Do people really look down on age differences?

Ashley - posted on 05/26/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

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My fiance and i are 11yrs apart im 22 and he is 33 and we have been together for about 3 yrs now and we have a beautiful 2yr old daughter, But it seems to me that alot of people judge him and i for the age instead of for how much we love each other. I am so confused,I really love him but people say it wont last longer then what its been because of his age. Any Suggestions?

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My husband and I are 11 yrs apart too--I'm 29 and he is 40. When we met, I was 19 and he was 30. At first it was odd, then when he proposed I was called a "trophy wife." But that's a joke now. We are still strong after 8 years, and I think at 30 I'll no longer fit the "trophy wife" title.



I've always said that women grow up faster so we need older men. lol. Take it in stride, they will see. My parents in particular hated my husband before we were wed. They said a man that age was only after one thing from a 19 year old girl....YUCK hearing that from them! But they gave in at the wedding and have actually come around to loving him. It just takes time.



The only other difficult thing is fitting in with his friends and at work functions. I'm always the youngest person around by about 5 years.

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100 Comments

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Colleen - posted on 06/01/2010

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Hi Ashley,
I'm colleen n I started a group on here thats called 10+ years age difference because my boyfriend is 16 years older then me. I wanted support from other mothers who deal with the same issues as me. Don't let people's opinions bother u about YOUR relationship! If u both love each other n he is good to u then no one should be saying anything but of course they do. The problem with this world is A LOT of people think that everyone has to be a like and look down upon anyone that is different in any way. In reality no one is alike and there really is NO normal. So keep ur head up and come join my group if u want some support or have any questions for any of the other mothers.

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2010

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My parents are 18 years apart. My mom was 27 years old and my dad was 45 when I was born. They have been married for 25 years. There are many relationships that don't last long and these couples are closer in age. Some people just don't understand and I think that's why they disapprove. In how you should do what makes you happy and the hell with what other people think. Good Luck!

Erin - posted on 06/01/2010

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there is 22 years between my boyfriend and i, i am sure there are people who make comments or talk behind our back about it. it really isnt an issue with us, or with our family, we have a beautiful baby girl and we are in love...in the end thats all that matters. i sy ignore the negativity and focus on the positive, your family and your love!

Emily - posted on 06/01/2010

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My husband of almost 2 years and I are 15 years apart...When we met he was 40 and I was 25. It took people time to get used to it, but they did. I couldn't have a better husband! We love e/o so much. All that matters is that you love eachother!

Kay - posted on 06/01/2010

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me & the father of my child to be have 19 years difference between us we see it as just a number & if u love someone who care what others say as long as u can make it work & last a life time.

Elisabeth - posted on 06/01/2010

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Don't let it bother you, people are just jealous, thats why they say it won't work. Why would an age gap make it not last? Money and Infidality are the biggest cause of breakup and I don't think age has anything to do with it. It's more about maturity then age, if anything your age gap should make it more of a chance to stay together as ussually girls are a bit more mature for their age then men, not saying that your man is immature or anything like that. I am 21, my partner is 36. Join the group 'moms with much older partners' if you like.

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2010

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my husband and i have been together for 7 yrs, married for 3 yrs. he is 32 and im 23 yea we had a lot of looks and comments but i love him and to me thats all that matters. so as long as yall are fine with it, to hell with the others lol :)

Carly - posted on 06/01/2010

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Age is just a number...its how you feel inside that really counts. My fiance is slightly younger than me, but I've been with older guys in the past and I've actually found some of them immature in comparison. If \i were you I'd just ignore their comments and take each day for what it is. Maybe if you're really happy they're just jealous?? Just think about yourselves and your little one hunni xxx

Vanessa - posted on 06/01/2010

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Don't listen to them. My husband and I are 13 years apart and have been married for 2 years now. Age is truly just a number.

Rose - posted on 06/01/2010

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i don't think that is gross but i do however think it is gross when they are younger than your children. My dad is with a chic that is 27 i have a sister that will be 27 and a brother that is almost 30 now that is just sick!! Me and my hubby are 8 years apart we have been togather since i was 17 and he was 25!! Been together for almost 7 years now!! Oh and my dad is in his 50's. The chic he is with is a home-wrecker. She broke up our family!

