Do you ever need a break?

Ashley - posted on 05/11/2010 ( 98 moms have responded )

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Do any of you ever feel overwhelmed? Feel like you can't take anymore crying or you are going to break down and cry yourself? Im just wondering if Im the only one that is so tired and just wants a moment to myself. Maybe get a haircut or a mani/pedi anything without my husband or daughter. Dont get me wrong I love them to death but I just need a break. Even getting a shower is hard to do these days. Am I alone with these feeling or do any of you feel the same? Maybe there is something wrong with me idk.

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Marina - posted on 07/07/2010

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Yes, EVERY Mother needs a break sometimes. I'm a stay at home mOm of 2 so it's hard to come by and sometimes I think I will actually go crazy. If you have someone you can trust, husband, friend, mother whatever tell them you really really need an hour or 2 to get out alone and do something by for yourself and ask if they can cover for you. I don't get to do this more than every few months but anything you can get will help. If no one can help you, try and put your daughter in a safe place in the house, wether it's her crib or play pen(even put a video or age appropriate show on if it helps distract her!) or something and give her some toys and then go take a bath or shower or just lie down for 20 minutes, even if she cries- as long as shes safe don't worry about it just take a break for a bit and gather your wits. It can really help on those extra stressful days when your at your limit. We've all been there, there's nothing wrong with you that a little peace and quiet won't fix. =)

Kristen - posted on 05/27/2010

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It is definitely normal for EVERY mom in the world. I feel like I have four children but I only remember giving birth to two. I have my 2 1/2 yr old my 1 yr old my husband and my husband's best friend as a roomate and I take care of all four of them, I do the cooking the cleaning, laundry, PLUS trying to potty train so I have no time for Mommy Time as much as I'd like to. I agree its extremely hard but its motherhood what are we gonna do, but whenever we have a little extra money I drop the kids off with the hubby and tell the men to fend for themselves and I take off for the day and go hang out with my sister in laws or my friends and enjoy the temporary piece and quiet. So go to the spa or something once in a awhile and relax you will feel 100% better after wards =)

Kalee - posted on 05/15/2010

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! I haven't even had my baby yet (due in 2 weeks) but I still get overwhelmed with it all. My husband thinks that I have the answers to everything and should be taking care of him 24/7 as well as managing the house and a job, did I mention that I'm 9 months pregnant? PLEASE take some time for yourself! It is so important for your well being and sanity to get away from mommyhood and marriage stresses. Something that my mom has suggested for me is to take a baby free vacation with my husband after Christmas (baby will be 6 months old and she said she will keep him for me). Maybe if you can find a family member to keep your little one for the weekend so y'all can get away and have some time for yourselves it could help. Or even a girl's day/night out with your friends is a good idea. Just don't get burnt out!

Jessica - posted on 05/11/2010

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Oh no, girl... we're all in the same boat! I'm a stay home momma, so it's always me and my daughter. I rarely get a moment to myself. And showers, yeah... I understand that! She's walking/crawling so she's into everything! There's nothing wrong with you, you're just a worn out momma!

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Shanon - posted on 07/07/2010

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i feel the same way . i enjoy run up to the store BY MYSELF just anything to have peace for 5 min. nothing is wrong with u

Stephanie - posted on 07/07/2010

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thanks for your post i was having some of the same concerns, am i bad mom if i head out with my friends once and a while? i love my son but i work full time and then come home and clean and take care of my son and the dogs and cook dinner and sometimes i just want to scream!

Maggie - posted on 07/07/2010

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i completely know where you are coming from. my husband and i recently had our second child. this month he has been away to newfoundland (we're in canada) for a week and this last two weeks he's been in vancouver. alone with no kids. i was supposed to go on both trips with him, but because we didn't have the money for all of us to go, and someone needed to watch our kids, i had to stay home. i am regretting letting him go to vancouver alone. i have felt alone and overwhelmed and that my head is going to explode. i don't feel that i have the help i usually do. while my husband is in vancouver i am with my parents. although my parents do help a little they work all day and go to bed early. they also live in a very small town, so there isn't much to do around here which isn't helping. not only that my daughter has been wanting to go home since we got here and it's hard to explain to a 2 year old that we can't go home without daddy.
i just want a few hours to myself and i will not get it.
so you are not alone. i do suggest to tell your husband that you are going out for a mani/pedi one day and that he has to stay home with your little girl. just do it! you deserve it! now if only i would take my own advice lol.

