Can't take it anymore.

Cassandra - posted on 02/05/2010

Wow, glad to know I'm not alone here. I thought it was just me!

Niki - posted on 02/05/2010

my best advise is to keep it up... becuase as hard as it is now if you give in then you are handing over the control... It will get better!!! They are so smart and know how to work us over!! when you put him on time out, set a timer and walk away & use that time to take a breather!!! Good Luck!!

Melanie - posted on 02/05/2010

i have 5 small kids and sometimes they dont listen to me either .i do a points chart and who ever gets the most points gets a prize sometimes that dosent work either .i have felt like crying to but you just have to hang in there things will get better your not alone .iam only 27 years old and things are hard but i do it day by day when you feel like crying take time out for yourself it helps alot .hang in there girl its only ganna get better

Robin - posted on 02/05/2010

Children go through phases where they test you. You have to be up to the test. You have to pay attention, and don't let anything slide. If you say no cookies, and he grabs one and eats it, you have to punish him. If you don't see it happen, he knows he can do it without punishment, and he WILL. If you see it and don't punish him, he knows he doesn't have to listen to you, because even if he disobeys and you know it, you won't punish. Children are VERY smart. Make sure the length of time in time-out is appropriate for his age, and make sure he listens while in time-out. The sticker chart is good also...rewarding good behavior is great incentive. Just make sure you are not using food as a reward. This can lead to bad habits for your child, and a bad relationship with food, promoting obesity. When he gets older, you can let things slide more, because he will understand more. You can also try explaining why he has to do something, or can't do something. If he believes it's dangerous or bad, he may be less likely to do it. This worked well with my children, even when they were young. Finally, children at this age don't understand lying and telling the truth, and they may not understand right and wrong in some cases. You have to teach him.

Kayla - posted on 02/05/2010

I think its just tha age that he's at right now. My son is about to turn 2 and in this point in his life he acts like he can't hear me. I say something to him like dont turn off the tv and he's freeze up and just looks into space and eventually pushes the button. He ignores me and acts like ill forget in 20 seconds then goes right back to doing the unwanted behavior. It'll pass just dont enourage him to do the things you dont want him to do. Reverse psychology is key for me.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2010

My son who's 3 is the same but ive made a new thing I give him 2 choices such as he can sweets after dinner or not at all and then i say to him make a decision, it works with most things he sleeps with blankets so if he doesnt stay in bed i say stay in bed and keep ur blankets or get out and i take them then say make a decision, you have to follow through with everything that they decide, which teaches them to decide for themselves and understand the choices you make reflect whats happening, so far so good, I know its hard just keep going and dont show any weakness in front of him also make sure he has listened to the question by keeping eye contact good luck

Devicia - posted on 02/05/2010

i have to kids boy 2 and girl 4. I make sure the know that there is only one parent and thats me, what ever i say goes. I also made them scared of beats instead of been scared of me. i did that by not hitting them when ever they did some thing wrong but i gave them one hard lick when they least expect it, sometimes its hard to get a child to listen when the are 2 and over if you were to soft on them when they were young. boys are the worse but if you let him know you are serious and make sure you tell him off when ever he dose anything wrong, taking away his favourite toy, most important if he gets sweets you pull out a sweet and let him know he will not be getting any of these with his behaviour, but dont depend on the sweet trick all the time, you can use other things he like eg going to the park. could it be that he is bored and looking attention.

Elizabette - posted on 02/05/2010

ok pick a punishment and stick with it. this way when he does something wrong he knows exactly what to expect. remain patient and follow through every time consistency is key no longer make threats don't say anything.



say for example he plays in the trash can. as soon as he grabs for the can send him directly to his "time out" place. when this allotted time is finished stand him up and say if you go back to the trash you will come right back here...if he goes back to the trash repeat. eventually he'll know the trash is off limits. same applies to whatever bad behavior he is expressing.

