Does he really need to know?

Brittney - posted on 05/31/2010 ( 127 moms have responded )

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I'm 20 and have a 91/2 month boy, Richard Whyatt Morgan he is great. My boyfriend is really getting the hang of having him around. Were all 3 red heads so everyone assumes were one family. My sons birth father, or sperm doner as i call him, doesnt knows that I was pregnat when we were together but doesnt know it was his. He isnt a good guy and including my son has 3 kids from 3 different women, his wifes, mine, and his current girlfriends. He is a drug addict and constantly in and out of jail. I really dont want him back in my life. We split up almost a year ago so a few months before my son was born, we split up because he said he didnt want another son. My son has my familys last name so that isnt an issue but should i tell little Richie about the guy who gave him up? or should I not ruin a good thing. My boyfriend said he thinks its a good idea my ex isnt involved and if Richie wants to call him daddy he wont stop him. I really dont see a point in telling him, the only time I correct people now is if it is a medical issue. So should I just leave it, should I tell him, whats the best thing to do?

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Heidi - posted on 06/02/2010

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My opinion-I think you should tell the father that he has a child with you and let him decide from there what he wants to do. Also, the child has a right to know who their REAL father is.
Why do you people think it is alright to keep the father and the child in the dark about something this serious and then turn around and tell the child that the father was a douchbag and a no good for nothing person? Obviously you thought the guy was good enough to screw and get pregnant!!! It's just as much your fault for being irresponsible and getting pregnant in the first place. So, if you are going to point fingers and tell the child about the father, then maybe you should also tell him about yourself!!! Also, in all respect, the father has a RIGHT TO KNOW that he has another child in this world...

*Next time use BIRTH CONTROL!!!*

Samantha - posted on 06/04/2010

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When I was pregnant with my daughter I went to therapy to talk out my problems with my family & the father of my child. At that point he was not going to be involved & she gave me some great advice when I asked her a similar question to the one you are asking.

She told me that I should just say that when I was pregnant with her another man was in my life, but I decided that he was not good enough for her (emphasis on the I, he, her) & decided that we would both be better off without him. She also said that if I met someone else who became a serious part of our lives & she ended up calling that man Daddy, that I should also mention: When you were little Mommy met Daddy & he loved us both so much & thought you were so special that he became your Daddy. She said I should always refer to her biological father as "another man" never daddy, & to always refer to the man who acted like her father as Daddy.

I thought it was great advice for a very complicated situation.

Amie - posted on 05/31/2010

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hi, i honestly think that if u r happy with how things are then leave it. telling the father doesnt seem like it will benefit anyone, especially your son. your partner is fantastic to take on the role of daddy and hopefully you will be able to stay a happy little family. telling the father yes might be the truth, but i think doing whats best for you and your son is more important. When your son is much older and ever asks maybe you tell him then but i honestly think that in the situation you are in with the other women involved, the fathers lifestyle and past you do infact need to think will this be good to expose your son to? a child needs stability not confusion and stress. why ruin the good relationship and family you have now, you dont owe the sperm donar anything especially if he is only going to make things harder and more stressful for you and your son and even your partner. i hope this helped and all the best xox

Angie - posted on 05/31/2010

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I think at some point a child has a right to know who their biological parents are. That's not to say you need to tell him anytime soon but as he gets older he needs to know. There is the issue of him needing to know his families medical history. At some point even if you don't tell him I'm sure he would figure it out and he could have a very negative reaction to you for keeping it from him all those years, kwim?

Kristen - posted on 06/04/2010

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Coming from my point of view, my biological father is a drug head. He told my mom when I was born he didn't want me and I wasn't his. On my 18th birthday, I met him for the very first time. I spoke to him once after that and I am now almost 22. Save the little guy the heart ache and keep it to your self.