Lisa - posted on 07/06/2010

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you are not alone. I am the exact way I was a stay at home mom until about a month ago and when I started working it was my me time and to interact wit adults. I love my son and husband and miss them dearly but being a mom we need our me time also. If we dont we'll drive ourselves crazy and a happy mom leads to a happy baby, husband and home. I personally tell me husband to watch the baby n i pamper my self wit a long bath and do my hair n nails atleast once a week and since I work at a beauty store ive been gettin my hair done.

Marria - posted on 07/06/2010

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oh yes i think every mom needs a break now and again i get very stressed im up at 4:30 to be at work by 6 im off and at home by 10:30 i make breakfast and then get strait into the day of cleaning and taking care of my sun my husband works 12 to 9 so im always by myself and i have had several times where i have just broken down and cried especially the first couple months because my son was a preemie he had came a month and a half early it was very stressful with him in the nicu for two weeks thank god hes 8months now and u couldn't even tell he was a preemie

Avery - posted on 07/06/2010

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you are definitely not alone... it is hard though to have these feelings and feel so guilty about it. I want to kill my husband sometimes and have a hard time listening to my daughter cry inconsolably... i have found that going to the gym really helps me get over the frustration and by the time I am done with my workout, I feel sane again!

Emily - posted on 05/27/2010

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there is nothing wrong with you .I have those moments every day. Then sometimes when i do get a moment (seldom do) i feel ashamed that I am doing something for myself.

Danielle - posted on 05/27/2010

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I'm glad everyone feels the same, I go to some mummy groups and no one ever talks about this side of it and was very worried I was the only one. I love my little boy to bits but the other night we were going out and my mom took him for the afternoon it was so nice to get ready in peace (not having to put eye liner on with one hand) and then i felt guilty for feeling that way :-(

Geneese - posted on 05/26/2010

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oh girl i feel the same way theres nothing wrong with that, my boyfriends mom and sister get on me cuz of it. they say well if you need me time then you shouldnt have had the baby and it pisses me off. i dont like ppl like that. but yeah i feel you.

[deleted account]

no hunny u are so not alone and i tell ya what if u live in the stl/fenton area and u need a break ill take the baby for ya, now i cant do anything about the huby cuz i dont think mine would like that but ill watch your baby if u watch mine when i get to that point, wich right now is right now, i cant even go to the bathroom with out mine following me and whatcha doin mommy, and yes i love them to death but soemtimes ya just need a min to yourself, and also if u wanna leave baby with daddy one night and we can have a mommy night out im game for that to as hailey and i have been looking for more friends in the area for her as well as me. but if ya wanna talk or add me to ur moms or anything let me know ok im here,

Julie - posted on 05/26/2010

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Yes. I have seriously thought about just leaving the kids with dad and taking a girls trip to somewhere tropical. Just leave all of my worries behind. For some reason it has been really hard lately just juggling all of the daily things of LIFE. I NEED A BREAK!

Amy - posted on 05/26/2010

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No you are not alone, I have two little girls who if they don't know where I am or even if I slip away to go to do something as simple as get a drink or go to the bathroom they are either tearing the door down or they are hunting me down. There are so many days where they are so clingy that even if their dad tries to help out with them that is just easier to just take care of them myself. Don't get me wrong I love my girls to pieces but sometimes the only time I get to myself is on the way to and from work. And sometimes that is the most peace I get all week mind you it is normally 10 or 15 minutes a day but sometimes that is all it takes.

Don't think that there is something wrong with your because it is totally normal to have those feelings. We all at some point in time have those feelings.

Brenna - posted on 05/26/2010

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Hun there is NOTHING wrong with you or the way you are feeling. Many moms have this same problem including me! I am a stay at home mom of a dd 3 and another dd 15 months! Its hard we work 24/7 365 days a week! Never getting a break or vacation, and the bigest part about it is we dont get payed for it! We are dr, nurse, cook, maid, and everything else inbetween! I have started doing this myself! If your husband is having a hard time "allowing" you to just have some you time... Just say " look im going out to take care of me for a little bit and just do it"... thats what i have had to do! even if you just get 30 min by your self or with some friends you will feel like a better person! i promise! hope this helps!

