cry it out method or comfort them? trying to move my 3month old to her crib

Norma - posted on 11/10/2009

If your baby is crying, that means that they want you and need you. My daughter is a year old and every now and then she does wake during the night, and either my partner or I go in to check on her. The majority of the time it's either because she's wriggled two far up in her cot or she can't find her soother. But if she's standing up in the cot when either of us go in, then that means there's something wrong.

Your baby is only 3 months old, and she has colic. Both my mother and my sister had colicky babies, who would scream bloody murder at night. My mother often told me about how she used to pace the floor for hours trying to comfort my sister, and my sister has said the same. When they have colic they are in pain! Would you like someone trying to force you to do something when you're in pain. You say you want your baby to sleep in her own room, but your baby is telling you, by crying, that she needs to be comforted. Colic is basically trapped wind, have you tried giving her colic drops?

Why are you trying to force her into a routine? I let my baby get into her own routine. She starts getting tired around eight o clock and she'll usually wake the next morning anywhere between 9 and 11. That's her own routine that she got into all by herself. I don't believe in routines, they're children not armies!

Kerrie-marie - posted on 11/10/2009

i breast fed for 8 months and the first three months i made mistake of letting him sleep in my bed as a comfort to me and him and as was esier!! for a good month i tried everything but it didnot work but i spoke with my midwife and she told me the only way was to persist and just let them cry themself to sleep if u feel bad stay and stroke there head so they know u are there .. but do not talk to them!! it took me twoo weeks it was hard work and stressful and very emotional but it worked xx

Mary - posted on 11/10/2009

Well I had my daughter in her own crib at a month old, so that I would avoid this very scenario. Crying it out does work, yes the first few nights will be awful but they do learn to self sooth. Just turn the monitor down..

CLaire - posted on 11/09/2009

I would suggest reading the book the baby whisperer, it was like a bible for me! My daughter slept extreemly well from birth and i have the book to thank for it :)

Kate - posted on 11/09/2009

try white music and a paci...... nuks are good for her breast feeding and so are mam ones. let her get used to her crib.. id put minein hers for naps than she got used to it and didnt mind being in all night. than gave her her blanket and her stuffed toy she loved plaid her radio and let her go. but i didnt do it until 8 months either.....

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2009

My son is 9 months old today and we let him sleep in our bed until he was about 6 months. To this day we have trouble sometimes getting him to sleep by himself. I don't like to hear him cry by himself but something had to give. First what we do is our bedtime routine (bath, bottle & story) then we lay him down no matter how asleep he is. I cover him up, say I love you and then leave the room. Sometimes he goes right to sleep others he stands up and cries. What I do in this situation was go into a room with a clock and wait one minute; i say go into a room with a clock b/c when your child is crying one minute seems like an hour! Then after that minute is up I go into the room, pick him up and comfort him maybe sing a song or rock him and then lay him back down. Some nights I might have to do this several times before he goes to sleep. I guess sometimes he just needs mommy to hold him for a while. Now that he is older I wait about 3 -5 minutes before going back in the room and he's getting to the point where he will lay down and go to sleep by himself. Note I did not say cry himself to sleep! I hopes this helps a little!

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2009

My son is 9 months old today and we let him sleep in our bed until he was about 6 months. To this day we have trouble sometimes getting him to sleep by himself. I don't like to hear him cry by himself but something had to give. First what we do is our bedtime routine (bath, bottle & story) then we lay him down no matter how asleep he is. I cover him up, say I love you and then leave the room. Sometimes he goes right to sleep others he stands up and cries. What I do in this situation was go into a room with a clock and wait one minute; i say go into a room with a clock b/c when your child is crying one minute seems like an hour! Then after that minute is up I go into the room, pick him up and comfort him maybe sing a song or rock him and then lay him back down. Some nights I might have to do this several times before he goes to sleep. I guess sometimes he just needs mommy to hold him for a while. Now that he is older I wait about 3 -5 minutes before going back in the room and he's getting to the point where he will lay down and go to sleep by himself. Note I did not say cry himself to sleep! I hopes this helps a little!

