Contest Funny jokes /stories

Melissa - posted on 08/18/2009 ( 106 moms have responded )

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This will be a contest post your funny jokes/ stories here then other members can choose if they are FUNNY by clicking on the funny choice down below you will see it along with Helpful, Nice then choose FUNNY if you think it deserves your vote of course you can choose as many FUNNY as you like. Lets have fun! I wonder who is funnier?



Credit for this idea goes to

Jackie Zeigler



Thanks Jackie

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Katy - posted on 12/18/2009

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A rope walks into a bar, looks at the bartender and says " get me a beer!" Bartender replies, " I'm sorry but we dont serve ropes." So the rope walks out of the bar and sees a guy walking his way, he asks the guy to tie him into a knot and frey the ends. The guy does so. The rope walks back into the bar, looks at the bartender and says, "get me a beer!" Bartender replies, "aren't you that rope that was just in here?" The rope replies, " I'm freyed knot!" Lol! ( for those who didnt get it, freyed knot= afraid not!)

Rena - posted on 12/17/2009

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My daughter was about two weeks old and my mother had just feed her, so I asked her if she need a diaper change. My mother moved my daughter up eye level and peeked in the side of her diaper before she could close the diaper my daughter farted so loud I could hear it across the room. It was soo funny and my mother's face turned red and laughed. My daughter still remains the only grandkid who has fart in her face.

Melissa - posted on 12/17/2009

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i took my kids to Wendys for lunch as a special treat, my two oldest ordered their meals and asked if they could have a frosty to drink, I said sure then turned around to my 3 yr old and asked what he would like to eat....he responded "chicken nuggets and a snowman!!!!" I couldnt stop laughing when i realized what he meant!!

Ashley - posted on 12/10/2009

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My husband was telling me how one of his friends (it was a girl) worked at an IHOP in N.C. on Cox, and whenever someone called, the employees would answer the phone saying, "IHOP on Cox." (I hop on cocks)

Ashley - posted on 12/10/2009

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Quoting Scarlett:

This has to be one of the funniest and most God-awful scenarios I have ever heard of... Bless this woman!!!

All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... The Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner; played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet?"
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
OK... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!
With my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the bikini line, covering the right half of my women spot and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
I'm Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. AHHHH Another deep breath and RRIIPP... Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums????? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it!
Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair... The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Women spot? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? *WRONG!!!!*
I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man what convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me as my hand reaches towards the saving grace... The lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care!!
"IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice, to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color . . . . . .


i laughed my ass off all the way through this.

Amanda - posted on 12/10/2009

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From my 4yr old neice ~



"How do you make a kleenex dance??"



"You put a lil boogie in it.."

Angela - posted on 12/08/2009

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About a month ago i pulled out the snow suit I bought for my son who is now 3 to try it on and make sure it still fits. Well after the ordeal of wrangling a 3 year old maniac into the snow suit he's devestated because we dont' have any snow yet to play in. For about 5 minutes this is all i hear "my want to play in the snow pleeeaaassseee mommy" Well I try to rationalize with him (my big mistake) "honey we don't have any snow yet, we just had to make sure your snow suit fits that way when we do get snow you can play in it, I promise i will take you out when we get snow". So the compassionate little man he is, is ok with this as he asks me "but mommy what will you wear?" I tell him I don't know yet I'll figure something out before now and then. and I quote " It's ok mommy I'll carry you but first you need to get small like me". Gotta love the stuff they come up with.

[deleted account]

a few weeks after my daughter was born, my son(2yrs old) was in dire need of mommy time being he is a big mama's boy. this was the conversation we had:
Mommy: are you mama's baby?
Son: Nope
Mommy: are you mama's big boy?
Son: hmm....nope!
Mommy: then what are you honey?
Son: I DOMNIK MOMMY!!

Alysha - posted on 12/06/2009

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The other day my two yr old was getting into my make up and I was getting on to her. She said in the sweetest and quietest voice "mommy, you need to be quiet. Don't be loud you will wake my baby up (baby doll).

Tara - posted on 12/03/2009

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Quoting deidre:

At our house, the bathroom may as well not have a door. No matter who is using it or what they are doing, who ever comes in when ever they feel like it. It was that time of the month for me and I was using the bathroom. My three year old son walked in and I ask him if I could have some privacy. He said yes and shut the bathroom door. I said "no buddy, I need privacy by myself." He says (opening the closet door) "I'm getting it mommy" and hands me a tampon! I thought I was going to die! He didn't know what it was for just that I needed "privacy" to use it. It's amazing the things kids come up with in their little minds.



