Did you go through post partum depression?

Candi - posted on 02/28/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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My sister-in-law, just had her baby Feb. 20th. I believe she may be going through post partum depression. I never went through it myself, so I don't know what the signs could be. My brother is ecstatic about their son. She is not even happy. She won't hold him, feed him or spend any quality time with him. If company is around, then she will hold him momentarily, but the minute they leave, she will hand him over to my bother again. She doesn't get up in the middle of the night with him either. The day she had him, the dr. went to hand him to her and she told the dr. she didn't want him, she was too tired. I find all this really odd. I was excited to have my baby. I love being a mommy. She has nothing to do with him. If, you went through this, what were some of the things you did and how did you get over it? Any advice is welcome.

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Elisa - posted on 03/02/2011

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If it helps print out all of these messages and leave them for her. let her know so many other mums go through this she is NOT ALONE it might help her.

Michelle - posted on 03/01/2011

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Yes I struggled with post partum depression and YES this is exactly what it was like! It was so sad, like you know what your doing is wrong. For example when my son would wake up in the morning i would get him out of bed feed him then let him lay in his lay in play all morning while i slept. I knew this was bad parenting but i couldnt help it i was so tired and exhausted all the time i had no energy i felt like i ran a marathon everyday i could sleep for 12 hrs and still be exhausted. I love my son so much i knew i needed help so at my 6 week follow up i got some pills for the depression and they worked great! i cant get enough of playing with him now they were the best thing. And yes it caused lots of fights with my b/f because he constantly had to do everything, its frustrating but just remember they arnt TRYING to be a bad parent/spouse its their seretonin levels that are making them taht way

Pia - posted on 03/08/2011

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Hi candi,
I had my 2nd baby seven weeks ago and experienced antenatal depression and am now going through postnatal as well. If she was depressed during the pregnancy she could have been going through antenatal depression as well. It's important she talks to someone as soon as possible. I didn't find my GP helpful, but I did find the maternal and child health nurse helpful. She referred me to a medicare funded program where you talk to psychologists as well as start an exercise program. 
I haven't wanted to try anti depressants so for the moment I am trying this. My first appointment is next week and already I feel better, just for having taken the first step and made the appointment. I did have to be pushed into it however.
Also, if she resists seeing someone, take her out into the sun and go for walks with her. They say exercise and sun helps. And maybe try and show her (through example) how fun the baby can be. Play singing games, peek a boo etc with it to show her it's not just something that has to be looked after. I'm lucky in that I had time to bond with my baby before the postnatal set in.
Your brother also needs to be supportive. She is probably being horrible to him and it must be hard, but fighting with him all the time is probably making her feel lower and lower.
It's a horrible thing to have, you feel constantly guilty and sad and horrible. I hope you can convince her to get help. Try and get her to join circle of mums. They had forums on here for postpartum depression and I've found it helpful just knowing other women are in the same boat.
Good luck.

Kylie - posted on 03/08/2011

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Hey Candi, I'm new here and I hope I can help. I had my son a year ago (February 5th, 2010) and I went through severe PPD, even though everyone else was convinced it was the baby blues. I would definitely suggest that your brother have a serious talk with her about it. That's what it took for me to finally get help. My husband had to sit me down and tell me that if I wanted to be the best mother and wife I could be, I had to admit that something was wrong and that taking medicine didn't make me weak, like I thought it did. Now I am taking medicine and I feel 100 % like my old self again. :-)

Nadia - posted on 03/03/2011

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Ok, my first question is was this baby planned... or an accident? cuz my first was not planned and i had severe PPD! I just wasn't ready to be a mommy... but i have a second one now and i am sooooo different! I love it! But you are right to suspect PPD... sounds like she might be suffering. Or perhaps her delivery did not go how she wanted it.... maybe she loved the preggo thing and is now sad its over. Whatever th reason, she needs to talk to someone. Are you close with her? perhaps try and take her out for dinner and drinks... just some girl time, no kids. I found the way i got over my PPD was going out for coffee with my best friend 2-3 times a week... just getting away from it all made all the difference. Be warned that forcing her to speak with a professional might anger her... i was incredibly upset at my husband because he made me talk to a health nurse! I felt like a criminal. Anyway, i'd also talk to your brother and let him know your suspicions... you might have to work together to pull her out of this. I truly hope this helps... PPD is not fun and i feel so guilty now with how much i love my second baby cuz i didn't feel this way the first time around.

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Candi - posted on 03/08/2011

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I agree. We are all working hard as a family to help her through this ordeal. It's no way for her to live her life. But her baby needs her to be there for him. And my brother loves her and wants her there with him. I pray everyday, that there will be a turn around for her. It's just around the corner.

Kylie - posted on 03/08/2011

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Candi, I thought that too. It's normal to think you're, like, the worst mother ever for going through it. It's like, "I just had a baby, I should be happy, why aren't I happy?" She just needs to know that none of this her fault. It's a chemical thing, a hormonal thing. And getting help is on the strongest and bravest things she can possibly do for herself, her husband and their son.