Tamara - posted on 11/09/2009

what i do with my 7 week old is to let her cry, but only for 5-10 minutes. i then go in and give her a reassuring cuddle to calm down, then put her back down to sleep. if needed i repeat the process. after a while she will go to sleep on her own, it just takes persistence and routine. if you try too many different methods during the day, the baby will get confused and fuss more.

Liz - posted on 11/09/2009

Hi,

my son wasnt ever colicky but he definately loves to sleep with us. my grandpa moved in with us and instead of making them share a room my then 6 month old son got in the habit of sleeping with us. after a while my husband put his foot down and said he needs to go back in his crib. it took only 3 days for the cry it out method to work. once u have them laying down adn ready to fall asleep then walk out. once he started to scream wed wait 5 minutes and go back in to soothe him and rub his back DO NOT PICK THEM UP! then once theyre calm walk out again and wait 10 mins to go in again and continue this in 5 min intervals... work in 3 nites... now hes 14 months old and does pretty well with going to bed but every now and then he gets to sleep with us and the next night is always hard. good luck!

Desi - posted on 11/09/2009

I think that 3 months old is too early for cry it out stage, although I do believe in it when there older. It's okay to let her cry for a few, especially if the both of you need a break. I had always rocked my kid to sleep, and then I put her in her crib right away. It always seemed that If I held her for more than 10 minutes after she was asleep then I couldn't go lay her down, cause she would wake right up if I held her for more than 10 minutes. And I also never used her crib as a discipline. That helped. Hope it helps.

Amalea - posted on 11/09/2009

i would recommend a book called the dream baby guide i used her methods and my 9 month old sleep through without a fuss. although i only started her on this routine when she was 6 months old. 3 months is still very young and they just want to know they r safe. have you tried putting cot next to your bed?

Aly - posted on 11/09/2009

Everything I've read and have heard said 4 months is the youngest you shold let them cry it out. We started my son at 6 months. Every baby is different. You know your baby best and will know when they're ready to "cry it out." When you do it, you should continue checking on them every 5 minutes to make sure they know you're still there for them. I read to not pick them up or talk to them and not stay in the room more than a minute while checking on them but that didnt work for me. It takes longer the way I did it but I felt more connected with my baby. I would check on him and stay until he was calm and hold him. Id lay him down and rub his back, then leave again etc. I did this for naps, waking up at night etc. I think its easier to start cry it out when they're old enough to not require midnight feedings too. I hope this helps!!!! :) Best of luck!

Sylvia - posted on 11/09/2009

My daughter slept with me so when I had my son I knew to NEVER do that! Babies always know when they are near their parents and the longer you do it they will never be able to sleep on their own. I did the cry out method with my son and it was hard at first but it got him on an early schedule. I had no problems...until he got around 8mos(his crib is in my room) and had a harder time sleeping when he knew that I was in the same room. So now I lay him down and leave the room till I know that he's sleep.

Susan - posted on 11/09/2009

i think the schedual works the best ,i give my girl a bath with the night time bath and lotion. we read a book in the quite and rock then we put her in bed with the light on put on the lullabie cd and the light show. she holds her barney and lights out. she usually falls asleep fast. she is three now but the scheduals been the same forever. and at 3 months i wouldnt let them cry for more than 5 minutes.i would try a little cereal before bed it really help them sleep longer but make it runny. i hope you get sucess. you got alot of replys! :)

Bekki - posted on 11/09/2009

children should be sleeping in cribs from birth.. that nips the problem right in the bud now doesnt it

Samantha - posted on 11/09/2009

hi my son isnt colicky my son slept with mu husband and i until he was 4months old, i set his room up like he was sleeping in it, and i started with him having his day time naps in hsi cot in there becoz then if he didnt want to sleep i wasnt exhausted to put him down, then at night i started putting his him in their in his bassenette so he was in familiar surroundings, then once he was sleeping in his own room for his day time naps (after 2days) i started him in their at night, in his bassenette, then after 5days he was in his bedroom full time, i use to nurse him to sleep for the first month, then when he was almost asleep i would put him in so he knew but he was to tired to care, now at almost 9months i just put him in for his naps and bed time and he puts himself to sleep, i only let him cry and settle himself if he is over tired, which i give him 10mins unless he is histericle, and if he wakes up during his nap or during the night he settles himself, but i wake up just incase...

