Does your husband refuse to have sex with you?

Jenifer - posted on 03/16/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I am 28, my husband is 31 and we have been together for 5 years and our sex life is getting worse by the day. He refuses to have sex with me for no good reason. His excuses are he is too tired, too busy, not in the mood, has a headache... I don't know what to do? And to me sex is big in a relationship because if it is good here, why go anywhere else...

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Allie - posted on 03/18/2010

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me and my husband work two different shifts so we both are tiered when we are together. we also have three little ones and a preteen. we always try to make time together. sex is important for the both of us. try wearing seductive outfits. text or talk dirty to him to get him in the mood. talk with him to find out what the deeper issue is because not having any sex means there is something there that is nagging him.

Faith - posted on 03/19/2010

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Ok, stress and all aside sometimes its almost boredom with your sex life. Try taking him on a date to a fascinations or whichever it is you have. If your feeling brave enough that is, there is online if needed. My hubby always had issues right after we had a new baby, or serious stress at work. Thing is he is always re-intrested when we find some great new toy or love lotion to play around with. Now unfortunately for me, im nursing and really don't have much drive but hubby wants to.

I really hope that things improve for you, unfortunately and fortunately sex is a major part of marriage. Well till we get old and have to worry about breaking a hip or something :)

Lucy - posted on 01/09/2013

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Hi Jennifer, I see thia was from 2012 -- However, just in case: check out "sexual anorexia" it is real and very devastating to women who are with men who are sexually or intimacy anorexic. - They suppress teh desire for sex and intimacy - they go to great lenghts to avoid it. It is more common than we know and not any amount of sexy underware or weight loss will affect the men we love who suffer with this. The more we try to be with them the more they will reject.

Trish - posted on 03/18/2010

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My husband when through this for about 2 yrs. He was very depressed and we didn't even realize it. I know the fear your going through cuz I was feeling the same way. We just had to work through it, there are slumps that everyone goes through and sometimes men who aren't happy with who THEY ARE less likely to want to share themselves that they love. Do you work, have a better job? Does he seem fullfilled in what he is doing? These are things you have to look at too. Men can be moody just like women, only difference is that they hide it everywhere but the bed room.

Jenifer - posted on 03/18/2010

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He has no problem getting it up and I wouldn't be so upset if he was masturbating, but he's not even doing that. I just wonder if it's that he's not in love with me anymore.

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Josslyn - posted on 03/19/2010

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Sexy yourself up, who won't be able to resist you, you can also plan a romantic evening if possible, try doing this a few nights every month, sassy yourself up, make a special dinner, hide those sexy knickers under what your wearing and then lets the evening take off. as most of the girls have said, confidence within yourself is key!!

Go get em girl!!

Joanne - posted on 03/18/2010

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Maybe hes masturabating thats y hes not interested in sex when u ask because he has already achieved the end result. My hubby suffers from erectile dysfunction and for a long time he was doing this to avoid the akward situation of 'not getting it up'. I convinced him to c a doctor about it and weve never been happier...viagra the greatest drug in the world..haha

Jenifer - posted on 03/18/2010

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I know there is no cheating, he is usually with neighbors or in our garage and when I suggest time for the two of us, he says he is too busy and doesn't have the time. I am 100% sure he is not cheating, it's like he has a low sex drive or something or it comes and goes or he has the ability to turn it off. He hasn't been making good money at work for a few years and I've been working full time for a while, but he has no ambition to change jobs or do better.
And I have talked to him about my issue with our sex life and it does not bother him. He does not see an issue with going from once or twice a day to once or twice a month. And we only have one kid and he was one when I met my husband, so I just don't get it. I am not sure if I will. I just want to make this work and talking to him hasn't helped and ignoring it sure doesn't help.

Jodi - posted on 03/18/2010

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on the other side of thing mens sex drive is dirctly linked to there wallet. if theres money truble or other stressers they just don't want any. men are hard to read somedays but if you stay relaxed and and even look in to big girl toys and keep the lines open between you and hubby things should work out and if he is cheating then you need to think about your feelings and decide what you want to do before confronting him. no yelling just truth.

Amanda - posted on 03/18/2010

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I am so sorry, if i was you i would check if he was cheating already, and is maybe feeling guilty or just being a jerk...I think you should talk to him tho and then stop asking and pretend you dont care and as happy as can be and he will wonder...but i would still subltly check on if there's cheating going on...we only get what we inspect, not what we expect...i am so sorry about your situation and hope it gets better.

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2010

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What about going out on a date? Just the two of u something romantic when u have children its a treat having couple time and maybe that might make him come around. SELF CONFIDENCE the main factor i think hope things work out for u sweetie ☺

Carolee - posted on 03/18/2010

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You can't change the way anybody feels about you. You can only improve how you feel about yourself. Good luck.

Jenifer - posted on 03/17/2010

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I have tried losing weight, wearing sexy clothes when possible, even having friends watch my 6 year old over night and nothing. I feel like I get him back for a week or two and then he turns into this person who doesn't want sex. I have tried doing it exactly how he wants it and cooking him his favorite meal. I just don't know what to do and it is hard for me to pretend like this doesn't bother me. I have had 6 serious relationships, this one included and I have been cheated on in 4 of them. My fear is he will go somewhere else for sex. Iam not sure why he won't have sex with me he swares it's nothing I'm doing, but he keeps turning me down. I feel like a failure as a wife. I don't let him see that, I stay tough and strong as ever. I don't let him see my weaknesses, but when he turns me away night after night and some nights won't even kiss me or hug me it is hard to be so positive. And I want this to work I love him and when we are together it is the best. Causing a fight over it isn't worth it though because what I do will affect my son and he is my number one priority.
Dena - And I have never said no to sex with my husband, not once, but constantly he turns me away and he knew of my insecurity with this before he was with me, I have tried teasing and I get a better reaction from a wall than him.
Carolee- I am confident I have started working extra hours here and there to buy cuter clothes and he doesn't seem to care. It has me realizing I deserve better, I deserve someone who wants me and wants to be with me. Thing is I only want him. I just don't know how to make him want me back anymore.
Danielle - Thanks I've tried that, I can wear something sexy, be naked or just wear a pair of cotton panties and same result - nothing.

Dena - posted on 03/17/2010

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Men go through phases just like women do. My husband is constantly up and down, and a LOT of it has to do with stress. I had to learn not to take it personal..i did a lot of beating up on myself..one day i just realized, Why would it be ok for us to say no and not them? You know what your man likes better than anyone else, so tease him a bit and he'll come around! Good luck, and hang in there! :)

Carolee - posted on 03/17/2010

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Confidence is one of the BIGGEST turn-ons for men! I've done my own surveys and asked a LOT of men (random and friends). Get your confidence back, do something that makes YOU feel sexy, and seduce him. Don't be afraid to get a bit agressive, as well. KNOW that you are a sex goddess. If nothing else, you'll feel better about yourself a bit.

Danielle - posted on 03/17/2010

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My husband was the same way with me after i had my bub who is now 11 months old we spoke about it and it was good for a while but over the last month it has been the same again. I made a point of bringing it up and asked him if it was me that he wasn't attracted to since i had bub but he said it was because he was sick of hearing me complain about my weight since having bub! Lately ( over the last 4 days ) i have bought some lingerie and put myself out there. He is in bed and i walk into the bedroom in my lingerie and he likes it so im not sure if this sounds like ur husband but its worth a try ☺

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