Candi - posted on 03/08/2011

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Kylie that's Awesome! It's always great when people can admit that something is wrong and get help for it. My brother and I are both trying to talk to her. I'm not sure if she listens to me as much as she may be listening to him. I'm trying to give him advice as to what he can say or maybe he can do to help her. I also print off everyone's post and let him read them as well. I'm hoping he can get her to read a few of them and realize that she is not the only person who has gone through this.

Candi - posted on 03/08/2011

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Nadia, this baby wasn't planned at all. He was definitely kind of an uh-oh baby, even though I feel no baby is a mistake and my brother sees it the same way. She was never happy during her pregnancy as much as I can recall. She always sat around and moped or seemed upset most of the time. There were very few times, that she seemed excited. I have talked to my brother about her maybe experiencing PPD and he agrees too. He sees the same things that I do. He was on the phone with my mother the other night for over an hour. He was just talking about everything he could think of that is going on with her. He is very upset and he is stressed out. He was telling me that this has started to take a strain on their relationship now. They seem to fight a lot more. He is in the middle of finding a job, so he can support her and the baby and that is just added stress within itself as well. I have tried to get her to go to town with me or to go out for a few drinks. Nothing has worked yet. If my brother can't go, then she doesn't want to go. But, my brother is trying to get her out with me as well. I'm hoping that this gets better and that she finally comes around.

Angela - posted on 03/03/2011

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i did and it was the worst thing ever! i still feel guilty about it now! i dont think ill ever be able to make up how i was to my daughter the first 4 months of her life. I went through a 55 hour labor with no pain meds (because they could get a spinal block in my back) and none of the nurses were nice to me and the doctor wasnt great either, so after all that i had my little girl and we brought her home and all she did was scream!!!! she had the worst colic EVER! I didnt want anything to do with her i felt like it was the end of my life. i was like this for 4 months. i took care of my daughter because i had too.i only picked her up to feed and change her. my husband went to work came home ate then slept so it was just me. it wasnt until the first night that my daughter slept 2 hours straight that something snapped and my mother took me to the doctor. i took zoloft for 2 months and it helped a lot. let your sister in law know that there are people who love her and want her to take care of herself and its ok to feel the ways she does, and there are ways to help her!!!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/02/2011

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I believe as long as we can share our experiances and try to help someone else mom's like us who've gone through PPD won't feel alienated or alone in this matter. It's scary to go through it by yourself. Knowing that there are other people who have the same experiances and won't judge you makes everything easier.

Brandee - posted on 03/02/2011

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I am not a medical professional either, but it sounds like postpartum to me. I did not suffer from depression, but my postpartum issues manifested in an anxiety attack. I cried everyday for a couple of weeks due to stress of a new baby and having to leave that baby to return to work.. It was terrible.. I did call my doctor and after a consult he put me on prestiq.. This was so unexpected because I was alway a confident, go-getter type.. I did suffer some mood swings while I was pregnant.. One minute I am mad about something stupid, the next I am crying because I had gotten mad.. Pregnancy causes some uncontrollable feelings to happen.. she should speak to her doctor and get their professional opinion.. It is such a joy to be a mother and any time wasted not loving it is terrible.. Your brother should go with her to support her and explain to the doctor what is happening.

Candi - posted on 03/02/2011

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Thanks everyone! Ive noticed that her and my brother have been fighting a good bit lately. My brother talks to me about it some. He's just upset that she spends no time with their son. I can understand his point. I took some of the advice you wrote and gave it to him. Told him not to push or pressure her, but to try and see if she would talk to her dr. about it. Even mentioned letting some of the family baby sit for a couple of hours to get her out of the house for a little bit. I appreciate all the information, it has been very helpful. I pray that she will get better with time and hopefully she will discuss this with her dr.

Sara - posted on 03/02/2011

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With my first child I was on meds and going to a support group but got better with time . It is really hard to admit being depressed but the moods where all over and getting hard to control I wanted to do everything for my baby I was cleaning constantly crying when ever. I would not recumend meds for all people but they did help me now 8 years later I have a 8 month old, Probably had some baby hormonal blues right after lol but I feel pretty good with every passing month.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/28/2011

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I'm with Elisa on this. But what I did to get out of my depression was to get back on my anti depressants. I was crying all the time and couldn't sleep or was sleeping too much. The realisation that something was wrong hit one night when my daughter woke up crying. I started crying too and went to my parents' room (my ex husband was back in Iraq at this time and really couldn't;ve cared either way what was happening) and told my mom I couldn't take it any more.
Just keep tabs on your sister in law I guess.

Elisa - posted on 02/28/2011

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This sound avery simular to what i had. I wasn't excatly depressed and could not hurt my daughter but I really felt like i didn't want her. It was too exhausting and overwhelming for me. I creid all the time and thought the baby woudl be better of with someone else to look after her. It took 2 weeks for me to go see someone i was on a very very low dose of pills for only 2 months and I am now fine. Looking back it's horrible you don't know where to get help ask for help or even admit that there is a problem but my partner pushed me and it was the best thing i could have done. She was my second child I had none with my first so it doesn't discrimate on who gets this. I hope she gets help. Dont' judge her or put her down it will only make it worse. But try to get her out of the house or get pamplets and leave them there for her.