Brandi - posted on 11/09/2009

my daughter never worked with the cry it out..after 3 hours of it she would either throw up or faint!! good luck

Shan - posted on 11/09/2009

soothe her and still put her in her own bed if you dont she will never learn

Amanda - posted on 11/09/2009

i used the cry out method on my baby to put her in her own bed but she was 7 months and it worked wonders only took 2 nights we let her cry for 5 mind then go in make no eye contact console her and put her back down it took 2 nights and she has always slept no problem ! but i think 3 months is definitely too young they are still so fragile at that age at least wen there a bit older they have an idea of what is going on ! i wouldnt use the cry out method normally because it breaks your herat but i would reccomened it for something like this !

Whitney - posted on 11/09/2009

ok i am unsure of what the "waldorf" method is but i read a book called attachment parenting while i was pregnant and it gave me a whole approach, My daughter slept with us for a while now she is 9months and in her bed all night. what i did was let her start out with us in the night and then when she was good and asleep i would put her in her own bed with a blanket that smelled like me and her dad and a night light so when she woke up at night she could see all around her. When she woke up to be fed at night i would feed her and put her in the bed with us for a little while and let her sleep with us the rest of the night. Gradually i got her to sleep in her own bed. now i put her to sleep at night and place her in the crib and she sleep through the night. I dont believe in letting a baby cry. a baby does not cry to manipulate you at that age. Now at 18 months thats a different story. right now the baby doesnt know what to do to tell you whats wrong but to cry. its supposed to be annoying so you can fix what they need. i am a firm believer in meeting her needs on demand (something everyone tells me i am wrong for) but because i meet all of her needs on demand she is happy and doesnt throw any fits and is ok with me taking her to a babysitter that i trust. She also has not been sick one time or even ran a fever, now that could just be luck but i believe it is because of the way i parent her. she can self sooth when she falls over and whatnot and shes happy with independent play time when i cook or clean up. she knows no matter what i will be right there and so she doesnt have to get all upset or colicky. (i am not saying you are not there for your baby) The method i use is very demanding of me and my time but to me it is well worth it because i have a very happy baby that everyone likes to hold and be around. Shes the baby that you walk by in a resturant and go wow i cant believe shes so happy! i dont know how i got so lucky!!

Milena - posted on 11/09/2009

Try to establish a bedtime routine. Our son was colicky around 2 months - now - at 3 months you would never believe that to be the case. We established a routine and do not deviate from it under any circumstance. He knows each night by 8pm - its bath time, then dinner, then sleep. And it works each night - and yes - he moved from a basinnette in our master bedroom to his own nursery. It is a battle of the minds, and you have to win.... Even though it will take a few frustrating nights.....

Samantha - posted on 11/09/2009

I wasn't in the exact same situation as you (My daughter wasnt colick) But When I moved her to the crib at about 3 months old I let her cry herself to sleep using the 10 minture rule. If she was still upset after 10 minutes I would go get her and try again later. She is now 16 months old and when its time for bed, I put her in her crib and she cries for about two minutes (some nights doesnt cry at all) and then she's out like a light! I see you dont exaclty want to let her cry herself to sleep but you might wanna consider the fact that it will only be harder to move her into her own bed the older she gets. I know 6 year olds that are still with their parents because thats where they've been since day one. My boyfriend and I still have a wonderful sex life compared to many friends that are also parents because they share thier bed. I wouldnt bring kids into the "marital" bed, thats not where they belong. Ill say breastfeeding is different, but once their soley on the bottle I would try to move her over. Shes gonna cry. Thats what babies do. I hope any of this helped. But she is going to need the skills later in life to comfort herself, you might want to start them now. :)

Liz - posted on 11/09/2009

My son was the same way. I did the cry it out method. it was hard but it works. my kiddo is super stubborn and i STILL have to do this & he's 2 now! lol

