Does anyone have a problem with the first child being liked more by relatives?

Krystle - posted on 05/14/2010

I know exactly how you feel, my kids (all three) get favored by someone in the family. I hate it b/c it's not fair to my kids or any of their cousins. I try as hard as I can to never show favoritism, if one gets a snack or attention or whatever, they all get some.
You could try telling them that if they're going to watch one, they have to watch both or neither can come. And the same with gifts and whatnot. I'm not sure what to do about my situation because I don't know many people who will take ALL THREE of my kids, lol, but that always worked when it was just two, good luck!

Danielle - posted on 05/14/2010

Aww :( I'm pregnant with my second baby and I am scared of this happening.

Summer - posted on 05/14/2010

yes, i have a 3 yr old and a 12 month old and we were moving from fl to pa she openely said she wanted to keep damian thats all she cared about that we could have kairi and yes she used to buy him tons and tons of gifts and maybe get the baby something every once in a while she barely held her i never got to say anything to her about it but and i wish i did so i think the best thing to do is try and discuss it with them maybe they'll realize what they're doing and change.

Amber - posted on 05/13/2010

it was the opposite with my kids and family.
but i would say that it has something to do with helping the older child adjust to not being the only one. it may not be intentional. i know i would try to shower my daughter with as much attention adn love as possible when the new baby arrived to show her i hadnt forgotten her. or when others would compliment the baby i would automatically praise her so she wouldnt feel left out. its might just be a subconscious thing with them and when your little one gets bigger it wont be an issue any more.

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2010

I had a problem similar to this. I have a 5yr old step son that my husbands grandmother openly likes more than our 2yr old daughter, my family treats both kids the same but for some reason she refused and so I finally got fed up and she is no longer an addition to our lives, she would amke fun of my daughter saying she needed weight watchers (our doctor swears to me she isn't over weight and to tell whoever keeps saying this to shut up) she talks about my daughters "oh so horrible behaviour" (that my daughter only shes around the grandmother and you can bet it's because of how my stress level skyrocketed around her) and so now we don't have a relationship with her. You gotta do what you gotta do you are the parent and they need to respect that BOTH of your kids are apart of the family NOT just ONE!!! Just my opinion sorry I too feel strongly about obvious and open favortism.

Brittiny - posted on 05/05/2010

Are you sure that you may not be overreacting a little bit here? (as moms we tend to do that where our children are involved) Please know that I am not trying to pass judgement here, and you may very well be justified in your feelings, I don't know. As an outsider, all I have to offer is this... two year olds are fun - they are usually easy to get along with and are learning so much so fast and are full of the funniest things to say. My stepmother who watches my kids one day a week for me confided to me that she thinks that my middle child (who is 2yo) is her favorite grandchild (right now)- she was so worried, thinking that this made her a bad grandma! Of course she loves all of my children, and I know that, and I am not worried about this at all. My own mother takes my daughters to do things with her, or have them hang out at her house fairly often, but not their baby brother (though he is quite a handful!), but she usually pals around more with my oldest daughter over the others. I know that a lot of it with her has to do with the extra work that the younger ones require.

Maybe it will help, too, if you think of it this way.. even as children, everyone has such distinct personalities. I am sure that you don't like everyone you encounter as an adult equally, or treat them all equally, or want to spend as much time with them all equally, even family members. Some people just share similar interests and get along better with some over others. I know it is so hard to fathom that someone doesn't love your children as equally as you do, but if you think about it, while you love your children equally, isn't it a different love you have for each? Maybe that's hard to understand with your youngest being so young, but I know that yes, I do have a different love for each of my children, though equal in amount and value. Maybe if you talk to them about it, it would put your mind at ease. I also wonder if your 2yo is a first grandchild... there is something monumentous in that (so my mom tells me) that makes that child so special in a grandparents eyes.

