do parents now a days punish their children

Alyshia - posted on 06/13/2012 ( 44 moms have responded )

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or just allow them to do as they please so they?
I have seen so many people make comments that their children throw tantrums when they don't get what they want. I can relate to a tantrum on occasion but to bang your head on the floor or throw things or what ever extreme act the child may do why is this truly happening?
I have 8 children ranging from the ages of 12 to 10 months. Not a single one of them have thrown them selves on the floor, banged their head on floor, or even thrown a fit in public. I am not saying i am super mom but i am asking an honest question on why i can 8 children and not ONE of them act this way? then other people have 1-3 children and they all do the fits?
could this being from all of the laws that have been passed that punishing our children was not right or what. My children know that if they were to throw fits of any nature they first will not get what the started to throw their fit over plus they will lose something else that they like alot.
i do not hit my children but yet even my 3 year old daughter knows how to behave in public and at home because she was taught that throwing fits and acting like and animal will not get you what you want nor will it get you any attention of any kind!
asking for honest feedback. please do not bad mouth anything that i have posted. this is my opinions, honest questions and personal experiences. all i ask from anyone is feedback and maybe some enlightenment on this issue
thank you for taking the time to read and respond. :)

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Jodi - posted on 06/14/2012

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Tantrums are totally normal. Most children have them at some point. They even write about them in all the books. Have done so for decades. You have obviously produced flukes of nature.



Tantrums are NOT a result of lack of discipline, they are generally born of frustration within a child, whether it be due to their lack of ability to communicate or do something, or, yes, not getting their own way. At some point, when dealt with in an appropriate way, the behaviour is extinguished and will not longer be a problem. But in the meantime, they can be difficult to deal with and every child is different.



IF it isn't dealt with appropriately, or is dealt with only inconsistently, then understandably, the child will continue the behaviour.



However, when you see a child having a tantrum while you are out an about, don't judge the mother. That child may be still in the phase of learning appropriate coping strategies.



I totally disagree that the majority of parents of those children throwing ridiculous fits are letting their children run the show. I had a child throw a ridiculous fit in public once (see that word, ONCE). He has never done it again (and never will, he's 14 now), and he'd never done it previously. You can never know what has triggered it as an outsider looking on. Again, you shouldn't be judgemental when you see these things at a glance.



Not all children will be tantrum throwers, but every child also has its own temperament. Some children will have a greater tendency to manifest their frustrations in tantrums than others.

Jenni - posted on 06/15/2012

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It depends on the age of the child, temperment or whether or not the child has a medical condition. Sure, in some cases it could be lack of discipline but I'd attribute that to older children who do not have a medical condition. If the child is a toddler then a tantrum is completely normal. All children have different temperments, some are stronger willed or more intense than others. This is coming from a mom who has two girls who have never had a meltdown in public and are very mild tempered but has a son who is very intense and sensitive even as an infant and has always been prone to major meltdowns. They didn't involve head banging or anything like that but he was very quick to pitch a fit. Especially at the grocery store because he is so sensitive he would have a sensory overload with all the lights, sounds, sights and people. He has since grown out of that, thankfully.



And yes, I am a stubborn, unmoveable rock when he's had a fit. I tell him that I cannot help him until he's calm... every... time and then ignore it or move him to a safe/quiet spot. I have had to remove him from a store twice when he was a toddler. I had plenty of tools in my belt to use as proactive tantrum preventors in public. Snacks, drinks, toys, games to play to keep him busy and distracted. As well as teaching him to breath or count through his tantrums at home. He's almost 4 now and although he still occassionally throws himself on the ground to cry when he gets frustrated, it is infrequent and short-lived. I tell him to breath and calm himself down and he does. He whines a lot! And it drives me absolutely batty but I've also learned how to stop that in it's tracks the moment it starts with an; "Ah! Ah! Ah! What's that awful noise I hear? I can't understand people when they're whinning. Please ask nicely." He'll take a second to consider how to ask properly and then rephrase himself in a sweet tone and with manners. Or my famous; "What does whinning get us?" with his answer; "nothing." Although, he pretty much never whines over not getting his way. It's always over being frustrated with something.



