Down and depressed

Melody - posted on 04/17/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My baby boy was born 2 weeks ago and ever since day 3 I've not stopped crying, I feel like my life is reuined, I don't like being alone with him cause I hate it when he crys and won't sleep cause I get annoyed with him, i panic when he starts to wake up. I feel so down and wish I could change time and go back to not having him. I feel so awful cause I'm such a crap mum and I can't handle him. My partners great with him and he looks after him at night while I sleep but it's making arguments between us cause I can't cope so his having to help abit during the day so his not getting hardly any sleep and he hates the fact that I'm like this. I miss spending alone time with my partner so much and sleeping in bed together at night :(

I dunno what to do.. Has anyone else had this??. Am I a really bad mum??

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It sounds like postpartum depression which is worse than the "baby blues". Please seek help from your health care provider. This is fairly normal for moms and the sooner you get help the sooner you will be able to enjoy the time with your son and partner and not dread it. I remember how horrible I felt about the way I felt about my new baby boy, that alone tore me apart. There is help and hope!

Kirsty - posted on 04/18/2012

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Hi Melody. First of all well done for voicing your worries, a problem shared is a problem halved :) You are not a bad Mum to your baby boy, I have been where you are and it feels like you are stuck in a black hole that you cant get out of. Firstly as many others have said get yourself to the doctors because you can not fix depression by yourself, your need medical care as well as support from your partner family and friends. You just have to take the next step and ask for it. Good Luck Melody. I hope you can start to enjoy your baby soon

Lynn - posted on 04/18/2012

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My sister had a rough time after her son was born. She was fired from her job for dating her boyfriend (her employee), then he was fired, too. They had a small apartment in CA that they could no longer afford, and she was very depressed. She was breast-feeding, and that stress made her son very gassy and fussy, and he didn't sleep very well. Her lady parts were very sore, and the stitches pulled, so she was in a lot of discomfort. She was crying a lot, fighting with her boyfriend, and living off credit cards.

A few months later, I convinced them to move in with me, they both got jobs, and things got better. She was still very emotional, and got angry or depressed very easily. They ended up breaking up, and she moved nearby. She did end up needing medication to help her depression, and once she stopped breast-feeding when he was a year old, that helped a lot, too. She felt more like a person, and didn't have to worry about leaking everywhere.

You really need to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. You may need to talk to other mom's who know what you're going through (in person, or on the phone, not just e-mail). You might need some medication to help the depression, just until your hormones get back to normal. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, and you're not crazy. Is there anyone who can watch him so you can get out of the house for a little while? A lunch with friends or dinner with your partner may really help you feel like your life hasn't changed so much. Ask you relatives, friends with kids, or neighbors to watch him, even if only for a few minutes, so you can take a long bath, take a walk (or put him in his stroller). Get some formula, in case your babysitter needs to feed him while you're gone, and take some time for yourself.

Take it one day at a time, and before you know it, you will start to feel better. Remember, it's your hormones talking - not a reflection on you at all! The fact that you're asking for help means you're doing the right thing for your son.

Wanisha - posted on 04/17/2012

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try holding him close to ur heart he will stop crying calm down! take it one step @ a time!take deep breaths....

Louise - posted on 04/17/2012

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I think you are giving yourself a hard time over this. First of all it is important that you tell a health visitor how you feel and that you are not coping. Then you need to ask some family for help (your mum and his). I think most of this is confidence, you panic because he does not seem to settle with you. He cries because he can sence you are stressed, it is a vicious circle. Try to relax a bit more and if he cries he either needs burping, feeding changing or rocking gently. Babies are not complicated things.

Lots of women feel the way you do it is common. We cry over silly little things when we have just had a baby. I cried for 6 weeks because I was convinced I was having a little girl and he was a boy. I could barely look at him, the minute he was born I told the midwife to take him away he was not mine. It took me a long time to bond with him it really did.But I promise you that love does grow, he is dependant on you for every thing.

As for your partner he needs to understand how insecure you are with the baby. Tell him you are scared and at times resentful. Tell him you want a cuddle at the end of the day and make time to be together. Babies sleep a lot of the time find time for each other then. Things do get better as the baby gets older and you get to learn the babies routine. You are not a bad mum just a scared mum. We have all been through that. RELAX!

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Tia - posted on 04/26/2012

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Yes! I have had this and its normal. Its also normal to feel that you are a bad mother when, in fact, it has nothing to do with how good a Mom you are. Its all hormonal. Either you are having tyhe baby blues, or are experiencing postpartum depression. Call your OB or physician. This isnt your fault - having a baby is incredibly life changing. A lot of people feel in the begining like they made a mistake or they don't love their child. I felt that way for 10 months. 10 whole months. But now I want to eat him up (he's 2 now). And my depression never went away. But I got on the right meds and the kids are older and things got easier with them but I still feel mildly depressed some days. What you have to know is that this isn't your fault, its only temporary, and you are not alone in your feelings.

Try www.postpartum.net or ppdsupportpage.com. Be proactive. Talk to your Dr. Look up information and show it to your partner so he understands what you are going through. (My husband almost divorced me! But we are a much much stronger because of it). Find a support group.