Tracy - posted on 05/03/2010

I have this problem with my sons daddy family; my son is the 3 rd grandson on that side howeverthe other two boys are loved, attention gave to them: but on the other hand shes only seen my sonn mayb 3 months out of a whole 13 months :( she buys for the other 2 adn everything but not my son. well now its starting on my side with my mom which she has a grand daughter(and she was the first) on my moms side well my mom does and does for her buys her things but my son gets left out. It hurts my feelings because my grand parents disd that to me when i was younger and i dont want my son knowing ppl have favorites but everytime i mention somthing bout it everyone says im jealous.. im not jealous it jsut botheres me bc there is nothing wrong with my son and he should eb loved lkike the others are.

Jamie - posted on 05/03/2010

Aww, that is so sad. My best friend's husbands family is the same way. I don't understand it at all! I only have one child at the moment, so I haven't had to deal with that situation, but knowing my family, I won't have to.

Veronique - posted on 05/03/2010

OMG! Sounds just like my mom. I have a 23 month old and a 6 month old and everything my mom comes over she only greets the oldest and ignores the youngest. She'll bring my oldest shopping and to sleep at her house every friday but not the youngest. My husband is getting sick and tired of this and told me to tell my mom that it's both or nothing, but i have yet to say anything. I feel really bad for my youngest because she gets ignored by my mom it breaks my heart. When she does pay any attention to my youngest she makes sure that someone is watching so she can be like " SEE I HOLD HER" yeah right just for show. Even when she talks about them being older she'll always say i can't wait to take the oldest on vacation.........Gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it makes me so mad. Anyway i really don't have a solution sorry because i'm in the same boat. Maybe if i do what my husband says "IT'S BOTH OR NONE" maybe that's the solution.
Keep me posted!!! Good luck

Tanya - posted on 05/03/2010

Well we decided that we are just going to try and move to another state. It has just started to get to the point that I don' t want them to think that grandma doesn't like one of them. It really is to bad. Her loss I guess.

Roxanne - posted on 05/03/2010

I have that problem with one of our relatives. Its awful sometimes and I dont know how to fix it either. My children are 11,9, and 5 all boys. The oldest is adored and can do no wrong, along with my youngest. My middle child is treated very different, always has been and it has caused several huge fights over the years.He is old enough now, that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. I think she has lost any chance of every really getting to know the beautiful person he is now and will be in the future. I've tried to talk to her about it several times and all she can do is appologize. We are to the point, we dont even bother anymore. I hope your situation isn't like that in a few years. You might want to talk to them now, b/c this all stems from when he was a baby as well.

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2010

I don't have this problem but it sounds like a problem to me. I would try to schedule days with their grandparents to where you only bring the baby. Maybe leave the two year old at the house with his dad for a while. Talk about the baby, share stories of how the baby is doing, rolling over, crawling. Take pictures with the baby and their grandparents. Just try as much as possible to get them involved. Try asking them if they want to hold the baby too. Sometimes people are afraid to interact with babies when their mother is around because they don't want the mother to feel like they are doing something "wrong". Feeding baby too much, holding baby wrong, etc.

Becky - posted on 05/03/2010

Im sure they love the baby just as much as your older child. I watched as my sister-in-law parents favored my oldest nephew and thought "how rude" but as the baby got older and stared walking, talking, being more self independant they would take him along as well. The same thing as when they had their 3 rd child. They didnt give that baby the time of day either and just the older two.. And again as the baby got older they started doing things with him as will. As for the gifts.. Your baby doesnt know what gifts are to where your 2 year does. Im sure they are not meaning anything by this but ask them just to be sure

Heather - posted on 04/29/2010

we don't have that problem. But it may be that they won't watch the baby because the baby is more work ? Also, it's probably just easier to interact with the older one since she's mobile and chatting a bit, or at least responsive. Some adults coo over babies, while others simply feel more comfortable around older kids. Find a way to discuss how you feel with the family members, without sounding harsh. You may be just feeling sensitive about the issue, or you may have good reason to feel that way. Good luck!