Do you live at home with your parents???

Tracey - posted on 09/07/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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What do you do when all your mother does is nag when your out late with your child? or just doing what you think is best for you baby???



My mother always complains that im out till 10pm or so with my daughter but its only because her father doesnt live with us......were at his house!!! She always like she needs a bath today and im like i know!!! I just feel she my daughter let go alittle mom i can handle it!!!

Then theres his mother making comments to my daughter the have no idea wha there doing do they?? Putting foods in her mouth i dont want her to have yet!!!

What do i do about her grandparents always butting in????

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I know there are reasons that people legitimately need to live with their family, but the best solution to a problem like this is always to move. It's often hard for parents to see their children as adults, even if they have children of their own, if they are still supporting the child in some way or other.



As far as your in-laws go, it sounds like you need to have a conversation with them when your daughter is not present and tell her how you feel. Let her know that it is unacceptable to talk about you and your daughter's father in that way, and that it is unfair to pull a child into any disagreements about how you are raising her.

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17 Comments

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Stifler's - posted on 09/15/2010

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I don't want to be mean but what would you do if your kid had a kid and lived with you? Would you never put your 2 cents worth in if they were out late with the baby in the snow?

Robyn - posted on 09/13/2009

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believe me in cases like this saying she/he is your child does not work it causes more arguments and more fighting and makes life unbearable, i truly understand how tracy feels i moved in with my mom and dad when my son was about 4 months old and it was hell i basically kept me and my son in one room because the fighting was to much, i wasnt keeping him on a schedule so i was bad, i wouldnt give him everything he wanted so i was bad, i didnt want him to have sweets and colas so i was bad, i gave him time outs so i was bad, and if my dad wasnt doing the exact opposite of what i said he'd be making snide rude remarks, like i should have kept my legs closed or what not, sadly at the time i couldnt afford to move out and he used that against me all the time, luckily for me when my son was 3 i met someone we moved in togehter and been togehter ever since whcih i cant tell you how much of a relief that it, now when i go to my mom and dads i still get it, like when i pick him up later in the evening, he gets right mad and yells at me, or if its raining out or snowing out i shouldnt have him out, or if he gives me lunch money for my son who is now 6 i dont ask for the lunch money he just gives it to me and then complains why'd you have a kid if u cant afford him, and then i have to fight with the fact i have money, nor did i ask for any from you, you gave it, same with the book orders or i dont have the extra money to buy him a nintendo ds no but he can so he looks like the hero and tells my son mommy doesnt love you cuz she cant afford to drop 130 bucks on a nintendo ds before school starts when i just spent 200 bucks on all new school clothes and shoes and bookbags and school supplies. BAH sorry i know im ranting but it makes me soooooo mad, but tryin to tell parents like this that your the parent let you worry about them just dont work

Daniela - posted on 09/08/2009

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I live with my mom, and although she does start nagging sometimes, she knows when to stop. Just let her know that although you live with her, she is your child and you do whats best for her, as for the mother in law.. uuugggh I have the same problem with my boyfriends mom, always trying to feed her food I DONT want her to feed her, saying she needs this and that...I just tell her as politely as possible to let me worry about the baby not her.

Tracey - posted on 09/08/2009

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Quoting Robyn:

OMG i know how you feel, my mom is pretty decent its my dad i moved out but when i was there it was feeding my son food i didnt want him to have, or telling me he needs a schedule, or id put my son to bed, he'd get my son outta bed and tell me he didnt need to go to sleep then, i'd put him in a time out, he'd get him up out of his time out saying oh he's only two its okay for him to bite and pull hair cause he was mad, or even now where i live on my own, i go over to pick him up at like 10pm which is the time my mom tells me to pick him up and he gives me a lecture im a bad mom cause i have him out till 10pm, or i say no pop/soda to drink, i look again my sons got a can of coke from my dad, or i dont get him a book order from school now, he tells me if i cant afford a book order i shouldnt have had kids, or telling me to do this or do that and its not a matter of just saying ok dad thanks, we got into huge arguments because of it, its the reason i had to move out because all we did was fight becasue he was overstepping his boundaries of grand parent and trying to act like his parent, completely overshadowing me



I rlly truely want to move out but dnt have the money..........i nvr lived with my mom bfore cause we but heads like this but, there wasnt enough room at my dads for me and a baby..........but now i wish i just stated there and lived with my daughter in my room for a few years but........im kinda stuck now!!! Waitin for my daughters daddy to graduate this year join the military and get housin on base so we have a place to live and the extra benifits!! so just alil more time not long i hope!

Robyn - posted on 09/08/2009

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OMG i know how you feel, my mom is pretty decent its my dad i moved out but when i was there it was feeding my son food i didnt want him to have, or telling me he needs a schedule, or id put my son to bed, he'd get my son outta bed and tell me he didnt need to go to sleep then, i'd put him in a time out, he'd get him up out of his time out saying oh he's only two its okay for him to bite and pull hair cause he was mad, or even now where i live on my own, i go over to pick him up at like 10pm which is the time my mom tells me to pick him up and he gives me a lecture im a bad mom cause i have him out till 10pm, or i say no pop/soda to drink, i look again my sons got a can of coke from my dad, or i dont get him a book order from school now, he tells me if i cant afford a book order i shouldnt have had kids, or telling me to do this or do that and its not a matter of just saying ok dad thanks, we got into huge arguments because of it, its the reason i had to move out because all we did was fight becasue he was overstepping his boundaries of grand parent and trying to act like his parent, completely overshadowing me

Tracey - posted on 09/07/2009

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How do i move out if i have no money!!! An if i get a fulltime job the money i make just goes to daycare!!!

