Crying it out??

Beth - posted on 02/21/2011

my lil girl is a great sleeper at night she has been from the day she came home but every once in a while she will wake up crying and i wait a few mins to see if she is going to fall back to sleep and if not i go in dont say anything or turn on any lights and pick her up and rock her for a few min. the lay her back down in her bed ( never taken her out of her room) and that always seems to sooth her . i cant do the cry it out method it just breaks my heart lol.. good luck... maybe the baby just want to make sure she is still there...

Audrey - posted on 02/01/2011

Thank you for all the responses. I stopped getting e-mails so I was unaware I was still getting reply's. All is good now actually. I am sure I will get some grief from this, however I put a pillow for her to sleep on and a blanket to sleep under. Once I did this she has had no problem and sleeps until 6:00 am or so. Now for those who are going to come back at me with "But shes to young for a blanket and pillow, they can cause SIDS"...well if you think about it, almost anything can cause SIDS. Also we went to the doctor this week for her check up and I told the doctor and she was COMPLETELY ok with it. So no she didnt need to bed feed, changed or anything like that, she wasnt comfy....I wouldnt want to sleep without a pillow or a blanket either! But thanks again for all the post...I will check back more regularly!!

Kayleigh - posted on 02/01/2011

Crying it out causes permanent psychological/neurological (brain) damage... CHILDREN NEED TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE SAFE AND CARED FOR. when you don't attend to them you are teaching them that you don't care and cannot be counted on to fulfill their needs..

http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it...

"Experts warn that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes extreme distress to the baby. And such extreme distress in a newborn has been found to block the full development of certain areas of the brain and causes the brain to produce extra amounts of cortisol, which can be harmful."

Alisha - posted on 02/01/2011

Keep her in her bed! Change her and feed her and put her back. She will get the hint that she is staying in her bed. My daughter did the same thing.

Danielle - posted on 01/26/2011

My son has been doing the same thing, but his teething. Is your daughter teething??? maybe panadol/nurofen ( i find nurofen is better of a night as it lasts longer) and teething gel?? My son has gotten 3 teeth in 2 weeks and 2 more cutting through atm.

Trish - posted on 01/26/2011

I give my son warm water when he wakes up. I hate it but its water or milk and Id rather water. Its a terrible habit but its that or letting him cry and that upsets me so water it is.

Sandy - posted on 01/26/2011

I used the "cry it out" method with both of my children. the method we used was from the book "sleeping through the night" by Jodi Mindell. I know others have said this, but the premise is that you let them cry, but go in and give them their pacifier back or whatever you need to do, but make sure that they don't need you to go back to sleep. It is a wonderful book, and the cry it out part is only at bedtime. Once you teach them to fall asleep on their own, I think the book says 80% of kids will sleep through the night within two weeks. My son was in the 80%, my daughter was not, so after we did the bedtime thing (she only cried for 3 nights) we waited, and then started doing the method through the night (3 nights of that and she has been sleeping through since). The book also has great information on the importance of sleep and other things to try to get your child to sleep through the night like earlier bedtimes etc.

Lynette - posted on 01/26/2011

do you have nightlight in her room? honestly, she just may be waking up scared because she's stirring & then sees how dark it is in the room & that she's alone & is just frightened. My daughter had that problem until we got her a nightlight. Altho some of those nightlights are too bright so that could be it too....

Casey - posted on 01/25/2011

As hard as it is you need to let her cry it out When i was doing it with my kids when they first started crying i would go in there and cover them up, but not talk them stay nice and quite and just go back every couple of mins. it will only take a few nights to a week for her to get it and just stay asleep. My girl sleep through most nights and she know if she wakes up she is not getting up (unless she is sick). I left it letter with my son when i did it and it was much hard so as much as it is hard you really need to do it now

