do you believe in spanking?

Erin - posted on 06/05/2010

It's ok to spank as long as it's on the butt and you only give a small amount of spankings. My son is 6 and he gets 5 pops. I use to get 5, with a belt, pants down, and my last one was when I was 9. I learned to respect and not talk back and my parents spanked me and went about their business. You cant just drag it out. Let them know you mean it and walk away. Let the child sit in a room or on the floor where ever they are and you go to your room and have a time out. My son always comes to me and gives me a hug and always says sorry. You get respect when you mean it and leave it alone. Spanking your child shows them you want them to listen and pay more attention, just as long as you dont leave marks. I have a rubber bat that my son has that works great, he laughed the first time but the next was different. Its not stiff and it gives just enough. Little red butt but no marks and no lasting pain. I did get things tossed at me when I was a kid and I wish I had spankings instead of flying shoes, books, you name it. And a smack in the face was the worst i think... Just dont take it too far and your child will turn out just right..

Jessi - posted on 06/05/2010

you should be able to delete her comment by looking directly under the comment it should say reply edit delete. don't try to push her into anything but she does sound like she needs to be talked to. tats & piercing arent bad...i have them myself but i also have respect for myself & others & if your sister is going to be a mom she needs to do so as well. have you tried talking to her...being her older sister & a mom she may respect you more than a preist/pastor (someone she doesn't know).

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

No worries, GLO! Honestly....hope to see you around!

Glo - posted on 06/05/2010

lol ok ok i get it...but its not funny..i do let her scan through the circle of moms because she has a grip of piercings and tats and shes 7 months pregnent.ive tried to get her in church but shes not havin it..and get this ...shes never been spanked once..it just makes me believe in it more lol...its her against the world..i did join...i feel bad...how do i delete that?..its embarassing..sorry again

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

LMFAO! That's awesome Jessica...

Jessi - posted on 06/05/2010

lol meghan that's not funny! my dog ate my cell phone & then burried it in a snow bank!

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

Well here's the link to our community again if you're interested....I don't appreciate what your SISTER said to me!

http://www.circleofmoms.com/e_Y_13391

Glo - posted on 06/05/2010

what?..im not a lier at all..thats kind of unfair

Meghan - posted on 06/05/2010

yeah and my dog ate my homework!

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

You're saying your sister typed that GLO?

Lacye - posted on 06/05/2010

i'm glad you found other ways danielle to discipline your son. that is great.
i wasn't saying all parents waited until they were calm. i was saying just me. i do have other ways of getting on to her but i feel right now she is a little young to understand time out.

Danielle - posted on 06/05/2010

Lacye,
I respect what you are saying, and I agree that if that is your method of discipline then it is best to wait till you are calm. I also think that it is horribly naive to assume that parents are calm when they use spanking as a discipline technique. That being said, there are many parents who do not wait for the wave of anger to ebb before confronting their children.
I know for myself, when I tapped my sons hand it was because I had reached the point where I couldn't keep repeating myself. I soon regretted my actions when he turned around and slapped me back.
Toddler-hood is the most crucial learning years for children. The people they turn out to be is mainly developed in those years.
After that snap- judgement with my son; I've set up a time-out chair. I first give him a warning, then give him a two minute time-out (his age) when he continues the undesirable behavior.
It allows me to level my head, and become more socially conscious of my actions to this other human being.

Lacye - posted on 06/05/2010

to danielle: i'm not being judgmental or anything. but i do want to say that when i do tap my daughter's had when she is doing something wrong, it's not frustration that makes me do it. i make sure i am calm before i touch her. spanking can get out of hand and that is why i make sure i'm calm and not angry or frustrated. because let's face it, we all love our children and never want to hurt them in the least way. and no. i don't hurt my child when i tap her hand. i don't know if that is the next thing you were going to say but as i've said before, i've had bad experiences talking to anti-spankers. would rather not go through that again. so i'm covering my grounds.

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/e_...

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

You bring up some REALLY valid points Danielle.....we'd love for you to join our community if you haven't already?!

Danielle - posted on 06/05/2010

Tamika,
I am not suggesting that children who are not spanked aren't prone to the usual violent outbursts. I just wouldn't be surprised that a child who was raised in an environment where spanking is advocated, would hit as an alternative means to release their frustrations.
At this time in society, I feel that the spanking method should be that of the past. Today we have books from professionals who specialize in child development, shows that advocate non-spanking methods of discipline (Supernanny), as well as usable technology (Internet) to properly research alternative methods to keep our children respectable, without spanking.
Dont get me wrong, I have on occasion, and out of frustration, swatted my little boy hand when he was in something he shouldn't be.
All that did was make me feel horribly guilty, and demonstrated the angry side of my personality that I wish he hadn't seen.
I feel that spanking shows frustration, which demonstrates anger, thus teaches our children that it is o.k to resort to hitting when we reach that boiling point.
I prefer to lead by example.

