can you spoil a three month old?

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Amanda - posted on 10/25/2009

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I think that you can. By picking them up to much or getting them into a routine that they get use to. I know from experience when my son was that age people told me not to hold him to long or pick him up for every little whimper or hold him till he fell asleep and I did not listen. He got use to me rocking him to sleep and when he fell asleep and I put him down he would wake up and cry! He was like that for many months untill I had to break him and me out of it. Now, if I wasn't busy and he cried to get up I would pick him up for a while but I always tried to put him back down so he would go to sleep without me rocking him. So yes I do believe now that you can spoil a baby.

Bianca - posted on 10/24/2009

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i think it depends on the baby and circumstances, i dont think its wrong for a mom whos going to stay home all the time and wants to spoil their baby to do so, its her perogative, but if u r goin to have someone else take care of your baby i think you should try to get them used to what that will be like... i have 2 kids of my own and i take care of my cousins baby, my 1st was spoiled nd its still hard to break him of that at 3 1/2, while my second never had me all the time because of the first so hes never expected it and is use to not having me all the time... now my cousins baby is an only child and when hes home with her she holds him all the time and she told me she doesnt c the need to let him cry at all when they r together since its just them but this puts such a strain on me when i am watching him because i have the other 2... he never wants me to put him down and cries at the top of his lungs whenever i do and it does break my heart to hear him like that but i dont have much of a choice because of my other ones...

so under the right circumstances its your baby so i would say spoil away, but if they r to b in daycare or some other type of enviroment then i think it would b better to prepare them for that and not make it such a shock to their little systems when they go from being the center of attention to having to share the attention

ps. i dont think u should let a baby cry just for the sake of not spoiling them, but if the baby is feed and changed and in good health, then when u need to do something productive like the dishes or cooking dinner they should learn to entertain themselves for short periods of time nd know that mommy will back soon and will be giving them her undivided attention again :)

Brandy - posted on 10/23/2009

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God no!! And don't let anybody tell you different. 3 month olds act upon instincts. They only do what they are instinctively told to do and don't even really know what they are doing so there is no way they could purposely try to get attention or picked up or anything like that. If they are acting like they need you, it's because they do and I think as mothers it's our responsibility to respond to not only their every physical need but also their every emotional need. Enjoy those extra moments with your baby because they don't last long. Even if it's 4 am and they just want to be held, you won't regret it in the long run.

Akia - posted on 10/23/2009

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I think the spoiling is the wrong word. A baby that young gets use to a routine. So if you are constantly doing something (like holding the baby every time they cry) they get use to the routine. Now if you plan on not keeping to the routine the baby has gotten use to, then maybe you shouldn't do it and keep it in mind. Just like a baby sleeping in the bed with you, if it becomes routine, then that is what they expect and want. The baby isn't spoiled the parent just don't want to keep up with the routine.

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Laura - posted on 04/22/2010

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she is nine months now and i can tell the difference. shes a liiiitle spoiled. but mostly she is a very good baby who likes to roam around and play and she goes to other people without screaming for me so...i hope im doin this right!

Kayla - posted on 10/30/2009

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I don't think you can spoil them that much but once they hit like six months and can be mobile and know that if they want something they only have to cry then yes my son is eight months old and as moms you know the fit throw cry and the I actually need something cry it good to cuddle and love on them just not every single time they cry!!!!!

Lacy - posted on 10/30/2009

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i had talked to a child phycologiest about my son and i mentioned people holding my daughter all the time and he had said to me you cant spoil them by holding them because its just showing that you love and care for them he said you cant spoil a baby by doing that kind of stuff its just showing them how much you love them...

Rebecca - posted on 10/30/2009

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it would only be your understand of that not how you want ur child to respond or what can i do now i always leave the best for special time like you hold your baby all day the is nothing that can be done when there upset to treat them to so by doing the least can work out in the best in the end your baby isnt the spoilt one it you spoiling them which isnt fair in them

Laura - posted on 10/29/2009

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okay ...you guys are so helpful!!!! i do not have internet on anything but my phone and the occasional jaunt to the library so i can't check all this....i am a first time mother and i have two bonus kids and ten nephews and nieces....here is my email address which i can check on my phone if any of you can maybe write to me on this level. i am very unsure and suffering post partum and depression among other things. my email is alaurasboringpalace@yahoo.com please feel free to write me here. i can access that on my phone but not circle for some reason. i have tons of questions and would greatly enjoy your input.......... laura

Ella - posted on 10/29/2009

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Personally I don't think you can. But what does it matter if you can, A child is going to grow fast, hold the baby, love on her, play with her... Spoil her if you please... They are only small once.