Shawna - posted on 06/01/2010

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I say screw them... My fiance and I are 14 years apart, I'm 26 and he just turned 40, and we are happy together. He has a 15 year old son and I have a one year old with one on the way!! We are happy and you should be too. As long as you love him, that's what matters, not the age. Women grow up faster then men so, why not get one who has had more time to mature? Love will get you through anything. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that when people look at us weird but then, he treats me like a princess and it makes it all worth it. I've been with men the same age and men younger and nobody has EVER treated me as well as he does. Just follow your heart, it will tell you what to do.

Lexi - posted on 06/01/2010

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My suggestion? Just IGNORE all the negative comments sweety!! If your friends and family are the ones making these comments, you need to calmly, but firmly stand up for yourself and say "thank you for your concern, I understand you are saying this because you love me. We are very happy and do not feel our age is an issue. Please do not bring this subject up again." If it's strangers saying things, just walk away and remind yourself that they only wish they had a relationship as happy and solid as yours!!

I have always believed that an age gap has the _potential_ to make things harder. BUT, that doesn't mean it will be that way for you and it certainly doesn't mean that "no relationship with an age gap will last"!! Every marriage/relationship is different and has things to work through. And every person is different.

For you, after three years spent happily together, it clearly is working out and the age gap is not a problem. Only you and your fiance can judge the status of your relationship. Don't let peoples judgmental attitudes keep you from being with the man you love.

Morgan - posted on 06/01/2010

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Dont let people get to you if you two love each other it will last and for the age difference who cares ...... age is just a number.....

Sadie - posted on 06/01/2010

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These 9years between us, n we have twins. we get funny looks cause i dont look my age, but i dont care wat ppl say or think its my life n i'll go out with who i want n i dont care about the age differance. As long as i love n he love's me n i'm happy

Lisa - posted on 06/01/2010

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yeah my mom told me age does matter in a relationship which is funny bcuz my fiance and i have been 2gether 4 a little over 1 year and his age is 32 and my age is 21 but my mom is toltally against it because her and my dad hada big age gap and it didnt work. but ppl are different my fiance havent fought ever

Jondra - posted on 06/01/2010

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My name is Jondra Baker and my husband and I are 10 years apart. He is 35 and I'm 25 we have three kids together two boys and a girl. Everyone talks about our age but we just let them talk. Be who you are and don't pay no mind to anyone. If you are happy that's all that matters. We will be celebrating 11years together in Sept. and we will be celebrating 7years of marriage in Nov. I have been with him since I was 15 years old he is the love of my life and that will never change.

Deanna - posted on 06/01/2010

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Are you serious? That is not a huge difference. People need to butt out and wish you luck in your future, not doom it! I say, Good luck!!! And congrats on the engagement!!!

Dana - posted on 06/01/2010

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My fiance and I are expecting our first child together....We have been together for almost 3 years and we are 14 yrs apart. Yes im sure you get haggled about the age as much as we do...However his mom and stepdad are 14yrs apart and so is his dad and stepmom...it kinda runs in the family. No matter wat the age difference ppl will always have their opinions...but as long as u happy thats all that matters plus you have children together!!!! no one should judge a good father........stay strong ul get thru it! need anything feel free to write me

Liz - posted on 06/01/2010

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Of course people judge on age. My own in-laws do it. My love is 9 years older than I am.



LOL, he's not even the oldest man I dated! But you know what? I have never been this happy or felt this loved in ANY relationship.



Just ignore people and be glad you have a man who loves you!

Rene' - posted on 06/01/2010

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Well here's my response I'm 22 and my husband is 31 and we been married only 10 months and we dated for 4yrs before we got married.And the only way are marriage is going to last is if we keep our focus on God and keep him in the middle of our marriage. What those people are telling you isnt true if you love each other then it will last forever but you have to have God in your relationship!!!!!

Kelly - posted on 06/01/2010

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This is something you should follow your heart about. Age is nothing but a number. I'm 2 years older than my husband and it's a nonissue. People will give you advice, but listen to your gut. If you can't trust your instincts, what can you trust?

Sabrina - posted on 06/01/2010

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it sounds like me and my hubby dont worry people talk all the time about us.the only thing u need to look at is u two love each other and u have pretty lil girl. there just mad cuz they dont have what we have. i hope u feel better by my message and to know ur not the only one. good luck

Nydia - posted on 06/01/2010

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Don't mind people. I have a similar situation. I'm 25 and my man's 33. I laugh about it when ppl make a comment and move right along. What we share is way beyond age. We share a deeper understanding of each other and a beautiful 1 yr old daughter. There's never any telling what the future will bring. We just live!! So live for you babes!!