Eleanore - posted on 02/05/2010

Stay consistant! Be gentle but firm in your actions. This is the age that they love to test to make sure there boundaries are in place. It gives children reassurance to know they can count on you to mean what you say.It helps them to feel safe. Repition really sucks but they do eventually learn you really mean it. Also with holding a favorite object can be very helpful. Also there might be a reason that your son is testing.A common reason(one that I am going through with my 3 year old) is to keep you busy if he feels like he's not getting enough attention. Try to spend at least an hour of undisturbed one on one play time with him. Believe me this helps alot an can make you feel better as well. It also keeps them occupied so they don't have a reason to act up. Hope this helps and know that you are doing a great job!

Lori - posted on 02/05/2010

My son is five and i have a lot of problems still with him listening. I think the biggest thing that i have found to do is always make sure you fallow through with what you have asked him to do. If not they WILL ignore you. Only tell hm a limited amount of times (3) before you impliment your punishment (time out) for not listening. And be consistant. If not they will walk all over you. My son does that to my husband when he tells him to get dressed then i come in tell him to get dressed or else. The other morning he got dressed after i got on to him and then came and hugged me!

Linda - posted on 02/05/2010

Kirsty,

Your son knows exactly how far he can push you. That's why I advocate using no-no and a tap on the hand from the time a baby can reach. The main thing is to pick your battles and be consistant. When you tell your child something, talk directly to him, on his level. He's probably too busy to listen to instruction thrown out to the room in general. Kid must learn consequences even at an early age. If you can't control your child at age 3, it's unlikely you will be able to control him at age 16.

Fatima - posted on 02/05/2010

Don't worry,take a deep breath and tell u're self to calm down,he/she's just a 3 year old(i have one too!).his brain doesn't work the same as u'res does,just like my mom keeps telling me,he's going through a stage,but it doesn't mean he's not really listning,he's registering everything and storing it in his chip to process later! Proof of this is that if u observe closely he'll repeat u're lines and lessons to his pet or his toys or to some other person! So don't get disheartened. However to deal with him now,sit him down and tell him firmly that u'll be really sad is he doesn't follow u're instructions and u too will not listen to him. If he persists,never loose temper and just pretend to be very sad and ignore him until he understands. thats all u can do for now,a rewards system he'll not understand yet and if the time-out works don't give him too many time-out's or he'll loose interest...but remember just stay calm and in control!

Angela - posted on 02/05/2010

My daughter is just heading into this stage, I can see her trying to be more independent every day. When I first had her I read a book by Dr. James Dobson called Dare to Discipline. This is a God centered book, but it has great stuff in it no matter what you believe as far as religion goes. I highly recommend it, especially if your kids haven't yet hit the terrible twos stage. He talks in depth about steps you can take to try and avoid that stage altogether, while still allowing your child to learn to think and act for themselves. It also talks about strong willed children. Nothing is harder than feeling like your child is ill behaved and other kids are so wonderful. My daughter is really easy, people always comment on how well she listens. I would LOVE to take credit for it all, but really I think she just has a mellow personality and likes to please people. Some kids just know what they want and how they want to do it. That is harder. Maybe the book will help.

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2010

the only thing i can tell you is be consistent. pick one type of punishment and stick with it. everytime he does something you dont approve of punish him and when he does good things give him positive attention. eventually he will get the point. sometimes it will be hard and your going to feel like you want to pull your hair out but thats totally normal. Just be very consistent.

Shanda - posted on 02/04/2010

What works best with my son is to have him re-do whatever he did wrong, the correct way. So for example he isn't allowed to take cooking utensils or bowls out of the kitchen (he likes to play with my kitchen tools in his toy kitchen even though he has his own stuff for it.) I see that he's taken it, I walk him to the kitchen with him and have him put it back, then ask me for it like he is supposed to. If it is actually something I"m OK w/ him using I say yes, if not we come up with a different solution (something else he can use or something else he can do altogther.)



When he practices the RIGHT way and that is the last thing he does, the RIGHT thing is what STICKS!



Remember, to discipline does not mean to punish, it means to teach. Taking the time to teach can make all the difference.

COURTNEY - posted on 02/04/2010

Well I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old (girls) and yes like most kids the have their times of not listening. But they also know that when i speak they listen and i dont ask twice or else they will be missing out on things they like. LET THEM KNOW WHO IS IN CHARGE AND WHAT YOU SAY GOES NO MATTER WHAT, YOU HAVE TO STAY FIRM!!!!