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Jamie - posted on 06/04/2010

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I have a similar situation. I never met my biological father. He was hooked on drugs and my mom didn't feel that he was ready to be a father. I had my mom's last name so it matched my Gram and Pop and Mom. When I was about 3 I asked my mom why I didnt have a dad and she told me that I did have one but if I wanted to know more about him she would tell me when I was older and then she went on naming all the people that I did have in my life. That kept me content most of my life. When I got older we finally had the talk about him and she told me if I wanted to meet him that she would find him and I could. I thought that would be weird so I never persued anything. When my mom got remarried I called my stepdad "Dad" and don't even see him as my stepdadd. He's just my Dad. I think if you have a good man who is willing to be with you and Richie forever then that is a better father for him. Hope that helped.

Misty - posted on 06/04/2010

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when he's older i would let him know a man gave him to you and now he has a dad thats great!!!! my nephew who is now 5 know thats a not nice man put him in moms belly and dad came and took care of them. its really great.

Zoe - posted on 06/04/2010

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I think the best policy is honesty every child has a right to know their parents. If he is a waste of space (which he sounds like he is ) your lil one will need to find out for himself sometime in his life. all you can do is be there for him. If you don't tell him and he finds out for whatever the reason may be he will most likely resent you for keeping something like that from him.

Meagan - posted on 06/04/2010

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Regardless of the situation he has a right to know. What if your son gets sick one day and they need to know his fathers history or something to that extreme? Not saying it will happen but what if you and your boyfriend decide to split one day and your son raises questions about why "daddy" left him. Even if he's a deadbeat your son has a right to know and then it will be up to him to decide whether he wants to pursue a relationship with his father.

Kara - posted on 06/04/2010

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Well, speaking from experience, I grew up with the most wonderful step-dad in the world. In my book, he IS and always will be my dad. He passed away in 97, though and after that I wanted to know who my real father was. Getting to know my real father has been a disappointment, but I never regretted doing it because it brought me close to my brothers that I have by him. They mean the world to me. I was better off without my father in my life growing up, but I do believe that at a point in a child's life he or she has a right to know where they came from. If your boyfriend raises him, then he will always be his daddy. Blood {or sperm} does not make a daddy. Time and love do. Your doing the right thing not correcting people unless it is medical, but I wouldn't lie to my child. Let him make the decision to meet his biological dad {or sperm donor} when the time is right for him and he is old enough to make a decision of that weight, but always leave the option open.

Veronica - posted on 06/04/2010

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he deserves to know if you hide it from him it could come back in your face later and Richie could look at it as your the one who took him away from his father its YOUR FAULT he doesnt know him. My sons dad has only seen him a total of 3 times in his life the most recent back in January of 2010 neither times was this his choice. I dont hide my sons dead beat son of bitch of a dad from my son ill let him make up his own mind in time on how much "daddy" really loves and cares about him. but my son will know i did my best

Amy-Marie - posted on 06/04/2010

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i agree with it takes love not blood but.... this guy doesnt even know he has a child.. because he has made a mess of his life and mistakes.. does that mean.... he doesnt deserve to know this child.. or atleast of him?

Crystal - posted on 06/04/2010

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The way I see it your son has a father; they might not share the same DNA but is his daddy non the less. I come from a divorce family and I call my step dad my real dad cause he's been there my entire life and when I get married he's walking me down the isle and not the man who missed out seeing me grow up. I would tell your son when gets old enough to understand who his real dad is but from what I see he has a wonderful daddy already. It takes love to be a father not blood. Good luck!!!!

Heather - posted on 06/04/2010

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My cousin tried this. It works great until "daddy" and mommy divorce and "daddy" won't take him for visitation. I'm not saying he can't love your boyfriend and call him daddy, but later in life he might need to know so it's probably best to prep him early.

Amy-Marie - posted on 06/04/2010

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i am a firm believer in a bad father is better then no father but... if u dont want money and u have a boyfriend who is ur family now.. and this guy has 2 other kids.. and doesnt pay attention to any of them.. and isnt good with them... then personally.. id leave it.. continue on with ur life.. but it will come out when ur child is older.. it always does and he will want to meet him... so be perpared for that.. is the fathers name on the birth certi?

