Caught my boyfriend of almost 5 yrs cheating !!!

Monica - posted on 05/05/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )

10

0

1

Hello Ladies,

Im so sorry that this post might be too long but I could really use your advice. If you dont mind, Pls read and give me your honest opinons.

Well, My ex and I met when we were in high school and we will make 5 yrs together soon. When we first got together, I always heard rumors of him seeing someone else but i never believed it until i caught him in action. We were always on and off. When i just graduated high school, I found out i was pregnant and clearly was not thinking things througly so i got an abortion which i regret so much. After all this I went staright to college and wanted to do my own thing and didnt want to get hurt again so i broke up with my bf and tried to focus on me. During this time, I eventually started seeing someone else and he eventually started dating someone else too. while we were seperated he would always try and work things out. It took me so long to forgive him for cheating but eventually i realized that there was no one else i wanted to be with but him so we got back together. A month after we got back together I found out that the girl he was dating while we werent together was pregnant. I was so mad because me and him were together for two years. I felt like it was all my fault that we were in that situation. We broke up for a while and soon started talking again because we both thought that it was a mistake and we couldnt just let go of eachother again and he would tell me that i was such a good person that he did not want to loose me again. After i had forgiven him for getting her pregnant, i caught him plenty of times cheating on me. Going back and forth between me and her. He would tell me he was just confused, He doesnt feel love for her but she was threating him about not seeing the baby when she was born. Of course, I tried to look at it from his point of view and understood how he might be confused, So i always took him back.

So here is where the story gets even more crazier. Last Oct. I found out i was pregnant again. I was so mad because i thought how can i get pregnant too knowing he has a kid on the way already. I was so mad, I thought about abortion again. Once I tried to calm down, I knew i did not want to feel the regret like i did from the first abortion. So ive decided to keep it. When he found out i was pregnant, he told the other girl about me the same day and we decided no more drama it was either me or her and he choose me. When we decided to be together, My bf decided to go get my name tattooed on him and suprise me. When she found out about him getting my name on him, she decided to move to Calafornia. Me and him did good the first 6 months of my pregnancy until the other baby was born!
As soon as he found out his daughter was born, he wanted to take a plane over there and see her. I tried to trust him and let him go even though i was so scared. When he came back home i knew something was up and eventually i found out that he told her he wanted to be with her and not me and that they had sex. He even told me, Im going to cover up your name and move to cali.

Im 7 months pregnant now, he has contacted me and blammed me for why we broke up again. He said i would argue with him too much. My response to him was, Everyone argues. I tried trusting you visitng your daughter and her but you let me down. No relationship is perfect, but that did not give you the right to sleep with her. He started going on about he doesnt know why he is with her and he thinks its becuase hes scared she might not bring the baby down to see him. That he wants to be with me but he doesnt know how too. He said he did not want to move to cali and he never did cover up my name because he had everything he needed down here. So i tried one last time to work things out with him. I asked him is he sure he wants to be with her, and he said he loves me but he couldnt answer anything right now. and just yesterday i found out from his mom that she came down with the baby and she isnt too sure if she will be living here again or if she was just visiting. (his mom cant stand this girl) so she tells me a lot. She told me, i can tell he still cares about you. He is just confused. She even said that he doesnt think he will be happy with her that he was always happy with me. But it was my decesion weather i wanted to wait for him or just move on.

We have been broken off for a month now and i miss him so much. I feel like its just a cycle. I feel like he is eventually going to try and work things out with me again since we are always on and off but i could never be too sure. There is this part of me that just says let him be and move on but then again this is what i always wanted with him. For us to have a future together and have a family and soon get married. At least thats what we have always talked about. Im just so tired of gettin hurt ! I just dont want him trying to come back all of a sudden again when our son is born too !

I guess my questions are.. What do you think is going through his head? Do you think he is really over me? or is this real love? and if he did come back should i give him another chance? In the back of my mind I think in order for him to stop playing games with me, i have to move on. But if i move and if he does notice that i finally stop callin him. He might catch on and call and tell me things to make me more confused. I wouldnt want to answer any calls or txts even if its about the baby, just to help me move on. But, would that make me look like the bad person? I dont want to keep his son away from him but i really just feel like its best if i do not take any calls or txts from him at all. I was just thinking of letting him know after the baby is born. What do you guys think?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Louise - posted on 05/06/2012

5,429

69

2296

Cut this arsehole out of your life for good! He has used you and this other woman. He is NEVER going to change. If you want a life of misery then let him back into your life so he can trample on your heart again. I don't think so. Do not answer texts or the phone to him. Tell his mother when the baby is born. If he wants to visit fine, but dont fall for his crap again. He needs to grow up he is a father of two kids! Take him to court for maintenance and then find a nice bloke who loves you, and you only. You deserve much better than this, and so does your son. NEVER take him back. I know your hurting now but in a years time you could be happy with somebody new and have a happy little complete family. No stress, no affairs, no cheating, just pure honest love.

