Do you feel like you fail after a c section

Roxana - posted on 04/27/2010

I developed preeclampsia and had a c section. I know that it was the best solution for both of us, I'm sorry that I couldn't hold my son for the first few seconds of his life. Now I got over it, because we both are ok and I have a great relationship with my son. You don't have to blame yourself, just be grateful that you could have a c section and that you and you baby are fine.

Christina - posted on 04/25/2010

i had to have an emergency c-section because he still wasn't ready to be born at 10 months and i didn't know my water broke or having contractions.

you shouldn't have to feel that you failed. the doctors were only concerned about your safety and the babies too. please be thankful that you and your child are healthy and that you brought a new life into this world

K. Erin - posted on 04/24/2010

oh gosh honey, i felt that way too and it didn't make it any better that breast feeding went down hill quickly...my kids would never latch on right or i wasn't making enough milk...I felt like maybe I shouldn't have been a mother. BUT! As they've grown, I have found things I am good at, things a mother should be good at. Like, keeping them entertained, disciplined, healthy. Everyone is different and we shouldn't expect things to go perfectly, you are not a failure, nor is anyone else for the things that you had to endure. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Keep your head up hun...just remind yourself that if you didn't have that c-section, you could've very well died as well as your beautiful baby. Sacrifice is the most carnal motherly instinct you have and you did it...you sacrificed what you wanted to help your child and you will always do it. Good luck sweetie!

Jacqueline - posted on 04/24/2010

I felt like I had really failed too. I would cry about it for a long time after my daughter was born even though I was so happy that she came out perfectly fine and wouldn't have if I hadnt had an emergency c section. My daughter is now 2 years and about to be three. I have a son who is 7 months old who I also had to have an emergency c section with, however this time around I was so happy that my son was alive after the traumatic experience I had that I was thankful that the doctors did what they had to. I felt sad for a little while even with my son but finally have come to realize that it wasn't my fault and that as bad as I still wanted the experience of a natural birth, this was the best thing for the both of us. Eventually you will feel better, just give it some time and think about what could have happened if you hadn't had the csection. Also it helped me to not feel like a failure thinking that csection is a major surgery and we are strong for getting through that. We shouldn't feel like failures at all.

Michelle - posted on 04/24/2010

I had to have an emergency c - section as well. Turns out he was so wrapped up in his cord he was trying to bungy his way out!!! My preferred way would have been natural, at first I was determined to just have the gas at the most but when the pain was too much for me I opted for an epi. When my son came out he was tangled up and he had had to go into special care for 4 days. The way I look at it is, I have a beautiful healthy boy with 10 fingers and 10 toes and no matter how he came into this world he is alive and kicking and this is the most important thing. When I look at my scar I think, I did the best I could and the best thing for my baby was to have myself cut open, if I had to do it all over again I would! Im thankful that in this day and age it is possible for them to do c - sections as back in the day it could have meant both me and my boy not making it through, thank god for modern medicine!!!

Amanda - posted on 04/23/2010

I had the same experience. My daughter is 8 months old and from the mid-point of our pregnancy we had many things to worry about. They found a cyst in her abdomen on. an US at 23 weeks or so, my care was transferred from my local midwives to the OB's at the regional medical center over an hour away. I had US's every other week until I was due. At 37 weeks of the OB's told me I had to have an emergency c-section or my baby would die if I attempted any natural forms of delivery. They stopped being concerned about the cyst and were telling me that if I carried to term she would be over 11 lbs and her and I would both be in a lot of danger because she would get stuck and would need a CS anyways.

So I stopped dealing with them, went back to my midwife and found out that they were WAY off with the measurements because they had someone inexperienced guesstimating the size. She was born 9lbs 0oz at 9 days post dates after countless dr's appt's, US's, and opinions....

I had an emergency c-section after two failed inductions lasting over 30 hours. I was having pitocin induced contractions continuoosly after the first two hours that were a minute and a half apart for almost two days straight... with no pain meds until we gave up each day (I got gravol and morphine shots in the bum..) They decided at 9pm the 3rd night 18 hours after they broke my water that I wasn't progressing and had an emergency c-section two hours later. I technically wasn't in labour because I never got to 4cm. I was devastated. I felt that had I waited and let my body do it's own thing in it's own time that she would have come naturally. for almost a month before I delivered my MIL was here because we were told she'd be early and she left the day after we came home from the hospital. after the first night my dh stopped waking up every time the baby did and I had to lift her up despite dr's orders.. he was back to work 2 days later. At 4 months old she had her left ovary removed because it detached itself due to the large cyst twisting pre-natally. At 6 months old I had my gallbladder out... It has been a ROUGH year to say the least... and of all the bad things that have happened the worst is not being able to deliver her naturally. She is here, and healthy and perfect...but it wasn't the way I planned. I love her just as much even though I will always miss those first hours when we were apart and everyone was able to see her but me. Thankfully my wonderful husband refused to let anyone else hold her until I held her. It was the most amazing gift he has ever given me.