Tina - posted on 10/29/2009

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you can't spoil a baby they did the love and attention everyone tells me I spoil my baby but times goes by so fast do it while you can

Frenika - posted on 10/29/2009

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My son is 3 months and he loves his mommy. :) I have no problem holding him when I am just sitting down or something. My husband says he might be spoiled because he sometimes cries with people or when being placed down, but as soon as I hold him he stops crying almost immediately. I really don't feel that he is spoiled because there are a lot of times when I put him down and he plays and starts talking and smiling. There are also a lot of times when other people holds him and he acts content.



At times, my son just likes to be around his mom and I see no problem with that. He may just want to be held or comforted or just feel my warm body..



However, it is starting to get aggrevating when people ask me is my son spoiled. I'm starting to get tired of reciting my same ole 'you can't spoil an infant and giving them a sense of security now only reaps the reward of a more self independent toddler, child, and adult later'..



Plus, like stated in many comments above, the infant does not know cause and effect yet. All the infant knows is that they want their mommy or daddy or that they want to be held or comforted or that they feel scared. The infant does not associate crying with getting what they want. Now, a problem may present itself if a 1 year old acts out and throws fits to get what they want.

Anna-Louise - posted on 10/29/2009

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No you can't spoil a three month old. Ignore anyone that says otherwise and just enjoy your baby - they'll only be this little once! x

Jennifer - posted on 10/28/2009

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I think at 3 months babies need to be held and cuddled lots! I don't consider that being spoiled.

Jessica - posted on 10/28/2009

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Absolutely not! Kids love it when you carry them all the time It makes them feel secure.Remember this baby was snuggled up in your belly for 40 wks.Usually they say that when a baby cries and you pick them up they stay quiet because they can feel your heartbeat and reminds them of when they were inside your belly soo they feel secure:)I have 3 kids and and I've never worried about spoiling them.So do what mothers do best:=)

Suset - posted on 10/28/2009

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I agree with everyone on this...you cannot spoil an infant...ever. I think the more you hold them, love them, and respond to their needs the more independent they will become, my 6 year old is proof, she couldn't be a better behaved child, and is also very loving, caring and sweet.

Vanessa - posted on 10/28/2009

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I don't think so. "Spoiling" indicated that the child knows that you will react a certain way if they do smoething, and a child your age is too young to understand that. As a matter of fact, I've read about studies that show that physical contact helps brain growth. If you feel that you want to give your baby a cuddle, do it! No one knows what's best for your child like you do.

Beth - posted on 10/28/2009

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No, I don't think you can spoil a 3 mo old. At that age, they want to feel their parents close. I was always holding my little girl at the age unless I had to do something around the house. Now, she is more independent. She wants to be down and playing instead of being held all the time except when she is sick or teething. A infant needs to feel loved and wanted, so that is all your baby wants. "Spoiling" doesn't start happen until at least 4 or 5 mo. I say. Now, my daughter does know the different at 9 mo. I can tell when she has been held too much by a grandparent or great grandparent because she wants mommy and daddy to do the same thing. Just enjoy your little one while they are this little. Good luck with everything.

Summer - posted on 10/28/2009

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NO WAY!!!! Every baby is different. Some babies naturally want to be held a lot some not so much. A 3 month old is learning to trust you, the baby learns you will be there for him/her by you holding her and cuddling her/him and feeding her/him. The baby learns to trust by BONDING. There is such thing as spoiling a baby, you are TEACHING the baby, that you love them and will protect them and that you will be there when they need you. Spoiling isnt the right term ,better terms are bonding,loving,teaching.A baby is only a baby for a very short time, one day that baby wont want to be held or cry for you, one day that baby will be a grownup. Just enjoying your baby and don't worry about if you are "spoiling them", because your arent, you are giving them love.

Angella - posted on 10/28/2009

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No! A child that young can not be spoiled. At that age the only thing he/she needs is food, changed, cleaned, sleep, attention, love, and you. And lots of it. Anything else the baby does not care about anyway.