You are doing great. Hang in there, it gets better.

God bless

Mariel - posted on 04/26/2012

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ok first of all you are not a bad mother. It sounds like you have postpartum depression. I had postpartum and I got help and so can you. Call your doctor and you will go to the hospital and get help. Postpartum is treatable. Its not easy to deal with. I got diagnosed in september and I am still dealing with my postpartum. With the medication I can deal with it better. You take one day at a time. And keep telling yourself you are a good mom.And it is a good thing that your partner is good with the baby. Just because he is good with your baby doesnt mean that you are not. One thing might be easier for one parent when it comes to the baby. Talk to your doctor. Everything will be ok:)

[deleted account]

I had the same thing. Luckily, my mother stayed with me to help for the first 7 weeks while I got on some meds for post-partum depression and got the hang of things. Go speak to your Dr. It will help, and it does get better, I promise. Do not give up hope and do not do anything drastic. You are not a bad mom, this is something roughly 1/3 of women experience with one pregnancy or another. Please seek medical assistance and DO NOT let this take over your thoughts, maybe try a meditation or yoga class. I wish I was near where you are to give you a big hug. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Mommy - posted on 04/19/2012

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I think everyone on here is right, it is definitely sounding very much like Post Partum Depression. To see the entire list of symptoms, go to this link. http://bestpractice.bmj.com/best-practic...

I'm a therapist, and this would be the criteria I would use to diagnose someone coming in with your symptoms. There are also assessments your provider can administer to be sure. In any case, there is a hormonal imbalance occurring in your brain. You are not a bad mom, but you are unable to feel the way you want to right now because of this imbalance. Please see a mental health provider as soon as possible, and this is something you can address, and likely recover from.

I also had feelings like I made a mistake when my daughter first came home, felt overwhelmed by her but wouldn't let anyone help me with her. I cried as much as she did, and I was withdrawan and did not want to eat. I also went into hysterics at the mere thought of my husband going back to work, in addition to having the worst anxiety of my life. I knew that this is normal for the first 10-14 days, but also told my husband I will need to see a professional if it persists beyond that. Luckily, my hormoes stabilized and I was ok after a couple weeks. Not completely better, but much better than I was whe I first got home. The anxiety stayed for a long time, and the irritability, but I was more social, eating better, and feeling like I was bonding with my baby.

Kylie - posted on 04/18/2012

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Hi. Please go and see your Dr. It can be really hard to be a new parent, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed. But if it's all the time it's possible that you have post natal depression. I had it with my first child, and it can be hard.

Leslie - posted on 04/18/2012

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I had that and it walk away when me and my daughter got into a terrible car crash two months ago. I was hurt the worse, broken nose and bone under the eye. I don't remember what happen I black out. I even forgot I had my daughter with me after I came out of the shock. I heard her at the hospital while I was in the other room. i had a bruise all over my body and one really bad on my left leg by the knee. I could not bend it for two weeks. it still not heal all the way. I was so happy my daughter was alright. she was 15 months at the time of the crash. Just think of that cause it might help. I had taken pills for my depression and it did not help. so I took myself of them and just suffer till that crash made it all go away.

Janessa - posted on 04/18/2012

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Sounds like post partum depression a lot of mothers get it, there is help talk to your doctor.

Helen - posted on 04/18/2012

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aww huni id go see your gp sounds like you have postnatal depression your not a bad mum it can be very overwhelming with a baby good luck to you huni x

Brittney - posted on 04/18/2012

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It sounds like postpartum depression and you need to talk to your doctor before it gets out of control. It is very common so don't be so hard on yourself. Talk to your partner about it, they need to know how you feel. Y'all need to work on it together. Your doctor will give you some tips and things to help cope and some medicine. You are not alone, many women go thru this. But you need your partners support!

Deanna - posted on 04/18/2012

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Usually mothers get the baby blues for the first couple weeks, starting around day 3. I would call your doctor to let him know how bad it is. It could very well be depression.
Because you just asked, you are not a crap mom. You are just an overwhelmed one!!! We all get like that sometimes. I have a 3 year old and still get like that.
Instead of arguing, turn to your partner and tell him you need help. Ask him to take you to the doctor so you can fix the problem.
I reiterate, you are not a bad mom!!! This is normal. Go to the doctor for help.
Good luck Sweetheart!!!

Nikki - posted on 04/17/2012

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Melody-

I do not think that you are a bad mother I agree with what Louise said. It is normal for new moms to feel a little down and have a difficult time adjusting to motherhood your body has been through a lot with the pregancy and birth of your child .... I would recommend you talking to your doctor though sometimes new moms needs medication to help with the hormone changes. Be open and honest with your partner about how you feel and how scared you are about your relaitonship changing he may have some concerns to that talking about may make you both feel better and better able to spend quality time together as a couple. Also, remember your friends and family a lot of women have gone through this and may be able to offer advice or lend a hand as needed. Hope this helps. My daughter is now 4 months old and I think the sleeping/ daily routein has defintaly inproved .... I love being a mother and I am sure you will to just give it time. Good Luck

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