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

P.S. We also just a bunch of REALLY awesome moms! ;)

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

Thanks Amanda....I do appreciate the encouragement! I think Amanda brings up a very good point. " Being a good parent is about wanting your child to do the right thing and be a good person, and being willing to admit when you don't know everything and you are able to take advice from others, I think.."



I'm not coming down on ANYONE for the choices they make....I just want them to know that there are better ways and there is always help and support if they want it!

Meghan - posted on 06/05/2010

Yeah Dana, how dare you offer any help or support to the other women who chose not to spank-shame on you! Glo, I kinda feel like you are picking on Dana, let's be fair shall we? She is giving her opinon which is what you asked for wasn't it?

I don't spank, tap, pop, hit my son. No need. I respect him and take the time to talk things out with him. The thing about toddlers is all they want to do is learn! Sure their methods aren't always desierable..our job as parents is to guide and teach them not stiffle them and give them shit for doing something that they didn't AT THE TIME think was wrong. A young child's brain doesn't work the same way ours does and how would any of you feel if you screwed up at work and your boss spanked you?? Spanking is just an abuse of power. Simple as that!

Amanda - posted on 06/05/2010

lol Dana, why am I not surprised to see you in this discussion? ;) haha.. I joined up the positive behaviors group, and I do spank... I think if someone can help me find another way to get my son to listen that I haven't yet tried, I'm all for it, no matter who the suggestion comes from or what it is(as long as it's not duct tape or abuse haha) This is a discussion about whether or not you think it's okay to spank, Dana is just trying to help people who want other ways to parent OTHER THAN spanking, I don't see how that is unacceptable. Like I said, I do spank, but I do use other methods beforehand, and am always open to suggestions, as everyone should be. Being a good parent is about wanting your child to do the right thing and be a good person, and being willing to admit when you don't know everything and you are able to take advice from others, I think..

Jessi - posted on 06/05/2010

I do believe in spanking. you should only spank when appropriate because if over-used it may become deffective & lose meaning as does any other form of discipline so you should try to change it up. growing up you could tell a difference in children who were spanked & those who weren't. i found that children who weren't tended to be more disrespectful towards others to include their own parents. my parents spanked my brothers and i as child (never using serious force or anything that would cause trauma) & i fully intend on using this method with my son. I find that spanking after elementary school is going a little far though, it becomes emmbaressing to the child.

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

Haha! That's awesome! Thanks Lisa...

Minnie - posted on 06/05/2010

Dana: One of my facebook contacts posted this quote today:

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.”

-Gloria Steinem

Lacye - posted on 06/05/2010

i've had this discussion before and it turned out with a close minded holier-than-thou person calling me a bad mother but i will say it again because it is something that is my opinion.

i do believe in spanking. right now my daughter is a year old. i don't spank her as of right now but i do tap her hand when she is getting into something that she doesn't need to. and so far it is working.

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

How dare I what? What are you talking about? I posted a link to a community for any moms who are interested.....how is that offensive or inappropriate? The group's main focus is behavioral issues and the name of the community is, " Positive Behavior Strategies - Solutions Without Smacking " ......I didn't go out and find the community, I'm one of the moderators in the community! I'm not defensive AT ALL....feel free to spank your child; I was just offering support to those women who want to find alternative solutions!

Get over yourself and stop trying to start a fight! Just because there are plenty of moms who believe in spanking doesn't mean it's ok, and certainly doesn't mean it's for everyone!

Take your bullshit drama somewhere else.....this isn't a debate community!

Minnie - posted on 06/05/2010

We had a paddle with our names on it, fly swatters, wodden spoons and even a belt if the time called for it lol may sound brutal but it kept me in line lol

This sounds a lot like an authoritarian dictatorship. Leaders don't gain loving trusting respect from those they lead through brute force. It's sad when parents feel that the only way they can feel in control is striking people smaller than themselves.

Minnie - posted on 06/05/2010

I also know that when I ende up havin to spank after the spanking I sit the child down and explain y



If you take the time to sit down and explain to your child why you hit him why can you not simply forgo with the spanking and have a talk about why he needs to change his behavior? If you're giving him the credit of being a rational intelligent human being that should be able to understand why another human would strike him, shouldn't he be able to have a little heart to heart and maybe develop some problem solving skills while you're at it? Why can't natural or logical consequences be useful, rather than physical punishment?