But believe me, it has been one damn hard road and has taken a lot correction, time-outs, teaching and patience, he required 20x more involvement in discipline than my other two. So I don't dare judge another mom who is struggling. I just give her the knowing smile that says we've all been there and hopefully it helps relax her because I know how tense it can make you in public when your child starts having a fit.



Interesting enough, my MIL describes my husband as a very intense child that became easily frustrated when he couldn't do something or at sports. So I think nature plays a part in it as well. In all honesty, I think you should count your blessings and maybe try to be a little empathetic to a mom you see struggling. For all any of us know, the child could be autistic or have a medical condition and the last thing a parent who is struggling needs is judgement from other moms.



I am very active in the discipline of my children, understanding their personalities and what discipline strategies they require based on temperment and needs, and individual challenges. Feel free to join us over at PBS. It's a community here on COM that offers support and advice for moms who choose to discipline with positive behaviour strategies (ie: discipline without spanking): http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...

Jena - posted on 06/14/2012

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I read the book Super Baby & it really helped me a lot.

My parents were old school & used to punish my sister & I by hitting us. And NO it wasn't child abuse! It was just the way they were taught when they were younger as well. Did I like the way they raised me? Not really. Yes I did stop what I was doing & never did it again cause I was scared of them. However, it did teach me to LIE to them when I was older (cause I was never comfortable telling them the truth). It also taught me how to be physical =.=" I remember when my hubby & I first started dating whenever we get into arguments I would always be physical just cause I thought it was proving a point! Thank god he had enough patience to deal & help me change! ♥

So now here I am raising my little girl (19months) & I talk to her like a human being & adult. It does take a lot of patience (sometimes I yell but apologize after) cause she obviously doesn't understand half the things I say but I know when she grows up she will be able to tell me things & not hide stuff from me! Hopefully they will get the idea that if someone has a problem, yelling doesn't help explain it.

You should try reading Super Baby by Jenn Berman (google just in case) It really really really helped me as a young mama! ♥ ♥

S. - posted on 06/14/2012

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My 20 month old throws a fit all the time in fact she's the master of temper tantrums (a new move of her's IS to bang her head) she get's no kind of attention from me for this behaviour and she never gets what she wants, for some reason she throws a mini one every day when were heading to the car to pick her sister up in the afternoon, I think she wants me to go to shop or the park but she never gets what she wants, yet everyday she still dose it. I feel she is very frustrated as she finds it hard to communicate and her fits are less now then what they used to be although we also had one in the supermarket just this morning as she wanted to be out the trolly (she stayed in the trolly, I might add) her worsed one's are when she's over tired and fighting a nap (that's usually when she can bang her head) my middle daugher has Had a few in shop's which Iv also never given in to, ppl can stair for all I care I would on occasion's march her out stand her by a wall and do a make shift naught corner, then Iv gone back in the shop and carried on with what I need to do. My middle daughter is 4 now and she is a very good girl I can take her anywhere, I can't remember the last time she misbehaved in a shop she knows she would be in trouble. My oldest daughter never had many fits that I remember.
I class my self as a stricked mum, I NEVER give in, I am firm and I have punishments fitting their ages, I do not hit IMO it dose no good, I never give attention for bad behaviour and I think positive parenting works wonders also me and my hb work as a team, yet all 3 of mine have at one time in their life thrown themselves on a supermarket floor over something they can't have! So in all due respect how you have 8 children and not one has had one shocks me slightly, am I doing something wrong :(

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Anna - posted on 07/14/2012

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I punish my son when I can't get him to modify his behavior by a different means (distracting him, talking to him, etc.). Punishments usually come in the form of time outs or taking away privileges, like TV. He's overall a pretty good, normal, well-adjusted kid. Of course he throws tantrums, he's two and still learning how to regulate and express his emotions. Even adults throw tantrums (some more often than others). Expecting angelic behavior out of human beings, especially kids, is ignorant.

Jodi - posted on 07/13/2012

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Oh, I don't know, saying please and thank you models great manners for your kids when asking them to do something. I have also found that using please and thank you provides a MUCH more positive response and is less likely to result in objections from the child. But hey, my 15 years as a parent might not count ;)

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2012

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I'm one of those 'mean' parents, as they like to call us now. My kids pick up after them selfs, eat what I give (or nothing until the next meal), listen to me, go to bed (in their bed) when I say, say please & thank you & know how to behave! If they don't they get 'the wall' on very rare occasion's do they get a spank on the hand or bottom. I've found that as long as I'm consistant with the 'rules' they fallow them without being told or 'punished'. In my mind I AM THE PARENT & THEY ARE THE CHILDREN, I make the rules & they follow them.