Amanda - posted on 06/04/2010

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I can totally understand what your going though. My kids biological father is a sex ofender and they haven't seen him in a long time. He left when my daughter was 18months and i was preg with my son. Then the next time he was allowed a visitation was when my son was 9 months and my daughter was older (don't remember exact age). I'm now with someone who is a great guy and a great person. As far as my kids are concerned he is their father not my ex and hopefully soon my ex won't have parental rights and my current SO will adopt them. In your situation is there a reason you feel he should know? Also, i think it should be one of those "not unless he asks things". I agree with Amber i'll never lie to my kids about who their biological father is but i also wont say anything unless they ask either.

April - posted on 06/04/2010

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You need to let both of them know. You can let the father decide if he wants to straighten up and be a dad or not. Also is your son's right to know who his father is. It is not your decision. When your son gets older he will resent you. He will feel like everything he thought was a lie. I am telling you by personal experience. And now I was in the same situation with me children and I chose to let everyone know the truth. They still love my husband regardless of him not being blood. The look at him as being their dad. It will evetually come out. The best is if it comes from you.

Destiny - posted on 06/04/2010

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im in the same situation... my first daughters sperm doner is a dick and my husband has claimed her we went back and forth for a while over if we should tell her about him and decided it would be best not to...if it comes up in front of him about the medical thing then you have no choice but to tell him but until then i wouldnt say anything...

Christina - posted on 06/04/2010

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I say do what you think is right and safe for your son. By telling him is he going to be extremely upset? You want to think about your son and whats going to make him happy in a long run. Personally, if it was me, I would not want to know a parent that didn't want me only the parent that loved me.

Dawn - posted on 06/04/2010

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I was in the same postion 11 years ago... my thoughts on this were you can't expect your children to be honest with you if you can't be honest with them! my daughter knows the whole truth but still calls my husband daddy, she understands that her natural father is a no good so and so... and she has made the choice that she doesn't want contact! we are very close and this situation just made us closer as a family! good luck with your decision! :)

Kimberly - posted on 06/04/2010

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i think you are doing the right thang for your child and your self do wat you have to to protect your son. kids with a perent that is in and out of jail have a higher chance of doing the same

[deleted account]

I think when your child is old enough you should tell your child who their bio father is. My sister her father wasn't in her life left my mom when my mom was pregnant which is right after they got married. This guy was awful too but He did pop up every once in awhile and would confuse my sister because my dad not her dad had adopted my sister so we all had the same last name and my mom wasn't honest with her. She was so hurt that my mom was never honest about the whole thing and is still trying to deal with the issues and holds it against my mom and my sister has a 12 yr old daughter and married and everything. I just think if you aren't honest down the line u could loose your child in a way.

Rebecca - posted on 06/04/2010

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Wow your story is remarkably similar to mine. I call my son's biological father "sperm donor" too. My son is 5 now and the father knew the baby was his and said that he wanted him and we would be together and all..he's even on the birth certificate. However, when it came down to it, he left us and moved across the country and found a new woman, while at the same time telling me that we were still together and he was gonna get set up out there for us to come live with him. Well, when I found that out I broke up with him and he hasn't tried to keep in touch or anything...I heard from other people that he has a kid with this new chick now...and before I had my son he already had a child with his ex.

I just got married last year and my son chose to call my husband Daddy, and Hubby is an awesome father. He and I agree that it is better for my ex to stay out of the picture, but I am undecided as to what to tell my son later on. My husband knows my ex and has a VERY low opinion of him and doesn't want my son to know anything about his sperm donor. I don't see how we can keep that a secret since he's on the birth certificate, and my son's last name is his biological's last name.....I wish I could go back in time and change those things.... but I also don't believe in keeping a huge secret like that from my son. I think that when he's old enough to understand he will deal with it really well, and he will know that no matter what my husband is his Daddy, because it's not having sex that makes a father, it's who is there for the child through thick and thin. I just have to convince my husband that when our boy is old enough (like in his teens) he should know because it's the right thing to do to be honest with our children.



