Drinking while taking care of children...

Katie - posted on 07/01/2010

i grew up with an alcoholic mother and she got to the point that she almost burned the house down with my dad at work and my brother and i sleeping. i have an 8 yr old and an 18 month old. with my first i'd have some drinks when he was sleeping but even with a hangover the next morning, you're not completely in control of yourself. i would NEVER want my boys to go through what i did so i only have a drink if my husband is home. he doesn't drink at all, ever. i have a bottle of grey goose in the cabinet but usually only have 1 drink if i'm super stressed. i don't think it's okay at all if i'm drinking and my kids are still awake, especially if i'm the only one here. that's just my opinion. :)

Zoe - posted on 07/01/2010

I never drink when i have my daughter coz it clouds your judgement. how would you feel if something serious happen to your child whilst she is in your care and you have had a drink? what would emergency services think? it is selfish, irresponsible and dangerous to drink when you are in charge of another life whether it is one drink or ten! and to top it off what is it teaching your daughter? shes growing up watching you drinking in front of her it going to have an impact on her life!

Katherine - posted on 07/01/2010

i don't think it hurts to have maybe one or two light drinks while watching ur own children but don't go out an get like a six pack or a bottle of gin. i have a light beer or a glass of wine every no an then u just have to know ur limit an don't get wasted.

Rosa - posted on 07/01/2010

Wow this got pretty heated....I love my son he is my life the only time he is not with me is while I am at work. But who says I have to lose my identity because I had a child? I am still me.....have my views on some things changed because I've had a child yes....they have. Now it is irresponsible for me to get plastered alone with my son? Yes! Would I ever do that? No!
So I saw some post that said I did all my partying before I had kids. Congrats that you never have the need to ever go out and have "Adult Time" with friends. Must make you a better mother than me.
I do sometimes need time with my friends to unwind and talk with Adults about our lives, children, husbands...etc.
Yes we do go to happy hour after work and yes on occassion I put my love muffin to bed and I have a couple drinks.
I don't neglect my son or harm him in any way and for someone to point the finger and say I am a bad mom because I enjoy a few spirits sometimes is nuts! THANKS NUTBALLS!
Drink responsibly and that's all that matters.

Cassie - posted on 07/01/2010

The saddest thing I've ever heard a three year old little boy say is "My Mommy is sick" Mommy's explanation for her hang over was that she was sick. So her son thought she was always sick. :O( I don't think she realized getting drunk every weekend was causing her son any harm. Not that I'm saying any one is drinking every weekend or too much, But making sure you know your lemits so they don't effect the next day is really really important.

Ashley - posted on 07/01/2010

I think it is perfectly fine to have a few drinks, just don't get crazy! Also, as long as you know you're not going to have to go anywhere with your daughter, then I see nothing wrong with it! When my fiance drinks, I won't, and when I drink, he won't, just so there is someone there to drive, God forbid, if something were to happen.

Charlotte - posted on 07/01/2010

I've really only just started drinking again now my daughter's 13months. I make sure she's in bed 1st though and never have more than 1 can of Carling, that way I know I'm still sober enough to trust myself to tend to her if she wakes and just incase there's an emergency and I need to drive to A+E. I don't see the point in getting drunk anymore to be honest.

Anne - posted on 07/01/2010

A few small ones don't hurt. I only usually have a drink on the weekend when there are at least 4 adults, simon and i take it 'inturns' to get drunk (once freddie is in bed-altho i can never let myself as to worried incase simon doesn't hear freddie) sometimes i'll have one a thursday evening once simon is home (he has a shed with a fridge of Carling) and i'll have half a larger and black (yum!). Freddie is always running about, and it'll teach him to respect alcohol if he is shown to drink it in moderation.

Like the others say, if you know your limits why not x

Shannen - posted on 07/01/2010

Does anyone realise that being tired is a hell or a lot more dangerous then the 1 or 2 drinks th OP was talking about?
I drink around my children we have even had parties here where there has been alcohol and 90% of the people here were drinking . For crying out loud i had my 21st at home with my daughter running around.
If i were to have 1 drink i know it wouldn't stop any immediate decision making i would still be 100% alert. So there is nothing wrong with it.
What it comes down to is knowing your own limits and being able to stop at that 1 or 2 and if you can't then either don't drink or make sure you have a sober person with you.