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves as a mommy, parents saying please! I DO NOT tell my children 'please' when they need to do something! Please gives them the option to say no. Though if I am asking them to do something, get mommy a diaper for sissy or throw this away for me, then please most definitely needs to be used.

I believe parents now a days (not basing this on age as I am only 22) have forgotten who's 'in charge' & just don't want to be as hard as their parents were, however the children need rules!

Christina - posted on 07/13/2012

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I have a son that's almost 2 1/2 & overall he's a very good little boy but he also throws tantrums sometimes. His biggest ones were just recently when we were on vacation & they were mainly in public. We do not give into him when he does that. I have noticed that he mainly does it when he's tired. We do also discipline.

Amie - posted on 07/09/2012

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as a little baby 1 to 2 years the only thing you can do is ignore them when they scream and just get done what u got to do and get out of there. But by the time they can understand situations and behavior I think timeouts and sticking their nose to the wall is necessary for punishment. smacking their hand to let them know when something they cant grab is wrong isnt bad, its like how dogs or cats show their babies what is wrong. I also dont think spanking is bad just dont do it all the time only when their really bad and out of control. and then you need to look them at their eye level and explain why its wrong what they did. Its difficult to control yourself when theres a screaming child, smacking you and throwing fits. But every child is different, some may need a spank, some not.. just depends on how you think they will understand.

Brittiany - posted on 07/09/2012

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Men also look and think that, a lot of them with children. I also have seen women with children look at women with a child and the look on their faces are 'why can't she control her child' while some may have sympathy more feel shocked and disgusted about the lack of control over the child. I look at some women like that cause these children are the same who show absolutely no signs of disability what so ever, and I have nieces who are disabled( one who is both blind and has mental retardation, another who has autism. My brother also has hyper activity. so yes I do know the signs) They are just out of control and screaming at their parents who don't give them what they want. Children need boundaries and need discipline but the problem is that many states have taken away the ability to do that. Swat a child who knows that they are misbehaving and that they aren't supposed to be doing it, I see nothing wrong with that. But someone sees that now everyone cries 'wolf'. I don't mean that you need to repeatedly hit the child I mean one quick swat on the bottom and be done with it. If I was like that as a kid running up and down isles at the store I would have had a swat on the ass and sent to the car with an older sibling. I understand that when a child doesn't feel good they are crabby but they don't go running and screaming pulling things off of the shelves and throwing things around at a store. These children need discipline, not only did the state take away the ability to do this but also people swear they aren't going to raise their kids the way that their parents raised them. That's all fine and dandy but this is usually from people who had abusive or very strict (I'm talking catholic school strict, no offense to anyone who is catholic) but it's a chance to rebel against parents even as parents and adults ourselves. No I didn't like the way I was raised but I'm not going to let my daughter be out of control so when she gets a swat that means she knew she was doing wrong and 'deserved' it, though that isn't quite the word I'm looking for ^.^;;. But everyone has their own opinions about the way a child should be raised and how to handle tantrums and the like.

Stifler's - posted on 07/09/2012

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Quite frequently when I see that I'm like... LOL it's not my kid for once... and keep shopping

Jodi - posted on 07/08/2012

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"No one looks at a screaming child and goes....oh thats ok, he's just expressing himself....they think "why can't his mother shut him up, I would be sooo embaressed if my kid acted like that." In my opinion that kind of behavior should never be tolerated...unless they just wacked their head on the floor."

Ah, it is always so refreshing to see the wisdom of someone not yet a parent. Allow me to correct you on something here. Actually, quite frequently, it IS the child expressing themselves, because they are often incapable of expressing their feelings sufficiently (if at all) in a verbal manner. When children are developing their language skills, expressing feelings and thoughts about their feelings do not develop until they are a little older, and this is when they begin to grow out of throwing these types of tantrums.

Only a woman with no children would say "why can't his mother shut him up, I would be sooo embaressed if my kid acted like that.". Personally, I have never looked at a child having a tantrum and thought that at all. I have more empathy than that.