Lynette - posted on 05/26/2010

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I absolutely understand and the best thing i ever did was talk to my husband and let him know how i was feeling and he has made efforts to take my daughter out at least once a week so i can do anything i want even if it is just sitting around the house!! Talk to your husband, its the best advice i can give you, everyone needs a break every now and then, its normal to want some time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it!! hope this helps!

Amber - posted on 05/26/2010

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u are completely and totalyl normal on every level. my daughter is about to turn 5 and my son is 17 months. i just had one of those days last week. when my hubby came home i told him he needed to get the kids the hell away from me for a few hours. (i am stay at home mama) and he was gone the whole evening. sometimes u just have to let ur man know exactly how u feel with out holding back. when he came home i felt much better and was ready to shower the love. everyone needs recoup time. just remember to do the same for your hubby one day too. :)

Carolyn - posted on 05/26/2010

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JOIN THE CLUB!!!!!

My son will be 3 in a couple of weeks, my husband doesn't have a Mon - Fri day job and I have a home day care. It's very hard for me to get any kind of adult time EVER! And when I do get a bit of a break it's to go into the city to get errands run, like grocery shopping and stuff like that. I'm SO excited for this weekend, my dad is taking my son on Sat so my husband, who has a Sat off for once, and I can actually get some stuff done around here. We're trying to get things sorted out to get ready for a garage sale, but how do you do that by yourself with a 3 year old running around? You don't!

Mellisa - posted on 05/25/2010

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ooh no!. my son is already a year an a half. an there were plenty of times i thought im goin crazy.. i cant do this anymore.. an plenty of nights i cry to sleep. its hard on you to get no sleep at times.. an to constantly have to up an down with a baby.. or as soon as you fall asleep there up. after so much it starts gettin to you. it does get easier as the baby grows but then a little older and i seem to see it getting just as hard but in a diffrent way... it happends to plenty of people.. most just feel bad and dont want to say it.. its part if being a mom.. times get tough! youll be fine... its not always gonna be smiles

Jessica - posted on 05/25/2010

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ohh definatly not. i feel like that all the time. i dont get much help maybe even none at all. i love my kids to pieces and i could not live without them but i would love just to get away every once in a while. i dont really ever ask to do that either. my kids are 1 and 2 and well my days and even nights are pretty hectic. however i do wait until they are asleep at night then shower. that is the only peace i get. my son still gets into bed with me at night so i do know how you feel. trust me there is nothing wrong with you!

Sarah - posted on 05/25/2010

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So so normal, we all have moments like that hun. I used to just put bub down in his cot, where I new he was safe and couldn't hurt himself and walk outside for a smoke and a 10 min chill out. Crying never killed my boys. After 10 mins time out I go back in and keep going. Half the time bub would fall asleep or start playing with toys in the cot. They have to learn how to self settle some how. And it's always safer for you to walk away than stay and get more unsettles yourself and anxious.

Chantal - posted on 05/25/2010

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I dont think your only sometimes I just want a break too it can be hard some days and not so hard the next but its the times when its really hard when u need a bit of a break even if its not for very long.

Cheree - posted on 05/24/2010

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I completely feel the same. Only you have your husband around to help out, mine is in Korea until our child is 6 months old. All i can say is set up a time each week where its you.. and hang in there because they grow so fast even though the days seem so long.

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YES YES YES YES YES!!! I have found myself in tears because it just gets so frustrating sometimes...and I always say...Quiet time with just me and myself for even an hour would be nice...I find myself feeling bad about those thoughts but I am only human!! Some days are better than others...I guess you just have to take it with a grain of salt!

Shantel - posted on 05/23/2010

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everyone says oh just take time 4 ur self, how excatly do u do that someone let me know...easier said than done in my world the time to myself is if i get to sleep...

