Does anyone have a husband that works night shift and takes care of two kids alone all day everyday?

Jennifer - posted on 12/17/2012

My husband works from 1pm to 9:30pm, so not so much the night shift, but I do it all by myself. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a 6 month old son. They both go to bed between 8:30 and 9:00 so the only time they get to see him is in the mornings and on the weekend.

Amanda - posted on 12/16/2012

My husband works 12am-9am, comes home, and then has our 2 year old daughter from then until I get home. I either work 8am to 5pm or 2pm-10pm. So he will go and pick up our daughter from the babysitter and then bring her home and watch her. We have recently started paying the babysitter to keep her longer during the days so my husband can come home and sleep 2-3 hours. But so far he just uses that time to come home and play xbox until he has to get her. Which is unacceptable to me.
Why are we paying a babysitter for him to come home and play video games? We are supposed to be leaving our child with another adult so he can get sleep! Because before we were doing this he was up anywhere from 18-20hrs at time. He isnt using his time wisely and then he yells at me that he doesnt get any sleep.
I never get any time to my self. Ever. The two days that I get off a week (which always vary) I am to completely take care of the kids by myself and not bother him. If I need to go somewhere he says I better take the kids no matter what it is. Even to get a hair cut. Really? How can I get a haircut when I would have to watch my 2 year old run around the salon? Its not possible to do anything by myself. I have came to the point where that is fine with me because I like being with my kids when Im not at work. I have only asked now that I can at least once during the week have 1 hr by myself. Which I usually have to fight for.
I should also mention that he works 25 hours a week and I work 40. But no matter, he says that he doesnt care what I do he works harder. Everything is always completely about him and Im getting tired of it.
He doesnt care about my feelings or my opinions. He is very disrespectful to me and my family. And is always very angry and yells at me and my son who is 6. And then after hours of yelling and arguing he apologizes endlessly. But that means nothing to me. Our last big fight he said he didnt love me, he wasnt happy, he hated our home, and he was tired of being a dad...really?

Melissa - posted on 09/04/2009

my husband works from 8pm to 8am and usually leaves the house by 7pm and doesnt get up till 5pm... yes its hard at times, but we are someewhat lucky, he only works 4 days a week and is off for another4 days then back to work. It works for us, it was really hard in the begining and we have 4 kids from the ages of 7 down to 2. We make it work and I even have a part time job and work on his 4 days off. We try to spend every waking moment together but we survive and are still happy. You have to come up with a schedual and try to stick with it. thats the only thing that is keeping us together.

Shaleigh - posted on 09/04/2009

My husband works out of town. So he leaves at 3 a.m. monday and returns around 6 p.m. tuesday. Then same routine on thursday morning. I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. I do not work at the time but I have been in your shoes and sometimes I wish I did work just so I could have some adult enter action. And I also don't have alot of friend for play dates and all my family live about an hour away so.. Well if you ever wanna talk my email is shaleighhill@gmail.com. I just read down we have a lot in common my husband doesn't know where the dirty clothes basket is. Lol! If he is looking for something he doesn't really even look he just ask me. I ake care of the kids all day, clean, then homework, dinner, baths, fix my husbands lunch, get his clothes for his trip, then finally time to relax. But by then I'm usually physically and mentally worn down.

Veronica - posted on 09/03/2009

I know what it is like. My husband normally works at 1030pm til 7am but lately he has been going in at 6pm til 7 am. I work 8am til 4 pm. he takes care of our son during the day and then i take care of both kids at night. During the summer when my daughter doesn't have school he has both kids at home and he tries to sleep. Which sleeping with 2 kids fighting isn't easy. I am always afraid of him falling asleep at work and getting fired. And we really cant afford that

Anne-Marie - posted on 09/03/2009

My partner works from 6am to 6pm or 6pm to 6 am. I don't work but i do have to look after my 7month old son all day every day with bairly any help from him. I know what u are going through but it must be harder on you because you have 2 and you are also working. I am very greatful for my mother who helps me. she usually looks after him over nigth almost every sat nigh and i dnt know where ifd be without her

Jessica - posted on 09/03/2009

I stay at home all day with my kids until 530 when my husband comes home from work, then I leave for my job which goes until 230am, and turn around a get up 4 hours later to take care of kids again. It is hard, but its better than paying for daycare.