Bronwyn - posted on 07/08/2012

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I wouldn't say this was a new thing. My daughter's father apparently threw fits like this back in the 80's. It has nothing to do with punishment techniques, but more the child's temperment.

Leanne - posted on 07/06/2012

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I am 26 and expecting my first child, a boy, in the fall. My parents, at least my mom, raised my sister and I will a very clear set of guidelines. We knew what was expected out us and looking back it made life much easier. I never had to wonder if I was going to be punished or get away with what I was doing. I knew if I misbehaved there would be concequences. I Found it comforting because I knew what to expect from my mother and what was expected of me. I certainly wasn't a perfect kid, but I never had a tantrum in public. It wouldnt have gotten me anywhere. My dad was a different story, we alternalter loved and feared him. He was tonnes of fun one moment and a rageing bull the next. We never knew if he was serious or teaseing and a tantrum was a great way to get what we wanted from him. over all I must say I much perfered my mothers method because there was no uncertainly which made things a lot less stressful. I got a spanking now and then, but never undeserved. I hope to do the same with my children, spanking wounldn't be my first option but clear guidlines and concequence not to meantion praise and rewards for good behavior make things much easier all the way around. There is nothing more unattractive than a child you can't take in public. No one looks at a screaming child and goes....oh thats ok, he's just expressing himself....they think "why can't his mother shut him up, I would be sooo embaressed if my kid acted like that." In my opinion that kind of behavior should never be tolerated...unless they just wacked their head on the floor.

Brittiany - posted on 07/04/2012

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I've seen 11 and 12 year olds calling their mother a dumb b**ch cause they didn't get what they wanted. In all honesty it disgusts me to see how children are acting. There is a difference between discipline, punishment, and abuse. My parents spanked me and smacked my mouth when I said something inappropriate, was I afraid of them?, no I respected my parents and never lied to them about anything. I see no problem with a swat on the bottom when my daughter is misbehaving when she is older. Right now when she reaches for something that she knows she isn't supposed to be grabbing it's a tap on her hand with one MAYBE two fingers on mine and a loud stern no. But to compare swatting a child and swatting a dog, well people do things to animals that would never happen to most people/children. If your child had an accident and pooped/peed on the couch when you were changing their diaper, or in their pants when they are older would you rub their nose in it?? I'm not going to beat my child with a newspaper with how some people treat their dogs. However I've had dogs my entire life and I have given them swats on the butt when the dog did something that it KNEW was wrong, like chewing up a pillow/shoes/toys.

Destinee - posted on 07/04/2012

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Kayla, thank you. It's hard, but we count our blessings that he was positively diagnosed so young as it means we have more time that we know what the "problem" is and can help so he has a better chance at leading a "normal" life later on down the line.

Nikki - posted on 06/30/2012

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Acting like an animal? hmm that's a little offensive. Tantrums are normal, some children have lots of them and some children have none. Depends on the personality of the child.

Leslie - posted on 06/29/2012

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I never give my child what she wants unless she behaviors and I'm a child care graduate and been through four daycares and an elementary school. I have the patients.

Leslie - posted on 06/29/2012

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my daughter is 19 months and when she does not get her way she screams and cries and i say either you listen to mom or it is time out in her crib. there is a crib tent in there so she can't climb out. she a good baby and hardly ever get in trouble.

Holli - posted on 06/29/2012

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My daughter is almost two, and she went through a phase where she would bang her head on the ground. At first I was worried shed hurt herself & try to stop her, but after a while I just completely ignores it and she stopped.

Chennel - posted on 06/28/2012

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Children who repeatedly throw fits do it because parents are not consistently ignoring or punishing the behavior. Children are all about pushing boundaries, yes even really small children. Your reaction as a parent shows them what is ok and what is not ok. If a child sees that 3 out of 5 tantrums go unpunished and they get the attention they are looking for, then the child will throw tantrums again and again. I have a 3yo boy and I am not a perfect mom. Sometimes I just want to give him what he wants to shut him up, but I know that means I lose. I have gotten our interactions simplified. He starts to throw a tantrum or to throw something or say a bad word and I immediately identify a spot for time out and tell him to go there. He stays until he is calm, however long that takes. When he is calm I explain why he was sent to time out, what behavior would have been more favorable, and I make him tell me it won't happen again. Then I give him and hug and a kiss and send him on his way. He still doesn't get what he originally wanted. But we both get to walk away from the situation and cool down. But it's all for naught if you aren't consistent.

