Do any husbands have patience for their babies???

Mary - posted on 12/16/2008 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My husband and I used to have a routine where since I was home all day w/our daughter, he'd take her at night so as to give me a break and be able to get stuff done. Now lately he's got such an attitude w/her, goes into the room at 3am telling her to "shut up", "knock it off", etc. He also starts to yell at her since she's only 6 months old and can't verbalize what she wants, and cries and nothing he does quiets her. I was just wondering if anybody else husbands act like this? ..Maybe it's just a flaw in the male gene...

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Brittany - posted on 12/17/2008

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Men can be big dumb little boys sometimes hu? Sounds to me like you just need to sit down and have a talk with him, I've had to a few times with my husband, and really talking dose help! Men aren't Mom's and they are no where as smart about taking care of a child as a Mom is. Tell him that your baby is only 6 months, she's not 6, she's not 16, she's a baby and has very few means of communicated with you, and one of the ways she communicates is crying! Tell him the yelling is not going to get him anywhere, he is just venting anger in a not so good way because the baby is crying and I guess he's tired of hearing it. Tell him a baby can tell already if you are upset, even more so when you are yelling at them and that that is not going to solve the problem, it's just going to make it worse and make the crying last longer. And also a baby learns so much in it's first year of life, and by yelling at her it may make her develop slower, it will confuse her, you 2 are the only people that she knows that she can really rely on because you 2 are there with her all the time feeding and playing with her and what not. Your husband sounds like he needs a good talking to and maybe some more alone time with you would help. Make sure there is a very good routine in your house and really stick to it. After you get her in bed spend some real alone time with him as a couple, turn off the t.v. and just spend some one on one time together talking. I take it this is your first kid? If so it dose get better, like everything else in life being a parent and a couple takes a lot of work, and a lot of compromise, you guys will be fine, just keep up the talking and keep him in line, because by all means that is not good for the baby. You don't want her to grow up to be an angry person cause her Dad the one male in her life that should mean the world to her couldn't keep his temper with her under control. Nip it in the butt while she is still very young, he thinks having a baby girl is hard work? Wow, he's in big trouble when she is 16 with a mouth and a brain and thoughts all her own.

User - posted on 12/17/2008

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If this is your first child u have to think about what your husband is feeling and why he might be acting this way towards your baby..Mothers have to realise that dads get stressed out too. I have a 6 month old and i cringed when i read ur post about how ur hubby speaks to ur baby, but u have to think that maybe he is feeling exausted..us girls get teary, guys get angry. Even tho u are home every day with ur baby (i am a stay at home mum too), maybe just ask ur hubby to take over 3 or 4 night duties and u do the rest. It could be that he is feeling resentful about going to work everyday while u stay at home, then has to stay up at night to care for a baby. Unfortunatly a lot of dads dont actually realise how taxing being a stay at home mum can be, not the work load, but the fact that we no longer feel like we are pulling our weight, financially or otherwise.

Sit him down, when he is relaxed and not stressed, and talk about how he feels . It may be hard to get out of him, he is a man after all..lol..



Being a new dad is a major thing.. not only has he lost most of ur free time, but now he is the sole breadwinner, and not the most important person in ur life anymore.



We really shouldnt judge him by what he says at 3am when he is tired from work and in need of sleep , he just needs to know that he is appreciated and loved and i'm sure things will get better. Take care xxoo

Paulena - posted on 12/16/2008

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My husband started to get frustrated with our son when he was about 6 months old. I sat my husband down and had a heart to heart with him. I set up a time every day that he and our son HAD to spend together. It's still apart of our routine. DH plays with Landen while I cook dinner and then he gives him a bath after we eat dinner together. Not only that at 6 months my son went through a mommy only phase..... When he was upset, he would want only me. Once DH and I figured that out it really made our lives a lot easier. Just so you know, my son is 12 months old it wasn't too long ago..... Good luck!!

Brandie - posted on 12/17/2008

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So far my husband has been very patend with our daughter on the other hand my mother in law is different i left me daughter with her for not even two mins just to go get the diaper bag out of the car she did not hear me come in by the way this is when my baby was only 31/2 weeks she was fussing at her saying that if you dont stop than i will not give you blanket back and you will be cold plus i wont pick you back up needless to say my mother in law has not been alone with her since and i dont think ever

User - posted on 12/16/2008

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My husband is not perfect but I never witness him doing any of that. he is very respectful and has patience with her. especially when she's teething or just got a shot (like 2day:( ) she's @ that age too. maybe u should remind him that. teething is no fun for them and it hurts like hell since she cant talk that her way of verbalizing with you guys. maybe he should read a book on stages or surf the web. i have no idea what 2 tell you girl. i know if i saw my husband do that. it would be on like donkey kon lol i hope all works out 4 u. maybe its just stress u never know. :(

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Natalie - posted on 02/13/2013

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I'm hoping he has found his calm (seeing as I am reading this from a few years ago). My husband is more patient than I am - and I'd never yell at my baby. Sounds like he is or was depressed.

Pam - posted on 12/17/2008

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I agree with Cheryl. I notice with my husband that when he's away from the kids more (like out of town, or at work or school) he's less patient when he gets back. I know that when i'm away from my girls for a while i tend to be less patient too. Try spending time with your baby and your husband, but dont take care of the baby, have your husband do it. I would also try rotating nights as to who gets up with the baby. He may just be exhausted. You get up monday he does tuesday you do wednesday etc. It might help alot. I would tell him how hearing him talk like that to your child makes you feel. he may not even notice he says that kind of thing. (especially if he only talks like that at 3 in the morning he may not even be awake enough to know what he's doing). I hope you can work this out. Good Luck!