Monica - posted on 01/24/2011

some kids are not good cry it out candidates. i was for it and then against it and then just decided to do what works... i was stay at home mom so not too big of deal if i was up at 8am instead of 6am. our daughter slept in co-sleeper until 6 months (When she broke out of swaddle). then she started sleeping with us. we have co-slept since then and still do. i would like to move her out of our bed but we are in tight living space right now. will get done as soon as we move. back to your question... my daughter was NOT good CIO baby. i tried and tried and tried. She just got too upset and i thought it wasn't worth all the stress. At 15 months I decided (when daddy was on night shift) she would cry it out because I had things to get done...well guess what, she hopped 4 feet out of her crib! again, not a good candidate. if i had pushed her at 6 or 10 or 13 months she probably woudl have managed to get out of crib then as her aunt at 4 months crawled out of her crib, no joke! so....lesson is do what works for you. you will complain and get upset because of the lack of sleep but the only thing worst than a grumpy baby is a grumpy mommy, IMO. my daughter was a pain to sleep train and untrainable IMO. She does sleep through the night now and has since about 12 months old. Daddy goes to bed with her (he has to be up at 4am for work) and i get my alone time at night. It totally sucks that hubby and I don't have consistent alone time but this is just a phase. This too shall pass. Good luck!

Sam - posted on 01/24/2011

just to re-enforce my point, i did this with my lil boy at about 7 months because before that i had a situation where his crib was in our room, other wise at like 4mon, any way, i did the sittin on the floor progressively further from his bed and then out the room, and he was fine with in less than a week, no kidding. and then from there if he regressed cuz of say illness it was wait 10 min , check on him, and then another 10 min, ... so this got me to the point where at 8 the lights go down and we sit with a last drink of milk and then at 830 we go to his room hugs and kisses, put him down , out in about 3min, he even wiggles cuz he wants to be put down. and thats been untill now and he is only 16 months.

Sam - posted on 01/24/2011

i realize you have a lot of notes already but here goes, she is not too young. and if you kno that she can stand to sleep a certain say 10 hours at a time then she will totally be fine. what is nice about six months is that she is past the 4mons "sleep thru the night"(4-6hrs) but is not able to necessarily sit up and stand and cry, meaning she will probably be on her back crying , which is a much better way to get tired and fall back asleep. when they are older they can stand and it keeps them up longer (more agony for you) and then they learn to say mommy and its all over from there. plus, it might help to really listen to her cry and listen for her different sounds when she needs somethin, wants something, and is just faking to see what you will give her. if it is anything but the need/in-pain cry then she WILL be fine to cry it out. and it will go a lot easier now then if you wait. but still best of luck

Kyrie - posted on 01/24/2011

Both my kids slept with me and through the night from birth. I don't know how mom's who don't cosleep and nurse do it. I was still sleep deprived so I know they really are.

Erin - posted on 01/24/2011

I regret not letting my son cry himself to sleep, it took months to get him in his own bed and even now he crawls in mine every once in a while. I vow I will not let this happen with my daughter (2weeks) it will break my heart but be better for the both of us in the long run

Joy - posted on 01/24/2011

if i was you i wouldnt put her in your bed i did it with my son and he only wanted our bed now.and he2 year and i hate it you have a young one so i would stop puting her inyour if i was you. if i could change i would.

Amanda - posted on 01/24/2011

I agree that this is a personal decision. My daughter is 6 months also. We just recently moved her from the bassenette in our room to her crib in her room... she cries now that she is in her room, but as I have found is she is fine within a few mins. She has cried for 30+ mins but she will have to learn to sleep in her room. I do check on her every few hours and when she cries I do go to her door... I don't go in there unless I think it is necessary... My wee one has a cry that's hard to ignore, but if she is ok... not hungry, wet, or hurt... I let her cry...

Alex - posted on 01/21/2011

I think that there is kind of an in between of letting them cry it out and not letting them cry period. Some babies actually need to cry to go to sleep its almost like a way of making themselves tired again. My little one has just turned 6 months she has been sleeping through the night with sometimes a wake or two in the early bit of the night ie before midnight since she was 4 weeks old and to be honest one day i just said thats it i cant do this anymore she needs to learn. So i do a routine in the evening then hugs then sleep time if she dosnt go down right away which she started doing without crying at about 5 months then i let her cry for 5 minutes then go an give her her dummy and she goes straight to sleep. If she wakes in the night i dont wait 5 minutes cause shes usually just slightly awake not properly and wants her dummy i put her dummy in rub her forehead so she knows im there and she goes back to sleep instantly. I let my sister in law baby sit her and she picked her up every time she cried and tried to sooth her by rocking her and stuff and lets just say 11 pm and she called me saying she was hysterical and could i come get her.......on another note her baby is 16 months old and screams blue murder till 1 am then wakes up to 6 times a night.....