Zara - posted on 09/03/2009

Yes & No, I do know just how you feel. I'm guessing he sleeps all day cause he has to work all night? My husband. Is disabled so he is home but he sleeps a lot of the day & can't help out a lot with the kids. I know how it gets frustrating!! I've sometimes 's almost worse to have them there sleeping then away or at work, cause your having to keep it quiet, stay out of the room, & longingly looking at them

"I wish I could rest!!!"

Just try to be understanding & know it will get easier the older the kids get & hopefully he wont always work those hours, Best of luck to you :)

Kelly - posted on 09/03/2009

my boyfriend works nights and i work days in the office. i brought my baby with me for awhile, but now I can't. She demands too much attention and I cant get work done!

He gets home at 6-7am and watches the baby til noontime and then I come home for my break and bring her to the sitter for the 4 hours I have left at work. He gets to sleep 1-9pm and get ready for another night.

It was too much on him when he literally got no sleep, and too much on me when I try to bring her to work everyday.

I definitely hear you on the no appreciation. The time he is home, he takes care of the baby and/or plays video games. Then it is just expected that when I am home, I take care of the baby and do all the chores! Why can't I relax?! I literally have to boycott doing the dishes til we run out of silverware or something until he does something about it.

Jessica - posted on 09/03/2009

i know the feeling my husband does security and works over nights like that and i have a 2 yr old and a 9 month old it's crazy

April - posted on 09/03/2009

I have a husband that works 3pm-midnight ans i work from 7am-1pm. Its not easy being alone most of the time taking care of my 2 kids but we make it work. I am still breastfeeding. I wish that i could work from hope because at least i might see my husband then.

Corrina - posted on 09/03/2009

aaaw shelby what ur going through my long term partner he works niteshift alot mon to thur 10pm till 8am or if overtime 8pm till 8am but i got the bairn's constantly even when he gets up hav his tea & goes in the bath takes the dog out whilst i make tea,clear up after us all, baths the bairns (4yr old & 10mth old) gettin the kids ready 4 bed, tidyed up after wen t kids r in bed, clean & sterile baby's bottles, when i go to bed up early feed the baby get my daughter ready for school, breakfast, school run whilst he goes take the dog out & goes straight to bed when i'm at work fri to sun workin in old people home i'm still tidyed & sortin the bairns out i get so fed up know wot ur going through if u need chat just message me we can slag them off 2getherlol take carex

Ann - posted on 09/03/2009

my husband works during the day 6-3 comes home and watches our twins 7 daughter 3 and son 4mo and i am still breastfeeding. it is complete chaos.lol!

Linda - posted on 09/03/2009

My Dh was working from 6-6:30 until 8:15 or so for the longest time, and it was a little difficult for me to get used to being by myself for so long. I'm pretty independent, but being the sole provider of a child can be intensely tiring. Find some activities to do during the day, ours was our morning walks. They seemed to wear my DD out, and I got some "mental" health. Good luck, it can't be easy with twolittle ones.

Chantel - posted on 09/02/2009

My husband works 7-7 and i have 2 kids . I am now the school shuttle and potty trainer cook dishwasher etc. I work on weekends to afford extras and so my family can watch / spend time w/ the girls. I just want to be appreciated. Not just a thank u but a let me do this for u. Or a day of him taking care of the girls for a day. Even my children see mom is tired they tried to throw me a surprise breakfast but they couldn't cook. But it's the thought that they wanted to do it that counts.

Wendy - posted on 09/02/2009

I have done this. It was hard, what's harder is right now my husband works days and I work nights. So I do everything during the day, then go to work and then get hardly any sleep.

MY best advice is to get out of the house as much as possible, it helps the kids because they get variety which means they don't get bored and play up.

Ashley - posted on 09/02/2009

I know how this is I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 week old, my husband works 2:48 pm to 11:13 pm. My 4 week old just quit breastfeeding, I am pumping but not the same!

Cara - posted on 09/02/2009

my husband works out of town alot. He has been gone for 3 wks now and I have a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old. It is very tough I stay stressed out all the time. My children are both boys so that makes it hard as well because they need that daddy figure in thier lives and he is never home.

