Family trouble

Danielle - posted on 01/28/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Heres wats happening my partners parents and sisters have been very rude and nasty to me since i have had our daughter. many times they have tried to take over and say that jasman is theres everytime i have gone there they put me down and yell at me all at once....yesterday my partner and i were sitting down talking about our wedding then he told me that he wanted to elope and when i asked why i found out that his family have be calling me names and dont want to be at our wedding.

every time my partner doesnt want to do a family thing i get the blame every stupid mistake he makes his family have a go at me and his family broke him and his previous relationship before myself up i really want to go tell these people where to shove it but dont want more trouble from them wat do i do? how do i deal with this? i wont allow my daughter to go there because they say nasty stuff about me around her

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Cookie - posted on 01/30/2010

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WELL WHEN WE HAVE CHILDREN WE WOMAN UP AND WE HAVE TO REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING WE DO AND OUR REACTIONS REFLECT ON OUR KIDS LIKE I SAID KILLING THEM WITH KINDNESS TELL THEM OFF IN A NICE WAY SO THEN THEY WILL FEEL LIKE THE LITTLE PEOPLE.ITS ALWAYS 2 WAYS TO SKIN A CAT AS MY GRANDMOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME.GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS ON YOUR WEDDING MARRIED LIFE IS WONDERFUL WHEN U HAVE THE RIGHT MATE STAY STRONG AND BE STRONGER FOR THAT PRECIOUS BABY WILLTALK TO YOU SOON GOODNIGHT ALL AND SLEEP TIGHT

Danielle - posted on 01/30/2010

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thanks guys ur comments have helped i have been so mad lately with the situation and my partner and i have decided to elope and my mum and dad have approved to be the witnesses and stick up for us when it comes to his family. I have not seen them or spoken to them but when i do i am going to tell them straight out wat i think and feel and that there problems with myself and our choices will not break damien and myself up and that i am not a bad mum i do everything for my daughter and i will not let them take my pride! thanks again ladies :)

Cookie - posted on 01/29/2010

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first of all u have to start standing up to these people.second of all need to put your foot down and sometimes u have to take your respect beacuse if u dont say anything they will always mess over you.I know exactly what u are going through I went through it but I got tired of being disrespected. my boyfriend never told them anything and when I did tell him he always took up for them but talk and stand up for yourself u are your own woman killin them with kindness.They are jealous of u they are simple minded

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2010

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when you get married.........move to a different city..state..country..whatever. My husband and I moved out in the country side where no one else knows where we lived. And the only time either one of our families comes to visit is on Christmas and everyone has to be nice on Christmas or they don't get any presents :P. You just go on and tell your in-laws to kiss your arse and take a hike.

Francesca - posted on 01/28/2010

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This is very heart-breaking. I feel sorry for you as you have to put up with their deplorable behaviour but it is your little girl who ultimately suffers.



I understand your position, however I come from the side with the meddling family. I ignored and avoided for only so long and then I snapped when they started making disrespectful cajoling comments to my daughter about her daddy. My sister was singing to a childish tune that "your daddy is a p*ssy" to my daughter. And I don't care who started what, or what they think my Dh did, NO ONE has the right to drag Ella into their fight. I want Ella to always see her father with respect, If they can't respect that one rule, I told them that if they make me choose for Ella, her aunts or her daddy, that they would loose. Because little girls need their daddy a whole hell of a lot more then extended family. And although putting a "us or him" threat is unfair to everyone involved, I did it. They didn't take me seriously at first. So they missed out on Ella's first Christmas. Since then, we have all been taking much more proactive strides to make the best scenario for Ella. In fact, its a little creepy how well everyone is trying to get along thus far.



From my point of view several things need to happen. And I know that they are not easy but first your partner needs to do what I did. Secondly, you need to set an example for your daughter. (Although your daughter is too young to understand, she may hear about your strength and integrity in this situation one day...a beautiful life lesson she may one day need) You need to stand up for yourself. And remind them that you all want the same thing, for your partner and your little girl to be happy. And that this is a common goal. And that you need to work together. And the last thing that needs to be done is to put the ball in their court. If they so choose to carry on their childish antics, call them out on it and cut them off.



I wish you the best. Your daughter deserves to have a happy family, grandparents, aunts and all. But if that can't happen, a happy mommy and daddy is far more important. Remember she will learn how to deal with people from your example. And no one would want their children to just put up with bullying. Best of luck, you and your family deserve so much better.

Carolee - posted on 01/28/2010

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Don't have any contact with them. YOUR PARTNER NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS HIMSELF! He needs to stand up to his family for once. He needs to firmly state who he wants to be with (a "you or them" situation) and everybody needs to be okay with his decision. It sounds like he's going to choose you, but he needs to stand up to his family NOW. They need to know that there will be no more name-calling, bad-mouthing, or ANY other type of verbal abuse going between ANYBODY in the family and you (going both ways). Good luck.

Audra - posted on 01/28/2010

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Unfortunately, I had to deal with the same problem that you are dealing with. It reached a point where my husband and I didn't allow them to see our son for over a month...they became so distraught that they promised they wouldn't say anything else and even apologized to me! (They only apologized so they could see their grandson/nephew, but at least I had the higher ground). We now only visit them about once a month, and even though they still say underhanded comments, I know that as parents, we have the power to not allow them to see our son should we ever feel like that action is warranted...and they now know that. It's sad that it has to be this way, but with some people who are miserable and love drama, it's something that you have to do.

I guess it really depends on the relationship your partner has with his family. Does he want your child around his family? It could cause problems with your relationship if he does (especially if you won't ever let his family see your child). It might take a lot of compromising.

I hope everything works out for you guys in the end!

[deleted account]

My husbands family tried to do the same thing. They tried t ruin our marriages make holidays and my sons special events horrible... we decided that it was better for our family if we cut them off completely and you know what it was the best decision we have ever made. we dont deal with the drama at all. we answer their phone calls about 4 times a year maybe and just say if they havent gotten over things with him being married moving away and having kids then theres nothing he needs to say to them and he hangs up. our christmas this year was amazing for our family and so is this pregnancy... get rid of un needed stress... de clutter your life...

Tiffiny - posted on 01/28/2010

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I have been in this same boat you were in honey!Thankfully it was only one person and not the whole family, but I know how you are feeling.What you need to do is let it go in one ear and out the other, trust me.It seems like your fiance's family like drama and the reactions they can get out of you.Don't let them get that satisfaction.It worked for me.Now we get a long great!

Katie - posted on 01/28/2010

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Wow....



First of all, I would talk to my partner and expect him to step up and let them know that their behavior is NOT acceptable. They don't have to like you. But if they want to see their grandchild(ren), niece, etc., then they DO have to be respectful. Period. I can't blame you for not allowing your daughter around them since they talk negatively about you in front of her. However, for you to stick to that and still be able to feel good about it in the end, I think you need to, along with your partner, address this head on. Set up a meeting and make it CLEAR that the meeting will remain ADULT and RESPECTFUL or it will be ENDED. Keep your cool, and make your concerns known, because in the end your only concern is your child, which makes you a good mom. If they are not willing to hear you or talk to you calmly like a human being, keep it together, maintain your class, and leave. Speak calmly. Don't EVER raise your voice. I bet they'll come around, even if it takes a bit. They can't fight with you if you're not willing to fight. If they decide to keep it up and not change their ways, that's their loss and you will know that you have done what you can do to foster a positive relationship for YOUR family.

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