Tara - posted on 04/23/2010

Hi Vicky,
I have had experienced both a vaginal and a ceserean delivery. I have trouble understanding why so many women feel they have "failed" when they end up have a c-section. You carried and nourished this child for months, and thanks to you she's a healthy baby girl. I can see how you may be a little disappointed that your birth plan didn't work out the way you wanted it too, but I think when someone comes up with a birth plan they should be aware and accepting if it doesn't turn out the exact way they want it. Complications are always something to take into consideration, in your case it was, and it absolutely does not make you or anybody else going through this a failure. No matter which way you delivered her, you gave birth, period. This is not towards you, but I personally tend to get annoyed when people post things negatively towards cesereans, and over react to cesearean awareness. Yes, I realize vaginal is optimal, however in situations such as yours, they can be life saving for mother and baby-if your blood pressure continued to stay high, you could have had a stroke. Sometimes, ceserean is the best option. And unfortunately so many people act like it's such a horrible thing, it doesn't help us mothers out who have had to experience it. I never had any negative feelings about my own c-section, I knew it was best for the situation, and I was happy that both me and baby were healthy and that's all that mattered.

Natalie - posted on 04/23/2010

you shouldn't blame yourself. You have the best blessing in the world...a baby girl! My mom delivered 6 babies naturally I however couldn't deliver one natural. At time I think back & wish I could have done it but then I I look at my angel and just thank God that I had a doctor that realized it would be safer to have her c-section. It's not how they get here that counts...it's being there to help them grow up and picking them up each time they fall that matters!!!

Ashley=) - posted on 04/23/2010

Its a normal feeling for many moms..i feel far from feeling like i failed my child is here today because of my emergency c-section.I am so thankful and grateful for my doctor finally making the decsion to do so.I had mild preeclampsia throughout that went undetected and the protein in my wee overlooked it caused cloths to form behind the placenta and then caused the placenta to come away and only in the c-section the found this out..pot luck the finally said get her out..if i were to dilate and have her she would of been killed.What you had was serious to both you and your baby,yes your sad you couldn't get to have her naturally but try your best to see past it and truly be proud of your scar and your experience because its how your little one came into the world nothing can ever change that:-)i was mad it ended up that way because i always said something is wrong but the didnt listen i nearly begged for them to just get her out before the doc said it to me as i was not going back to my ward for the second time after passing blood cloths...but again the decision to section her saved her life and mine.

Sarah - posted on 04/22/2010

It's not your fault that you had complications. It happens it doesn't mean you failed. I haven't had one so I don't know exactly what it is like to be in you shoes. However, when I was pregnant with my son my first child I said I wanted to do it naturally and I ended up having an epideral because once they broke my water I was in so much pain I felt like I caouldn't take it. Then about a year and a half later I had my first daughter and I got to the hospital to late to get a epideral so I had no choice but to do it natural. Once i experienced it naturally I felt like I should have never done the epideral the first time. My son just turned five in march and I still think I should have gone natural for him. But he doesn't know any different and he still loves me no matter how I had him and so will your daughter! I had to have my second daughter naturally too, I had her 16 minutes after I got to the hospital. They didn't even have time to hook me up to anything. Just try not to dwell on it and love you baby spend time with your baby and try not to think about it. Remember she loves you no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!Good Luck!

Brandice - posted on 04/22/2010

I too was induced with my first child. After a pretty quick labor I was able to start pushing. Well after she was halfway out they figured out that she was stuck (she was 9lbs 14oz) and I wound up with not one, but TWO episiotimies with the 40 stitches to boot. While she was stuck the cord had wrapped itself around her neck and she came out not breathing. She didn't breathe for over a minute. I had never been so scared in all my life. I also had to be given blood and was in sooo much pain.
Because of what happened with her, I requested a c-section with my son because I did NOT want to go through that again. While it was much easier having a c-section. I, personally wound up with more complications that way. They cut through a large vein while making the incision and I lost half my blood volume. However, my son came out and was the healthiest baby they'd seen in a long time.Even though it almost cost me my life, I don't regret choosing a c-section because it was less stressful for my son.