PS. In addition to calling him "sperm donor" I refer to my ex as "the Dark Side" (or "Dark Half"), but only when my son isn't around. LOL

Ashley - posted on 06/04/2010

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I had the same problem with my older two they don't remember who thier dad is my husband now they call him daddy. But I had a hard time this is the question I ask myself. Would I want them to think that I held this from them? If you are certain that your son would understand then I wouldn't tell him till he is older. Don't tell him his dad didn't want him just tell him he wasn't ready to have someone so special in his life yet and let him know that you wanted him from the very start and this guy your with loves him and that if the donor wasn't ready you two were and you will always love him no matter what! I know it is hard I was in the same boat pretty much!! Just go with your gut. But think it over and talk about it with your boyfriend I would make sure he would be comitted to your son just like a real dad would be.

Sarah - posted on 06/04/2010

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I have 7 and 8 year old daughters who only knew my fiance as their father until last year when my 11 year old niece decided to tell them. I was furious because I wanted to tell them when they were old enough to understand. My fiance and I have been together since my girls were 1 and 2. Their biological father is a bad person that I NEVER want them to know. My point is that whoever is there for them is the dad. And that if you don't tell your child, someone else might. I am sure the child would rather hear it from you then someone else. I would definitely tell him when he is old enough to understand. I love it when I read about the men who step in and take the responsibility of a father when they don't have to. I have a good man like that and it sounds like a lot of you do too:)

Camille - posted on 06/04/2010

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Raise him to call your boyfriend Daddy and tell him him the truth when he's older and you feel he can process it. Maybe when he's 13 or so? That's what I would do, anyway. Good luck!



Oh and maybe you can have your boyfriend legally adopt your son. You do have to get his bio father to sign some papers for that, though.

Ashlee - posted on 06/04/2010

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the tough thing is that you need to tell bio dad, and your son. Otherwise when ur son gets older and wants to contact him, you will be the bad guy for not telling either of them. You will be giving ur son and bio dad a bond thru lies. Not a good thing. Ur son wont trust you and will want contact with his dad. Its easier and less messy in the long run. Honesty is the best policy. You dont want them to bond thru lies, it would turn ugly. They will have a common hate........You.

Just be honest xx

Karin - posted on 06/04/2010

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My sons biological father has never seen my son nor did he have any interest until a child support court order was sent to him. And honestly im glad when i was with him he was a dead beat. My son calls my husband daddy and has been since he was born. We are going through the adoption process and couldnt be happier with the decision. I have chosen not to tell my son about his biological dad. He i agree has the right to know but not until i know that he is ready or until at least the age of 18. Good luck with your decision!

Andrea - posted on 06/03/2010

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I agree on the later aspect. I don't plan on talking to my son about this whole thing for a little while yet. I just know that I don't want it to slip out one day and then him end up hating me or his Dad. And I agree with whoever said it above. Any boy can make a baby but it takes a real man to stand up and be a Daddy. And if your boyfriend wants to step up to the plate and take on that responsibility then you got yourself one great guy. I left it up to my husband (bf at the time) if he wanted my son to call him Dad or by his name. I wasn't about to make that decision for him and I wasn't going to judge him on his answer either. I was just lucky enough that he wanted to be called Dad and so it has been that way ever since my son started talking. And today was our final adoption hearing and my husband and son are legally bound as father and son. OH HAPPY DAY! I wish you all of the luck and if you have any questions there are a lot of therapists out there that can help with that sort of situation. But I am sure that if you provide your child with lots of love and affection that yes he/she will see that in the end they couldn't ask for better parents. Good luck!

Lee Ann - posted on 06/03/2010

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I agree with the "every child needs to know their father" weather he be good or bad, keeping something like that from a child or older child/teen can cause problems in the long term, take my mom, her mother never told my mom who her real father is & her real father dose not even know she walks this earth, however my moms mother ended up dying before my mom found out any info about her real dad & issues came up after my grandmother passed....my mom is 53 years old and it still to this day messes with her badly not knowing who her dad was, i guess my thought for this is long term, maybe now is not the best time, but later...good luck with everything