Zia - posted on 05/23/2010

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Totally normal!!!
And then if you do go do something youll feel guilty for not being with your kid!
Its hard!
but you gotta make yourself do stuff by yourself every now and then!
Im still struggling with it and Finn is 5 months old

Stephanie - posted on 05/23/2010

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i know how you feel too. i work 5 days a week, and when i'm not working, i'm taking care of my 9-month-old while her dad is working. i feel like i spend every minute of every day taking care of others, and i never get to take care of myself! it's challenging, but you have to find time to do things for yourself, or else you'll just go crazy!

Maricelis - posted on 05/22/2010

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there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! It's completely normal and something that we all (human beings in general) go through here and there through out our life.
I am a stay at home mom. i have 3 boys...6,5,8mo, plus 2 dogs! Things can get pretty overwhelming sometimes. i make sure to take a min for myself everyday and then once an week i get a day to me...my hubby and the boys have a "boy" day. i think it's iimportant to make sure u have that because it keeps you sane, it rejuvinates you. The healthier and saner you stay the better you family will be as well.
Showers...haha....yea been there a few times! what i do now is i put the baby in a play pen with toys in close proxemity and view of the shower so that i can take a one peacefully knowing he is safe and if need be i can hop out and reach him quickly.

Sherry - posted on 05/22/2010

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I do need a break, things can never be done when i am not around and that is difficult, I can never get some time for me,me and me...There is is nothing wrong with you, is just hard.

Mandy - posted on 05/22/2010

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I feel ya!!!! I have 7 kids 3 biological and 4 step. I never get a break between taking care of them, and then working. I have to time my showers carefully when the youngest 2 are napping. That's if I can get them to nap :/ I love all my kids and my honey but yeah you have to have time for yourself.

Christina - posted on 05/22/2010

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i agree with the other moms... we all need time to ourselves that dosen't mean we don't love our kids or husbands... every mom has those days i know i do with my 18month old he is into everything and is always running around wild, he always is around me, climbimg on me and that just makes me want to go to a spa and relax ALONE in a hot tub......so don't feel bad like i said we all need alone time

Caitlin - posted on 05/21/2010

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You are definitely not alone. I feel the same way too sometimes and I feel so stressed and frustrated. Just get some alone time to collect yourself have your husband or a friend or relative take your daughter for an hour or two and pamper yourself a bit. It helps to relax and rejuvenate your mind. It's well needed and just as well deserved!

Dana - posted on 05/21/2010

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Nothing is wrong with you. I feel the same way. In part it can be the hormonal imbalance that your body is still going through (post-partum) but everyone no matter how great a mother they are has a breaking point. Not giving yourself time away can actually be damaging. If you have time to yourself your able to love those around you more. Think of it this way, a rechargable battery eventually needs recharging right? You are not the energizer bunny, go take time to yourself and it will help you through your day or week. I try to get a break once a week, even it's just a walk to tim-hortons or to the swings at the park without my little one. By the time I come back I've already missed him and can get through another couple days just me and him :D

Trisha - posted on 05/21/2010

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Your not alone I feel like that all the time I have 2 children and i'm a single mom. I know where you are getting at. I don't even know anyone in the state I'm living with that is able to really babysitt for me. I never get time to myself. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.

Amanda - posted on 05/21/2010

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I totally know how you feel. I am a mother of 16 month old twin girls who are on the move every second they can through out the day. There are days that they dont listen, are both clingy and want to be held, teething and just bouncing off the walls with so much energy. I use their naptimes as a small break in the day. If its been a bad day I use that time to do something that I want to do (not housework or chores). Sometimes it helps to take a shower or take a nap while they are napping. And you need to take a break for yourself and get out of the house with out anyone in tow. Have your husband watch the baby for the afternoon one day so you can get out by yourself and do some of the things that you want to do. I find it helps to get out for showers, small parties (like home interior parties ect...) and when I get back home a couple of hours later I feel refreshed, relaxed and happier. Its nice to get away with my girlfriends for a few hours with out crying babies. Or try to get a babysitter (difficult when you have twins) so both you and your husband can go out together for a date (something that you probably haven't done in awhile. Good luck. I hope this helps.