Kathy - posted on 12/17/2008

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My husband is amazing with our daughter and has been since the day she was born. He has been doing night duty since she was 2 weeks old (my daughter is not the best sleeper) and is very nuturing and caring. I am so blessed.

I think your husband needs a good swift kick in the arse. He has no way to act like that.

Amie - posted on 12/16/2008

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I personally would take my husband aside and beat him if he ever yelled at any of our kids when they were so young. =) It is not the babies fault, your little one is not capable of communicating except through crying, cooing and other baby noises. When a parent is getting frustrated to baby will pick up on it and it will cause them to get more upset. My husband would get frustrated when he couldn't figure out what was wrong right away but he also knew better than to yell at a baby and would hand them to me. I'm a calmer person than he is so he used to get frustrated and thought they didn't like him because as soon as I held them they'd cuddle in and calm down. When I explained if their fussy and everything is fine but they want to be held he needs to keep himself calm, the calmer he is the faster baby will settle in and cuddle with him too. After he figured that one out he's been great and less stressed. Sometimes baby does just need to cry though no matter what you do, both of us have had to lay ours down at one point or another for a few minutes to let them cry and walk out of the room to calm ourselves. I may be mom but I am not perfect either. I'd suggest you talk to your hubby and make it clear he needs to stop this. I'd be worried about how he may be as she gets older and does start walking and talking. What he's going to do then when yelling doesn't work and she's still learning and doesn't understand completely?

Candice - posted on 12/16/2008

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I think some men just don't have the understanding that most mothers do. We have a different relationship with our children. But, it is so important that he understand that she is learning and picking up on EVERYTHING. If he continues to get frustrated with her chances are you'll see her start to be more easily frustrated. When our son was about six months old I noticed that my husband was starting to get more frustrated with the baby, it was really just because he didn't understand what he was supposed to do. Our son is now 16 months old and every time I see Chase start to get irriatated or look like he's going to yell at the baby I just take him from him and show him what he should be doing. He doesn't get that way because he's angry, he does it because he's confused and frustrated that he doesn't immediately know what Caleb needs. He's kind of like a little kid himself, he needs someone to show him what he is supposed to do. I can tell you though if he ever told our baby to "shut up" or "knock it off" he would really wish he hadn't when I was done with him!

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"6 Months at any rate is WAY to young to be yelling "shut up" and "knock it off" to your child."

I totally agree with this...I would never let my husband behave that way.

Amy - posted on 12/16/2008

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Luckily my husband was great with our daughter..There were times I would get frustrated and he would take over..We learned together that babies just have to cry and do their thing..It does get frustrating at times but he just needs to understand that getting frustrated makes it worse just relax and it will get better..



GOOD LUCK!!

Brandee - posted on 12/16/2008

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My husband has never and will never act like that towards our daughter. Our daughter is 2 years and a couple of months and this is the worst she has acted since birth. We still have patience and understanding that she is a child and is still learning SO much.



6 Months at any rate is WAY to young to be yelling "shut up" and "knock it off" to your child.

Rachael - posted on 12/16/2008

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My husband is not perfect but when it comes to our kids he is wonderful! He was out of work last winter and this one and I do daycare a few days a week. He takes over three days a week now (and last winter) and does full time daycare while I am at school and has to take care of 7-10 kids between the ages of 6 months- 4 years old. He is definately an equal partner when it comes to our kids. Patients takes practice and I think it is difficult for men to gain patients when most kids prefer mom (at some point, especially while breastfeeding). I think men want to control/fix things and with kids sometimes you just have to ride it out...there is no solution. I would just keep communication open and maybe see if there are other issues behind his impatients (stress, lack of sleep) sometimes talking about it makes it easier to deal with and he may be taking out his frustrations or venting on her. Good luck I hope you work something out. I always try to tell myself when I am frustrated that I am lucky to get to deal with a crying baby, fit throwing, and fussiness...some people are never blessed with having a baby I am glad I get to!

Sarah - posted on 12/16/2008

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Your husband might just need to know that babies will act that way. I know that I sometimes have too high of expectations for my 6 and 4 year old boys, and when they don't live up to them, I am irritated. I just need to learn that kids have certain phases, and will go through them whether we like it or not. Just get enough sleep, and read parenting books or go online about that age group and find out how to have enough patience so that your daughter will grow up feeling loved.

Brandie - posted on 12/16/2008

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My husband does not yell or fuss at my baby girl Dont get me wrong hes not perfect because he isn a very patent man at all but With her he is she is.

She is only four months and he did one time fuss at her but she curled up her bottom lip like he just broke her heart and he has not done it since she already has him rapped around her finger

Theresa - posted on 12/16/2008

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My husband used to be like that but not in a mean way...he was just as frustrated as the baby was b/c they weren't able to tell him what was wrong and he had no idea what to do. One thing I told him was to try to stay patient and calm all the time around them when they are upset. Best thing I could've told him b/c he now understands that they were feeding off his frustrations and neither of them rarely has the 'bad' moments.



Good luck!

Cynthia - posted on 12/16/2008

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I would NEVER allow my husband to act like this towards any of our kids!!!! Kids are kids and they deserve all of our patience! We treat them as we would like to be treated, with all respect! And the bond we have with them is magical!

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My husband is just as bad with my son. Not so much with my daughter, but definitely with my son.

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