Nichole - posted on 11/09/2009

not a lot of people agree with the whole cry it out method.. but i did it and it worked good for us. i would never let my baby cry for ever, just for about 5 mins at a time.i'd nurse him and when he would fall asleep i'd lay him down in his bed, he would cry at first but then he would fall asleep. i've read that they should be drowsy but not overly tired in order to learn to fall asleep on their own. my son is 13 months old and he sleeps in his bed every nite. he has only been doing this for a few months, but it is so much easier for me. it took about a week for him to get the hang of it though. put her to bed and i'd let her cry for a few mins, if she's not asleep then go back in and check on her and i always said i love you and comforted him without picking him up. he did ok actually, i thought it was gonna be so much harder than it was. good luck.., and don't worry ur baby will b ok if she cries lol.. its harder on us moms

Codie - posted on 11/09/2009

what i did with my daughter is i put her in her pack n play in my room untill she got used to that. it took a couple weeks. then i moved the pack n play into her room with her still sleeping in it. when i finally moved her into her crib she was used to her room and able to sleep in her own room. she didnt start sleeping through the night until she was 12 months old, but it is a working progress and i hope you get through it.

Melissa - posted on 11/09/2009

ok just remember there is a difference between soothing oneself and screaming oneslef to sleep...if your child is screaming a tthe top of her lungs then 1. she may not be ready to sleep even if its past her bed time. go get your child and allow her to play for a lil longer.( i understand she is 3 months so you can read her a story or something that you do to play with her. 2. she just doesn't want to be alone. go into the room, turn the main light off( using a night light in her room is a good idea) and just sit next to her with your finger inside her hand. it will let her know you are still there and it will give you a chance to realx a lil bit.

thats about the best i have for a 3 months old!!!

hope it helps

Dena - posted on 11/09/2009

My son slept with us in the bed for about 3 months also, and moving him to the crib wasnt only hard on him, it was VERY difficult for me too, since he is my first. I took some advice from the What To Expect books, and we left him for 5 minute intervals, checking on him, and soothing him if needed. To help, we got him a toy to help soothe him to sleep. It plays lullabies and/or ocean-water type music, and also displays a waterlike reflection on the ceiling. If you press the button, it will come on for about 5 minutes or so, and we found this very helpful. 1. Because obviously it comforted him, lol, & 2. We could tell if he was still wake because after it would shut off, he would whine a little if he were. Also, I would suggest keeping the crib somewhere in your room until she has gotten used to the idea of sleeping in it. She may continue to wake up in the middle of the night, so having her close is good for you and her. Our son just turned 2 years old, and he now sleeps/naps in his own room with no problems, wakes up happy in the morning calling for his Mom!

Melissa - posted on 11/09/2009

try the ferber method, my son did a 180 in three days

Shaquansia - posted on 11/09/2009

Hi Amy

Honestly she is gonna cry herself to sleep once you start putting her in the crib because she is so use to your scent and warmth. I had to put my daughter in crib she cried for a few min then finally I picked her up soothe her layed something with my scent in the crib and she fell asleep. They also have pillows you can buy for the baby crib thats safe so the baby can feel as if your holding him/her! Hope thats helps!

Rebecca - posted on 11/09/2009

the way i got my son to sleep by himself is i would get him to sleep then put him in his bed.

Samantha - posted on 11/09/2009

I took a class in Child Development and learned in the class you NEVER let them cry it out! A baby crying is a way to learn to trust you. They learn they cry you come so I have to agree with Alison Lucy. Fed her and put her to bed then go in every 3-5 mins or so to asure her yes baby I hear you and I am here. Also with my son I went against the NO blanket. It is very helpful b/c the blanket helps to soothe him. My son didnt take a paccifier till he was 5 months but that is also very helpful. I think you need to be strong as hard as it will be and DO NOT break down and Say okay sleep with me again tonight and we will start again tomorrow b/c most likely you will just keep doing this. You have to do you best to esstablish it now! Hope I was of some help and GOOD LUCK!