Keri - posted on 01/20/2011

Your last comment seems to be your answer. Just go in, pick her up and sooth her back to sleep. I guess it depends on how long that takes, but you can put her back to ease (and sleep) all in her room, without taking her to your own room. Some children just need to have that comfort of knowing someone will hold them when they need it - you never know, she may have had a little "dream" that you weren't there for her anymore :-(

Amber - posted on 01/20/2011

let her cry.. it will help her self sooth for when you can't go get her and be with her..

Cynthia - posted on 01/20/2011

i've been reading the post and i'm all about doing what is best not only for your child but foremost, what is best for you. it is very difficult to sustain a happy baby and the great things and hard times if you, as a parent, are not rested. CIO was not god for me and for my baby but we tried it because i thought i was going to lose my mind. i think we tried 3-4 techniques before finding the sleeping lady's shuffle. so the nights are great with that technique but naps are horrible and there has been times where i had to let my baby cry out so i could get a breather, get my composure back and be able to take care of her again.
i just do not want people to lose sight of the reason people are trying various techniques, i dont think it's about not caring for the child (TLC), it's just trying what works for your family and sanity.

Kylie - posted on 01/20/2011

that link was given to me by a friend, i was going through the same thing, and was wondering about CIO, my son is now 15 months sleeps though the night - has done for months, they just need to know that you are there and are not going away - reasuarance

Cassandra - posted on 01/19/2011

Let her cry it out.. I had the same problem with my daughter around that age.. it is hard to let them just cry but it works out better for everyone. she will stop doing it soon and all will be well. if you keep going in and getting her she will just keep doing it because she knows you are going to come in. The same concept worked for me when the doctor told us she no longer needed to eat at night.. she would wake up for milk and so i would give her a bottle with a little water in it, she'd take a couple of sucks and spit it out .. then after a couple nights she didnt want to be bothered with waking up to be fed anymore ! :) whatever you choose is best for your baby i hope all goes well !!!

Jodi - posted on 01/19/2011

Kylie, I hate CIO. I would get livid when people would tell me I had to let my colicky daughter scream for hours in a dark, lonely room until she passed out and tell me that I was "coddeling" her. Of course I was!!! She was an infant!!!

Thank for that blogpost, wow, it's powerful. I added it as a note on my facebook profile, hopefully by spreading something like that, at least a few parents who might have tried CIO will think differently. Thank you for posting that!

Heather - posted on 01/19/2011

I have come back and read all the comments since i last posted. I agree with some and dont agree with others. I do agree that CIO is a from of abuse.....the Link the Kylie posted is deff good. The Point is valid! Humans are not ment to be alone, and sometimes what the babe NEEDS is cuddles. I get quite furious when i see all these people says "she doesnt NEED anything" well, yes she actually DOES! Small children are 100% dependent on us! I have NEVER let my daughter CIO, we have our evening things we do, bath, cuddles, book, bed. Once i tuck her in, she will mutter or sing to her self, but never cries, unless she has a bad dream at night. then i go in, pick her up, cuddle her for 5 min and tuck her back in, and then all is well. As far as i can tell, and this is being really blunt, all that CIO teaches kids is that their parents dont care when they are upset or want cuddles.....DEFF NOT HEALTHY from my point of view. My daughter co-slept until she was 9 months old, and i ALWAY ALWAY go to and pick her up if she is crying. Now, BEFORE anyone jumps all over me about coddling her or making her not independent, or to clingy, i will have everyone know i have a Happy, healthy, VERY independent, opinionated, stubborn almost 3 yr old. Her doc knows that she co-slept, she also knows how i choose to take care of my daughter, she says she sees NOTHING wrong with it, and also agrees with my opinion on why NOT to CIO, Doc also says that CIO does NOT make children Clingy, actually the opposite does, NOT getting attention from their parents when THEY need it. Dont know if this will make anyone think or not, but hopefully it will! i have a happy, healthy and wonderful daughter, who has NEVER had to CIO, and is VERY good at soothing her self to sleep at night.