 



I had a similar experience with my little boy. He walked in and asked, confussed. "Mummy, why are you wearing a nappy? And why is your poo red!?" It took me a while to think up a reply!





 

Tara - posted on 12/03/2009

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My 3 year old son became fixated by his willy and would play with it wherever we went. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't nice to keep touching his willy when he is in public and he seemed to understand. A few days later we were in the busy supermarket, when I noticed my flies were down. As I tried to discreetly sort it out, my son announced at the top of his voice "Mummy, stop playing with your willy!"



It got worse when I tried to explain the difference between boys and girls. He would tell everyone we met "I've got a willy but my mummy hasn't got a willy."

Heather - posted on 12/02/2009

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yea i had to do the same thing too my son was a couple months old and i was driving for 24 hrs... and had to pee so i went to a gas station and sat him on my lap i dont know how but i managed to pee wipe pull up and zip my pants all while holding a baby :)

Ayana - posted on 11/28/2009

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Just a few compilations of some funny and highly embarrassing things my boys have said:

Child gets into a van and notices severely sun burnt Caucasian gentleman. Child declares “you’re orange.” Gentleman says “pardon me?” child repeats matter-of-factly “I said you’re orange!”
Gentleman erupts into laughter and tells child “you’re quite right!”


Mother and child at the bus stop when a van pulls up and the conductor beckons to the mother by saying “sweetheart you want a van?” Child says to man “my mummy is not a sweetheart. Who you calling sweetheart? My mummy is a lady!” Conductor’s face fills with shame and he quietly gets back into van.


Mother and two boys walking the street when a man approaches her inquiring if the children are hers. Before she can reply he tells her that he wants to marry her and be children’s stepfather. First boy declares “you can’t marry my mommy, you would go to jail.” Second child abruptly and loudly tells the man “you’re a joker!”


Two brothers aged five and six years are having a discussion about skin colour. Six year old brother says he is brown. Five year old brother who is light skinned in complexion asks his six year old brother what colour he is. His brother matter-of-factly tells him “you’re orange!” Five year old dissolves into tears and screams for their mother.

Mother and two boys are on their way home in a van when they pass a street that smells like sewage. Five year old asks his six year old brother. “Who Poop?” Brother says he doesn’t know. Five year old declares loudly in van “Maybe it’s mommy. Uh uh! Mommy poop!”


Four and three year old at bus stop with their mother and two of their preschool teachers. One of the teachers is a plus sized lady. Bus approaches and four year old says “Bus coming but auntie(his teacher) can’t get in cause she too big.” Said auntie erupts into laughter as mother clamps a hand over child’s mouth and wishes for a hole to swallow her.

Mother collects her two sons from school on a very rainy afternoon. She notices that her six year old’s school shoes are a little muddy but his clothes are clean. She compliments him on this, whereupon her six year old says to her in a very serious tone “Mommy, your shoes are a little dirty but your clothes are clean. I am very proud of you mommy!”

Six year old boy informs mother he received lashes at school from the Principal for destroying his teacher’s cassette tape. Mother is upset that he did this and threatens to give him lashes for it too. Six year old informs her “ But mommy, I get lashes at school already. You should not beat me.”

Paulina - posted on 11/28/2009

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my little one eddy and i where at the grocery store we where going into an aile and the a man walked by no deorant and my little boy yells " mom he stinks and needs a bath" the store of course was crowed i turned red just grabbed him and started walking away.

Melissa - posted on 11/28/2009

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My daugher just turned 4 and her older brother is teacher her to write her name. So far she knows how to write the letter K. Well, about a week ago she had taken her chalk and wrote (on our front door) KKK and of course it was about 2 feet off the ground so i didn't see it for about 5 days... I was mortified to think about what the neighbors thought!!!! Thank goodness she wrote in chalk!

Nedaa - posted on 11/28/2009

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Quoting Janet:

My 2 year old stuck 2 Always pads to her hands and came running out of the bathroom yelling "I'M A CRAB"


This is so funny i actually LOL hhhhh ...

Jennifer - posted on 11/27/2009

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My son was learning to use the potty and he caught me in the bathroom finishing and asked.... mommy wheres your wee wee?