Melissa - posted on 06/01/2010

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oo sorry i forgot one thing my grandparents were 11 years apart and they had the type of marriage everyone dreams of.. full of love and happiness so again be happy have your love enjoy your love and daughter and tell people to shove it♥ hope i helped

Melissa - posted on 06/01/2010

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Hey hun i can def. def. can help.. I am 25 gonna be 26 on the 23rd and my husband is 46... we have known oneanother since i was 18 but even though i thought he was cute i didnt really think about it well when i was 21 we were hanging out with a group of people and something clicked and we have been together ever since and have a beautiful little boy.. were married been married two years now and its great.. but of course i got the same stuff you do.. honestly i used to feel like i had to defend myself(my hubby is a co(corrections officer) he makes good money but not tons) but i felt as though i had to tell people i love him, he loves me i'm not a gold digger etc. but then after we were together a while i realized who gives a shit to be blunt.. you love your fiance right? he loves you? well then thats what matters sounds corney but its the truth. people dont say things to me anymore because they say they see the love and any people giving you problems are probely alone and miserable.. when it comes down to it its you two and your lives and your love and your baby girl... tell these people to mind their business and deal with their own love lives~ be happy hunny finding love in this world is hard enough an you found it regardless if the guy is 11 years older, younger or 20 years older its still love♥

Katey - posted on 06/01/2010

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Wow! When I met my husband I had just turned 18 and he was 33. We've been together for about 3 years, and married for 2 months. We have a very beautiful baby girl is will be a month old in 2 days. He is now 36 will be 37 in September, and I turned 21 in January. We met at the Truck-stop where I worked as a waitress. Nobody was really thrilled about it. Everyone told me that it would never work. I had to convince him that age was nothing but a number and that took me like a year and a half. Don't get me work it hasn't always been easy. But it has been worth it, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. If you love each other, tell the people that don't like it to F*** off, just like I did. My parent's learned to love him, because he makes me happy. But they didn't like it at first and because of that fact, I slept in his pick-up truck. Long story behind that. If you love him and he loves you and ya'll make each other happy, then you go girl!! Plus older guys are more mature!!!

Heidi - posted on 06/01/2010

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In this situation-age is just a number! As long as you both love each other and are committed to one another than do not worry. Some people are just jealous because they do not have true love. If you were in your teens then I could see a problem but you're not. So, ignore those who are inconsiderate and rude... Good luck to you and hope you have a happy, healthy and wonderful marriage:)

Angel - posted on 06/01/2010

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I dont think age is such a big deal! My husband and I are 9 years apart. the only issue was that we met when I was 17 and he was 26. It seems kinda wrong in that respect, but we are now 25 and 35, and no one really seems to care. At first even his parents didnt think it was appropriate, and they were 14 years apart! I think it doesnt matter the age, as long as you love each other.

Jehan - posted on 06/01/2010

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It's not really other people's business. Sometimes a relationship works, sometimes it doesn't. There are MANY reasons a relationship lasts or does not last. Age can be a reason, but it most certainly is not a deciding factor in how your relationship ends up! Don't worry about others! Just keep loving and supporting each other!

Sherinne - posted on 06/01/2010

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I don't think age should be a problem but some people tend to judge for no reason. My grandfather was with my step-grandmother for over 20 years, up until the day my grandfather died, and they had about about a 14 year age difference. I myself am 7 years younger then my husband and my step son is 11 years younger then myself. People tend to judge me sometimes too. I wouldn't worry about it. Just remember that your happiness is all that matters.

Megan - posted on 06/01/2010

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well me and my partner have an 8yr age gap, i'm 22 and he's 30, we've also been together 3yrs and have a 2yr old, we are very much in love. At the start of our relationship pretty much everyone thought it wouldn't last. but after staying together for 3 yrs people have realised that we are in love and are now supporting us and our choices.
Dont change anything cos others tell you too, just cos there is an age difference it doesnt mean it cant work.
A relationship is what you make it not what others think x

Dawn - posted on 06/01/2010

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You do what's right for you....others people have no clue so ignore them, age is truly just a number. There's 23 years between me and my fiancé and we couldn't be happier. Why let others determine your love life?? Screw them if they can't handle the fact that you're happy