Christa - posted on 06/20/2012

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I've seen quite a bit of this too and first thought it was coming mostly from children with young parents.. but I was a teen mom and my daughter who is 3 has better manners than most kids her age and even some who are older than her. For instance, the first time I told my 7 yr old, step-son "no" he looked at me like I was crazy. Since meeting his dad I've gotten to know parents that really DO just let their kids/grand-kids do anything they want whenever they want. Until recently, like you, I didn't personally know parents that did that. It still shocks me to see 6,7,8 yr olds throwing outright tantrums in restaurants and stores.
Most of them seem to use the "I feel guilty saying no" or "I let them because I love them excuse".
Personally I think kids need to hear "no" sometimes, and when you do say "no" you need to stand your ground through tears, whining, screaming, etc. Eventually your child knows that its OK not to always get your way, you don't always get what you want "right now", and they learn general good manners both in public and at home. I have never spanked my daughter, when she was still in diapers she occasionally got a pat on the bottom to get her attention (only hard enough for her to feel, never more). Now she either looses privileges or gets a time-out.

Kayla - posted on 06/19/2012

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Sometimes time-outs just dont cut it. I wouldnt compare spanking my child to hitting a dog, two completley different things. When its a tap on the bottom there is absoloutley nothing wrong with it. I have newspaper articles on the issue and it is most deffinatley allowed in our society. As long as youre not doing it when you are angry but as dicipline for sure :)

Maureen - posted on 06/19/2012

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I have 4 children ages 13, 11, 8, and 2. I spank as needed, luckily its not needed very often. My children and I and my husband have a very open relationship. Everyone can speak and be heard respectfully. We are pretty laid back parents and the kids follow suit. They know how to play" the game of life" as I call it. They know they can be a little wilder and louder and less reserved at home but the second we are in public they know how they are supposed to act and they make me proud all the time. I do punish bad behavior and will until I see fit not to.

Lisamarie - posted on 06/19/2012

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I don't punish my children, I discipline them. They have consequences for their actions and they are fully aware of what those consequences are, my children are generally very well behaved (go me! lol) but they do have the odd hiccup so if they do play up whilst shopping they get a time-out, wherever we are, in a corner if we have to. I do not hit/spank/smack my children, you wouldn't do it to a dog or each other so why a child? :-)

Kayla - posted on 06/18/2012

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Having a child with autism is a whole different story however and I sympathise with you Destinee. I think it takes a very strong and very patient person to deal with that, and I have so much respect for you :)

Kayla - posted on 06/18/2012

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No doubt about it every parent NEEDS to punish their children no matter what day n age it is. If you dont show them some authority they will walk all over you and you will end up like that little old lady in the store with a 40 yr old son yelling at her and showing no respect.

Destinee - posted on 06/17/2012

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I have two children, a six week old and a two year old. My older son has Autism, and often throws fits in public, sometimes because he wants something and was told no, other times because he's overwhelmed/overstimulated by being around so many people. In either case, no, I do not give in nor ignore his fits. He is given five minutes to sit on a bench in the store with Mommy stand close by to calm down. If he cannot calm down, I do one of two things: 1) take him to the car until he DOES calm down, upon which time we return to the store to finish our shopping, or 2) call a friend or family member to see if they will come pick him up (I actually have a retired great aunt who lives up the road from Wal Mart who's done this for me several times) and watch him while I finish shopping. When this occurs, he is not rewarded-if I have to call someone to get him, he is expected to lay on a bed or couch in their house with no toys and no TV and try to take a nap. There is no playing, there is no entertainment-I understand he's Autistic, but I still insist he behave as best he can. Usually, he calms down after a few minutes if I take him to the car, and this is because he was simply overwhelmed and needed out of the situation for a bit. Then we are able to finish the trip no problem. If he can't calm down and I have to call someone, generally it's because he was tired. At home, he's usually sent to his room and Mommy takes his toy box out of the room while he's in there and he can throw his fit where he's out of the range of those who'd like to keep their eardrums in tact.

