CRAZY MIL.... anyone else?! PLEASE HELP!!

Brean - posted on 04/25/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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i need help handling my crazy MIL.... let start by saying this is her first grandchild... which is totally normal for her to be excited about..... but,

she has multiple picture albums of MY daughter on HER facebook saying, "MY beautiful BABY DANNY"
(I have asked her several times not to put the word "baby" in front of my daughter's name, as I do not want it to stick. like my cousin BABY linda who is 22. and her Name is Danielle and DANNY is a nickname given to her by my fiance and we told everyone to call her by the name we chose for her, she refuses. and i absolutely hate when someone calls MY child theirs. She is MY daughter... sorry.)

She has already complained that she hasn't been allowed to babysit comparing herself to my family cause my 2 aunts that raise me babysat once for my fiance's birthday so we could go out. our daughter is only 6 weeks old, i'm sorry if i'm not rushing to hand her off to people to watch her for me when i am perfectly capable to do so. i think she expected us to always ask her to babysit since we are both 21, but i am a very mature 21 and have my priorities in order, unlike she did. she was 16 when she had my fiance and pawned him off on her mother.
(she has a 16 yr old and 13 yr old and barely cares for them, they have to practically beg for food, but they usually end up making microwave food or sandwiches for themself and her husband has to tell her off weekly just so she will do laundry.... this makes me question her ability be lieft alone with my child)

she calls multiple times a day to ask a series of 20 questions, i.e. how is danielle? where is she? how much has she eaten? what is she doing? how many pampers has she gone through?
(this makes me feel as if she is questioning my ability to parent!)

she complains about me to my fiance instead of telling me something about her complaints... we are both adults.
(she complains that i dont answer my phone, usually cause she's already pissed me off by calling tons of times..... she complains about my family and how when we baptize her, it will be in my hometown as well as when we get married, but its only so since my family will be the one paying for the majority of both events.)

she stalks me.
(literally she will call, text, facebook im, facebook message, myspace message me until i answer.... and of course by this point i am pissed and just wait for my fiance to get home cause my blood pressure has already shot through the roof and i dont want to talk to her.)

she comes over to visit out daughter and EXPECTS me to have dinner.
(yeah, i dont think so. she invites herself over, perhaps if i invited her, i would prepare a meal.)

she will wake up my daughter if she is asleep when she visits.
(she is a newborn.... she is ALWAYS asleep. my dad visits her and doesnt mind her being asleep.... he understands that she needs it)

she gets mad cause she is only allowed over if my fiance is home, because i am to the point that i do not want to be left alone with this female.

she has called my daughter a "butterball" and when carrying Danielle she has complained about heavy she is. and that makes me so mad, she is a baby, if shes too heavy put her down!

i honestly believe she is sincerely jealous of me being with her son..... she never cared for him and never helped him while he was in college, she maybe gave him $50 in the 3 years he was there. he now works for the govt and with his first check he bought her tons of stuff and than we became official and all those gifts and generosity came towards me. she also has 3 sons and always wanted a daughter, but i'm sorry, Danielle is MY daughter.

she told me i ate too much like 3 days after i had my daughter, when i had a 1/4 of the amount of food she ate.

she tried to give us condoms at our baby shower!
(rude! inappropriate cause there were children around and i felt she was pretty much calling my daughter a mistake... she was not planned, but she was NOT a mistake!)

i'm sorry if it seems like i just keep going on and on, but i do not know how to handle her, i do not want to be rude, as i would hate it if my fiance were rude to my aunts, but it seems i am at my wits end. it is to the point where anything she does annoys me, pisses me off and raises my bloodpressure. i have tried making snide comments, being polite, being OVERLY polite and still she is so rude and impolite to me.

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Caitlin - posted on 04/25/2010

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For the pictures thing, I would totally report her to facebook, they are your photos to distribute, not hers. I send my daughters photos to my mother, and she knows better than to distribute because the photos would stop coming really quickly. (you can block a specific person from viewing your photos in case you are wondering..) I woudl sit down with your man and definately talk it out, sometimes it's easier if he is on board to have him talk to her. My MIL is pretty bad, but nowhere near that bad. I pretty much ignore her, she's always telling my husband that i'm not good enough for him, that i'm doing a horrible job raising our kids, that I don't pay enough attention to them, that I pay too much attention to them. Basically all she does is complain complain complain.. Luckily he has told her to shut up several times and I think now she has gotten the hint. Thank god she lives 11 hours away or I owuld have killed the woman so far, i've told her off a few times, and have no problems doing so.



My own mother knows to tread lightly when it comes to the kids, she does go on about her grandkids all the time, and she loves them (she's 18 hours away) but she knows better than to mess with MY rules because I have no problem barring her access from them if she gets too obnoxious, because I just can't stand it!

Becky Jane - posted on 04/25/2010

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WOW brean she sounds like a real pain in the ass! firstly i would hold no punches and tell her to back off!! and if she doesnt take the pictures of your daughter down report her to facebook! get you bloke to have a quiet word and if this doesnt work your going to have to take matters into your own hands! I would block her from sending you messages on facebook i mean block her completely and tell her why your doing it. It wasnt right for her to give you condoms at your baby shower its your life your not children, my daughter wasnt planned but she wasnt a mistake either, It does sound as though she is trying to take over and i wouldnt have this, just cause she screwed up with her own kids dont mean she can make up with your baby right????

I sort of had the same with my ex's mum she was a total bitch and we hated each other thats why me and the bloke split as he was a mummy's boy!! I wouldnt be too polite tell her how it is if you upset her tough she might just learn then! its got nothing to do with her how much you eat its your body, and i would tell her that too, I wouldnt want to be left alone with her either as i would end up slapping her! remember chick stand your ground its your baby not hers!!!!

Ashley - posted on 04/25/2010

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I would call a "family" meeting. Sit down first with your hunny, to see where you both stand on all the issues listed above and maybe some others. Than sit down with his mother and jointly tell her how you both feel about issues and ask her poilty to back off.

My FIL would sit there and tell me that my son Connor Weston looked more like a Donald Richard. And he couldn't believe I gave him such a weird name. He also smokes in the house and his "feelings are hurt" because I refuse to have my son in that environment. My husband helped pick the name and agrees with me that Connor's health is more important than than FIL's feelings. He won't hurt him not to smoke for an hour or two and to sit outside on a beautiful day with his grandson. Luckly for us we have about an 18 hour drive between us so Idon't have to put up with them very often.

My MIL not only follows my FIL on everything above. BUT she's her own kinda crazy and my BIL and SIL don't help us because they give in to my MIL. SHe planned their wedding because it was easier for them and when I wanted to do it myself she would cry, until I looked b****. Among many other issues.....But the one thing that my hubby and I keep up with is communtication between the two of us and don't let her get in between us.

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