Carly - posted on 11/09/2009

wel my 3month was in bed with me but i decided enough was enough put her basket in her own room...and she was screaming so a friend suggest a pillow under the mattress and shes slept there ever since...its so simple and i found it effective..no harm in just trying it

Christine - posted on 11/09/2009

at 3mnths old,it's difficult n challenging bt b patient wth th baby n comfort her,she wil adjust wth time

Katelyn - posted on 11/09/2009

maybe just try getting her into a different routine ... make sure the crib is in a different room if the crib is in you room she will want to be with you instead... put a rocking chair in the nursery and only breast feed her there and put to to bed in the crib ... try different soothing method a pacifier worked with my girls and soo did a T-shirt of mine if they could smell mommy they were happy ... you are going to have to let her cry a bit ... you daughter has gotten use to sleeping with you and its a hard habit to break but stick to your guns even if it means a few sleepless nights go cold turkey no more sleeping with you.... her bed only it will take a few days but she will get use to her bed
and you will both sleep better for it.

Carly - posted on 11/09/2009

if your child is going into a moses basket....i had alot of trouble with my daughter she would break her heart when i put her in there,i placed a pillow under the mattress so she was very slighty on an angle not flat on the back..she nows sleeps allnight.and dosent complain when being put to bed

Dominique - posted on 11/09/2009

Read the Sleep Sense and Baby Sense books! I swear by them! They are very informative, very gentle and VERY effective! FB also has a babysense group - join the group and post on the wall, they very good at replying.
However, you need to break this now as it is from 3-4 months when habits start. Give her a taglet and a dummy, play some peaceful music, keep her room dark and try keep her sleep place the same as well as her night time routine... seriously - try Baby Sense. For the older kid - they have a toddler sense too!

Vanessa - posted on 11/09/2009

i agree with melissa, my little boy slept through the night from 7 weeks old but as soon as we put him into his own bed he stopped sleeping and just started screaming. me and his dad would take it in turns to walk in every couple of mins and kiss him or let him hold our finger for a few seconds to show him we are still here and then wlk out, after about an hour he was asleep and by the second night he was sleeping within 15 mins!

Melissa - posted on 11/08/2009

theres a difference between getting a baby to self sooth and letting them scream to sleep.... u let them cry for 2mins... go in, pat and shhh them, so they know you are there, then go out... leave them for 3mins then do the same...and keep dragging it out. if they are getting too worked up, get them up, give her some milk and start again. its controlled crying. i did it from when my daughter was newborn, she slept in her own bed always..... and was sleeping thru by 3.5mths.

Alleah - posted on 11/08/2009

Ok, my baby is still in my bed. I have tried almsot all of these methods. Crying it out. Comign in to give her cuddles and putting her back in. Coming in to say hello and good night and NOT picking her up and then walking out again. The warm lavender baths before bedtime. Cereal in the bottle. EVERYTHING. And my baby will NOT get out of my bed. And she's nine months now! At a certain point you have to give up for a while, and realize that you aren't going to have an eighteen year old sleeping in your bed wanting to nurse at three AM. No matter what you do now! So, go ahead, give it a rest for a few months. Enjoy what you can aboutcosleeping, and in a few months when your baby's more mature and ready to sleep on his own, he will. After a week or two of battles, but he will.

Gina - posted on 11/08/2009

i was the exact same way with my daughter. i was always at her beckoning call/cry. whenever she'd take a nap i'd set her in her crib and when she first fell asleep for the night i'd put her in her crib til she woke up for her nightly feedings then she slept in the bed with us. i'd say with time she'll know that her crib is her bed. she's 13months now and she started sleeping soundly thru the night in her crib just a month ago. it takes time, just be patient.

Sakeena - posted on 11/08/2009

dont let her scream..find a way 2 work it out!

Melita - posted on 11/08/2009

Hi there, my son was colicky and i found giving him a teaspoon of warm previously boiled water on a teaspoon and then rocking him in my arms on his tummy so he was facing the floor helped greatly. Then put him in bed on his side as this helps to eleviate tummy pain with knees up. Sheets and blankets tucked in firmly so couldnt move to easily, this comforts them like tight fit in mums tummy. I would let him cry for 5 to 10mins and if still crying go in but dont say a word to him or even look him in the eye, gently rub his head till he quietend down then left again. Just continued this until he was out cold. If you pick up baby she wins and knows that if she just keeps on that you will give in. Using this method my son slept through the night since he was 5weeks old and he never slept with me. Sometimes i would play him classical music very quietly during his day naps if he was a bit grizzley. They have to learn how to settle themselves and to fall asleep alone. If baby cries very very hard for more than 20 mins with no quiet times id get back up and bath, change, feed back to bed. It helps immensly to put baby to bed around same time every day. They will grizzle then quiet, grizzle then quiet, etc until they asleep. It is hard at first to ignore them but in the end it is worth it. Good luck. :)