Chatty - posted on 06/05/2010

For anyone who's looking for help and support and is interested in POSITIVE behavior strategies please feel free to join our community!

http://www.circleofmoms.com/e_Y_13391

Tamika - posted on 06/05/2010

Danielle. Are u saying children that r spanked r violent and chidren that r not spaked not? Just a question. Cuz my oldest gets spanked occasionally and he is so not a fighter and just a big teddy bear. If he has a problem wit another kid he comes and gets mommy or daddy to handle it and gets mad when we tell him he has to learn to stand up for himself sometimes. I do agree that we should find differnet ways to disaple thought.

Danielle - posted on 06/05/2010

I don't believe in spanking.

I feel sick to my stomach when people write "well my parents spanked me.." or

"its in the bible". Neither of those reasons I find valid for using spanking as a disciplinary technique.

We are firm believers of alternative methods of discipline. If you start at an early age, and do it right the first time there should be no need to hit anyone.

Behavior feeds behavior. I wouldn't expect my son not to show violence when thats the only method he knows to cope with his frustration.

Tamika - posted on 06/05/2010

To say parents who spank don't respect their children is crazy at least for me. I respect my children enough to know they can hear and understand from in the womb. I thnk my kids are smarter than me sometimes. I also know that when I ende up havin to spank after the spanking I sit the child down and explain y. For my 9 year old I ask him if he knows y he got a spanking and to tell me and contrary to popular belief HE KNOWS EXACTLY Y. We talk about and I always make sure to tell him that mommy still and will always love him but theat behviore is not acceptable. That's waht mommy did wit me and my sis so I do it wit my boys. Wit my 3 year old time seem to be more painfull so that works for him mostly. But sometimes he gets a spanking and a talking to. its a huge in cause and effect. Children have to learn there is an equal and opposite reaction for every action. If I do something I am not supposed to do they there will be consequences. I'm not living ina cave cuz I choose to spank my child when all else fails.

Tamika - posted on 06/05/2010

There is a HUGE difference beteewn beating ur child a swat o the hand thigh or butt. With that being said every child is different so spanking does not work on all children jus like time outs don't work on all. U have to find what works for u and ur famiy. Spanking works wit my oldest where time outs work with my younest and they are both the same sign. As far as when to start my mother told me disaplin starts from the time they become mobile. It all start wit they learning their bounries by u saying NO or DON'T TOUCH. Jus cuz they can't speak english does not mean they don't understand. I never experienced terrible 2s 3s or anyhing of the sort cuz my kids have always known their bountries. I'm not saying my kids are angels but diffinitely have it easeri than some of u. Good luck.

Christina Marie - posted on 06/05/2010

I say no, but then again my little one is only 16 weeks old. Who knows how I will feel when those terrible two's happen! lol

Erica - posted on 06/05/2010

I was beaten growing up when I did something wrong, didn't finish my dinner, or my room was a mess. I always got the worse end of it. I think thats why I rebelled so early (when I was 12) and it also made me hate my father, and my mother for letting it happen. I think it COULD cause alot of problems in a family. So thats why I don't beleive in spanking and I don't spank my daughter, altough I do beleive if they do something really really bad, then maybe a tap on the butt to let them know its not okay, but nothing more then that. I'm not saying EVERY child will react this way. But most, do.

Minnie - posted on 06/05/2010

to raise them with a clear definition of right and wrong

In my book striking another person, especially one smaller than oneself, is definitely morally wrong.

Angie - posted on 06/05/2010

I agree Jess, it is hitting. What would we call it if our kids laid their hand on another child in the same manner some parents spank? I understand that it is not meant to be a mean or aggressive behavior that we generally think of hitting as but it still is what it is and to our children who don't know any better it or understand they just think they are being hit.

Jess - posted on 06/05/2010

Why is that pro-spanking parents play word games with their actions ? Spanking not being hitting, since when ?..... I would happily buy a dictionary for any parent who can't put the correlation together !

Krys - posted on 06/05/2010

I believe in spanking if done in the right tone and character. And i also believe spanking is not hitting. I have a ten year old who respects me ..i disciplined him accordingly...i have not had to spank him alot though he knew when i said no-no to no it was what i meant...something i find funny In canada they will lock you up for spanking your child YET pot is legalized....all i can say each mom has their own way..and wht is best for their children...do wht wrks best for you...:)

Charlie - posted on 06/05/2010

No i believe children have human rights too , that means the rights to bodily integrity , i prefer to treat my children the way i would treat anyone else , with respect and dignity that's not to say they dont get disciplined , they do and it works without having to resort to aggressive discipline tactics .

What a world we live in when people cant drag themselves out of the cave and into the 21st century , where we exert our power over people less than half our size and knowledge of life , where is the education in that ? No where !