Danielle - posted on 06/30/2010

well i have to say no cause you are taking care of her and what happens if you get dizzy and fall while holding her and you dont want her to see you like that

Rhiannon - posted on 06/30/2010

I have already posted my view, but have kept reading this thread as I am finding it very interesting, the different views.
So I am hoping that some people can answer my questions, and I ask because I seriosuly want to know, not because I am having a go.
What is wrong with your children seeing you drinking? I am a firm believer that if you make drinking out to be wrong and hide it away, your kids will learn that habit and do the same. My parents would never drink in front of us, and I got in to a HELL of a lot of trouble as a teen/young adult because I had no idea what drinking sensibly was, and I had to hide it away.
Would drinking sensibly in front of your kids not be the best way to teach them the same lesson?
I find that as a younger mum, I am judged alot by woman over the age of 35 who have had children later. I feel that older mothers are less able to relax. That the books and guidlines are all followed to a tee and there is no room for your own views or ideas. I get judged by older mothers every day for having one or two drinks while caring for my children, for smoking socially (this I don't do in front of my children) for ignoring some of the advice the baby books think you MUST follow because it just doesn't suit me. ETC. As this is a group for young mums, I am fairly certain that I shouldn't get too many woman ripping me to shreds for those comments! I don't mean them in a negative way, it is just an age difference I guess. Oh, and for reference, I am 25. I have 2 children, a son who turned 2 yesterday and a daughter who is 9 and a half months old.

Kelly - posted on 06/30/2010

Amy D, I'm sorry if my post came across wrong--the "bite me" statement was not directed at you! I do realize how it could have read that way and I apologize. I actually meant it as a light hearted jest, but I guess it came across more seriously than I meant for it too.

The "I drink wine for the flavor" was a response to your post because I did want to point out that there are still a lot of people here that actually do like wine.





As for the ambulance portion--Yes, I have paid ambulance bills, but for me, it is worth the extra $600. If my child cut himself and was bleeding badly enough to need stitches, yes, I would call an ambulance b/c there is no way he could hold pressure on the wound all the way to the hospital. If he had even a low grade fever, I wouldn't take a drink, and if I had and somehow he sprung up with some tremendously high fever, I would take him to the Urgent Care center, not the ER and I could take a cab.





And about dinner drinks--Caffeine still has a strong effect on me, so I don't like it with dinner. I drink water throughout the day, and I do like it, but for dinner, I prefer something with flavor. And I don't care about the cost--I drink fine scotch, but it takes me a month to finish a bottle, and everyday wine is not expensive.

Jeremi - posted on 06/30/2010

I understand the desire to wind down after dealing with the baby all day. Occasionally I get to, but I usually won't have more than one drink (wine cooler or a glass of wine) until my boyfriend gets home. And when I do drink more, it's rare. But one of us is usually the "sober" one or the limited drinker if we are anywhere but home, like at a friends house or the grandparents houses. Just be responsible about it.

Erin - posted on 06/30/2010

I think its funny when ppl say they wait until their kids go to bed before they start drinking...now if it is because then you can ACTUALLY relax then I GET IT! But if it is because you don't want your kids to see you drinking then I'm baffled...if what you are doing is soo bad that you don't want your kids to see you then why are you doing it? And then the ppl that think it is somehow ok to get drunk after your kids are asleep...really??? I think the problem here is people thinking the only reason to drink is to get drunk!!! WOW... If that is your attitude, please don't drink! Drunk doesn't look good on anyone, and if you are responsible for someone who can not be responsible for themselves...*shaking my head* WOW...I just don't know what to say...

Medic - posted on 06/30/2010

Can someone please explain to me how ONE drink equals DRUNK. I am not getting the math here.

Jennia - posted on 06/30/2010

Personally i find it plain dumb to be drinking with ur kids around especially if ur are the only one watching them because if something happens to them and u r drunk or been drinking and u take them to the hospital or the cops smell it on u ur kids are gone.

Medic - posted on 06/30/2010

I am like my dad I grew up with him walking around with the same can of warm beer for half the day while working on the house or sitting by the pool and I do the same thing now. When we all go out as a family or when the whole family gets together all the adults have a beer or pina colada or margarita or something and one drink does not impare. I can legally drive after a drink had over dinner. Not that I do it that often I have had a case of beer in my fridge for god knows how long now. And just to add that better be one hell of a fever to make me take my kid to the er....makes more sense to wait till morning and call the dr.

Teresa - posted on 06/30/2010

im of the opinion that theres nothing wrong with having a few drinks if ur child sleeps through the night. i have a 5 year old and a 3 year old and my partner and i have a lot of bbq's and family get togethers where people are drinking. awe dont tell our kids to get our rinks out of the fridge for us and we never will, we always make sure one of us is sober until our boys are tucked up into bed and we agree on which one will get up to the boys in the morning. the one that gets up doesnt drink as much as the other. but we still have a few and get merry. i think its all down to the individual person.