Kasey - posted on 11/22/2009

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Tonight after I put my 19 month old in her pj's, we started watching the AMA's. So, she grabs her little chair and puts it in place. Then grabs her popcorn tin (5gallon and emty) and puts it in front of the chair, then she sits in her chair and props her feet up on the tin. I started cracking up. I took pics. It was hillarious. Now everytime I tell her to put her feet up she does that. LOL

MAYTE - posted on 11/16/2009

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WELL WE WERE LOOKING FOR MOVIES ON THE ON THE COMCASTON DEMAND AND MY HUSBAND SAID LOOK WE CAN ORDER PLAY BOY TO.....SO MY 6YR OLD HEARD AND ASKED ME MOMMY WHATS PLAYBOY? SO I TOLD HIM SCARY MOVIES...AFTER THAT HE DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND WE WENT ON TO WATCH A SCARY MOVIE WELL THE NEXT DAY WE WENT TO MYMOMS HOUSE AND HE BLURRED OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE GRANDMA GRANDMA WE WERE ALL WATCHING PLAYBOY LAST NIGHT...OMG WE WERE SO EMBERESSED...NET TIME ILL TELL HIM HTE TRUTH I JUST HOME HE DONT GO ON AND SAY THIS AT SCHOOL...

Renee - posted on 11/15/2009

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My twin nephews were 5 years old when they had a baby sister born. They asked their Mom where her penis was. My sister explained that little girls don't have a penis. Then they stated that she would grow hers when she turned 3 years old.

[deleted account]

DURING THE TIME THAT HURRICANE CHARLIE HIT FLORIDA IN 2003, WHILE SITTING IN MY SISTERS LIVING ROOM PLAYING A GAME OF UNO WITH MY NIECES & NEPHEWS WAITING FOR THE RAIN TO STOP. A HUGE FLY CAME IN THRU THE WINDOW, THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IT CAME TOWARDS ME SWIRLING AROUND MY HEAD. (MY HEAD IS PRETTY ROUND) SO THE FLY WAS LITERALLY GOING AROUND IT. WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN MY NEPHEWS DROPS HIS CARDS, POINTS TO MY HEAD AND SAYS OUT LOUD " HEY GUYS! LOOK! THE FLY DISCOVERED A NEW PLANET! BUZZZ TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!") EVERY ONE FELL OVER LAUGHING AS THE FLY CONTINUOUSLY FLEW AROUND MY HEAD. TILL THIS DAY THEY WONT LET ME FOR GET THAT ONE!

Janet - posted on 11/13/2009

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My 2 year old stuck 2 Always pads to her hands and came running out of the bathroom yelling "I'M A CRAB"

Madeleine - posted on 11/12/2009

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Whoever this guy is he has a definite message for you
Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. Needless to say, this was way too cool.
Cut a long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. fokall! I was so disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her LG convection oven.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? Yah.
There I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently, the trusting little soul, while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Kitty for a fraction of a second, but thought better of it.
She is such a sweet cat and, as most of you already know, hell hath no fury like a cat pissed off. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and my CHEETHA supporter jersey, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries thinking to myself "no
flippin' way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head tilted to one side as if to say, "don't do it, you stupid man," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thingy couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF @@@!!!!, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, CRAP ON A STICK, @&$ ME GEORGE!!!!! I'm pretty sure THE BLUE BULLS TEAM ran in through the side door, picked me up, body slammed me on the carpet over and over and over again and then slammed the recliner over my head as a just for fun.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet smelling like piss, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and pins and needles in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again you stupid d00s!"
Please take this from the voice of experience - there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!!!!. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! Three second burst would be considered conservative. A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent and forlorn reading glasses were hanging miserably on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and judging by how my jaw hung listlessly, my bottom lip must have weighed 88 lbs.
By the way, at this point my testicles, feeling like they withdrew into my body somewhere around my ribcage, are still waiting for the all clear signal to emerge from the bomb shelter. Now I know how Tom Hanks' character felt when he had to go search for Private Ryan. I felt like I should offer a significant reward for their safe return. Even now, I experience shrinkage when I plug anything into the socket.
So if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a tazer to test it, take my advice! Repeat after me...here, kitty kitty ...

Madeleine - posted on 11/12/2009

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My daughter has had a constipation problem all 3 years of her live. Now when she goes to the toilet for a poop, she will tell me her poop has woken up. Other wise it will be asleep and won't come out.

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

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I have live in a household of boys. I have a 2 and 6 yr old boys and a hubby. Well my 2 yr old is really learning to talk and tell the difference in things. The other day I went to the bathroom for a potty break. Well my 2 yr old follows me everywhere. As I stood to pull my pants up he points and says "its broke" Lol Thats how he tells the difference between boy and girl. lol.