Danielle - posted on 02/04/2010

keep pushing time out and sending to his room without toys. it will pay off in the long run. but requires alot of work and descipline. my son was the same way at 2. was horrible and hated to b home he was so bad but i kept up with it and watched supernanny as funny as it may sound her methods do work

Kryss - posted on 02/04/2010

I so belive in disciplining my son...i also believe in spanking him...i will say though when he was 3 -5 i would explain to him if he did not do as i told him then he would have to understand that he would recieve the discipline...It isnt harsh and Ya know hes 10 now and he respects me and does wht i say he isnt always perfct but...heknows whn i say "remember who you are" he knows then to straighten up or a spanking is applied. Now not all believe in spanking and thats ok but the interesting thing with my son i rarely had to spank him ....sometimes it does take talking ...sometimes spanking....

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2010

Welcome to the club, my three year old barely listens also. I try timeouts and they are hit or miss. I tried sending her to her room also and then just figured out that she will sit in there and play so it's not much of a punishment. What I find that works the best, not all the time of course, is to tell her she can't do something that she wants to do. Lately it has been eating a snack because that is her latest obsession is asking when she can have a snack. This is a difficult age to deal with.

Alana - posted on 02/04/2010

maybe try taking his toys away for a whole day...while it will be hard cause he will be bored it will give you the whole day to reinforce that not listening to mummy is wrong everytime he asks for them back.....or take all treats away and tell him that only children that listen to their mummy get to have them! it may sound harsh but it is an option....hang in there u will find something that works

Jacquelene - posted on 02/04/2010

I’m so glad to hear there are other moms with similar problems. My son is 2 ½, strong willed and rarely gives in. When I smack him he goes more hysterical. The room seems to work, he apologies and minutes later we are in the same routine. If he can’t have his way he screams and cries. I had the neighbor come over this week to see if I’m abusing my son and wanted to call child welfare. She can’t understand why he screams and cries like that if he is not been abused. When she saw that it’s a tantrum she said I need to take a firmer hand with him. I don’t know what to do at times.

Ashley - posted on 02/04/2010

you have to stick to your guns!!!! keep going with the time outs. i did the sticker chart and it worked for the first week then nothing. i think they are still to young to understand it all. they have to realize good from bad. they do have to have their alone time as well as you. you might try letting him/her helping you around the house (cleaning, cooking, laundry, ect.) this really worked for my 3 year old. taking away their favorite toys also helps.

Catherine - posted on 02/04/2010

Take his toys away. No warnings, just do it whenever he is being bad. Kids test their limits so you need to make sure he knows you're being serious. And make sure you follow through, if you say he's losing a truck, but don't actually take it he'll walk all over you. A sticker chart will work if used consistently. It's a good idea to use punishment (taking something away) as well as reinforcement (in the form of rewards). You also have to pick your battles and don't sweat the small stuff. Some days I want to rip my hair out from frustration at my 2 and a half year old, but then I just remind myself that he's a kid and isn't usually trying to be bad or not listen. It's good to put things in perspective.

Maya - posted on 02/04/2010

i feel the same way alot of times...but lating what i've been doing is having my daughter miss out on the things she would like to do with me. Sure you take away the things they like to do that they can play with at anytime...but the things that they like to do with you the parent, hurts them majorly! My kid would not want to listen to me when we would go out on outtings to the store, and certain places...so i would stop what i would do and leave(although we can't always do that). she would get that I wasn't playing and that she needs to listen to mommy. Or when i would go out somewhere with out her i would explain that she didn't listen to mommy so now she has to earn that privlage back. it's been working me. of course it sometimes doesn't take right away, but I've seen a major improvement in the way she's been acting and want to be good so she can go out with mommy. But at the age of 3 they swear they're grown...lol good luck!!!

Lacy - posted on 02/04/2010

i have a lil one that just turned 4 and she is the same way. ive tried the whold time out or "your not getting a treat" thing but nothing seems to matter. she is too independent, and to the people who think some moms are too lenient sometimes thats not the case. some kids are just stubborn and want to act out no matter how strict you are.