PS....here is the Link Kylie posted http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009...

Holly - posted on 01/19/2011

I'm not going to go too much into but my son is 10 Months and I still don't let him Cry it out. I'm not totally against it. I just don't feel comfotrable with it.

Kylie - posted on 01/19/2011

http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009...
i suggest you read this, opend my eyes about 'crying it out'

Candice - posted on 01/19/2011

Hell no CIO! Babes need to be cuddled.Enough said.

Rindy - posted on 01/19/2011

6 months is a little young if you ask me. if she goes right back to sleep (and stays asleep) when you pick her up I don't think its a huge deal right now. it sounds like shes just making sure you're still there. If you don't want her to get use to you picking her up why dont you try just going in, cover her back up and rub her back for a couple of minutes.

Kylie - posted on 01/18/2011

i used to put my 6 month baby down by 8 or 8:30 and she would do the same be up around 11. i just moved her crib to a different spot in her room and moved bed time to 9:30 and all is well till 5 or 6 am. maybe it might help you. good luck.

Kayla - posted on 01/18/2011

Only you can judge whether your baby is crying out of something being wrong, or just fussing to fuss. Don't feel bad for letting them ''cry it out''. As long as the baby is full, out of pain, and safe.. she's probably just trying to fight that sleep. =)

Rachel - posted on 01/18/2011

My daughter is 15 months old now. She has always been a good sleeper. However, she wants to be cuddled to go to sleep. There are times when she goes to bed early that she wakes up a couple hours later (needing nothing), and she simply wants to be rocked back to sleep. I half way tried the crying it out thing, but she just won't have it. If you don't want to make a habit of rocking, just try holding her in her room and bouncing her back to sleep in your arms. Good luck.

Jenifer - posted on 01/18/2011

"whatever system you pick, pick something that you are comfortable with and able to stick with for at least a couple of weeks. "

YES! I totally agree with this advice.

Cynthia - posted on 01/18/2011

crying out does not work for my daughter at all. she can cry hours on out without losing her voice. crying out technique is difficult. whatever system you pick, pick something that you are comfortable with and able to stick with for at least a couple of weeks. i am working on the "The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight: Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep Well and Wake Up Happy" worked amazing for except for naps, which is still a current battle.

Jenifer - posted on 01/18/2011

I have not read all the replies but I am all for co-sleeping. Yes, it does make the bed a bit more uncomfortable at times but I have healthy, happy and yes, independent, girls. I also don't have to get up during the night to take care of a baby. I really think this helps to protect my sanity!

Sara - posted on 01/18/2011

Perhaps instead of picking her up try watching her and smiling but not to much interaction. Let her go back to sleep on her own, sometimes music works or more floor time during the day, play peekaboo, or talk to her from a differant room. You can try taking a chair with you into the room each night gradually move it further out.

Kylie - posted on 01/17/2011

my 18 month old son often wakes up some nights crying for a cuddle and wants to come into our bed.. it is very hard to listen to your baby scream for you, i have given in plenty of times.. some nights hes fantastic others are not so good.. once shes back asleep place her back into her cot and just keep repeating im sure it will wear off =)

Janelle - posted on 01/17/2011

We had the same problem with our son! Some babies just need a more strict routine. At least thats what we found with our Clark. We have to start our evening right at 6 or hes thrown off. He gets his supper at 6 and then play time till 7:30 when he goes for his bath. We then read to him and give him hsi bottle and he is in bed at 8 everynight. We have weavered from this strict routine and hes up crying for no reason. If we stay on schedual he does great. Sleeps 12 hours with out making a peep! Plus naps great during the day! I dont agree with the cry it out method so if/when he does start crying we go in his room and instead of picking him up right away we rub his back and sing to him to help calm him down. If this doesnt work we pick him up and get him calmed down. The key though is the routine. Oh and put her down when she is awake so she can learn to fall asleep on her own. It only took Clark three nights to learn this and its been very nice for us.