Andrea - posted on 06/03/2010

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I am actually in the same boat as you. I got pregnant and with in 2 weeks of telling my donor that I was pregnant he was out of my life. He has only seen our son once when he was 2 months old. I plan on telling my son who is now almost 5 years old that his Daddy isn't the one who helped make him. I am going to keep it more of a fact and bring it up now and then so it is just a detail in our life. I plan on showing him a picture of his donor and telling him some facts about him so he knows where he came from. I plan on doing this because it is very apparent that my husband and my son's newly adopted dad (we just made it official) are not biologically linked. Because my husband didn't come into the picture and baby books until my son was 4 months old. I don't want it to be a big secret and I don't want my son to feel like he was a mistake. I want him to know that I love him and so does his Dad. And I was told by a therapist that to start talking to your child about this type of situation early on is the best way to handle it. I think that if it is a fact at a young age there will be less rebelling when he gets older and as he gets older I will be prepared to answer the questions I know he will eventually have for me.

Wendy - posted on 06/03/2010

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I'm one of those ppl that grew up thinkin the guy my mom married was my real dad, b/c th "sperm donor" walked out when I was a baby... he was an alcoholic, man whore, etc... On one side, I'm glad I knew the truth, tho it hurt to kno that he gave up w/o even tryin to give me a chance, but knowong my dad ( the one my mom married, & actually took care of me) loved us enough to take care of as his own... I think he can grow up saying that this man that cares for him is his father... tho he should kno who the BIOLOGICAL one is later on... i ave & always will think of my mom's husband as my dad, simply b/c he was the one to put a roof over my head.

Kerrie - posted on 06/03/2010

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If you don't tell him and he finds out later on by 1 of ur fam membas just by accident or hears u talking 1 day to sum1 else he may feel like u have lied to him
I am in a similar situation as u and unfortunately she has his last name but either way i am going to tell her just so that I fell good I haven't lied to her and that she make her own decision to want to know him or not
I know how u feel it took ages for me to think about that 2
Thats what I am going to do I hope this helps :p

Tehara - posted on 06/03/2010

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I have the same thing but I told my sons dad when I found out I was pregnant but my son is now 3 1/2 years old an he has never met him. My partner that I have been with since being pregnant has taken over as my sons dad so I'm not going to confuse the wee man by telling him the truth untill he is old enough to understand it. Hope that helps

Melissa - posted on 06/03/2010

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leave it alone. if he didnt want your son then there is no need to confuse your son. if your current boyfriend wants to be a daddy, and is good to your son, then let him. but i would be careful, esp, if he didnt sign his rights away that he doesnt come back later and try to get back in his life. i would check those laws out in whatever state you are in. children dont need parents that wont be there all the time. they need stability and it sounds like your sons father isnt stable. i would leave a good thing the way it is. and major props to your boyfriend for stepping up and takin care of your son. i admire and respect any man, or woman, for that matter that will do that. i have 2 step daughters who call me mom, cuz their mom is also an addict and isnt around. and when she doesn come around all she does is disappoint them and make them cry. i know firsthand how hard it can be to get close to step children and take care of them. i love my step daughters very much, and it sounds like your man loves your son. let him be daddy

Charlene - posted on 06/03/2010

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i def know what u mean , when i was pregnant with my daughter he wanted me to get an abortion he was in and out of her life and finally stoped coming around she found the love in the man i am going to marry and she alls him daddy and if ur son has ???? down the road u guys can sit down and explain it to him until then i would leave it be ,

Marisa - posted on 06/03/2010

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Honey save yoursefl and your son the agony and don't tell him. Ask yourself what is the main purpose of telling him? Is there any good that will come from this? The word 'dad' should be a verb. Any guy can provide sperm but a 'dad' is the person that is there for your children. If you are with someone else and he treats this child as his own then you are very lucky and should keep the drama out of it.

