Cant tell daughter that live in boyfriend who is away is never coming back

Melissa - posted on 03/09/2009

Thank you all for the advice.. I appreciate. Your right I should have told her alot sooner. I just didnt want her hurt. I think now I will tell her. Everything will work out for the best I can feel it. Thank you all. I really like these message boards. It is nice to talk and hear from other moms.

Ardra - posted on 03/05/2009

My mom had a rule if they ask you must tell them the trith but not more than they neen to know!

Claire - posted on 03/05/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Cant tell daughter that live in boyfriend who is away is never coming back

Usually I dont bring boyfriends around my daughter, who is 4 about to be 5. But last November I was dating a guy who was coming around alot to see me at night, no big deal. He saw her occasionally and they got along. Then in February I got really sick and had to move states he was basically living with me then, he was basically living with me anyway, he was basically living with me helping me get to college classes and take care of daughter. So when I had to move he really wanted to come. Now a year later to the day I went in the hospital I broke up with him. Once I was over being sick. He didnt give any effort to start trying to get to know me again, or communicate with me like people should in a relationship. It had all become a routine. Well when he left to go to a school for the air force things got worse and I suspected him of cheating and I found records and evidence of a realtionship with a woman I didnt know about. So I broke it off. Now he is still down there. Problem is in the time I was sick and the time that we were in our routine my little girl, who he paid as much attention to as I now see that he felt he had to keep me satisfied, is in love with him. She thought we were going to get married, and never having a dad wanted him to be her dad. My heart breaks for her. I just dont know what to do, or what to tell her when the time is right.

That's really tough for you to deal with, sorry to hear.

I am unmarried, my pregnancy was unplanned, I am in a relationship with the father but, it has taken time for him to come round to the fact he's going to have a kid and not as much self - freedom anymore.. I hope my relationship will last, but there are no guarantees because it has already been tough.

I would def' agree that telling your daughter as soon as poss' is the right thing to do, however distressing for both of you, when it comes down to it, you WILL know the right thing to say, worrying about the wording won't help, you're her Mum and she loves you, you love her and that is the most important thing and I'm sure she will come to terms, it might just take a little while..

Claire .

Amanda - posted on 03/05/2009

I was married to a man who is not my first son's father. When we decided to get a divorce, my oldest son was about 3. he asked me "Mommy where's Mike?" I simply told him, "Jacob, Mike was not being very nice to Mommy anymore, and he is not our friend anymore. So, I don't think you will be seeing him anymore." That was the end of it, he never asked me again. I even had a child after Jacob with my x-husband. he did not contact me for nine months to see his own child (when he had to pay child support) By that time, Jacob did not care why he wasn't gettting to go with Mike. now jared goes to his dad's house every weekend. Jacob doesn't even question it, or ask to go. It is hard to tell them. However, in the long run, "Honesty is the Best Policy!"

Deborah - posted on 03/05/2009

Tell her right away! The longer you drag it out, the more upsetting it's going to be for BOTH of you!

Stephanie - posted on 03/04/2009

Tell her now. Things just don't work out but the right guy is out there for the both of you and he will be the husband you need and the father she needs.

Rachel - posted on 03/04/2009

I agree with jennifer

Nicole - posted on 03/04/2009

i would tell her. i think she is old enough to understand that he isnt comming back and that there maybe others that come through your lives.

Jennifer - posted on 03/04/2009

I think you should tell her right aways that he's not coming back.  If you make up a story she won't trust you in the future.  Explain to her that although she may not understand it right now that adult relationships are complicated.  He was a good friend who was there when you needed him but he wasn't the true love that was meant to be.  Like prince charming and cinderella or something.  She will definitely need time to adjust but she'll figure it out sooner than later when he doesnt come back.  I'm really sorry for what you are going through and I hope this helps.