Melissa - posted on 09/02/2009

I am active duty Air Force and work from 7 am to about 4:30 pm Mon-Fri. My husband stays at home with our 3 kids (ages: 5, 3, and 2)during the day. It is a fight to get my husband up in the morning to ensure my son gets on the bus at 7:15. He also has to take our 3 yr old daughter to pre-school at noon. So from noon until both the 5 and 3 yr old get out of school, he only has our 2 year old with him. He does no house work or anything the whole day. I have to beg and plead for him just to do the dishes. At 4:30 everyday, he drops the kids off at my work. I have to come home, clean up after the kids, cook dinner, baths, bed, everything. My husband only works from 5 pm until 10 pm. There is no excuse why he can't help me throughout the day. This cycle happens every day.

Apple - posted on 09/02/2009

my husband works 10pm til 7 in the morning.im the one taking care of everything,the cleaning,cooking,my son everything and i'm due this month for our 2nd baby and i'm worried whats gonna happen after i give birth.

Kira - posted on 09/02/2009

My husband just recently went back to school Monday through Friday. I work nights 11pm to 7am unless I am scheduled to work overtime. When I get home he leaves for school and i am lucky to get a few hours or sleep in during the afternoon. Yet most days my husband wants me to take care of the kids (3, 1 1/2, and 5 months) so he can do homework. I do what i can but there are some days when i just tell him that i can't do it all. There are times when I wish he would help do more stuff, but i am just grateful for the fact that he helps where he does. I know it could much worse but the kids are worth the missed sleep and stress. I figure that once he gets his degree he can find a good job and i can be a stay at home mom again.

Tara - posted on 09/02/2009

yup~ my hubby leaves 10pm and returns at 730am. then sleeps until 3- goes out until 6 or 7 and then comes home- eats dinner- then goes back to sleep. and the circle never ends. then on his days off- he sleeps all day or is out with his friends- yup- i know what you're going through!!!!!! and on top of it i work mon- fri- to help with the bills. i have a 3 year old and a 16 mnth old- who crave my attn and want me to always play with them. breaking up arguments- cooking dinner- giving baths- reading books- it's hectic- the least i can say!!!!!!!!!!!! but just know you're not the only one going through it!!!!!! there's plenty of us to support you

Kerry - posted on 09/02/2009

Quoting Shelby:

i know i am taking care of the kids , the house hold chores, then i am taking my appointments and scheduling them around nap time so my husband can still sleep. then i will get done with my appointments clean up, nurse the baby, make dinner, pack his lunch, bath time, get them do bed and then myself! I am so tired and he never says thanks. that is all i want. plus some help.

My Fiance did not help me with my son when he was born. i did all the night shifts, and had my mother comeover and help me, while he slept. i even had 2 have surgery shortly after my son was born, and i still had to get up with him at night while my fiance slept! i had enough. i dont pack his lunch, or make him dinner. i dont do his laundry either. he has slowly been helping out a bit more. so i dunno if this will work in the long run, but basically if i dont get help, hes not getting help from me!!!

Amanda - posted on 09/02/2009

I am sorry about your situation. hearing everyone's stories makes me really thankful for my husband. My husband works night 9:30 pm to 8 or 9 am and when he comes home he only gets 4-6 hours of sleep and then is up helping me with cleaning, cooking, bed times all that stuff and I really appreciate it because we have a 6 yr old and 10 month old twins...I tell him thank you all the time and give him back rubs and pack him snacks for work and stuff but he just understands that its too hard to raise kids all by yourself all day and he also wants to spend time with the kids. I hope your husband comes around.

Sarah - posted on 09/02/2009

my hubby is a sherrifs deputy so he works nights days and whatever else. I also work and have a 4 year old to take care of. When he is home he sits in his chair and does nothing!! but i look at it this way he is out working and risking his life for us so the least i can do is take care of him too! when he is asleep on the weekends and we are home I put on cartoons and my daighter sits there and watches them or we go out and play! I do understand about not getting a thank you though.

Kalie - posted on 09/01/2009

Wow! I know how you feel! My guy works midnight to 8 am and then a second job 5 to10. We barely ever see him and my lil guy 16 month, and my C sec is on friday. I know how you feel!