Em - posted on 02/28/2011

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I am really sorry that you guys have to go through this. I know it was so difficult for my partner, he felt so helpless and confused as to why I was acting like I did. Especially since I just pushed away anyone who wanted to try to help. But it is important not to give up when it comes to that! She'll thank you later :)

Yes, there is a difference in the blues and PPD, but the "baby blues" could also lead to PPD, as in my case. And if it is the blues rather than the the depression that your sister-in-law is going through it sounds a lot worse than mine, which is why I really hope she'll agree to meet with someone. And even if it's NOT the blues or the PPD, but "just" her resenting her new life, it is still crucial for her to talk to someone. It sounds bad to say that I hope it is the blues, but I just hope with all of my heart that it is something like that rather than her resenting becoming a mom. I hope she'll wake up one morning in the very near future feeling happy about herself, her baby and life and I really do wish both her, you and your family the best of luck with everything! :)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/28/2011

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I wonder if your sister in law has just has PPD or Chronic depression/ Bi Polar. Because I have Bi Polar and suffered through the same thing.
I'd suggest that you try talking to your sister in law or your brother and suggest that she get help quickly. PPD can be worse in people who already have chronic depression or Bi polar and if something isn't done about it there could be some sad results. It could be that your sister in law feels ashamed that she's not feeling a traditional mother/child bond and doesn't want to talk about it along with feeling sad. You should encourage her and tell her there's nothing wrong with taking a while to warm up to being a mom- especially if this is a first time thing. You go from being able to do what you want to having to work your schedule around a baby who can't tell you what it wants. The whole ordeal can be overwhelming,
I'm not sure what else to add to this. All I know is that you should show that you're there for her.

Candi - posted on 02/28/2011

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Thanks! I thought about it maybe being "baby blues". I knew there was differences in them. Just really sure about it. I never experienced either one, so I don't really know the signs of them. I'm definitely going to try to get her to talk to me about it or atleast her dr. It worries me with the way she is acting.

Elaina - posted on 02/28/2011

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Candi, if your sister-in-law was depressed immediately after giving birth, this sounds like the "baby blues" not postpartum depression. I went through postpartum depression. It comes a while after the baby. For me it was about 2 months into being a mommy, but it normally develops slowly and gradually gets worse. Women can get it up to a year after giving birth. The "baby blues" is more of an immediate reaction after giving birth and usually goes away on its own after lasting up to a month. If it persists, I would suggest to her that she talk to her doctor about it. You could offer to go with her for support, and if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to her doctor about it, then you could talk to the doctor for her. Also, she should be being given the Edinburgh depression screening at her doctors visits and for her sons doctors visits. If she fills them out truthfully, they should diagnose her correctly.

Candi - posted on 02/28/2011

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Thank You Em! It's just a really sad thing to watch. I hold my nephew more than she does. It doesn't bother her at all, that I pick him up from just lying on the couch beside her or taking him outside for a walk. She never says anything, even though I have expected her too. Social Services came out after they came home from the hospital, to teach them both CPR and talk to her about PPD. She denied being depressed and I have even discussed with my brother some of the signs she is showing. I'm hoping that maybe she could talk to him about. She was never happy about being pregnant, so I wonder in a way if she resents the baby or my brother. They are both young, and neither one had plans on having a baby right now, but my brother is over joyed with the new life style he has. She won't even talk to me, so I really can't talk to her about how she feels or about the baby any. I'm hoping she comes out of this soon.

Em - posted on 02/28/2011

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I am not a doctor or anything like that, but to me it does sound like your sister-in-law is going through postpartum depression and should find someone to talk to asap. Unfortunately that's something that I went through myself and it was such a difficult, sad time for both me and my boyfriend... Thinking back I think the whole depression thing started in late pregnancy and then it just escalated after I'd given birth to my baby daughter. I was tired and sad all the time, had no energy to do anything else but take care of my baby and I was not a very nice girlfriend or friend during this time. For the first four days of my daughters life my boyfriend was the one who changed her nappies, gave her baths and dressed her etc. I just couldn't... I think that was due to a lot of stress from being at the hospital where the staff wasn't very nice and the environment was new and strange, because as soon as we got home I felt like I had always taken care of the baby. My depression was more about me being really low, tired and sad with no appetite and energy. It took me about 10 months to find the way back to my old self again, but I never had anyone to talk to and did not receive any professional help since I denied the PPD both to myself and to everyone around me. Now, when I'm back to "normal" I can clearly see the signs when I think back, but I couldn't at the time. Your sister-in-law might need some convincing to agree to meet someone, but I really, really think you should suggest it to her. Hopefully it'll pass quicker for her than it did for me, cause 10 months of tears and sadness is not the start she wants for her and her little baby! I hope she'll get better soon and will be able to enjoy her son and new family :) Good luck to you!

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