Nia - posted on 10/28/2009

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Quoting na:

no way!! they aren't old enough to realize what's going on or will remember.


you may think they dont understand, but trust me they do, well mine did. And they may not remember it but they'll have that spoiled mentality stuck in them that came from being spoil from birth.

Nia - posted on 10/28/2009

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Yes you can spoil an infant, I used to spoil my daughter and I notice that she became needy acting so I stopped, only holding her when its needed. And she picked up on that so know she's with her grammy and papa and she's gets whatever she wants even the food they're eating!

Ashley - posted on 10/27/2009

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yes u can my childs father did it to him. now he can not move with out my son.

Lyndsay - posted on 10/27/2009

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I don't really think that you can "spoil" them... but you can inadvertently reinforce behaviours that might become problematic later on. For an example... in my opinion you do not need to hold a baby all of the time, and if you do they will become dependent on that and eventually that is going to make it hard to ever get anything else done.

Tina - posted on 10/27/2009

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the only "spoiling" you can do is by holding them all the time. i made that choice with my first son and it came back to bite me in the butt. i am going to give you the best advice i received when my son was born; my mom told me "that is YOUR baby and you do what you feel is right for that baby. if you want to hold him all the time and snuggle with him, then that is your business. nobody else has to raise the baby but you and you are the one that has to go to sleep at night feeling confident that you did everything you could to take care of the baby". just remember...that is your baby and your choices

Michelle - posted on 10/27/2009

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No!!! You can't not spoil a baby! They look to you for everything they need. Whoever told u this needs to get with the program!

[deleted account]

"spoiling" doesn't really work on kids that young because they have no concept of what it can get them or how to get "spoiled" again through manipulation. Its like when people say you'll "spoil" them by holding them too much. total bull.

Amanda - posted on 10/27/2009

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I was asking myself the same question with my 2 month old. He is advancing pretty quickly and my partner was thinking we should start trying to let him "cry it out" or create some distance so he could comfort himself, but personally I believe until 4 months a baby feels helpless and you are his means of coordination. You make him feel secure and loved. Also there are a few different kinds of spoiled, the manipulative kind that feel entitled and the loved upon kind that is overly used to attention. I'd say the latter is beneficial to them in the first few months so they can thrive. In the old days, families basically lived in one room and babies were rarely not held, I believe people were emotionally healthier back then than now, not to mention the mother had to breast feed at every feeding which created an even greater sense of intimacy. I'll take my lead from them and say the closer your baby is to you, the better.

Aideen - posted on 10/27/2009

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nope! love then and give them what they need. keep them safe and cuddle as much as you can. As they get a bit bigger you need to start playing with them too (not just providing the toys)...lots of interaction with you now will mean you have a happy and secure child later on. Start on peek a boo soon! Do not expect to be able to put your baby down for an hour (except for naps) for quite a while. It gets worse before it gets better! But it's al wort the efffort to have a child who is secure and has started out being able to form a healthy attachment to you. They get so independent in such a short few years you'll be wishing they wanted to spend 10 mins in your arms! :) enjoy!

Stephanie - posted on 10/27/2009

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if you are holding your baby and responding to their demands you are not spoiling you are instilling trust which is necessary for appropriate growth and development. This is straight out of a medical text book.

Jessica - posted on 10/27/2009

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NO,AT THAT AGE they don't know the difference between wanting and needing! They need you all the time for many different things and if you give them what they need they will learn that you are there for them... that's not spoiling.

Alana - posted on 10/27/2009

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my daughter isn't that old yet but no i dont think u can spoil a baby at that age after all they dont really understand whats goin on yet

Ashley - posted on 10/26/2009

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yes yes and yes omg my son is 4 months and hes been spoiled since day one i swear i shoulda listened to my mom when she said not to hold him all the time

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2009

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i do believe that it is the book what to expect when ur expecting says that u cannot spoil a child before they are a year old and in some concepts they are right but i do believe that when it comes to hold a baby more they have tummy time or they play with out bein in mommy or daddys arms is a crock. i will admitt that i have three wonderful children and all three of them were "spoiled" i held them more then i didnt when they were babies and when u go to put them down they do cry. i always said wit the next that i wasnt gonna do the same thing. its in ur nature to hold them. i dnt think there is ne thing wrong with it. if u feel that u need to hold them hold them.