Tarah - posted on 09/01/2009

my husband worked that same shift and i take care of my son 95% of the time just cause he sleeps and then goes to work but they weekends are great cause he is so hands on. its rough i hate it that he isnt home and he feels he misses out so much but you gotta do what you gotta do hang in there!

Laura - posted on 09/01/2009

I am a school teacher so I've only just recently had to go back to work. My husband is a truck driver and leave Sunday night and doesn't come home until Friday evening. I am home alone with my 6 month old all the rest of the time. It is so difficult, but I'm sure we are both doing the best that we can!

Amanda - posted on 09/01/2009

I know exacly how u feel my boyfriend doesn't work tho i take care of bella the most change her diapers get her formula wake up with her every night it really takes up all your energy and everything but i wouldn't take anything back cause its so worth it she smiles at me and makes me feel much better :) but i know how u feel well kinda u have two so i think id lose it lmao but my friend she's going through the same thing as u she has a 1 year old and a two month old and her boyfriend works all the time i don't know how she does it but if ya need someone to talk to im here i don't have much friends arround here so it sucks lol bella takes up most of my time but i get online sometimes :)

Jackie - posted on 09/01/2009

My husband works from 6 pm to 5 am and it's KILLING us!!! Granted we only have one child (now) but it's really hard to deal with. He been working these hours since March. I'm still working full-time at my job and my husband just tries his best to stay awake with the baby at home. It's so stressful!!! How do you guys deal with it? I find I have a lot of resentment toward my husband and I don't know how to handle it. I would love to quit and stay home with my boy, but it's not the best option right now. What do you guys think?

Shelby - posted on 09/01/2009

wisconsin

Kristin - posted on 09/01/2009

Shelby,

my husband is in the military, and has been deployed for the last few months. When he gets home he works 12 hour shifts, and sometimes that maybe when my 3 year old is asleep or my husband leaves for work before my son gets up and comes home when he is about to go to bed. talk about frustrating. I understand what you are going through. It doesn't get easier, but you and your husband have to find some kinda compromise to save your sanity and you don't loose yourself.

Catherine - posted on 09/01/2009

I hear you! My children are of a similar age to yours.
I have been told that unfortunately this is a "man thing". My husband is a shift worker and i find the weeks that he is on night shift, i am left with everything. I appreciate (as would you) that he does this so we have extra money but i would much prefer him over money. Your probably the same but i rarely ask him to do anything, all i want is for him to pick up after himself (which he seems to find a very difficult task). He has this terrible habit of messing his nicely folded clothes up, have asked him numerous times to be more careful - it falls on deaf ears.
I am still persisting on talking to him to tell him how i feel, it does work on occasions and some days are better than others.
I don't know if you cop this but whenever i buy anything for myself he acts like a smart ass saying that i'm breaking the bank and i already feel guilty enough as it is.

Sabrina - posted on 08/31/2009

WELL I DONT HAVE 2 KIDS BUT ONE CAN BE ENOUGH.... HE WAS WORKING 2 JOBS THROUGH OUT 7 DAYS A WEEK AND IT REALLY GOT ME THAT IT WAS ALL ME AND HE CAN COME AND GO AS HE PLEASED AND NOT OFFER TO RELIEVE ME OR EVEN PAYATTENTION BESIDES COMMERCIALS... NOT GOOD ENOUGH... I WAS REALLY FRUSTRATED AND POSTED A COMMENT ON HERE ABOUT "HOW HARD IS IT TO BE A MOM A WIFE AND FIND YOUR SELF AT THE SAME TIME,WITH OUT HELP ..AND THE RESPONCES I GOT WAS "YOUD BE SURPRISED HOW MANY MOMS CHOOSE TO DO IT ALONE AND FORGET THE HUSBANDS CUSE THEY DO WHAT THEY LIKE...AND IT CAN BE TWICE AS MUCH WORK....." WHICH IF HE WAS AROUND IT COULD OF WORKED FOR ME TO FIND ME AT LEAST ... BUT OTHERS THINGS ONLY GOT WORSE SO ITS GONNA BE ME AND MY DAUGHTER SOON AND SHES ONLY 15 MONTHS...AND MARRIED FOR 4 MONTHS I THINK WE NEVER KEPT TRACK IT WASNT IMPORTANT HE DID IT FOR HIM NOT FOR US SOOO I SAY "GOOD LUCK MAMA .. YOU CAN BE STRONG AND YOULL FIND YOUR SELF AND YOULL FIND THAT YOUR CHILD WILL RESPOND TO YOU BEST AND THAT MAKES ANY MOM FEEL APPRECIATED AND IT MAKES IT WORTH IT... ...I HOPE IT HELPED SOME....

Christina - posted on 08/31/2009

Wow. I see that I'm not the only one who feels like this. My husband works 10pm till 7am. He comes home at 7am, eats, watches tv for a bit, go to sleep about 9am or so and sleeps until 9pm. Gets up and gets ready, leaves by 9:40pm. When he goes to bed Im picking up after him, taking care of my 1 year old daughter, running around appointments, taking care of my mother-in-law that has cancer, cleaning, ect. I feel very over whelmed and I never get a thank you at all. I understand 100% what you mean Shelby. My email address is stina31787@aol.com if you want to chat.

Amy - posted on 08/31/2009

yeah i know what you mean i with the boys all day long when my husband sleep all day then he off to work and no thank from the husband i wish i would just get a thank to

Shanon - posted on 08/31/2009

My Husband goes to work around 10pm and gets home around 8am I work from 930am to 630pm in a child development center(12 1 1/2 year olds all day) when i get of its homework for the girls and bath and dinner for all of them then all three are in bed i kiss husband goodbye as he leaves for work I almost feel like a single mother of three most of my friends dont hae kids so its hard to get out its kids 24/7

Carol - posted on 08/31/2009

yes my dearest hubby to be works from bout 2pm to 12am often later on weekends. Hes a chef at a casino so there fore is always working, then sleeps in till bout 11 or so. We are soon to have our 2nd child in 3 days yay! but im not sure if im up for those sleepless nights again.

Kaylene - posted on 08/31/2009

I work graveyeard 7pm to 5:30 am and on thursdays 4:30pm to 5:30 am and on tuesdays and wednesdays I got to 5 hour classes on top of that. My husband work 4pm to 2am. So we both understand what its like. When I just had my first daughter he worked graveyard midnight to 8 am and I was at home with her all day.

Jill - posted on 08/31/2009

My husband worked a variable shift, he worked 7pm-7am, then 7am-7pm and sometimes 8am-noon and 7pm-am in the same day. It was awful since I worked a full time joba nd part time job. He has since left that job in order to see our daughter more. He would go days without seeing us. we would rather have less money than having no family.

Carrara - posted on 08/31/2009

My Hubby work cray hours also and I do EVERYTHING baths, food, school , playing outside potty trainning and I have two boys. Then when he comes home all he wants to do is sleep, play on the computer or watch TV.
Men work from sun up to son down and a mom's work is never done.

Hannah - posted on 08/31/2009

reading what you have posted i have had the same problem he did some thing so stupid i flew my top i had a busy day then to come out just to get some milk the whole house was up side down i told him to buck his ideas up we had a big argument and i stayed round my mums for a couple off days i wasnt standing down as i new i was right he called me that night and said how sorry he was and how much he took me for granted now he cooks cleans and takes james to the park yes i still do things but not half as much now you have to stand up to him cry kick scream till you get your point across also i only washed our stuff not his to see weather that will work it didn't as i couldnt move he used every pot in the house ect i wise i could get out more may i ask were you live?

Alyssa - posted on 08/31/2009

it will always seem like the chores and everything are always piling up sometimes you just need to step back an take a few minutes for yourself....it will get better

Jena - posted on 08/31/2009

I work outside of the home 6:30am-3pm. My husband stays home and takes care of our daughter during that time (she is 14 months old). Then I get home around 3:20pm we eat together quick, and my husband goes to his job from 4:00pm-1:00am (sometimes later). I watch our daughter and put her to bed (around 8pm) while he is at work. We do this Mon-Fri. Sat & Sun we have off together. I say sometimes its like we are both single parents. Because when we are not working, we are alone with our daughter. I think my husband has it worse than me because he gets a lot less sleep than I do. Most nights I get 8 hours. If my husband gets home late, or our daughter gets up early, some nights he may only get around 5 hours (sometimes less!). We really share everything as equal as we can. He does most of the cooking, I do most of the cleaning. Sometimes we each get frustrated because we feel the other one isn't doing as much around the house, but we know that in reality we are both doing a lot!