Heather - posted on 02/04/2010

When I have seen this situation it has been because parents have been too lenient with their children and when they try to step up and do some dicipline, their kids take it as a joke. I would suggest to try and be more stern with him and follow through with punishments (for example, if you say "you need to finish your dinner or you will not have desert" actually do this.) they will not like it if you are the lenient parent and start to dicipline, but they will eventually learn that their behavior is not ok.

Lisa - posted on 02/04/2010

is there anyone who overides u? the father or a relative? this could cause your child to think he does not have to listen to u. what about how u do ur timeouts. that makes a big difference.

Tracy - posted on 02/04/2010

The important thing to remember about this age is that they have all these new feelings going on inside of them that they do not know what to do with. I had to start saying to my son "When you do not listen to me that makes me mad...if I am mad then what happens? it forces them o think through it and it helps them to understand your feelings and there own. My doctor said that at this age it is very important to say things that let them knwo you understand and sympothiz with them but then expalin how you feel and why. I hope that this helps you...it has been very helpful with my son.

Jessica - posted on 02/04/2010

feelin you my daughter is 2 1/2 and I want to send her away most days

Darcy - posted on 02/04/2010

I have a 3 year old daughter and from what I have learned they are becoming independant more so now than ever before! I remember the terrible two's with all the public tantrums and screams and no one prepared me for the 3's. I didn't know the 3's could be worse! It's like they want to do something on their own but they don't have the ability just yet. Remember to be patient. Patience has been my best feature with her. Also consistency. Kids need repeat after repeat so sticking to the same discipline is best. Be consistent with it and they will learn. You're in for a long year of repeat after repeat but remember, that's where the patience comes in. THey're kids, learning to be independant and that means they will test your patience. If you keep your cool and are consistent, they will learn that you don't break and they will also learn what they can and cannot get away with. We're all in this boat. Some sooner than others but motherhood is a gift and a blessing that more and more each day are unable to experience that. I have a policy at my house that works sometimes and other times, she's testing my patience again. First, i do the usual "No, no. You can't do that because...." My voice is pretty soft and isn't dominiering. When she continues to do what I told her no for, I get firmer and I make it known to her that she's being warned one last time before she is disciplined with other tactics. Example: "Crissy, I told you no and I still mean no because.... This is your last warning before you go to timeout." If that doesn't do the trick, I follow through with the time out and before the clock begins with the time out I sit there for a second to explain.... "Crissy, I told you no two times and warned you you would sit in time out. You did it again so now you are sitting in time out." She sits in time out for 3 minutes because she's 3 yrs old but if another offense happens again, she sits in time out for 4 mins. I never go longer than 4 mins, not until she's older. I have on occassion had to spank. Believe me, it's been the hardest thing ever because I too have lived through abuse, but it has to be a serious enough offense in order for me to spank. Just the other day she heard the word Damn. She kept saying it and laughing and I gave her all my warnings and she sat in time out and still thought it was funny and ok to say it so I had to spank. I only swat once on the butt but as you can see, spanking is a controversial issue. Everyone has their own way of disciplining. Some more extreme than others. I apologize if this isn't helpful and I'm just spatting words out. I just stress the patience. They will be trying your patience from here on out. I still test my parents patience at times. Patience and consistency!

Ashley - posted on 02/04/2010

Sounds like u need a outlet something for u i know kids drive us crazy but it gets a lot worse when u don't get time to relax or talk to a grown up. He will grow out of it i hope since mine is doing the same thing there are days weeks even when i feel like i dont get any good time with him because hes always tantruming or something and i get frustrated and there is no cool of time so it builds and builds but now im making an efert to go shoping alone or just go for a drive which isint easy as im a single mom so finding someone to watch him while hes sleeping can be hard but i used to never try because i fely guilty leving at all since i work full time. But now i go when hes sleepen so im not missing out on are time but i still get to have some me time im feeling a lot better i hope this helps as for dicipline i have no idea i use time outsw he sits but i dont think he cares lol life as a mom

Melissa - posted on 02/04/2010

Spank him. A little.

Natasha - posted on 02/04/2010

My daughter is 3 and I'm dealing with the same thing. She doesn't listen, she's bossy, she throws fits, she thinks that everyone has to entertain her and drop what they're doing cause she wants something right then and there. It gets very frustrating.