Mabel - posted on 05/05/2012

785

60

26

I am sorry you are going through this and I will tell you that if he truely cared about you and that baby...there would be no confusion.He has his cake and he is having the best of both worlds.Move on honey and find someone better.

[deleted account]

The only contact you should have with this guy is about your son. If he textes you about your doc apt then you say what the doc said. If he ask you anything else other than your baby or pregnancy you tell him

"Listen you don't need to know how my day is going or what I'm doing. What me and you need to focus is our baby nothing further than this. Me and you are finished and the only interaction we have is mainly what's best for our son. What's best for me it's being a single mother and moving on. You don't need to know about my life is like I don't need to know about yours. Our only focus and ONLY talks or important decisions IS regarding our son. OK Let's get this clear."

That's when he contacts you like you say he knows your doc apt. You don't need closure. I think you had enough of this douche bag.

The best way to communicate really is through text which is better than face to face or through phone.

Terri - posted on 05/05/2012

1

4

0

i am so sorry but as poeple dont like who u like,like who likes u a word of advice other wise u will get hurt....
..

Medic - posted on 05/05/2012

3,922

19

550

Why would you even play that game? Just move on and be done with him. If he cares oh so much then he can call and check on the baby.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

17 Comments

View replies by

Natalie - posted on 05/30/2013

11

0

0

Get rid!!!! Your worth so much more than that life!!!! Have your baby be strong an you will soon forget about him when baby's here you be that busy :-) dont wait for a person that never respected you! Kick him to the curb an go an find your mr right!!!! Don't ever ever be second best an a second option for no man! If he cared he won't have did that to you.

An as for the other woman tell her she is happy to him he will come running to you when you have had the baby an you want to stand proud an say I'm sorry I've got over you an I don't wanna see you anymore! Be strong you can do this dont be a door mat be counted xxxx

[deleted account]

OK I am going to tell you this just straight and not sugar coat it YOU ARE GETTING PLAYED!!! He is NOT confuse. He wants to have both worlds. I think he would be happy if you and the other girl gets together and have a 3some. How is this confusion Did you read what you just wrote. This been going on for 5 YEARS!!!!! Like for real how confuse could his mind be. You should move on if he wants to see your son let him but nothing of interacting with him.or him flirting with you or asking for forgiveness. This is not BK he can't have it his way. Is either her or you That's it. How dare him blame you for anything. You didn't tell him to get up and move to Cali. He is putting the blame on you because he don't want to accept his actions. I'm pretty sure he is telling the other girl the same thing.



If I was in your shoes I would just tell him to stop with his BS and be a man and that's all and that I made his decision for him. I made my mind of not being with him. If he wants you back that's too bad because he played this run around for 5 years and the game had to be put to a stop. Let him feel like nothing. He deserves it. I myself wouldn't be second plate to no one. For 5 yrs Hell no!!!! That's wasting your time on being cheated. God forbid this chick had a disease and he's clawing back to you. Who knows when he gets into an argument with her he goes to you.

Kelly - posted on 05/05/2012

281

0

38

Good thing you are not already married to the loser. He will ALWAYS be a cheater so if you are ok with that then contine to tell yourself whatever it is you want to hear and dive in. You will eventually pay for that choice and so will your child. Having a hard time thinking you are even considering staying with the idiot.

Monica - posted on 05/05/2012

10

0

1

He doesnt have email. So im pretty much stuck !

I really want to let him know that I found out that she came down and that Ive decided to just let me and him go and keep it about the baby. I guess kind of for closure for myself. What do you ladies think ? Do you think it will do me any good or will it be just a waste?

Dove - posted on 05/05/2012

5,474

0

1331

If you both have email maybe you can keep all contact about your child done that way. Then you wouldn't have to hear his voice for a while, but he can still get updates about the baby.

Katherine - posted on 05/05/2012

65,420

232

4849

If he wants to be in his sons life, let him. If not then move on. Unfortunately now that you have a baby with him, you're going to have to be bound to him possibly for the rest of your life, unless he cuts all ties.......

Monica - posted on 05/05/2012

10

0

1

Thanks everyone ! I really do want to do whats best for Me and My son ! I want to get everything all settled before he is born ! Even though I may be realising some thing way too late.

I do have to ask though, Do you think it would be bad to cut off all contact with him. Even if it is about our son. For example, He knows i have a dr's appt. This coming monday with the high risk Dr's and he might call or txt me to see how things went. But as much as i want to be with him, i know that if i need to move on i dont even want to hear his voice. I want to be the better person, I dont want to be known as the mom who wont let him know about his own son.

Katherine - posted on 05/05/2012

65,420

232

4849

Move on for sure. There is no reason to stay with this jerk. He obviously can't decide what he wants. I say no more chances!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms