Does anyone else feel like they've lost friends?

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2009 ( 241 moms have responded )

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My daughter is now 15mo old and I just now am begining to see my friends becomming distant, has anyone else experienced this. I expected because they've stuck around until now that they were true friends and now maybe I'm wrong.

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Heidi - posted on 09/11/2009

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I definitely know what you mean. I was in graduate school at OSU when I got pregnant with my daughter (now 17 months old). I felt like a "teen mom" around all of my friends from school (even though I was 24!) because they were all about the going-out and partying which I couldn't do. I only have a couple close friends with babies, and we have gotten closer, but are so busy with our babies and jobs now that we rarely can find time to hang out and do playdates. I feel like a lot of my other friends and I will get closer once they are starting families and understanding how different life is. So don't worry about your friends getting a little distant. It may happen, but it probably won't last long, especially if they are your real friends who have stuck around this long. In the meantime, just enjoy the extra time with your little one! :) Hope you feel a little better soon!

Charlie - posted on 09/13/2009

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All of my friends have stuck by us although now i have more in common with my friends who have children i make a conscious decision to NOT bore the crap outta my childless friends with stories of poos , vomits and feedings because quite frankly BABY TALK is boring to those friends without kids even if they do pretend to be interested , more than five minutes will drive anyone without kids away And i prefer to save my adult conversation to have with them .

I know we all expect friends to just sit by be apart of our lives but dynamics change , its not that they are bad people its just that common interests have changed if you truly value each other then they will make the effort to not just drop your friendship the minute they hear the word baby and you will make the effort to not bore them senseless with non stop baby talk .
Although i do get that is hard because when you become a parent Kids are all there is so perhaps if there is time you can get hubby or grandma to watch the children for an hour while you get some much needed Girl time with your friends at nice cafe or something .

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Jo - posted on 07/11/2011

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I'm 22yo with a little boy of 9mo old. Out of all my 'friends' I was the first to fall pregnant. They were all brilliant throughout my pregnancy, but after Tyler was born, I hardly ever hear from them (including the friend I've known for 16years). They're all too interested in my brother when he comes home on leave from the Army. My oldest friend hasn't seen her godson in months. It's just not fair on him! It doesn't help either that I have no mummy friends where I live so I don't see anyone at all, except my mum. Maybe my 'friends' just don't understand. I feel so lonely all the time, I just don't know what to do!!!

Jessica - posted on 09/25/2009

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Friends, what are those? I'm a stay at home mom, I have one best friend who lives in NYC, I'm in Fl. When I got preggo with the 2nd baby all of my friends vanished. I'm married and have a 2 yr old and a 7wk old. Its tough but whateves

Christine - posted on 09/25/2009

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i think its just hard for people without kids to fully understand...it's not always that they are bad friends they just dont get it :/ it still sucks

Tiffany - posted on 09/21/2009

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I lost all my friends when I pregnant because they all wanted to go out and party and I couldnt do that. I found out who my true friends were when I got pregnant.

Maria - posted on 09/20/2009

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I moved in with two of best friends from high school, and my now fiance, the more they went out and partied the more I wanted to stay home, and just relax, take a shower or read a book. I guess it was just me growing up and them expanding their freedom, most people just cant accept that we are responsible for a living breathing person, and everyone is right it isn't easy to just pick a babysitter and GO. I lost all of my good friends, its been two years now and haven't spoke to them since. It's depressing but you'll have three sets of friends in your life, the high school friends who usually slip away as the years go by, and parents of other kids your kid plays with, and also your family/ family friends or neighborhood friends.



Eventually you'll meet other parents and that is honestly the easiest group to be with, because you can take the kids and go to a park or out to eat with the kids and your friend and there is no feeling of imposing or awkwardness because the other person understands. It gets better, I know have 3 friends who are all mothers, and even though my friend group is small, they are some of the best people I know.



Best wishes and good luck.

Candice - posted on 09/19/2009

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yeah i kno how that feels... i moved to a new province and got pregnant almost right away... i had very little time no get to know anyone... so now the few friends i have dont come around or bother calling or txting... my family rarely talked to me the whole time i was pregnant let alone now... its just a mess..... it definetly doesnt help with the post partum.

Carolanne - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have 1 close friend from before... but you don't have as much in common anymore. All I wanna talk about is my baby and the things they wanna talk about (stupid gossip, partying, etc.) seems so unimportant to me now so i've just decided my best friend is my baby girl and I have new girlfriends who are moms and understand me. Kinda sad, but life changes after babies. Got a new life now! :)

Tara - posted on 09/18/2009

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I too have lost all of my BFF's. It hurts to see on their facebook pages where they go out and do things together and leave me out because of being a mother I guess. They don't even call me now. It's like I've dropped off the planet or something. I've not really figured it out yet and am too hurt to ask. When I call them it feels awkward like we don't what to say to one another. I've made friends at work now, but none of them are really close. I moved to this county when i got married 3 years ago, and it feels like I'm all by myself most of the time, other than having my husband and daughters.

Lashannon - posted on 09/18/2009

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we drifted apart over the years.. sometimes it's for the best... but i've also was able to pick up new ones along the way, ones who's on the same page as me ... MOTHERHOOD...

Stacey - posted on 09/18/2009

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Yes its deff. hard if your friends dont or didnt have kids when you have children. We are a military family and even still we dont have a whole lot of friends because just seems like everyone is my hubbys unit is single or married with no kids and they dont really wanna hang out with us cause we dont really have a sitter or they dont really know how to be patient around our kids..so yep it sucks...and most of my friends from high school have gone there seperate ways anyways...

JAWANDA - posted on 09/18/2009

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I LOST MY FRIENDS SO LONG AGO I FORGOT I HAD SOME!LOL but i truly understand what you are saying. i get lonly for friends sometimes, but you can't just drop your kids off at people houses. plus i really don't trust anyone with my kids because they are active and i allow them to be that because i feel like they are kids and that's what kids do. i don't make them sit down and sit quiet. is that a bad idea i dont know. all i know is i want them to have the best child hood they can possibly have. my mom dies and my husband's parents live like 12 hours away so i feel all alone!lol

Crystal - posted on 09/18/2009

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It's tough I had the same problem when my son was born its still happenning. For me its the face that I never know far enough in advance when I am able to go out so I don't get invited anywhere and when I do I feel so out of the loop that I become sad because I never see anyone anymore. My friends are all single and childless even my son's God-parents son't hangout anymore I am really upset about that because God-parents are supposed to be a part of the family and they never talk to us anymore. Its sad but it does get easier you are saying good-bye to one part of your life and saying hello to another

Antonia - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have a fourteen month old and I feel the same way. I had only a few friends stick by me after I got pregnant but now even some of them are becoming distant. I am not sure if they just don't relate or what but it confuses the hell out of me!

Maranda - posted on 09/18/2009

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I had me now 4 year old when I was only 16 and all of my friends from school stopped talking to me just because i switced schools. Now i am married and expecting a new baby, I never talked to anyone from school again. Do you have any advice on how i could meet new friends.

Kristen - posted on 09/18/2009

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I know what you mean by some people seeming more distant. I am expecting my first in January and some of my friends just don't know what to say or do about it. I don't think that they are distancing themselves so much (well some might be) as just don't know. They want to go out and don't know if they should invite me or not because they don't know if I will be up for it, if I will have a good time because I am pregnant and slightly more limited than I was before, and things like that. I have found though, that now that I am expecting I have become closer with my friends who already have children now that we have some more common ground.

Hang in there and I am sure things will be just fine in the end.

Melissa - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have been going through the same thing except mine started drifting away earlier on, like when my daughter was about 6-8 months. it sucks, but i think thats why its good to have friends that are moms too. they understand more

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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My baby is 3.5 months old and I feel the same way. I am the first one out of my small group of close friends to get married, and have a baby. I totally understand that they are in different places in their life but I thought that our friendship meant more than being drinking buddies and doing the bar scene. When I first had my daughter I didn't hear from two friends (who I considered to be very close) for a whole month. Then I broke down and called them to make a lunch date. I luckily have a girlfriend (that I was not very close with at all before having my daughter) who had her daughter 6 weeks before me and we have become extremely close and get together once a week for mall walks and usually another day throughout the week just to hang out with the babies. I can sympathize completely with the lost friends feeling.

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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My baby is 3.5 months old and I feel the same way. I am the first one out of my small group of close friends to get married, and have a baby. I totally understand that they are in different places in their life but I thought that our friendship meant more than being drinking buddies and doing the bar scene. When I first had my daughter I didn't hear from two friends (who I considered to be very close) for a whole month. Then I broke down and called them to make a lunch date. I luckily have a girlfriend (that I was not very close with at all before having my daughter) who had her daughter 6 weeks before me and we have become extremely close and get together once a week for mall walks and usually another day throughout the week just to hang out with the babies. I can sympathize completely with the lost friends feeling.

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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My friends pretty much disappeared once I became pregnant. Now that my son is 3 months old I rarely see my friends. They will ask me to go out every week but they dont understand that I am a mommy now and he comes before going out and getting drunk. You really do find out who your friends are, and the best is really to find people who have children and are going through the same thing Some of my husbands friends havent even seen our baby yet! Friends who dont have kids wont get it until they have one.

Donna - posted on 09/18/2009

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Yeah, my friends just seemed to scatter within the FIRST MONTH of my son being born. I guess the fact that I couldn't go out that much anymore made me expendable or something. It was a little difficult but I got through it and the friends I have now are also parents so it's easier to have people to talk to while our kids get to play together.



It's different but I like it!

Ashley - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have noticed that too with some of my "friends". At first I got mad and my feelings were hurt but then I just realized that they are not ready to settle down and have a family and I am. I want different things out of life now. I don't go out clubbing anymore and thats what they are into. Sometimes growing up means growing apart. Once they are ready to settle down too, they will come around. Remember what it was like before you had kids? You could do whatever whenever?! That is what they are doing. Don't take it personal, they just are not at the same place in life right now. Try telling them how you feel, they might not have even realized what they are doing and how it makes you feel. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 09/18/2009

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yes, we tend to at some point seperate from our friends. som don't understand that being a mom takes alot of time, but you can still make time for them. If you think they just left because you have a baby now than I would say let them leave, they will come back if they are true friends of yours. It takes time for people to realize a situation like you have. It will all work out though

Mistie - posted on 09/18/2009

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it they aren't goin to come around cause you have a child, maybe they really weren't a true friend to begin with. growing up means growing apart from some friends and growing closer to others. check with your local library, there are usually "mommy support groups" there and you can interact with other moms and your child can interact with other children. don't be afraid to meet me friends.

Gemma - posted on 09/18/2009

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i fell pregnant when i was 15 and i was only part of a small group of friends before. as soon i started showing people i did not no started talking to me, i thought that this was weired, all they wanted was to touch my belly and talk about me behind my back, what i am trying to say is you don't no who is your true friends until you have children , if your friends don't have any kids they are not going to understand you, some of my friends became distant until they started having kids of there own, they came to me for advice and ect...if your friends are young and still a little imature then forget about them why don't you find a mums and toddlers group they are great to find new friends in the same situation as you are in, they really helped me to interact with different people and my children loved playing with other kiddiesx

Candace - posted on 09/17/2009

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I can see where your coming from because I lost all of my single friends when i got a boyfriend but I gained couples as friends then I got pregnant and lost the ones who didnt have kids or werent expecting any which was pretty much all of them but then I started meeting other people my age with kids as well so its like you gain them and you lose them its weird. i think we lose friends because its like we dont have common ground anymore and then you gain some because you do have common ground. I know I am about to move to be with my fiance now to a place where I will not know anyone so now I am going to be completely alone but I have to rely on the fact that there are other young parents out there I just have to find them!!! Just find ways to meet moms like play grouips in your area or go to the mall and let the kids run around in the play area if they have one i know thats where im meeting all my new friends but keep your head up :) you will never be friendless :)

Candace - posted on 09/17/2009

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I can see where your coming from because I lost all of my single friends when i got a boyfriend but I gained couples as friends then I got pregnant and lost the ones who didnt have kids or werent expecting any which was pretty much all of them but then I started meeting other people my age with kids as well so its like you gain them and you lose them its weird. i think we lose friends because its like we dont have common ground anymore and then you gain some because you do have common ground. I know I am about to move to be with my fiance now to a place where I will not know anyone so now I am going to be completely alone but I have to rely on the fact that there are other young parents out there I just have to find them!!! Just find ways to meet moms like play grouips in your area or go to the mall and let the kids run around in the play area if they have one i know thats where im meeting all my new friends but keep your head up :) you will never be friendless :)

Brandi - posted on 09/17/2009

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I am experiencing that also my daughter just turned 2 and my best friend who is a flight attendant out of philly where she lives but comes home just about every week has not came to see me or my daughter in 1 year in 2months she doesn't tell me she is home or anything I see it on facebook and when I message her or call she is always busy and says we can do something tomorrow but never calls or answers. I've decided to just give up if she doesn't have time for me because I have a baby now then I guess she was never a true friend. Maybe one day she will realize!

Rebecca - posted on 09/17/2009

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I don't think it is because they are not true friends, but because they don't understand what it is like to have children, I had some friends that were the same way until they had kids of their own, then everything changed. They could be feeling like you have abandoned them, they really have no clue. Right now I would find new friends that have children so they can relate, your other friends will come around in time.

Amanda - posted on 09/17/2009

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My son is going to be 1 on the 30th and I have noticed that none of my friends come around anymore, and nobody calls me anymore... Its like they all just dissappeared and idk, I cant go no where or do anything... Like, my family went to the ocean this summer and I couldnt go because they didnt wanna deal with my son crying and they didnt have enough room... but yeah hes worth lossing friends over I think, id rather have him then have my friends anyways

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2009

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I've lost most of my friends who don't have kids. They just don't understand that I am NOT going to just go out drinking with them on the weekends, even if I can find a sitter. I have better things to do. Nothing wrong with some "me" time but they think I can just pick up and go. Most of my friends now are other moms, (most of them from my birth board, so they're cyber-buddies) and maybe 1 childless friend.

Julie - posted on 09/17/2009

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I know how you feel, I had a couple of good friends left from high school, I'm now 27 years old so it has been 9 years since then and we had remained friends the entire time. Now that I have my 19 month old daughter contact with them seems to be non existent. I have my sister and cousin who also have children so we have become closer, but as for my other friends they have left me for their social lives without children.

[deleted account]

Most of my friends that are not in a serious relationship, married, or have children have disappeared. I still talk to them but only when I call them or make an effort. It really bothered me at first because I have always had a whole lot of friends. Now I just let it go and figure if they do not want to talk or hang out because of my daughter than that is their loss and I have no business being friends with them, My daughter is my life and if my friends can't deal with it and decide to disappear, it is probably better that way.

User - posted on 09/17/2009

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I don't really think I lost friends. I just don't hang out with them like I used to. It started slowing down once I got married and came the baby. Before I had him, I lost one and really connected with one of my friends through that, but my husband and I are mostly home with the kid.

Mary - posted on 09/17/2009

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I think if you have kids and your friends dont it does happen. its so much easier for them to have friends that dont have to work a babysitter into a fun girls night out or what not. I have one good friend that has been pretty good. Friends i had before my two year old. left to live their life.... and im only 20 so its really hard to deal with not having sooo many friends like im use to. im now working on finding moms my age to hang with but even then its hard bc as a parent its hard to get away from your kids or work. even a play date can be hard to set up. hope you find some friends that stick by you.

[deleted account]

True friends would stay by your side,no mattter what happened! xXx Some people just have the cheek to call themselves friends when they don't know the meaning of the word! xXx T & J x

Tanya - posted on 09/17/2009

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I had my first baby when I was 19, none of my friends had children... I was the "going out" type before I had kids and oh let me tell you I've lost every single one of my friends... I remember them all being excited and happy for me, and when the baby was born they all seemed supportive.. But then we driffed apart, our lives were different... I remember them inviting me out not too long after I had the baby and I couldn't because I didn't have anyone to watch the baby so they got really mad about it like if I just didn't want to go... I now have 3 children and a husband and all my old friends still are living the single life with no children (I don't talk to any of them anymore really unless I run into them somewhere)... I am happy with my life but one thing I do recommend you do is get out and meet some mommy friends they will have more in common with you... I didn't do that after having my 1st I guess I kinda figured they would understand I had a baby or maybe even that they would settle down and have some kids too not too long after me but 7 years later nope and now it's hard for me to meet other mommies out there..

Tanya - posted on 09/17/2009

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I had my first baby when I was 19, none of my friends had children... I was the "going out" type before I had kids and oh let me tell you I've lost every single one of my friends... I remember them all being excited and happy for me, and when the baby was born they all seemed supportive.. But then we driffed apart, our lives were different... I remember them inviting me out not too long after I had the baby and I couldn't because I didn't have anyone to watch the baby so they got really mad about it like if I just didn't want to go... I now have 3 children and a husband and all my old friends still are living the single life with no children (I don't talk to any of them anymore really unless I run into them somewhere)... I am happy with my life but one thing I do recommend you do is get out and meet some mommy friends they will have more in common with you... I didn't do that after having my 1st I guess I kinda figured they would understand I had a baby or maybe even that they would settle down and have some kids too not too long after me but 7 years later nope and now it's hard for me to meet other mommies out there..

Jen - posted on 09/17/2009

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The same thing has happened to me. We had friends that we did everything with. It started as soon as I got pregnant. Couldn't go out and drink or was too tired to stay out all night etc. I think I've seen those people maybe 5 times since my daughter was born and she's almost a year old. It sucks, but I also gained a few other mommy friends. Find a common interest or a play group. It's nice to have someone that you have things in common with, as well as someone to go to for advice or just to swap stories! I love it.

Kristina - posted on 09/17/2009

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Yes definately it seems that after you have kids you do not see as much of your friends and if they have a family too it makes it more difficult. If you have friends with children make it once or twice a month that you have a playdate with mommies and children. Maybe your friends are just busy with their own families. If they are true friends they will be there no matter what. You should also try telling them how you feel. Have a good one I hope I helped.

Rachael - posted on 09/17/2009

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I feel the same way. I have gained a few friends that are mothers, but I have lost contact with most of my old friends, especially ones without children. If they cannot accept you while you enjoy the next stage of your life, then they are not worthy of being your friend anyway.

Rachael - posted on 09/17/2009

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I feel the same way. I have gained a few friends that are mothers, but I have lost contact with most of my old friends, especially ones without children. If they cannot accept you while you enjoy the next stage of your life, then they are not worthy of being your friend anyway.

Breanna - posted on 09/17/2009

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totally agree, we keep hearing that our friends are doing things and they don't invite us anymore because we have a baby? i dunno but i hear ya

Olivia - posted on 09/17/2009

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i have expected this & my son is only a month old. i now that i dont like the feeling i have from it.

Tammy - posted on 09/17/2009

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I have had the same problem. Thankfully my husband ran into an old friend that had a girlfriend with kids. She loved to be around kids so much that we kinda became inseprable. But you just need to find frinds that have things in commin with your new life as a mother. If your current friends do not want to hang around you any more because you had a kid that is there loss. You hang in there, remember it is not the amount of friends that you have that matters it is the amount of suport that you can get.

Becca - posted on 09/17/2009

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My husband and I were all about partying til I accidentally wound up pregnant a year ago. We miscarried due to the Rh factor, and then all my we wanted was a baby. So now we're 7 months and it's kinda like a stigma. Like all our friends somehow think we can hang out less because we're pregnant. Even tho all the guys graduated together, and the girls a year later (I'm 22 and he's 24). We have very few friends that we can count on anymore. I think losing friends is just a part of life. Some people grow up faster than others no matter how long you've been friends. No matter how old you are people will constantly be proving to you whether or not you can count on them. Something like this just gives them more reason I guess. It's sad on their part. We have a few friends with kids, and a ton of people we know are pregnant right now, so we've grown closer to those people, and met some thru childbirth classes and stuff. I wish you luck in finding more friends :)

Danielle - posted on 09/17/2009

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I have most definitely lost friends because my close cricle of friends are not having children yet so they feel disconnected from me because my priorities have changed. It really sucks. I've found be a young mom in her early 20's that i don't fit in w/ girls my age and I'm too young for the MOPS and all those other mommy groups who are usually women in their 30's. It's a hard place to be.

Shawna - posted on 09/17/2009

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absolutely! Its tuff, but true. My daughter is 2 1/2 now and i am just now starting to understand that those so called friends that do not come around anymore, aren't really friends anyway. You should be proud of yourself that you are realizing this sooner than most. You don't need them anyway. I am not going to lie it is much harder to find new and true friends once you have a child, but try to re connect with some old friends that may have kids now or try to join a mommy n me group. Or see if your local library or ymca has a mommy and me time so you can make new friends that are in the same boat as you are.

[deleted account]

I lost many friends when I became a mother especially the ones who had no children themselves. They did not like the idea that all my time was focused on my child or that if they wanted a last minute get together my child came too. Those people I don't really miss because I gained others who either had children too so bringing along my child was no issue or those who had no children and simply understood I am a package deal now.

Natasha - posted on 09/17/2009

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i now how u eel mate im all alone with 2 it really bad fel so alone at times

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