I think its understandable for you to feel the way you are if your husband isn't helping out at all. If my husband didn't do his share, we would have major problems. I think you should try to take some time and tell him how you are feeling. Maybe if he knows how much of a hard time you are having he will be willing to chip in. You could even give him small suggestions of things he can do to help out. If you don't say anything I can only imagine things will get worse and you will start to get resentful. I hope you can talk with him and try to work things out!

Heather - posted on 08/31/2009

My husband works durning the day but I work at night 7 to 7 and he says he fills like he is the mother and he has to cook and clean and take care of our boys but I have to work and I make more money then he does so I am the one who makes the bread and pays the bills we even have split because of this and he cheated on me so it has been a hard road but we are doing the best we can and it is so hard to just find another job and a job making what I am now so I know its hard but you just have to work togther and ask god for help.

Tina - posted on 08/31/2009

Girl I feel your pain! My huband used to work 12am -7am, and now works 5pm to 2am. and if there's OT he's not home till 4am. At that he doesn't have a lisense So he carpools, but if he can't carpool for some reason, guess who is taking him to work & picking him up??!!?? Yup yup, that would be good old wifey! I also work full time, 5am -2:30pm. with this schedule, he also has to get up & take our 2 oldest(6 & 8) to school at 8am, and watch our 2 youngest(3 & 1) all day. So he gets maybe (if he gets home on time) 3 hrs of sleep. When I get home it's..Homework, cook dinner immediiately, then we all eat together conversate about our day & he's off & Im with the kids all evenning thoughout the night, I get about 4 hrs of sleep on a good night.

If ya wanna chat ----> Mrsrios82@yhaoo.com

Shelby - posted on 08/31/2009

OMG!!! you are my hero. I can't believe all that you do. I thought what I had to go through with my husband is hard but you really have some weird hours. That is amazing the things you do for your husband. Really! Good for you to go back to school.

Christina - posted on 08/31/2009

I think i know how you feel... recently, my husband got a promotion at work and the hours SUCK for both of us. He starts work at 4pm and gets out at roughly 1am. I'm the only licensed driver in our family, so I have to take him to work and stay up to pick him up. Then, when we get home, he doesn't like to eat dinner by himself so I have to stay up while he eats and listen to how his day of work went. Finally, I get to go to sleep at about 4am, and be back up between 8am and 9am to take care of our daughter. My husband doesn't get to sleep until 5 or 6 am, and sleeps until 2 hours before he's gotta work. In addition to that, I just recently went back to school to get my bachelor's degree (woo hoo for me! *LOL*), and those classes are in the evenings from 5pm to 11pm, 3 days a week. And, he wants me to work part-time as well so I can bring in some extra money to help pay the bills. BUT, despite all the ill-thoughts I've had (and I'll admit, there have been quite a few), I know that this is just a part of what I "signed up for" when I became a mom. We don't get vacations, sick-days, days off... we are ALWAYS a mother and we are always needed. For myself personally, that's enough... just knowing that they're (the husband and daughter) always gonna need me, for one thing or another. :-) Feel free to e-mail me if you wanna chat some more though: angyle27@yahoo.com.

Jennifer (Pixie) - posted on 08/30/2009

my husband works from 5pm - 2am, not to mention travel time. i completely understand where you are coming from. you just want someone to acknowledge what you do every day. im sorry you arent getting the support you deserve. remember, being a mother is the most rewarding and sometimes most thankless job. feel free to email me if you ever want to vent: pixie@jaydedpixie.com

Lauren - posted on 08/30/2009

my hubby is the same way, seems there's no appreciation when i do all the things to make our lives run smoothly. like you, i take care of our 2 month old daughter, pay the bills, go to school, cook, clean and do all the shopping. but when he does just the smallest thing, he expects me to praise his efforts endlessly. i actually have to ask him to change the baby and each time i do i get a sigh, he's changed her diaper a total of 7 times since she's been born. he does swing shifts at work, either 8pm-8am or the opposite and when he does midnights, he sleeps form the minute he gets home til about an hour before he leaves so i get to take care of her by myself regardless if he's home or not. but love for him and love for our baby and our relationship keep me going as long as i can. i too would just like a small thank you every now and then.