Josia - posted on 06/03/2010

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I had my first child when i was 20 and i am 26 now. His biological dad walked out when i was pregnant and has never wanted to know him. When my son was 2 i met a wonderful man and married. We now have a little one on the way. Right from the outset i was just honest with my son. I told him in a way he could understand that his biological dad wasn't ready. I think honesty is the best key. Sooner or later children figure out that there are certain personality and mannerisms that they lack from their step parents. If you lie and he finds out the truth he is not going to thank you for it. I told my son the truth and gave HIM the choice as to whether or not he calls his step dad papa. I had an older cousin lie to her child about who her biological dad was and when she hit her teens and found out she went nuts. Don't go there. In some ways my son has a bond with his stepdad that will never be broken and i am glad they can have that relationship because we have been honest with him in the first place. Good on your partner for stepping up i think that's wonderful. You're a really lucky girl. But yeah, it won't hurt to tell him his biological dad isn't in the picture.

Rebekka - posted on 06/03/2010

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i was with my daughter's sperm donor at the time i was prego and almost a yr after she was born. the guy i am with now is who my daughter calls daddy he spends the most time with her. i wish i would have left my ex when i found out i was having her to be honest. he has not been a person for her to be around. he pushes her off on his fiancee and her family and does not take responsibility at all for his daughter. my ex is bipolor and adhd. he is not mentally able to take care of her at all. my advice for u sweetie is not to tell him u will end up with a headache and stress in the end of it!!!

Amber - posted on 06/03/2010

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There is a difference between a DAD and a biological father, meaning a Dad is someone who is there no matter what, through everything. If your bf wants to be his dad, let him but when the time comes (and you will know when it is right) tell him that he is not his biological father. I know my biological father (almost wish I didn't) but my Dad is my stepdad, he has literally been there for everything. For now, my opinion is to let it lay where it is... let things progress how they are and when the time is right then let him know. You son may never ask, he may not care because your bf has filled that void. Best of luck to you.

Jillian - posted on 06/03/2010

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I say don't try to hide the info from him but you don't need to really bring it up either. It sounds like you have a good thing going and I'd leave it alone. You really don't have to worry for awhile, so just leave it alone.

Natasha - posted on 06/03/2010

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ok this from my own personal expierience. I was 13 when someone blurted out that the man i thought was my dad wasnt because they were in the middle of a ugly divorce but i never had any idea because we actually lived in a different state and my mom, and dad i was raised with had been together since she was 7 months pregnant. and it was really hard for me, i felt like everything i ever knew was a lie and had behaviour issues after that still have trust issues, though now i know what it was like eventually it will come out and you dont want your child to turn on you and hate you because of it. I can understand how you feel from a mothers POV as well, my oldest is 4 and his dad left me at 6months along and i was with a guy after about a year he started calling the other guy dad, and even when we broke up he still seen him along with our child. now that were back together well i still feel like yea donavyns a lucky guy his SD took off and well brian didnt have to be a dad out of all the men out there he was lucky brian chose him! but you have a few years to decide what to say were now starting to tell donavyn occasionally about it all

Lhana - posted on 06/03/2010

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For now you can leave it that way..I have the same trouble,the "sperm donour" only saw my baby once, a month after my son was born..Your boy's still young to understand everything.but when it comes to a time when he wants to know he has the right to know who his biological father is.. when he grows up let him decide if he or he doesn't want to know his biological father..God bless!

Krystal - posted on 06/03/2010

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At some point in time he should have a right to know who his biological dad is. But you can explain to him of course when he is older that this is the man that brought you into this world but this is the man who cared enough to be your father

[deleted account]

I would just make it known to your son that he had a sperm doner so that there's no question in his mind. And if there's ever a health issue he should know about. Just let your son know how his sperm doner is as a person and you didn't want him to be around all that mess. I wouldn't bother telling your ex that he has a son since he did say that he didn't want another one. I also had one of those sperm doners and I knew who and how he was from the very beginning. I never once called him dad but I called my moms husband dad because he was more of one than the other guy. I think all kids should know who their parents are for health reasons.