Rebecca - posted on 02/04/2010

I was just in the same spot as you. i found that positive reinforcement worked. Try not to focus on the negative. I know it seems wierd b/c that is what i thought when other people told me about it but it did work. He is acting for some reason. mine just wanted more mommy time and after that he really started behaving. You are not the only going through this. I remember time and time again i woudl just break down b/c i didn't know what to do. Also, try maybe let him get more sleep. I did this also and noticed that wehn my sone gets 11 1/2 to 12 hours of sleep he is an angel!

Cindy - posted on 02/04/2010

They all go through the stange you experiancing and you just have to lay down the rule I battled in the begining with Chloe she is 5 now I have her a hiding the one day because enough is enough and now she know's if she don't listern her bum is going to burn I also punished her by no tv. no toys, no sweets or chips, And another thing I believe in is each child for themself's

Britney - posted on 02/04/2010

My daughter is 3 and a 1/2 and I feel like I have been yelling for the last year and a 1/2! I have tried to be the mom that doesn't yell! I tried a goal/sticker chart. I've tried time out...she got an imaginary friend to talk to in time out so it was fun for her! I tried sending her to her bed...she just layed down and fell asleep or continued to scream until I couldn't take it anymore and let her out! Just know that you are not alone. I have found that I don't sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles. I don't fight to get her to eat the dinner I make...if she doesn't want it she doesn't eat or she can have peanut butter and jelly. I don't fight her to clean up her toys. It's simple, if she doesn't clean up her toys they go into a tupperware bin and she doesn't get them back until she can show me she knows how to clean up. Little things like that will eliminate some of the battles that you may fight everyday! Most importantly, remember...there is an end in sight! All of the sudden they will wake up and be a little more grown up and a little less cranky!

Nikki - posted on 02/03/2010

im in the same spot. i have to keep explaining to him over and over again that mummy and daddy dont like his behavior and his attitude. and if he wants something he needs to behave himself to get it. we get screamed and yelled at all the time. we put him to bed early with out any rewards if he has been naughty. time outs dont work and i dont believe smacking him is the answer. its so hard to explain to a toddler that there are rules and boundries, take away something he loves and see how that goes.

Casey - posted on 02/03/2010

Try putting his toys up high were he can't get them but can see them, tell him that he won't get them back to he starts listening to you, when he dis gime one of them back and when he dis not take anther one away. When he has no toys left or the lone he likes the most he mit stat to listen to you i did it with my 5 year old and still do or i say that i will and he starts to do as i say

Angeline - posted on 02/03/2010

I am in the same boat. I have two daughters ages 4 and 2. I have been trying 1-2-3 Magic by Dr Thomas Phelan. I have read the book and saw the DVD. There was also a class I went through on our miliatry base we live on. It seems to be working good. Check it out.

Teresa - posted on 02/03/2010

I have a 4 yr old who has always listened to everything i say...and also a 3 yr old who sounds like yours! Whatever you do for them to listen, it depends so much on their individul personality... For my little rebel, i found (after lots of experimentation) that staying cool and removed from the situation helps. I have also found that when she has her tantrums, she loses so much control, its impossible for her to listen. so i either i speak calmly to her till she cools off or i leave her alone to squeel awhile before returning to hug and calm her...and then talk.

as far as stickers or prizes or whatever, they dont usually work for my little one, but DONT KNOCK IT TILL YOUVE SERIOUSLY TRIED IT! the only time it does work is when i offer her a prize (usually sticker) for keeping her cool all day (or showing that she´s trying). When i see she´s about blow, i tell her to breath and hold it because if she makes it without screaming, she´s about earn a sticker!! maybe offer a sticker for every time she/he shows that he´s alteast TRYING to listen. i don´t know...

...just always be consistent.

Celeste - posted on 02/03/2010

Hello moms.. Something to try is the following and it was my best advice when I was a nanny.. Do not lose patience or show your little one that they are the winner by giving in. Stay calm, and be consistant. It really works. You cant say no and then give in..that will only work short term and then you will pay for it later...or laugh something off that would not be okay when that child is older...they know what they are doing and they understand the words no, But get to the toddlers level...speak firmly and dont give in. If you say little joey if you throw that toy one more time you will go to time out. He throws the toy take joey to time out and tell him It is not okay to throw things you will sit her for 3 min( or how ever old the child is) and think about what you did.. 3 min go by and then you apprach joey and say do you know why you were in time out? Let him answer and ask for an appology. Do not forget to praise good behavior...if you are praising the toddler they will strive to get praise..a lot of times they do something out of lack of ability to properly express their feelings or to get attention..good luck.