Emily - posted on 01/17/2011

do you have a mobile or a music box that lights up? (I have the fish aquarium) I actually have the mobile that when they get old enough you take the mobile part off and it shines on the ceiling. My daughter would wake up, I would assume she was hungry but the dr said it was habit. Thankfully she did not cry long, but if she ever wakes up now I turn her music back on and tell her I love her and she falls back to sleep.

Kelly - posted on 01/17/2011

i think shes too young for it but you do what makes you happy. my son luckily slept over night from the day he came home just about... maybe try putting a chair in her room. Try not picking her up but being next to her for a while. i know i couldnt do it. My whole world yells at me to let him cry it out when he falls and bumps his head and i wont ... i hear all the time i am creating a monster... but either way wont he grow up to be an adult who maybe is just a little bit more compassionate toward people? I try to remember im not rasing a baby im raising a future adult. I am doing what i think is best for for him in the long run. I think its a great idea not to bring him in your bed ... my sisters son slept with her till he was 4 or 5. I wish you alot of luck and will pray for you!

Kasandra - posted on 01/17/2011

let her sleep with you, they are only little once an you can get her back in her room when she is older, needing you there..is still a need. not a want or fussing, its a need !!

Amanda - posted on 01/17/2011

Well I read somewhere for the first few nights pick her up and cuddle her and come her down for the first few nights till she falls asleep then after that stop picking her up for so long...giver her a hug and kiss then put her down and talk or sing to her...then get to a point to not pick her up at all just let her know your in the room...untill you eventually can back out of the room and she will eventually put her self back to sleep. not sure if you would do it now or not my son was about a year when we had to do this...slowly over the course of a few weeks we made it to just his door way where we would call out or look in and say goodnight again and then he would just put himself back to sleep and then stoped waking at all.

Annie - posted on 01/17/2011

Gosh, at 6 months it could be a lot of things. Gas? Did she lose a pacifier? Is she too hot or too cold? Whenever my son woke up in the night at that age, I would always pick him up and soothe him before putting him back down. I feel that 6 months is way too young to "cry it out", which I feel is bull anyways. My son is now 11 months, and recently was sick, which I think has led to some sort of fear: being alone, the dark, whatever. So now when I put him to bed, we have a routine where I rock him until he's sleepy, and put him to bed awake. Then I sit down next to his bed while he falls asleep, and put my hand in there when he cries or reaches out for me. Then I stay there until he falls asleep. It used to take an hour the first few days, but now he's going to sleep within a few minutes. We also have a night light that we turn down at night, which seems to help the waking in the middle of the night terrors. Good luck! You will have to find what works for you and your daughter-people can only give advise, they can't come in and live your life for you.

Emma - posted on 01/17/2011

We had the same problem at that age with my son, he used to love the song 'somewhere over the rainbow' as i sang it to him all the time, i found the cry it out method hard so instead i would sit in on his rocking chair in his room and sing to him ( he was in his cot ) and he would go to sleep, we then had a CD player in his bedroom that we would put on as he goes to bed with about 10 mins of songs on the cd, we just read him a story put him in his cot with his music on and he would fall asleep on his own just fine, if he ever did wake up in the night i would just give him a kiss and put the cd back on for him.

If your baby likes music or is soothed by music then it may be worth a try.

He is now one and does not have the Cd player anymore but a seahorse that glows and plays music, if he wakes in the night he pushes the button himself and goes back off to sleep! :-)

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2011

Hello :) I was sort of half way in between crying it out and being there for my son. When he was just over 7 months old I used the cry method to get him to fall asleep on his own at bedtime. We did a bed time routine that ended with him in his crib alone. He cried for an hour the 1st night and less than 5 minutes the 2nd night. I also let him cry when he woke up a couple hours later...he only did that twice as well. If he woke up later I would feed him. Leaving him for that 1st wake up worked great though. I knew he didn't need anything...he was just used to me being there to comfort him to sleep. Of course if his cry sounded urgent as if he had a dream or was in any discomfort I would go to him. Good luck :)

Erica - posted on 01/16/2011

@H .J H - Thanks for the definitions. As a new Mom, we were given all this info in our birthing / child-prep classes as well.