Brittany - posted on 06/30/2010

I think it's always best to forgo drink around children. Not just because it impairs you, but also because you are sending a message to you daughter that drinking in excess is ok. You also don't want to peek her interest this young. Children are very good at sneaking sips of drinks. The last thing you want is a drunk baby, or worse. Needless to say I'm very against drinking, so I'm a bit more critical about it.

Desiree - posted on 06/30/2010

As long as you know your children are safe, and are not running a muck ( as my momma would say) I see nothing wrong with it. I do, I just don't let them see me wasted, I wait until they are tucked in and good asleep before I bring out the heavy stuff ( lol) so Basically as long as you are not neglecting your kids to drink ( which I don't think you are) It is okay!

Amy - posted on 06/30/2010

Oh and I drink water, tea, diet soda, any of those with dinner. I find the caffeine does not affect me that much anymore in small amounts since I am pretty much exhausted at the end of the day. Plus it's much cheaper than wine/beer/liquor.

Amy - posted on 06/30/2010

Bite me? Seriously? That just shows your level of maturity Kelly. I said it was RARE to find someone who drinks it for the flavor. There is no need to be so rude. And things do happen. It might not be an emergency that requires an ambulance. Have you ever paid an ambulance bill? Your child cuts himself on something. Has a fever. You're going to call an ambulance just so you can drink? Don't think that is very responsible. But hey. Your life.

Kamry - posted on 06/30/2010

I think it's ok to have a few while their with you. As long as you don't get totally smashed with 'em there ya know? Like don't get a buzz or anything but enough to just relax a little bit is totally fine in my opinion.

Melissa - posted on 06/30/2010

Personally, I don't do it when my daughter's around, but that's just me. I don't think you're a bad mom if you do, but don't let your kids see you get drunk. I'm sure you know your limit. The few times I have drank while being a single mom were with my mom. Before I had my daughter, I'd occassionally drink with my ex husband, but we always had my parents babysit. We'd take her to their house and she'd stay with Grandma and Grandpa until we went back to get her in the morning.

Cassie - posted on 06/30/2010

Nah...you're fine! I personally don't drink because I'm still breastfeeding. However, if you're not bfing and you want a couple, have at it! Just dont get drunk and make sure there's another adult around who's sober so if there were an emergency situation they are there to help!

Lydia - posted on 06/30/2010

I have done it in the past and thought it was okay. I stopped when my kids asked me to. They told me that they did not like it when I drank. That was enough to make me stop. When you are impaired, you don't function at 100%. Only you know your limits.

Samantha - posted on 06/30/2010

Honestly.. I have. I only have a couple if I'm here alone with my son or have a few once he goes to bed. If my husband is here with me, we might sit around the fire once he goes to bed and have a few. My opinion, as long as you are responsible and make sure that your daughter is safe and taken care of, there is no reason why you can't have a couple drinks. It's nice to have some "me time" every now and then.

Morgan - posted on 06/30/2010

well i dont think you should be getting hammered if their in bed sleepin and yo want to have a few thats kool.. but dont be using dinkin as an escape to get away from your kids thats when its truly a problem or having mom or mother in law watch makes it ok..

Josie - posted on 06/30/2010

I'm not a drinker but on the off chance that I do feel like drinking I'd probably only have one, and honestly that's like once a year. My husband will have a beer or two sometimes, he's not a big drinker either. It doesn't bother me if my child sees him or me drinking, it's not a bad thing. BUT I would NEVER in a million years get drunk with my kid around.

Kyla - posted on 06/30/2010

its fine as long as you know what your limits are!! one glass of wine or even two as long as you can handle it!!! i sometimes have one or two every once in a while but my other half is here too, just in case! i never get drunk or tipsy anymore whilst my son is around, even if there are other people here xx

Stephanie - posted on 06/30/2010

Depends on how much, I wouldn't have more than one. but especially with babies you need to be careful. They need constant attention and if you are out of it, you can't give that to them. even if they are in bed, you have to be able to get up with them if they need you. And if they sleep with you, then I'd say drinking is not appropriate at all. If I want to drink more than a glass of wine, I find a babysitter or make sure my husband is up for the task of taking care of my little ones and that he's not drinking at all.

Kelly - posted on 06/30/2010

I drink wine just for the flavor. I have it with dinner EVERY NIGHT, so bite me if that makes me an irresponsible crap-shot of a mom. I know who I am, I know I am a good mother.



and I live in America.