Laura - posted on 06/01/2010

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Ignore it! I am 23 and my partner is 33 we have been together 3 1/2 years and have a 1 year old and he has 2 children from a previous relationship. We have our ups and downs like every couple but as he is older (and Men are supposed to mature later in life) it works! If you love him and it feels right go for it. All the best x

Rebecca - posted on 05/31/2010

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Just ignore them, they are simply just jealous that they dont have what you and your partner have! there is 10 years between me and my partner and we have 2 beautiful children and are getting married soon! and i am a firm believer that age is nothing , how well a relationship works comes down to how much you love each other so just dont worry about other peoples opinion and you and your partner concentrate on having a healthy relationship and raising your little girl ... all the best!

Kristen - posted on 05/31/2010

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Hi Ashley,

I am turning 23 in July and my Husband is going to be 32, we face a lot of funny stares in public. Quite frankly I dont give a crap! :) We Love each other and that is all that matters, forget what people say or think. We have a 3 yr old little girl and another on the way. Also do not worry about the marriage lasting because of the age difference. Statistically marriages in which there is a bigger age difference last longer than the ones that are close together in age. Just remember proving all of the ones who doubt your love will be fun!

Amanda - posted on 05/31/2010

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you go girl that is awesome you have found some one that you can love and he loves you back...its hard to do but (im rubber your glue whatever you say bounces of off me and sticks to you) ignore them if your family is happy then thats all that matters!!

Shayla - posted on 05/31/2010

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Dont ever worry about anyone else's opinion. It will only come between you guys and your relationship. As long as you are happy, that is all that matters. The people who matter will be supportive.

Brit - posted on 05/31/2010

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my husband is 38 and I am 22... tell the people that have a problem with the age difference to shove it.

Jayne - posted on 05/31/2010

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yea tell people to mind their own F***ing business. stuff like that really annoys me there's not much difference between me and O/H 5 and a half years to be precise. but age is only a number and you are both adults so if you love each other and your happy then stuff everybody else. your probably happier than they are and they dont like it cause they have to think of their wee pathetic life to be perfect. good luck to you and your family.

Sarah - posted on 05/31/2010

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My husband and I are 15 years apart and we have been married five years. With any relationship you have to work on it you and I may face different hurtles but it is all the same. It's your willingness to work things out when there is a problem but that is with all couples.
Good Luck

Lynsey - posted on 05/31/2010

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I'll be 25 this Dec and my partner will be 45 next month, as long as your happy thats all that matters.

Rebecca - posted on 05/31/2010

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Ignore them, only you know what makes you happy and if this man does the trick stay with him! Happiness is hard to come by, if you find it your lucky.

Christina Marie - posted on 05/31/2010

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If your in love why are you worrying about others opinions? Your happiness is what matters.

It doesn't matter who you are, what age, race, who your with, etc, there will always be those negitive people.. They are just jealous. Don't over think it! :)

Sasha-lynn - posted on 05/31/2010

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Honestly, just ignore it. My parents are 16 yrs apart and they have been together for 22 years. So don't listen to a single word anyone has to say. If you love him and he loves you, that's all that matters at this point!

Athena - posted on 05/31/2010

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my mom and dad are exactly l11 years apart in age as well and they have had a happy loving marriage for 22years and going i wouldnt worry about what others think.. as long as you two love each other and continually learn from each other as the years go by i dont think youll have anything to worry about!

Jessie - posted on 05/31/2010

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well it didn't work for me, but I think that was more because my ex was trying to be my daddy and not respecting me as a person then it did w/ our 10 yr age gap. If it is working for you and you guys are equals in your relationship and all your decisions then screw the ppl that are being negative

Lauren - posted on 05/31/2010

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I'm 27 and my bf will be 42 in a couple weeks. Forget what other people say. You guys love each other and thats all that matters.

Alarise - posted on 05/31/2010

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Hi Ashley,i know how ur feeling because my husband & I have a 8 year gap,most people thought & said the same about us,we are together for 8 years,married for 5,& have a gorgeous 5 year old daughter together..dont worry about other people & their opinions,its your life & if it makes YOU happy being with him,then thats all that is important..:-)

Johanna - posted on 05/31/2010

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my boyfriend nd i r 7 yrs apart nd we r still going strong, evry1 was against our relationship!! bt now tht every1 is seeing tht we r serious, they r being supportive!...age is jst a number its love that matters most!! and your maturity!..

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