Tracey - posted on 09/07/2009

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Quoting Lyndsay:

Well think of it this way. She raised you, right? So obviously she knows what to do with a baby. And I know it can be extremely frustrating to have people telling you their opinions all the time, especially when you don't agree.. but instead of making a big deal out of it, just smile and nod and say "Okay mum", then go about your business your way. Another thing I have to say, and you may not like this, is that you are living under her roof... so while that is the situation, show a little respect and appreciation. She could turn you out on the street and then you'd be wishing she was there to nag at you.



She tried that when i got pregant and my stepdad had to tell her no!! So no matter what Its still pretty bad!! But ii do listen and so ok!! then go on doin what i was doing!!

[deleted account]

I am going through the same things. My mom constantly is trying to me and my daughter on a schedual. She has never had a schedual and she never had a problem until I moved back home with her. I havent figured out how to handle the whole situation. And HIS MOTHER is completely psycho. She tried to get full custody of my daughter behind my back and was always nice to me, but little did I know she was wearing a clown mask. SHe had kept records of everything for the past 2 years!!!!!! But Im kind of what you call a "hippie" I go with the flow. They have a problem, they can kiss my wind flowing behind me!!!! Just sit them all down and tell them that you need to be your childs mother and when they butt in it takes away from your athourity to your child and doesnt help the fact that u have to learn. NOT BE TOLD!!

Ryann - posted on 09/07/2009

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i live with my mother in law and have the same problem. She is constantly doing things that i don't want her to do, and no matter how many times i tell her i don't like things she does she just keeps doing it. I try to just stay out of the house as much as i can and keep myself and my daughter busy. Lots of walks and visits with friends i come home and we go in my room and play. I know it seems childish but i try and ignore her and she usually gets the hint that i don't need her imput i am perfectly capable of taking care of my child.

Lyndsay - posted on 09/07/2009

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Well think of it this way. She raised you, right? So obviously she knows what to do with a baby. And I know it can be extremely frustrating to have people telling you their opinions all the time, especially when you don't agree.. but instead of making a big deal out of it, just smile and nod and say "Okay mum", then go about your business your way. Another thing I have to say, and you may not like this, is that you are living under her roof... so while that is the situation, show a little respect and appreciation. She could turn you out on the street and then you'd be wishing she was there to nag at you.

Beth - posted on 09/07/2009

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i lived with my mum and step dad when i had my daughter untill about 18 months ago and my mum drove me round the bend. I had bad post natal depression and it was made worse by my mum taking over all the time. my daughter is now really close to my mum and has a bond with her that i envy and i do struggle to have that closness with her now because of my mum. im now pregnant with my second child and had to come back to my mum's house for a while because i had hyperemisis and she's already trying to butt in with everything. i've learnt from my mistakes that grandparents DO NOT know whats best and i would suggest that even though it will cause a bit of tention at 1st you put your foot down and do whatever you think is the right thing to do. noone knows a child better than it's mother. good luck

Iysha - posted on 09/07/2009

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My boyfriend and I live with my parents but we don't have much of a problem with my mom. She will give her opinion and we either take it or leave it. She told us that if she oversteps her boundaries to let her know. She doesn't want to be one of "those" grandparents. lol.



My dad and his sister on the other hand annoy the hell out of us. My aunt is always saying to Kylie( my daughter) that we don't know what we're doing and keeps telling us that we NEED to get her baptized... and so on and so forth. My dad is always telling me my baby is sick because she sneezes or because she has boogers and says that I don't burp her right...like he would know, he never lifted a finger to help my mom out with me or my sister when we were little. We just ignore it and know that we will just do what we want with our child. We take her out late if we want, she sleeps anywhere anyway.



I would either ignore it, or tell our mother in law how you feel. Like for instance, when she says to your daughter, "They just don't have any idea what they're doing," say to her in a calm tone, "I really don't like it when you say that. It makes me feel like you don't think I'm doing a good job as a mother. I am doing what I know is right based on the doctor's opinions and my own judgement. I would appreciate any advice you can give me to help, but please don't tell me I'm doing something wrong or that I don't know what I'm dong. There are different ways of parenting and I'm doing what I feel is right for my baby."

If I were to have this problem with my own mother or mother in law, I would say that.



With my dad and my aunt, its different, we can get by just ignoring them, we don't see them as often. anyway.

Audrey - posted on 09/07/2009

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Oh boy! I know how you feel...I live with my in laws, and it gets hard sometimes. They like to pump sugar in my kids all the time...They don't respect my living space either. I think the only thing we can do is keep telling them when they do these things that it annoys us. Eventually, they will get it :) Good luck and God bless you!

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