[deleted account]

i was sitting on the computer one evening and my children were watching cartoons before bed, when i looked over to see my son (age 4) playing with himself... I asked him what he was doing and his very animated response was, "well my penis just popped up so i was trying to put it back down." I broke down in a hysterical laugh not quite knowing what to say to him...LOL!

Amanda - posted on 11/10/2009

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My daughter turned three just 8 days after her brother was born. We new she would be watching us change diapers and give baths so we decided to tell her how girls have vaginas and boys have a penis. Well a few weeks past and it looked like she got the concept, till one day when she was watching me bath her brother and she shrieked " Ewwwww, mommy you forgot to wipe on his poop" Thats when I realized that we forgot to clarify the "stuff" that goes along with the penis...

Linda - posted on 11/09/2009

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I have a 2 almost 3yr old little girl. I also have a friend who has a 3 month old little boy. My friend came over to visit one day and as happens with babies he needed a diaper change. So while my friend is changing him my 2 yr old is watching intently and as soon as my friend goes to close the new diaper up my daughter leans down pulls the diaper back looks up at me and goes "mommy look!!!! him have a tail!!!!!!"
hope it made you laugh

Amanda - posted on 11/09/2009

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two days ago while having Sunday dinner at my parents my 4 year old was listening to a conversation between my parents regarding feeding table scrap to the dog. My mom says " Don't give the fat to her it'll make her sick"
" Why " asks my son.
" Because fat is not healthy " she says.
" My mommy is fat " he replies. I'm sitting next to him and try not to laugh while I say.
" Gee thanks sweetie"
Now he looks at me with the proudest smile and says " Your Welcome".

Michelle - posted on 11/09/2009

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this happened the other day to me, ...
i was making me and my 18 month old son a sandwich, when i had to go answer the door, befor i got back to the kitchen i herd the draws being opened and closed,and as i walk through the livind room, see my son sat on the floor with a spoon in the jar of paste i had left on the kitchen side!! he ate the whole jar sat on the kitchen floor, and he even shared it with the cat, but there was no way in hell he was going to give it me back! i had to laugh as he even got himself a spoon from the draw!!!!!

Jamie - posted on 11/09/2009

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i'm sitting in the living room and i dont here robbie making his usual noise so i go to check on him he's not in his room so i look in the bathroom and he is sitting on the potty. i ask him whats wrong and he looks at me and says the poop wont come out, mommy i havent a hard time rub my back. i laughed so hard i dont know where he got that from

Kristy - posted on 11/07/2009

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I was at the doctors office last week for my daughters six month check up. there were about five other people in the waiting room and it was really quit and thats when my 3 year old son says 'mommy i dont have time for this'. I guess he's listening when i talk cause i say that all the time!

Deidre - posted on 11/07/2009

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That's so true! Just because we think we are being clear to them doesn't mean we are getting our whole point across. One day my son ask for something and I got it for him. Sarcastically, I said no need to say thank you. A moment later when he didn't, I said if your not going to use your manners, than maybe you should go in your room and think about it. His response was, but you said I didn't need to say thank you. Ha ha. He had me then because that was exactly what I said. Sometimes I think they know exactly what they're doing :)

Deidre - posted on 11/07/2009

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At our house, the bathroom may as well not have a door. No matter who is using it or what they are doing, who ever comes in when ever they feel like it. It was that time of the month for me and I was using the bathroom. My three year old son walked in and I ask him if I could have some privacy. He said yes and shut the bathroom door. I said "no buddy, I need privacy by myself." He says (opening the closet door) "I'm getting it mommy" and hands me a tampon! I thought I was going to die! He didn't know what it was for just that I needed "privacy" to use it. It's amazing the things kids come up with in their little minds.

Diana - posted on 11/06/2009

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MY DAUGHTER HAD A PROBLEM TELLING THE TRUTH, SO I TOLD HER THE STORY ABOUT THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF. ONE DAY I WAS LISTENING TO HER AND HER FRIEND SHE IS JUST LIEING HER BEHIND OFF. I CALLED HER TO THE SIDE NOT TO EMBARESS HER AND TOLD HER TY'ANA (5) WHAT DID MOMMY SAY ABOUT LIEING. AND SHE TELLS ME " I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT LIEING BUT YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TELLING STORIES, U DID IT REMEMBER THE LITTLE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF". QUESS SHE GOT ME THERE. NOW I CLARIFY WHAT LESSONS I TEACH HER.