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2009

Okay, I don't know if you're in Australia or not, so normally I'd recommend a place called Trescillian. But as I don't know, I'll tell you what they told me.
Let bubs cry, but as soon as they hit a state called hysterical cry(don't worry, you'll hear it!), go in and without lifting bubs out of the crib, pat her back to a relaxed state. Then walk out again. She will cry again, keep going until she has fallen asleep. if she won't re-settle from patting in the crib, pick her up and soothe her to relaxed, then gently put her down. Limit your talking, as this is bedtime, not social time. Keep this up for every sleep and sooner or later you'll see that the crying becomes less urgent, as she realises you will come back, albeit when she wakes up. Persist, and soon, it will take 10 mins of whingeing and she will be off.
Hope this helps :)

Bianca - posted on 11/08/2009

quick suggestions, when placing her down she might still like the warmth from u try ironing the blankets to warm them up then put her down mayb she won't notice you put her down if your gentle about it, or leaving a nightgown or tshirt u've worn in the crib so it has your scent nd she can still smell you, nd i would say to both let her cry a lil but go and soothe her after like 15 20 min so she knows ur still then nd shes ok

Arielle - posted on 11/08/2009

I had a really hard time with our first one "self soothing". My friend also had one like this. Both of us tried the same thing and it seemed to work.
We would nurse them like normal to go to sleep and once asleep we would lay them down where we wanted them to sleep. If s/he woke up we would let them cry for like a minute or so and then go pick them up and get them to sleep. Everytime they fall asleep we would lay s/he down and after a while they just open their eyes look around, see that its the same spot and go to sleep.

Nataly - posted on 11/08/2009

Well amy, i think you should let her cry and drop in every once in a while reassuring her of your presence. If she is really colicky, you might even want to sit in the room so she can see your there n try leaving without her noticing. You might wanna start with sticking around for 10 mins and gradually reducing the time span you spend near her crib. Its basically an adjustment...it worked for me. By 5-6 months, i believe, both my kiddos slept all thru the night(i keep them up all day or as much as i could...early naps, helps too) **and remember every child is different so dont feel discourage if it takes your baby a little longer(especially since she is colicky) Good Luck :)

Shirley - posted on 11/08/2009

I did a little of both. I started with a routine every night. Dinner, play, bath, book, and nursed. Then soft baby music. Placed him in the crib awake. walked out. Of course he would cry. I would go in to comfort him (didn't pick him up) after 5 min then walk out then went back in to do the same after 10 min then 15 then 20 and so on. until he fell asleep. I also nursed him everytime he woke up in the middle of the night until he started sleeping through the night. Been doing this ever since he was about 4 months now he's a lil over a year old and sleeps from 8pm until 8am. It worked for me. I took a little of both methods

Kristen - posted on 11/08/2009

3 months is early to soothe herself. My 2nd born had cholic and he was 5 months before he would sleep on his own and soothe himself. Every baby is different though. He did love how I laid him across my knees while he was on his belly. That helped alot and he even fell asleep that way. I know it gets frustrateing but hang in there. Hope this helps. Hope she feels better too.

Michelle - posted on 11/08/2009

This all depends on how you want to go about it. What feels right for you? I personally am a co-sleeping mother. My daughter is taken care of each time she cries. I feel there is no spoiling a child and there is nothing wrong with making your child feel safe, secure, and loved. My daughter is now seven months old, smart, cuddly, sweet, and as happy as a child can be. Just think of it this way, if you were colicky, what would you want for yourself?

Heather - posted on 11/08/2009

I started at 3 months on letting my baby boy crying it out. I would give him his gas medicine cause he was such a gassy baby. So i knew he was not in pain. I think it is great for teaching independence. Good luck i hope all goes well