Jaelyn - posted on 06/05/2010

I firmly believe in spanking when appropriate. When kids are telling you no, or mouthing off, sometimes a quick and firm spanking will snap them out of their funk and set them straight. I don't spank for every misbehaviour, generally only attitude issues or repeated offenses of the same behavior in a short period of time i.e. antagonizing the animals, using toys or other household things inappropriately and they have already been sent to their room more than once, that sort of thing. I spank with a wooden spoon on the hand or a belt on the butt. This is for two reasons, one, any type of swat no matter how light, even a high five is excruciating pain for me. Two, I believe that you should not spank with the hand that nurtures them. I think a separate object should be used that can be put down/put away once the punishment is over.

My son is eight now and I feel his is now too old to be spanked. I think they become too old when they really understand the value of loss and you can discipline with restriction instead. For us that happened in the last 6 months or so, but every kid is different.

Also be sure not to "double punish". If you choose to spank, do so, let them calm down, explain why they got a spanking and be done with it. No time outs in their room, etc. Make sure to just let it go otherwise it is not fair, they took their punishment, so in their mind, they have paid their dues and that should be the end of it.

Take care!

Jess - posted on 06/05/2010

No I don't believe in spanking. I know there is a better way so I choose to parent with love and respect. When you know better you do better !

CLARISSA - posted on 06/04/2010

I agree with everything Angie said. Even with my family and close friends, they tell me all the sterotypical things people say when they whip their kids: " you gotta show them whose in control," "kids today are too out of control," and "I do it to teach them right from wrong." I can go on and on with some of the discussions I've had.

I constantly hear "she's going to be out of control because you didn't teach her right." To me teaching her is not putting my hands on her, or spanking her, it's talking to her so that she can understand what she did wrong and why it's wrong. IMO, just becase someone else's child was out of hand becasue they weren't punished doesn't mean that she will, or will not be. You can only whip a child for so long before it no longer holds the value it once did.

But in the end to each his own.

KRISTY - posted on 06/04/2010

ive had this ''Debate" with other mothers before and they turned it in to an argument sayin that its wrong and immoral to spank ur children blah blah blah which is probebly why she has no and i mean no control over her children im not judging her at all its just observation i beleieve in spanking i was so my son will be its just tehy way it goes but i agree so children respond to spanking and some to time outs but in th eend its completely up to the parent :)

Kristen - posted on 06/04/2010

No, I do not believe in spanking, or any other form of corporal punishment. While i could go into a long list of reasons why based on child development, i shall not. They only thing I want to clarify for everyone is that the old proverb does not condone corporal punishment! Spare the rod, spoil the child is an accurate statement however, in the Bible, the "rod" is referred to as a tool used by shepherds to GUIDE their sheep. If you do not offer guidance and teach your children then yes, your child will be spoiled.

Rebecca - posted on 06/04/2010

It's not child abuse to spank your children, IMHO. In fact, it is far from it. I'm also not talking about hitting extremely hard over and over, or putting welts on their body or making them bleed. I'm talking about a pop on the bottom. Look, with everything in life, there is possibility of abuse of the "rule" or "law" or "practice" or whatever it is. Spanking is no different. There is absolutely without a doubt a wrong way to spank. NEVER spank out of anger, for example. You know, I certainly don't mind disagreeing with someone over whether or not you should spank a child. People obviously have different opinions on the matter. But I do have to say that I take offense to being lumped in with child abusers because I choose to discipline my child in this manner, a manner which, by the way, has biblical roots and is part of my faith. You may not share my faith nor my opinion on spanking, but it is not child abuse, and I am not a child abuser because I spank my child. As far as the foreign object debate, I used to spank with my hand, and my child would flinch if I came at him with my hand up even just to play or tickle him because he thought he was about to get a spanking. Now all I usually have to do is just hold up the spoon and ask him, "Do you need a spanking?" and he almost always stops his behavior. The spoon, or paddle, or whatever, is the object which the child knows he will be punished with, not Mommy's hand, which should, IMO, always be something he views with love.

Glo - posted on 06/04/2010

i completley agree

Kerryn - posted on 06/04/2010

yes they have rights over their bodily integrity but as responsible parents, we make decisions that we feel are right for them, to raise them with a clear definition of right and wrong, until they are of such an age to make mature decisions for themselves. For example,I cerainly will not be letting my child get a tattoo before he is 18, simply because he has rights over his own body...sometimes things need to be looked at from a slightly different angle, and sometimes there are definate grey areas when it comes to what is right and what is wrong.

Minnie - posted on 06/04/2010

So just because someone is 3 1/2 feet tall they have no rights to their bodily integrity, no rights to being respected for their basic worth as a fellow human being?

Minnie - posted on 06/04/2010

We got spankings when we done something wrong. We are messed up adults

:D

*Lisa* - posted on 06/04/2010

Yeah spanking with foreign objects is abuse IMO.