Megan - posted on 10/26/2009

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This is very true. My son was held sooo much by my mom everyday. His other grandmother swore up and down because he was spoiled by her holding him so much. The thing is that my friends son was held just as much and doesnt make a peep when he is put down. My son now never wants to be held but until he was 11 months old that is all he wanted. I think that they need that love and affection when they are as little as 3 months. They need to get that bond with their parent. Whoever said it was about personality is 100 percent true. The only thing that should be your main focus right now is tending to that babys every need and giving them all the love and affection that you possibly can. Get that bond between the two of you so strong that young that when they grow to be around 1 they are no attached to your hip. If they feel that strong bond between the 2 of you then they will be more fascinated with observing the surroundings than to worry about you holding them.

Amanda - posted on 10/26/2009

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I wouldnt call it "spoiling" but i will give you a tip i didnt listen to when i had my first son who is going on three now. When people tell you dont hold them all the time or to much they are right. i went through h*** when my son was 9 months old. he was so use to mom all the time and always holding him when tears came that i couldnt even face away from him screaming bloody murder like he was hurt. i couldnt even go pee without him in there. so i guess what im saying is love your baby but it is ok to let them cry now and then and i learned with my second the less you hold them the more independent they become!!!! HOPE IT HELPS

Jennifer - posted on 10/26/2009

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Quoting Kristen:

"spoiling" doesn't really work on kids that young because they have no concept of what it can get them or how to get "spoiled" again through manipulation. Its like when people say you'll "spoil" them by holding them too much. total bull.



i totally aree that it is literally impossible to spoil a baby that young. they don't learn the concept of cause and effect until they are like 9 or 10 months old... so they can't manipulate yet.  as for those babies who cry when they are put down, they are probably just afraid of being let go right now and they need the saftey of someone being there, until they are comfortable enough to start self soothing. it will get better with time i'm sure. or they might just haved colic and if that is the case, then definatly talk to your pediatrician about it.  they do have personalities,but insecurity is not manipulation.

Katherine - posted on 10/26/2009

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No, you can't spoil them. They don't even know the concept of it. There are two kinds of spoilage. One is through manipulation, and your baby obviously can't do such a thing. The second kind is being spoiled simply because you are you. My three year old daughter is 100% spoiled, and she does NOT manipulate anyone to get that! She obeys everything promptly, cleans up her toys before bedtime, eats most of her food, and is pretty much the perfect child. As long as she does that, she can and will be spoiled. However, whining, manipulation and such .... the spoilage is abruptly cut off. My three older children knows this, and I hold my last child up as an example of a good reason why a person should be spoiled/rewarded. I just hope THEY get it through their thick skulls that obeying your parents and doing what is right... gets what they want.

Dagny - posted on 10/26/2009

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No you can't especially not with love and affection, they really need as much as they can get in the first year.

Lori - posted on 10/26/2009

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absolutely not,babies need all the love and attention u can give them,u can not spoil ur 3 month old,some babies need more attention than others....

Aimee - posted on 10/26/2009

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Spoiled at 3 months? Nope. Babies at that age need all the love they can get! Feed them, take care of them, hold them, and play with them, do whatever to make them happy. Afterall isn't that why we have them? :-)

Nicole - posted on 10/26/2009

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No! Giving a child love, affection, attention and affirmation has zero neritive side affects :)

Sherry - posted on 10/26/2009

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Yes, you can spoil a 3 month old even though they say that they have no concept of what is going on.. thats a lie because my daughter ...a proven fact... i would hold her all the time and bounce her all the time and she got so use to it (spoiled) that she wanted to be held and bounced all the time. Even though they are little babies, you can still spoil at baby, no matter what age it is.

Calondria - posted on 10/26/2009

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I don' t think that you can spoil a three month old. I think that babies are so used to being in the comfort of another person. I was told that it is good to hold a baby because it shows them how to be affectionate.

Justina - posted on 10/26/2009

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Never.... Babies need all the love you can give them! Just do what you feel is right for you and your baby, don't worry about what other ppl have to say cause they will never stop! I think it is impossible to spoil a 3 month old, if that is what ppl call it than spoil away!!!!

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