CJ - posted on 06/17/2012

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My daughter (she turned 3 in feb) has thrown a fit or two in the store (usually when she was really tired), but nothing like throwing herself down. But my boyfriend and I do not tolerate fit throwing. She gets sent to her room for time out and doesn't get what she threw the fit about if she throws a fit. So usually she only acts that way when she's in a really cranky mood. And she tries it with grandma, because grandma gives in. Though if I hear her doing it, I step in and warn her that she'll be heading straight to her room if she keeps it up, and that usually does the trick. If she's throwing alot of fits, she ends up in bed for a nap. We do on occasion give her swats to the butt, but as a last resort punishment. We had some "disiplinary issues" when she first turned 3, but we got it figured out. It was like when she hit 3, she decided she didn't like how things were going and was going to test every limit mommy and daddy had. She also got to the point where naps everyday wasn't working out, so we had that transition happening at the same time. Usually though, we don't even have to go s far as the actual punishment, she tends to listen after the warning. I think a problem alot of parents have (I noticed this especially with my sister when my niece was my daughter's age) is that they just keep warning and rarely go through with the punishment. Or in the case of my friend, she buys her son something every single time they go to the store (and not little $5 things either, we're talking like $20 toys), so anytime she tells him no, he'd throw a fit. We buy my daughter things at the store, but not every time and not when she's not listening and behaving. And alot of the time we'll get something she needs and make it out to be a treat. like cups. They have these like $1 plastic cups with cartoon character's on them at walmart. And we'll let her pick a new one out every so often. She gets so excited about it, when really it's just something we'd need to buy at some point anyways. In the end, she's happy and we're slowly building up our supply of kids cups. I've also discovered that since my daughter see's me writing "lists" alot, telling her "not this time, how about we put it on your christmas list, or birthday list" tends to work great on my daughter when she really wants something at the store. Most times even, "not today, maybe next time" works great. I've found that kids tend to be more upset that you told them no, than over the fact that they aren't getting anything. Really, I think the most important thing is consistancy. If I stand my ground one day, but give in when my daughter whine's the next, she's not going to know that whining will not get her her way. Or if I say no, but daddy gives it to her, she'll just play us against eachother. That's why me and my boyfriend check what the other answered when she asks for a treat or a toy or something. And though it took a long time we've got grandma making her ask us when she wants a treat from grandma as well, so grandma's not filling her up on snacks and stuff without us knowing it...

Ebere - posted on 06/17/2012

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I spank, I give time outs and sometimes ignore..each misbehaviour has its own form of punishment and so far it worksfor me..my daughter is 4years now and doesn't misbehave especially in public

Stifler's - posted on 06/16/2012

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Honestly I think tantrums are normal especially in toddlers. Mine both carry on like pork chops when I say no to a second juice or take away their pens because they drew on the wall and I don't give in and give them what they want to shut them up, yet they still do it. Punishing them for tantruming won't stop them tantruming IMO, they will just cry more. I just explain why they aren't having this or that then leave them to have a fit about it, eventually they get over it and start playing.

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My son is only a couple months old so I haven't had to deal with tantrums yet but I do remember how my parents punished me and my sister. For me time outs worked best it was mostly having to go sit in a corner for about 10 minutes probably longer sometimes I did get spanked every now and then if what I did was seriously wrong. The corner didn't work for my sister and she got spanked more than I did. Both of us learned though from our different punishments, I'm pretty sure our parents also explained to us why they were punishing us the way that they did. Also after a spanking we were hugged and told that they loved us. I'm not sure yet how I will punish my son but I have some time to figure that out.



Now I used to work in a library and there were a lot of kids there that would throw a fit and it was kind of obvious that it was because they were used to getting their way, and because of that they then bothered the whole library. I know that I will not tolerate that and if he acts like that (when he gets to the appropriate age) we will leave with nothing.

Joellen - posted on 06/16/2012

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My little girl thows fits alot she just started doing this I am very afraid of how to punishing her I got told my some lady she was going to call dhs on me. Her kids were all over the place. I just gave her a blank stire. But now insted of spanking her I set her in time out or leave the store. when I make her set in time out people still give me bad looks I dont care now but I did at one time I did.Her dad will give her whatever she is crying about big problem right now but they are both getting better. I do talk to her and clam her down before I put her in time out sometimes she will not listion. So I put her in time out than ask her what she did wrong. Juliet tells me what she did most of the time. Other times she cant tell me so I let her know what she did and explain why it was the wrong thing to do. I have people from my boyfriends family tell me she just 3 why do u have to be so hard on her. But once again I dont care my kid will not be running all over the store or thowing thing in the store.