Nicole - posted on 11/05/2009

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My 4 yr old son is very independant and one day walked past me and fell down i looked at him and he said "Hey there you are ive been looking for you i have something i need to tell you" so i said "ok what" he proceeds by saying" I need a little brother I have minions at school but none at home " so I said "okay i will get right on that" he gets up points at me and says"yes you do that ok" and walks off into his room

Billie - posted on 11/04/2009

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you now your mother when you go to college with your child attached to your hip and sit in class and the child is making noises more than the teacher and they just go on teaching

Autum - posted on 11/02/2009

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We went to eat at chili's with my family and my youngest(4) ordered Mac-n-cheese.

When the waiter asked him how it tasted me said " It taste like nothing"

Autum - posted on 11/02/2009

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We went tick or treating and I had to explain to my two boys that they were not allowed to eat any candy until we checked it. As they were walking back from a house my oldest(6) said screaming " Mommy can you check this for poison?", the 30 plus people around couldnt stop laughing and the old women at the house was a little taken back..

Me I was Proud.

Betty - posted on 11/01/2009

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Ok, yesterday I was playing outside with my 4 year old bonus daughter and she says, "I'm going to have a mean face someday". I asked her, "why?" and she said, "because I'm going to be a mommy someday and mommies have mean faces".

Shawna - posted on 11/01/2009

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One windy day my 4 year old was riding his bike. We were on our way back from the park. I told him that it was really windy and he said yeah my nuts are freezing!!! I couldn't believe he said that. I laughed so hard.

Shawna - posted on 11/01/2009

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My 4 year old son Ethan was putting together a puzzle at the daycare he attends and there was a women named kim sitting with him on the floor.
Ethan says, there is a piece missing
Kim says, I don't know where it is.
Ethan says, oh there it is and reaches by kim thy.
Kim says, u found it!!
Ethan says, yeah it was by kims nuts!!!

Amelia - posted on 10/29/2009

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My son did kinda almost the same thing. My husband asked him what sound Mommy made and he said "MOOO!" which my husband found hilarious. Then I asked Adrian what sound Daddy made and he looked at his father and said "Oink Oink Oink!" Now THAT was funny.

Richelle - posted on 10/29/2009

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SO WE'RE IN THE TRUCK, ON OUR WAY SOMEWHERE, AND MY HUSBAND AND I ARE GOING OVER ANIMAL SOUNDS WITH OUR DAUGHTER RYLIE, YOU KNOW COW SAYS MOO BLAH BLAH, MY HUSBAND (TRYING TO BE CUTE) SAYS "RYLIE, WHAT DOES MOMMY SAY?" RYLIE LOOKS AT ME, THEN BACK AT HIM AND SAYS "NOO!" IT WAS SOO FUNNY! IT STILL MAKES ME LAUGH!

Erica - posted on 10/28/2009

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When I was pregnant with my twin boys, my 3 year old nephew said "I can see your babies through your shirt. There's Jacob (taps left boob) an Elijah (taps right boob)".

Amelia - posted on 10/27/2009

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Things Only a Mom Would Say/Do...



1. "Don't pee in the trash can!"

2. "The cat is not a chew toy!"

3. Turn a baby/toddler over, sniff butt and say "She's good!"

4. "I can't go out tonight, I have to boil my nipples."

5. "That? Oh, its just a little baby puke. It'll wash off."

6. "Why are your underwear on your head?"

7. "What do you mean you don't like (insert food here)? You liked them yesterday!"

8. "Spider Man/Diego/Dora (etc) doesn't poop in their pants."

9. "Because I said so, thats why!"

10. "Honey, can you hand me the snot-sucker thingy? He's got a booger."

Niemah - posted on 10/27/2009

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My 2 year old has a fave. snack, the cheese doodle which she calls "dooodlez", well one day my husband was taking a shower and raquel bursts into the bathroom, she pulls the curtain to the side and stares in amazement, she walks out of the bathroom looks up at me and says "daddy has a doodle!".. now everytime she sees my husband go into the bathroom the first thing she says is doodle, doodle daddy has a doodle!!

Lori - posted on 10/25/2009

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When I was pregnant with my daughter I took my 5yr old son with me to one of my ultra sounds, They did this new 3D ultra sound on me and out of no where my son yells "MOM my baby sister is a dinasour!!!!!!, What did you do??!!" Like this was my fault lol

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