Angela - posted on 02/03/2010

ive tried all the above, but i guess i have to just stick to it. soooo frustrating

Liz - posted on 02/03/2010

Or in my house, we call it the Furious Fours.

Liz - posted on 02/03/2010

Welcome to the Threatening Threes. Next comes the Fearsome Fours. It will get better, I promise. Try to keep him active with games and activities and remember that he's still your precious baby and he's only testing the waters of his blossoming personality.

Deanna - posted on 02/03/2010

Take a time out for yourself when he is behaving. Turn the music on,and dance and sing and have fun. Your son may enjoy it too! I have a 3yr old when he doesn't listen I try the corner/room,if that doesn't work I turn the tv off,and if he has a toy I put it on the refrigerator until he picks his mess up,behaves,or eat his meal. Good luck,and remember whos the boss.

Linda - posted on 02/03/2010

Keep on with the sticker chart and with the time outs. Make sure the time outs are somewhere that he can't just play or fiddle with things. I found having a 'naughty step' worked wonders when my daughter was that age, and it's still effective now. Other than that just remember that when kids are that age they are testing their boundaries, be firm but fair with them and try not to let their behavior get to you. Keep your head held high and smile a lot even when you have no reason too. Eventually this phase will pass and another parental challenge will arrive. Take care of yourself
Linda

Katie - posted on 02/02/2010

Sounds like a typical 3 year old. The key is to be firm,stand your ground and routine. But whatever you do, don't let him get away with anything. I have a 3 year old myself and he drives me crazy. Somedays i get so frustrated i feel like crying so im with ya there. What I do is I give him a warning if he doesn't respond or make improvements, I give him a 3 min time-out (a min for every year they are)on the naughty spot. It a place in my house that's just for time outs. After 3 mins, i go down to his level and look him in the eyes, explain why he had to have a time out and then i tell him to say sorry to me. I give him a hug and tell him i love him then let him go play. If he gets off the naughty spot, don't say anything, just put him back and start the time again. It will take awhile for him to realize his choices have consaquences but eventually it will work. And there will be days where he spends most of his day on the naughty spot so just hang in there and give it a try.

Jessica - posted on 02/02/2010

Try to catch him being good. When you do be specific with praise. "It makes mommy so proud when you clean-up your toys! Good job!!" but be sincere. This should theoretically reduce undesired behavior because he is getting you attention when he is good. Avoid negative statements. Never say something you will not follow through on. "I am going to throw away all of your toys if you do not put them away". Also maybe he does not know what you want, you could be assuming he does. It is as if someone were to tell you to stop! You would be confused and wonder what the hell do you want me to stop doing? Explain how you want him to do something or behave. Give him a detailed example.

Sandra - posted on 02/02/2010

Turn off all external noise and talk in a sing song voice. You might feel like a fool but he will stop to listen make it fun and make a game or competition of things.Rev yourself up to change tactics beforehand so you can persevere.Boys seem to be materialistic so a good punishment is taking away toys. dont give warnings or chances as kids learn to drag things out till all chances are expended. good luck!!! If all else fails get some outside help from family centres etc.

Jessica - posted on 02/02/2010

I am so sorry to tell you this but a 3 year old is just not going to listen to you that much or at all. I am a child development major and a mom of two one of which is a two year old and I feel the same as you do and sometime I do just cry, I've learned in school that a child of this age group is testing his/her boundaries and learning who she or he is and where they fit in this world and yours they are not doing it to upset you although they are its like this if you had never had a piece of candy before and was just introduced to a candy world wouldn't you want to explore it. He is new to this world still and just wants it his way children in his age group are very selfish and still have no sense of danger. You will have to hang in there and if it get to bad just walk away go to a place just for you and breath if you want to cry then cry its OK but go back to him divert him to a better situation.