Ileah - posted on 06/16/2012

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Well can i just say that all kids throw tantrums. There are differnt kinds. Throwing themselves on the floor is just the most obvious. I have a 2 yr old. Shes very advanced for her age. She uses her words instead of acting out physically. I think this is due to me teaching how to do so. Again, she very smart for her age. i must say that i am not strict but reliabl. I mean what i say and stick to my guns. Its about the kid knowing if you are a push over or if you are a truth teller. She throws "tantrums" with her dad. Hes a big suck with her and just wants her to be happy alll the time. Children cant deal with anger. Its a very scary emotion. They feel as if they have lost all control of themselves and need to be reassured that everything is ok. Im not saying give into your child. Im saying teach them that its just a emotion like all the rest. And dont gudge that mother that has kids in the store and one is throwina fit on the floor. You never know if theres a developmental dely in the child or if shes just had. a bad day and said the wrong thing and it triggered the kid to lose it. No mother is perfect. Like all things in life its about learning.

A - posted on 06/15/2012

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Maybe I have been misusing the term "tantrum". When I say my kid throws a tantrum ( I have a 3 yr old and a 9 month old) all that means is that they cried when they didn't get something they wanted or are really upset and crying. Less frequently, my oldest son will throw a toy or (even less frequently will try to hit or kick me). Usually the hitting or kicking only happens after I lose my cool and ended up giving him a light smack first (which I acknowledge is wrong of me). But it isn't common, everyday behavior for my son to escalate that far. He may throw a toy once or twice a week, he may hit or try to kick during an episode once or twice a month. Tantrums are usually caused by something- lack of attention (boredom), hunger, or tiredness. Usually they only happen with my son at these times when I have not met his needs- which is my fault. I try to fix the situation that I have caused. I try to keep in mind that I have to do my job as a parent and listen to what my child needs. WIth two little ones, it's sometimes hard. And usually when I drop the ball, things start up. I've never had a child bang their head up against a wall, or anything get really bad like I've seen other videos of kids do. I am a really impatient person, so usually when things get bad I leave the room and cool down, or put my son in his room so I can calm down and handle things calmly. Sometimes he throws a toy at the door in protest, but after a minute he calms down and I'm able to go in and talk to him and work the problem out.

That said, I don't like to use punishment as a first resort with children who aren't at the age of reason yet (6 or 7). And from what I've heard tantrums have usually stopped at that point. I do use natural consequences, but first I talk to my child, calm him down, explain whats happening, and why we don't do whatever it is he did. He has to apologize if he hurt me or his sibling, etc. Punishment by itself doesn't teach a child to stop doing the behavior; it only teaches them not to get caught or doesn't tell them WHY it was wrong. I try to explain empathy and how rules are there to protect people. I try to give him a reason why things are happening. It may not be a satisying reason but a reason none the less. If he isn't paciied with my answer I have to resort to saying "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do" and ask him what I can do to make him feel better (other than giving him what he originally wanted, of course) like a hug, kiss, nursing session, etc. Discipline means to teach. I try to teach my children. When they do wrong, I make him go back and do right. If he was rough with a toy, he has to show me how to use it nicely before he can play with it again.

Whitney - posted on 06/15/2012

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My daughter is 2 and throws tantrums. I let her just cry them out. She usually has them when she's sleepy or frustrated. She gets it from me. I'm a really cranky person when I need sleep and I was a very emotional pregnant person. And my daughter behaves herself in public cuz I try to schedule things at times she will be tired.

Laura - posted on 06/15/2012

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As a mum I take discipline quite serious, at the end of the day, we are setting the boundaries and characters of our children, and how they will be when they are older. That being said, some children ARE more difficult than others. Particularly those who have problems like ADHD. Some of those children you see throwing temper tantrums on the floor, you don't know whether their parents use discipline or not, so I genuinly do not think you can judge their situation based on how you're chidren are etc. Remember every family is different, every child is different.

