husbands last name due to she has 3a others and they have their fathers name and she has never married him. My step son enjoys being with us but misses his mother. This was all court ordered when she asked the judge to give us time with Noah. It is the standard way most fathers get the kids. We even travel from Wyoming to Michigan to get him. I feel fathers need their rights even if they are dead beat. Hope you can work it out for the chills sake.

Dove - posted on 08/15/2012

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I don't know about the name change. Joint custody is possible though visitation would not START at 2 months. It depends on how far away the 2 of you live from each other. If joint custody is practical... many judges will go with that.

Your son deserves to have a relationship with his father. It really is in the best interest of your son to have as much contact as possible with BOTH his parents.

Chelsea - posted on 08/15/2012

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To be hnest I Seriously doubt the change of name, also as he hasnt shown any interest joint custody... probably not, however he may be entitled to supervised contact. Get a lawyer asap and get to court xx

Amber - posted on 08/14/2012

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Okay, Here is the thing He is the father unfortantly no matter how much of a dead beat father they are they can come in there lives at any time they like, but the judge will look at the best interest of your son. The fact he has never seen they will look at that, The fact he said that it doesn't matter if he was there from infrant till now because he won't remember they will look at that. He can get joint custody and yes unfortantly he will get maybe every other holiday and everyother weekend and summers, if he lives out of state you can ask for him not to go out of state but for his father to come to your state.. But no judge will just let him take a child he doesn't know. The judge will first have him come see him spend time with him so your son will get to know him first. I am sorry i didn't give you good information, I had just went threw this with my 4 year old son. Now is he out of the Military for good or does he go back? My husband just got discharged from the army.

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