Lucinda - posted on 04/22/2010

Mine and your story sound so much alike. But i wasnt induced, i woke up to my water leaking and then i got sent to the hospital. I had a birth plan too saying i wanted my son to come out all natural with no drugs and i wanted to walk around as much as i can. I was in labor for 15 hrs too with no medication but i was able to walk around but my cervix didnt want to dialate no more than 5 cm. She even induced me with patocium to make my contractions come harder and stronger and that was the worst feeling but i still didnt dialate to no more than 5 cm so i had to get an emergency c-section. I was pretty ticked off to not having him natural but as long as he came out healthy that is all that mattered to me. We dont have control over our body and we cant blame ourselves for how our labor went. But i do want another child hopefully by next year and if so i want to try to have a v-back. We cant change the past but we could make a difference for our future =) I hope this makes you feel a lil. bit better. Just reading your post made me happy to knw im not the only one that had a hard labor

Trina - posted on 04/22/2010

Have all of you seen ICAN? I think it would help you all if you developed your own c-section support group, and then you can talk to one another about what you went through, the pain, and the emotional trauma. You could also post links about emotional healing after a c-section. I have never had one, but I just feel there is a strong need on circle of moms for after c-section support. I'm not sure if any groups exist for it, but maybe you can take it on yourselves and make your own little group. It is just an idea.

Brittany - posted on 04/22/2010

Aw, I'm sorry this happened 2 you:( With my first son I was induced due to preclampsia, I was in labor for 48hours and didn't go past 2cms, I also ended up with an emergency c-section and felt like I failed afterwards. I felt this way for many , many months and one day I don't know what happened I finally just woke up and was over it (mind you it took a long time ) now I'm the mother of three beautiful children and the other 2 where not by c-section ( thank God! It was so much easier ) but just look at it as a battle scar that you have earned and remember you can always try again if you choose to have any more children:)

Vicky - posted on 04/21/2010

Thanks everyone. i know i have a beautiful little girl and having a c section has not stopped me from bonding with her or loving hre she is my everything and im very lucky to have her. i think cos i had been planning this birth for so long and nothing went my way and the doctors kept scaring me the machines kept going off all the time i just feel like it was all wrong and not what i wanted. i never even considered having a c ssection and i think thats why its so hard. but i will get there thanks again everyone.
plus i am very lucky to have a wonderful husband who has sowed me so much support and loves me for me and still loves my body even though i dont.

Trina - posted on 04/21/2010

Have you ever heard of birth trauma? Many people do not know it exist, but we can be traumatized by bad birth experiences. It is good that you are able to talk about this, and open up. Please go to youtube and look up birth trauma videos. Also. please know that having a c-section does not mean you failed or that it is impossible to ever have a natural birth.

Asia - posted on 04/21/2010

i had to be induced and was in labor for 35 hrs then they gave me the ole c-sec bc i didnt progress and my heart rate kept dropping, they had to pump me full of so many drugs i barely remember it, which is the part i regret. i know its really hard to cope with especially if you were looking so forward to natural birth, but you have to remember that it isnt your fault, or your bodies. sometimes things just work out differently. just look at the slight plus side, you got to relax and regain some strength for a couple days afterwards...... i hate my body now too, but i think alot of moms go through it as part of the postpartum, and things changed so quickly. just look to the support of friends who are mothers or family, and remember even if you went through hell with the whole ordeal, your little one is worth a million times that!!!

Heather - posted on 04/21/2010

You should not hate yourself for something you couldn't control. I wanted to have as natural a birth as possible. My son was 9lbs 5ozs and refused to drop no matter what my doctor did..... after 24 hours of my doctor trying to induce me we decided that it would be better for everyone, including my son, to do a c-section before he got stressed and i needed an emergency c-section. After my c-section my doctor explained to me that my son was to big to have ever had naturally. I am glad i had a c-section because if i hadn't things could have been a lot different. My son would have gotten stuck and me and him could have both died. But because I had a c-section I now have a happy, healthy, 17lb 12oz, 4 month old baby boy. I know that if I would have lost him I would have wanted to kill myself for not having the c-section. I don't feel like i failed because i didn't go through all the normal pain of labor. instead I had to deal with my pain from the c-section while caring for a new born baby. I hope to have a VBAC next time but who knows what surprises life will bring.