Heather - posted on 06/15/2012

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I know all the laws are different in every state but in MISSOURI THEY SUCK YOU CAN LEAVE BRUISES ON YOUR CHILD APPEARNTLEY AND DFS WON'T DO NOTHING I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THE SYSTEM FOR 6 YEARS NOW AND NOTHING!!! They just say the dad is being too rough with him!

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2012

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Sarah, my son used to hold his breath until he passed out. He started at about 7 months. He's now 4 and doesn't pass out anymore but will still sometimes hold his breath and do the big silent cry until his lips turn blue and he does the really loud scream.

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2012

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To me banging their head or throwing things are not extreme tantrums. I think that is just how some kids vent their frustration and anger......not that that means those actions are ok. I remember my mom telling stories of me throwing all my stuffed animals out in the hallway when I was angry. That was my way of venting at that point. I must have stopped this behavior before I became too old because I don't remember doing this. I have a 12 mos. old that since she was a newborn she would hold her breath when she cries. At her 9 mos. check up she did not want the doctor to touch her or look into her ears, ect. so she started to do her cry where she holds her breath forever before you hear the loud cry part the doctor made a comment about how she has never seen a child as young as her hold her breath for as long as she did. She also gave me a heads up that she might be one of those kids that will hold their breath until they pass out when mad. For me I know that she will let out a big cry at some point so I don't get worked up about it. I am a pretty strict parent and am not one to give in. But my daughter is also a strong willed little girl and that can make life interesting(I also have a 10 yr old strong willed girl). In some ways I like that....no boy or even girl is going to talk her into doing something she does not want to do. On the other hand when she is 2 and 3 years old or even 15 and 16 years old and has an idea in her head you now have to figure out how to mold that into something that goes down the right path instead of the wrong path.

Brandy - posted on 06/14/2012

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My mom had 3 of us, and myself and my brother who are 4 years apart never did anything like that. However, my baby brother who was born when I was almost 18 did it a lot. And spanking didn't work for him which my mom found out pretty fast. But it was mostly when he was 1.5-2.5 years old. So the normal age it would happen. But she did have to ignore him when he did it for the most part, but he most certainly never got what he wanted. Where as I have actually seen people try to bribe their children out of a tantrum. My 6 year old just had an attitude yesterday when I told her she couldn't play her DS until she cleaned her room. She decided to stomp up the stairs so I told her she wasn't going to play it at all but she still needed to clean her room. She threw a fit in her room, but I left her in there, she eventually cleaned it, but she most certainly did not get to play her ds. Some people just don't know how to put their foot down. But because we're a military family and my husband is deployed for the 3rd time, I don't put up with that stuff because one I don't have the time to, and two my kids are not going to grow up spoiled just because their dad is gone all the time. It's not an excuse and I dont expect anyone else to use any excuses either. My daughter even gives me the "I miss my daddy" thing, but it's only acceptable if it's honest and not just her trying to get out of something. I dont fall for it whatsoever.

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2012

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Some kids have behavioural or social difficulties (ADHD, austim) and they have no control over the way the behave or react in some situations, it's not always down to the way people parent.

I'm with you though, I don't smack my children. Both know how they are expected to behave at home and whilst out, and I frequently get comments about how well behaved and polite they are in public, even though it's not always the case at home. They push their boundaries and misbehave, BUT they know there are consequences for bad behaviour, they know I will follow through with it and they know that no means no.

My son has sleep apenea and the knock on effect of that is that he displays all the symptoms of having ADHD. The behavioural specialist I saw described his behaviour as a hyperactive toddler going through extreme terrible two's. He's 4.
Because of this discipline techniques such as timeouts don't work for him.
My daughter on the other hand is 2 and she hates being disciplined. She knows she will be sent to time out or have something taken away so one warning to her is normally enough to curb her behaviour.

Tracie - posted on 06/14/2012

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You are proof positive that hitting is not necessary to have well behaved children. I'm with you 100% (although I only have 2 children). More power to you!!

Jerica - posted on 06/13/2012

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ok. i only have one child and he is an 8 month old toddler, but my sister has two boys 5 and 2 yrs old and i know that she doesnt really punish her children when they throw a fit, she just takes "the easy way out" by just giving them what they want so that they will stop. and the majority of the people whos children throw these ridiculous fits are more than likely letting their children run the show instead of putting their foot down and actually working with the children to show them whats ok and whats not ok to do. but thats just the conclusion that i came to from with what my sister does.

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