Sommer - posted on 05/21/2010

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Oh, your question makes me smile! It happens more often than I'd like to admit to myself or anyone else, my resources dry up and my patience runs out. I have a 5 year old daughter and 9 month old son, so I generally have it pretty easy with the older one--she can dress, use the bathroom, pour a drink and more all with little or no help, and she loves books and other quiet activities so will occupy herself at times when I need to care for the baby. However my son is quite clingy and I know what you mean about having a hard time taking a shower. When he was tiny I would have to take one while he was asleep, rush rush rush hoping that he wouldn't wake up while I was washing up (he isn't a good sleeper either), and now that he is older I leave one of the shower doors open and he stands up holding onto the bathtub watching me. It is the only way I've found he will not cry the entire time I'm in the shower, silly as it may sound. There were a few times when my daughter was tiny and now as well that I actually had to walk out of the room and vent my frustrations, usually by throwing some semi-soft object at a wall or door. I have stayed home with my children full-time, and my husband is active duty military so has been away working or deployed a lot, and we live far from family so there aren't many times when I can just get away by myself. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, unless there is something wrong with me too :) If you do have opportunities for a break, to be with friends, your husband or just by yourself without the kids, you should take it. The time away will help you to cope with hard times much better--at least that is my experience. I hope you do get some time to yourself soon!

Krystal - posted on 05/21/2010

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i feel that way pretty much all of the time i have a 2-yr old and a 4 month old my husband works all the time so im left by myself with both boys and all the housework i normally take my showers late at night when they are sleeping. thats my down time and when my husband has the day off hes on kid duty for a couple of hours so i can either get things done or get some rest! so your not the only one who feels overwhelmed we all do. motherhood is the most overworked and under appreciated job there is.

Jessica - posted on 05/21/2010

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I went back to work part-time just to get some time away. It broke my heart to put my little guy (1yr-old) in day-care a few days a week, but we are all better for it. My husband even commented that I seem really much happier lately. I felt bad at first, but try to remember that it is good for him to get the socialization and I still get to spend 4 days a week with him at home, so I'm not missing anything. Don't feel bad if you just need to have a babysitter for an hour or two to get out alone, it's what we all really need!

Shanetta - posted on 05/21/2010

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Yes, what you are feeling is normal. You aren't alone. It can definitely get overwhelming. I have a 3 year old and my gosh, he so busy, much busier then my daughter ever was. It gets to me as well and sometimes, I just need a few minutes to regroup. There is nothing wrong with that because it helps us be more patient and get ourselves together. Me time is great and you should have some. Hang in there! I know the same feeling.

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get a babysitter and give yourself one day every couple of weeks to do that sort of stuff! every mom feels that way from time to time and it sucks. i always feel so guilty cuz i feel like i'm not being the mom my baby deserves, but then i take some time to myself and i'm back in the game! talking to a doctor about how you are feeling may not be the worst thing in the world either. the hormones and added stress of motherhood may be causing some depression.

Denae - posted on 05/21/2010

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Some days are worse then others. My kids are 14 months apart ( 2 years and 8 month old girl, 17 month old boy) and I felt like since the birth of my son, I haven't had a chance to breath. Most days, I enjoy every bit of their company but some days other things get overwhelming and taking care of the kids make it just that much harder. Go out for a girls night. It doesn't have to be expensive, maybe just coffee or a movie. It really helps you clear your mind and prepare yourself for the next day!

Nicole - posted on 05/21/2010

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Not only have I felt it, I've done it. I was so overwhelmed with my first that my sister came home from school the one day (I was living at home with my first) to me sitting there on the couch on my hands, my baby crying in her chair and me crying hysterically as well. (I knew she'd be home and the baby was only on her own for a few seconds.) My sister being the goddess that she is picked up the baby without a word got her a bottle and took her out back. She gave me the long few minutes I needed to cry it out and then came in to tell me to go take a shower and that we'd head out somewhere, anywhere to just walk and talk and make me feel human again. It was the first time I had showered alone in over three months (my parents were big on making me do everything without much help to make me realize that this baby wasn't a passing fad, so I showered with my baby, not an easy feat let me tell you). There is nothing wrong with you for feeling overwhelmed. Especially if it is just you at home all day with the baby. Don't be afraid to ask for help from someone. A lot of moms have felt what you are feeling and understand that every once and a while a mom just needs a couple hours to go get her hair done and take a long relaxing bath with no one around to interrupt. Make it a double whammy and schedule it close to the time your hubby gets home and take him on a surprise date. It helps with your anxiety and rekindles a little of what may have been lost since the baby's arrival too. You still need time to be a couple, despite being parents.