Be happy with what you have... a beautiful little girl who will love you just the same as if you had her naturally. She will still grow up to be a little princess, then a tween, then a teen, and eventually an adult who wants to be a mommy just like you.

If you ever need to talk send me a message.

Jessica - posted on 04/21/2010

it goes away sweets i felt it too. i was inducted and in labour for 2days and had emergency c section to a baby that almost died and i couldn't understand why i was so upset and angry about the birth and hated myself but now i realise it wasn't my fault and something bad could of happened if i didnt maybe even lost my little man so im happy now, knowing my child is safe and well in my arms and i think thats all that matters now i still do dislike my body but in time that will go to and im pregnant with my second but because all of the trouble with my first i have decided to have a c section again but this time i think it will be different because i choose this time. but let yourself heal first i was so angry and upset that i feel i missed so much of my beautiful little ones first 6months so stop thinking about the past and see whats right infront of you dont make my mistake... just keep healthy and watch your little girl grow and shape into a beautiful little child....good luck

Angelica - posted on 04/21/2010

I had to have a c section and I also had a birth plan to give natural birth but I was pregnant with twins and I also had preclampsia and diabetes I went into labor at 37 weeks and my son was breached and since he was on the bottom and the first to come out I also had to have an emergency c section although I was very disappointed in the decision that the doctors had I was also thankful because if I had not went threw with it I probably wouldnt be here now to enjoy raising my babies so look at it this way be thankful for the scar even thow it has bad memories but at least you are here and can watch your angel grow up because they had to do it for the safety of you and your baby so with that being said dont feel like a failure feel like the great mother that you are hope this helps!!!

Leslie - posted on 04/21/2010

i didn't have one but i think you should just be grateful that you were able to have a healthy beautiful little girl. i think anyway she got out is better then carrying her around for a longer period of time!!lol and u should not hate your body i created a precious little person and she's all yours!!! your body is all yours and you have to deal with it forever so STOP it and get your body ready for running jumping and playing!!!enjoy motherhood!

Adelle - posted on 04/21/2010

That happens to alot of us!! I had an emergency c-section with my daughter because she flipped completly around it wasnt my fault or hers these things just happen sometimes. Its a fact of life. It sounds more like you have the after baby blues. Quit beating yourself up over something you couldnt control. take the time now to bond with your little one and dont sweat the small stuff

Jamie - posted on 04/21/2010

Absolutely not! None of these issues were in your control. You should feel proud of your body for nurturing and protecting such a beautiful little girl as she grew and developed! There's NO shame in a c-section. I had a c-section too, but if I hadn't had one I'd still feel the same way :) Furthermore, I feel there is far to much emphasis put on how a child enters the world (at home, water-births, natural, medicated, etc.) and it takes away from the wonderful fact that they are here! I wouldn't cry if my car broke down and I had to fly across country instead to see my family. They won't mind how I get there as long as I get there. You are your daughters world and I'm sure she won't hold a major surgery against you. Look at your scar daily. It's proof of the phenomenal things you've gone through to get her here safely. Let go of the mental scarring that makes you feel ashamed.

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2010

i feel that way. when i first had my daughter (jan 09) i would be taking a shower or something else that would expose my scarred belly and i would cry because i was so looking forward to that moment when she came out and i got to hold my beautiful new slippery baby.. and i feel i got cut out of the equation because after the c-section i was in a room by myself healing... and my baby was with my mother. i wonder sometimes if i would have bonded more with her if she had been born vaginally. i'm super happy that she was born a healthy little bundle but i would have loved to do it over again and maybe do something different like not let the doc induce me 2 days early especially since the night before the induction i was having contractions. and now all i try to think about is how much she has grown and how healthy she is but i still have resentment towards the doc and how everything played out..

Lindsey - posted on 04/21/2010

You had no control over it! Don't beat yourself up. I imagine you and your baby are both safe and healthy? So it wasn't a failure. I had two vaginal births (with an epidural) and for my third I decided to change up my birth plan and was so excited about it. My placenta started separating, my daughter was breech, low fluid, water broke at 27 wks, and at 29 wks I had a c-section...ugh! Nothing went right and the first thing I asked was what did I do. My daughter is also 5 months old and she's a healthy, happy baby, and I feel that it's all I can ask for. I don't plan on having anymore children, but my bff had preclampsia her first child and not with her second. Did your doc tell you your chances of doing a vaginal delivery the next one, if you plan on another? I'm not sure if any of this helped. but I hope that you can stop blaming yourself. These things just happen with no rhyme or reason sometimes. And now you have a beautiful daughter. (=