I also don't get the "drive my kid to the hospital" thing. If my child were having a medical emergency and had to be rushed to a hospital, I would call an ambulance so I could be there for my child, not trying to focus on driving while my little one is in major pain or could be dying. Besides that, and maybe this is just in America, but ambulances are faster and patients arriving in them are treated before those arriving in cars and waiting in the waiting rooms.

Amy - posted on 06/30/2010

I say once you make the decision to parent, that is who you are, a parent. The person you were before that, you can't get back! So the people who feel "entitled" to drink because it's what you did before children, it's immature. I'm sorry. I was 27 when I got pregnant. I had a good 6 and a half years of legal drinking under my belt and I believe I drank enough for the rest of my life. Yes, being a mother is HARD. Life is HARD. Having a drink makes it easier? In my experience, alcohol does nothing but complicate things. You may think you know your limits. It's dangerous ground. I'm so freakin sleep deprived I don't know how any of you who do drink don't pass out immediately after smelling the stuff! You gotta get the partying out of your system before you bring children into the equation. Andddddd you'll probably say having a couple drinks at night isn't partying. To those in other countries, it's unfortunate but us Americans have ruined alcohol. We like to do everything in excess. It's rare to find people who actually drink wine because they enjoy the flavor, not for the effects!

Kristel - posted on 06/30/2010

My daughter is 7 months old now, and I used to wait until she would fall asleep but with my luck she'd wake up and there I was trying to feed her with a bottle and she wanted the breast. Being alone and not having a good tolerance for drinking. I do not think it's a good idea for me to drink unless my husband is home. I totally agree with having a second sober person incase anything should happen. You just never know, and if for any reason the sober person can not handle it while you are there, you can just lay on the bed and put your baby on your chest and soothe her to sleep. That's what we did, if you are relaxed sometimes it's easier for the baby to calm down, just have that second person there incase. If you are going to get plastered for any reason, do it away from your children, and get a baby sitter. As much as some people want to drink sometimes it's just not a good idea if you are alone. I had the same feeling with wanting to drink a lot after the baby was born, it's probably because I kept telling myself only so many months to go until the baby is born... realistically I drink on the baby's and my husband's schedule. It makes things easier and less complicated.

Carla - posted on 06/30/2010

I'm sorry but i have a couple of drinks every now and then. I don't get hammered or even tipsy, you can have a drink and relax without losing your controll, my son sleeps upstairs in his own bedroom and me and my husband have the baby monitor and sit outside with our neibours and have a couple of drinks and a good old natter!
Seriously i don't think it is wrong having a drink and looking after your baby as long as you are not co-sleeping! The best time to have a drink is once your child is fast asleep! As i said as long as you don't go beyond your control then it doesn't hurt! Also still be legal to drive incase something is wrong and you need to get your child somewhere. I hope i helped! X

Jordan Ashleigh - posted on 06/30/2010

I also believe that there should always be one responsible sober adult or teen around when there is a child. Always. Even just one drink can hinder your ability to respond in an emergency and that's not something you should be willing to risk just to relax. I know I'd rather be stressed and alert when I'm with my little girl and you really should be too. Drink after she's asleep.

Think of it this way: if you were to leave her with a babysitter, would you be okay with the babysitter drinking while he/she is watching your daughter? I know I wouldn't be. You are your daughter's caregiver and you should hold yourself to the same standards.

Sheryl - posted on 06/30/2010

i think its wrong!!! i only would drink if someone is watching my kids and i am not going to drive or any of that. if i am not going to let anyone else drive while with my kids or drive then i am not going to myself.

Francesca - posted on 06/30/2010

I come from a huge European family. My grandfather even grows his own grape vines and makes his own wine. And like most European families, its not unusual for us to have a glass of wine with our dinner.

Its not about getting drunk. Any Italian will tell you, great relationships are made over great food and wine.

And like many posters have already said, don't fall into that trap where you feel you have to loose your identity in/for your children. Having one drink, doesn't make you a bad mom.

Kayla - posted on 06/30/2010

my little girl was born 06/08/2010 I was 21 when she was born and before I got pregnant I would havw some drinks almost every weekend and sometime during the week. The day I got home from the hospital I had like 4 drinks, I don't see a problem with having a few drinks while you'r watching you childern as long as you don't drink too much...having a few doesn't always have to lead to getting drunk. lol.



When I have a few I don't feel bad because I know my child has everything she needs and that she is well taken care of and I know I still need to have a life outside of my baby ♥

Chrissie - posted on 06/30/2010

I may have A beer and even sometimes I feel guilty for that. Even if it's just a couple drinks, what if something happened and you had to drive them to the hospital?? I don't judge, and I don't think anyone who has 'a couple' are bad people or parents, but I do think that they need to be YOUR kids not someone else's, and you can't base your drinking on 'what if's' cause if you did, no one would ever drink. =]

As long as you are responsible and have someone else there to help, then why not? After all, life is for the living.