IMO and from personal experience, co-sleeping is a wonderful bonding experience and when done correctly, is safe and helps both baby and parents from becoming frustrated or having lack of sleep. Did you know that just 20yrs or so ago, our parents were taught to "put your baby to bed on their stomach so that if they spit up/ throw up in the middle of the night they don't choke and die"? Now research is saying "sleep on the back to reduce SIDS". So my question is, who's right and who's wrong?

I think it all comes down to personal preference and what works best for each family. If your child is a back sleeper, than that's wonderful, but if your child will NOT fall asleep or stay asleep unless they are curled up in a fetal position on their side or tummy, then that is OK too, as long as Mom and Dad are close enough to monitor baby's sleeping habits. I'm the oldest of four children and helped my mother raise the three younger ones on her own. From what she's explained to me, we all co-slept to some degree as infants with her AND all four of us were tummy sleepers. Oh yes, she tried getting us to sleep on our backs, but it never worked. Now we are all grown, extremely healthy and productive adults now. Plus, we all love our sleep and sleep very well when we get enough of it ;).

My husband and I have done what we could to "abide by today's rules" when it comes to infant care, sleeping, etc. But in the end, as we have all mentioned to some degree, it really does come down to parental instinct and going with what your heart and gut feeling tells you as a parent is right for you and your child. ALL OTHER information given to you personally should always be taken with a grain of salt. So, trying something because "the professionals" say "this is the correct way to do this" is a great idea, but if it doesn't work out for your family's needs, then lets try something else. My point is: Just because research proves something to be good or "better" just because it's a newer knowledge does not always work for everyone. Sometimes using the old "tried and true" methods, or for example, going with home-remedies instead of using medication to cure an illness may be exactly what you as a parent need to do for your family. I think it depends per family and per situation as well.

So all I ask is: Yes, please pass on the facts as everyone needs to be well-informed. Especially parents who have not fully done research on things and are looking for answers. But please do not present them in a way that would scare anyone away from trying something that in their heart of hearts feel would be best for their family's particular needs. :)

Sammie - posted on 01/16/2011

Babies quickly learn that if they want something, crying is the best way to get it. I would hazard a guess that if she knows she will end up in your bed, she will cry. My daughter is 19 mo and still hits that phase every now and then. When she cries, I let her go for 5 minutes (unless it's a truly distressed cry, she often sobs in her sleep) to see if she will find her dummy and settle herself. 90% of the time she does. If not, I go in, tell her it's okay, mummy is here and she needs to have a sleep so we can play in the morning. Sometimes if she is really upset I will give her a cuddle, and put her back down. I have found letting her cry during the night doesn't work, though I do let her cry it out when she first goes down if she carries on! :p

Megan - posted on 01/16/2011

I'm sorry, I just don't understand why you would want to teach your child that you aren't going to be their for them and meet their needs. No wonder this country/world is so screwed up.

McKenzie - posted on 01/16/2011

We just went through this exact same thing. Our doctor told us to let our son cry. It was the worst feeling ever. Our son cried maybe for 20 mins each time. We played music though and it took about 3 weeks for him to realize okay mommy and daddy are not coming to save me. It was THE hardest thing I have ever done. Stick with the same schedule/routine and she will catch on in no time. Its hard, but worth it. Now every night at 8:30 we give him a bath and he eats his last bottle and is usually in bed by 9:00. When we walk in his room we turn out the lights, play the music, and his head automatically falls onto our shoulder and he is out. Our doctor recommended us letting him cry himself to sleep but putting him to sleep first works best for him. Good luck!

Maria - posted on 01/16/2011

This sounds very similar to me! Except it happens nearly every sleep cycle. I can't let my 5mo CIO because he gets hysterical!

Jackie - posted on 01/16/2011

my kids did that also you just have to stay tough, its hard but i let my first child get away with everything like this , she was straight into my bed if she cried,shes a good sleeper now in her own bed, i have twins and from word go i have been a little tougher with bed times they are lucky to cry for 30 seconds every time the go to sleep!