I even got to the point with our second baby that I had the kids all settled down when my husband got home one night and I was waiting by the door with my keys and purse as soon as he walked in I gave him a quick kiss, whispered "tag" and headed out. He called me on my cell an hour later and only asked "what time did the baby eat?" and left it at that. But we had previously discussed how overwhelmed I was and how I really needed time away.

Remember, you don't have to be Supermom to be a super mom. You don't have to do it all...

Lisa - posted on 05/21/2010

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There is nothing wrong with you Ashley the majority of people would go through this only not so many people would admit it. I go through it a lot as I have twin boys, I work part time and my husband is overseas in a warzone. So at the moment I have been going through it a lot. Its a normal thing to feel. If you do need some space sit your husband down and ask if he could take care of your daughter just for an hour or 2 so that you can have some alone time or see if you can get another family member to look after your daughter and you and your husband go on a date :) This is what I did when my husband was at home and we both needed a break from our little men. It makes both of you feel better. I have my mother in law take care of my boys when i go shopping as shopping with a twin pram and pushing a trolley is not the best lol. But this is my alone time. I love my boys they are my world and its hard to look after them alone at times. If you do break down and cry dont feel bad about it. Most of the time its a good thing to have a good cry makes you feel more human :)

Katy - posted on 05/21/2010

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It helps so much when my son is sleeping, I can get so much done, except that usually I end up cleaning or doing laundry or something. Of course I can't leave the house at that time. Sometimes I take a much needed nap (after many nights of 5-6 hrs of sleep). If my husband's not working, I can usaully convince him to stay home. Otherwise, my mom and my sister-in-law both live close.

Stephanie - posted on 05/19/2010

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Definitely normal. I found that after telling my husband that I need a break sometimes he was totally understanding. Work out an arrangement once a week for you to have a few hours to do NOTHING. He can take your daughter the the park and lunch or breakfast while you get your nails done or sleep in, or do anything but clean and take care of everyone else.

Shanice - posted on 05/19/2010

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Lately I have definitely been feeling like I need a break... The father is in jail... && I really don't have any help... I haven't been too upset though cause at the end of the day I have this beautiful little girl who is spoiled to death and it's just so wonderful to have someone that needs you && when I start feeling down & out I really realize that it's not about me anymore... But a little help would be GREAT!!!!

Kimberly - posted on 05/19/2010

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YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE!! alot of mothers feel overwhelmed and need a break, its natural, when we have kids and get married one of the biggest things we give up is "me" time. I agree when u say you love your family to death, but want a break..dont worry, nothing is wrong with you!! Take a small break, and i bet u will feel alot better!!!:)

Kacee - posted on 05/19/2010

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You are so right! There is NOTHING wrong with you at all. We need that time to feel like we can just breathe. I don't know how old your baby is but mine is 10 months old, my husband just got a job out of town and stays out of town all week. He is only home for one night and one day and not having an hour at night or a day here and there has proven to be the most difficult thing ever. And sometimes, I do cry. It's cathardic. I've also hid myself in the bathroom while my daughter has been crying because her teeth hurt and despite my best efforts I can't take away the pain. So I put her in her crib, where I know she is safe, and I go into the bathroom turn on the radio and take ten minutes. Try taking a few minutes just for you. If you know your baby is safe, dry and fed then do you both a favor and listen to a few songs on the radio hidden in a closet or bathroom. It won't kill her and it might save your sanity. Also, before my husband left town all week, I told him once a week he has to take the baby for a couple of hours and I go to volunteer at the local dog shelter. It gives me time to myself and to accomplish something other than laundry or butt wiping. Try volunteering to do something you love. It gives you a new sense of purpose.

Sara - posted on 05/19/2010

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trust me we all feel that way!! I have 2 children,sometime I count my husband as having 3 children!! I just want to scream and cry sometimes an I really need a break....

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