Sara - posted on 06/03/2010

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Someday, he does need to know that the man that he calls daddy, didn't make him. I have been going through this since my son was born. His biological father is a drug addict, alcoholic, skitzofrenic, he has many many problems. I don't want him in his life, and it's best that way. BUT, someday, he will wonder....whether you bring it up, or not, and you should tell him something along the lines of the man who made you was not a good man, but you are loved by your family, and it doesn't matter, if you want to meet him someday, you can, but I will be right there with you. Let him know that he is loved all the time. Never tell him he acts like that guy, and don't be mad if he does act like him at times. But, don't tell him until he is actually old enough to understand. And also, remember, your current boyfriend may or may not always be around. Don't set your child up for disappointment. If he wants to call him daddy, cool, if not, never ask him to...not even just playing around.

Christina - posted on 06/03/2010

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Hey girl! I know we don't know each other, but I can tell you from my experience that I have a biological sperm donor and my father who raised me! My dad(who will always be my dad regardless) was more of a father to me than my own sperm donor. My sperm donor didn't want the responsibilities at the time (My mom and him only being 19) I'm thankful for my dad and I'm glad he was in my life. Even when my parents split up he still paid child support, spent time with me and supported me in everything I did! He will always be a dad! If you open that can of worms you may be sorry!!! It takes more than sperm to be a father!!! I hope that helps!

Emma - posted on 06/03/2010

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hi I was in an abusive relationship when i had my son, i moved away and my son Kory is now 7 yrs old he calls my partner dad but he know that he isnt his biological dad. kory hasnt seen his real dad in 6 yrs every now and then he will ask questions and i tell him the truth to an extent i dont tell him anything about the abuse once i have answered his questions he doesnt mention it again for ages he tells me and my partner that my partner is his father as he looks after him.
so i would say be honest i would say keep to the truth xx

[deleted account]

At some point, yes I do believe you should tell your son, but as far as anytme soon, hes so young he wont understand for awhile. The only issue with having another man in your and his life is you never know if it will last (I hate to say that but its the truth). You gotta ask yourself will your bf continue to be in your sons life even if you split? Would you want him to be? How would you explain to your son if you never told him your bf wasnt his dad and then you guys separated? Just a few, of many Im sure, you gotta ask yourself. Otherwise I dont see the issue, but issues can always arise later. But thats with everything right? Good luck and I dont blame you for not wanting your sperm donor in your sons life. I know I wouldnt if I was in that situation.

Jennifer - posted on 06/03/2010

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i think regardless a father has the right to know. you knew he was gonna be a "sperm donor" and you still slept with him. you helped cause this situation. as for your boyfriend - get married. let him be the father figure. a father figure means more to a child than a "sperm donor", and yes, kids always know the difference. good luck! i hope things get figured out for the sake of the child.

Amy - posted on 06/03/2010

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I'd say for now to just leave it. As your child is older and exploring his history (I remember doing that in middle school I think) then you can explain to him when he's older and understands.

The child does have a right to know, and if you don't tell them when there older and they find out they could resent your for not telling them. I also think, in a situation like yours, waiting until the child is older and understands the situation is a good time to explain it all.

Leslie - posted on 06/03/2010

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I think every man has a right to know he is the father of a child, and I think every child has the right to know their father, doesn't matter if they aren't a great guy. I would think about the future and really ask yourself if this guy you are with now will be there for your son forever.

Sara - posted on 06/03/2010

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I think that its important that kids have a father figure, biological or not. I also think that its important that a child knows where they came from. When Richie is the right age, tell him who his dad is. If he loves your current boyfriend, he won't care because he will already have a positive influence in his life.

Liz - posted on 06/03/2010

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I have two adopted sons, they are 14 and 15 now. My oldest knows who his bio parents are and has their contact info. My younger son knows who his bio mom is and has her contact info but he will never know who his bio dad is because she doesn't know. To be honest my younger son has dealt with being adopted much better than my oldest. Not knowing has given him peace that his bio dad didn't and doesn't know about him, he hasn't been rejected, he's just not known about. Knowing that your parent has walked away from you can be very very difficult to deal with. Don't lie to the boy he has the right to know who he is and that his bio dad didn't reject him. when he's grown he'll understand that at the time this was the best way for you to protect him. Don't bash his bio dad but let him know that he wasn't a good guy to have around a kids either.

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