Lindsey - posted on 06/30/2010

I have a few drinks every once in a while, if i want to drink anymore then that i just ask my husband to limit how much he is drinking and take care of the kids for me for just one night. Other nights when i am not drinking he can get as drunk as he wants but once in a while when i want to have more then a few he takes the kids. There is nothing wrong with a mom wanting to relax with a few drinks a couple times a week or just on the weekends.

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2010

My best advice to you would be have someone watch her if you want to have a drink. That way, you know she's safe and sound and you don't have to worry about her. My fiancee and I sometimes go out on the weekends with friends and have some drinks, but our son is always well taken care of by his grandparents who are more than happy to have him. We live four hours away from them so they love to spend time with him.

If you do end up drinking a glass of wine or having a wine cooler, it's not the end of the world, but limit yourself to one or two. Any more than that and I would say it could get out of hand.I'm not a big fan of drinking around your children, though, so I wouldn't recommend it.

Samantha - posted on 06/30/2010

theres nothing wrong with having a few drinks. im exactly the same, i drunk alot before i got pregnant and now all i do is after ive put my son down at 8 i go downstairs and open the bottle of wine. it helps me wind down at the end of a hard day!

Georgia - posted on 06/30/2010

and, i would like to add that a drink is a whole lot safer then smoking pot, or doing crack, or meth or snortin things for the childs up bringing-- i would rather see a mother have a drink then get high, cause thats messed up. there is a DIFFERENT time and place to do that when you are NO where around a child, if u feel you MUST do your drugs. I'm not going to downgrade people of their choices, but to do it around a child.. (drugs that is) is outta the question.

Georgia - posted on 06/30/2010

alright, i actually got offended at a certain response- mind you i didn't read all of them, theres a lot on here with a lot of good and bad advise. Just because a mother wants to have a drink doesn't mean she shouldn't have a child. being a mother is hard, if it is easy, YOUR NOT DOING IT RIGHT. being a single mother is especially hard! being a YOUNG MOM--HARD. get over yourself to the people who are degrading this woman for having a dang drink because of stress. If i feel like having a beer, i do. i never get intoxicated to the point that if something were to happen to my child i could not take care of them-- thats something to keep in mind even if they are sleeping, anything can happen and you wanna make sure you are still able, (or someone in the household) is able to care for your child.
Drink your wine cooler, two, three, whatever, just don't get wasted would be advise :)

Jennifer - posted on 06/30/2010

We reserve our drinks for the wkend we are way too busy during the wk we buy a six pack and when our son goes to bed we each get 3 to sip and we play a game its our time we get to spend as adults and be together while still being able to completely function to take care of our son we never do hard liquor sometimes we get flavored beer but thats it, we arent wine drinkers

Siberia - posted on 06/30/2010

I believe that in some case that it may be ok to have a drink with ur baby girl not a lot beause then u dont know what is going on if ur more worred about getting a drink then your child at that time. you always must remember that as of the day that u found out that u were going to bring a childs into this world that u are a parent know and that most of the things that u would like to u cant do all the time anymore because she is counting on u

Christy - posted on 06/30/2010

WOW! I really couldn't even believe the subject of this message! Is drinking really that important? I know alcohol relaxes you and sometimes it's nice to just sit back and relax...however! When you have a child in your care you need to be 100% in control and alert and even with one drink I don't think you are. If you have a spouse home or like you parents, its fine then to have a drink or two...go for it. If drinkings that important that you want to do it daily and enough to ask this questions your taking it a lil to far. My opinion! Kick back and go out on the weekends, there's a time and place for drinking...!

Rosa - posted on 06/30/2010

@ Melissa you took this question out of context. While I apologize for your upbringing she is merely wanting to have a few drinks to just kick back and relax. Amy I have a few drinks when I have my son at home with me. Me and my bbd take turns cutting loose when we go other places and our son is with us. Someone has to drive. All I can say is use your better judgment when you go out or are at home with your child. You don't want to be sloppy drunk and unable to tend to her. But just a couple should be just fine.

Kristel - posted on 06/30/2010

Im the same me and my partner have a simple rule if we have a friends party we take it in turns to have more than just a few drinks lol. I dont see anything wrong in having a couple of drinks when you are with you little pride and joy but any more than enough to get you buzzed maybe a babysitter is needed just in case.