fathers day disappointment

Nicole - posted on 06/24/2010

doesn't deserve a happy fathers day, especially since he hasn't even made an attempt to see his baby. he seems like a real jerk. don't let it get to you, you have a baby that you get to enjoy and he is missing out and someday he will realize he effed up and its way too late. just hold your head up (:

Christina - posted on 06/23/2010

You did nothing wrong at least you had enough respect to tell him "Happy Father's Day". You are trying to get him to be a part of his child's life yet he refuses and gave him some applause on a special holiday. He is the fool and one day when his child can confront him on the way he is then he will pay the price and the child will know at least my mama tried. You obviously have a huge heart by telling sending the father that text. Yet now it is time for you to let him be, no more being nice. I know and have been there. Keep staying strong for your child.

Karmi - posted on 06/23/2010

I know how you feel because I'm in sort of the same situation. The only thing I would say is your son's father doesn't deserve to be told happy father's day when he really isn't a father. He is the same thing as a sperm donor, he doesn't have a right to deserve those holidays. So yeah, leave him alone, since he apparently wants nothing to do with his son. It's sad that he can abandon his own child like that, but his lose in the end.

Rejina - posted on 06/23/2010

atleast u can recognize what u can do to change the situation... my kids father only has Sundays to visit w his kids & didn't call or sow up last week... This Sunday was no different, He didn't call or show up (fathers Day) to pick up his kids either. they waited for 45minutes outside for him. Seriously difficult seeing as how they just started a new relationship w him 3yrs ago.

Christina - posted on 06/23/2010

Sounds like he's just being a jerk. You wanted to wish him a Happy Fathers Day and all he did in return was disrespect you! Don't blame yourself. You did the right and respectful thing! Kudos to you!

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2010

I don't think you were wrong in texting him. The whole "don't hit me up" thing miiiight have set him up, but like some of the other girls where saying, he'd probably find a reason to get mad regardless.
I still think it would be worth it to try and have him at least acknowledge that he has a son. There's nothing wrong in that. He might have screwed up with you, that's one thing, but it's worth a shot to give him a change with y'alls son. You definitely don't have to be friends with him, or even like him at all, but in my opinion it might be worth it to stay civil for your child.
Hope things work out for you! :-)

Yoon - posted on 06/23/2010

it never ceases to amaze me in how immature "men" can be... its quite obvious that he is NOT a FATHER.. just because he "donated" his sperm does not make him a DAD... girl you doing it on your own and I must commend all the women doing it on their own... so HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU!!! i know sometimes you want to be nice and hope for some miracle that this guy wakes up and realizes he wants to be in ur child's life.. but fact of the matter is... he has to realize it on his own.. and also he may never realize or want it.. but that only makes u stronger...it only makes ur bond w/ ur child stronger! and ur child is blessed to have a kind hearted mother who put her pride aside to say happy fathers day for her child!! but dont get down about it!! u did what u could.. and now... u have to wipe ur hands of him and let it be!!! god bless.. and all will be well!!!!

Jameisha - posted on 06/23/2010

I know what you mean but on fathers day I only told my mama boyfriend happy fathers day because he being their for me all the time when my real father was not around but still his the father I care is my mam boyfriend and to top it all off my kids fathers are dead beats daddys because one in prison and the other one doesn't give a damn.

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2010

I think you was doin the right thing and there was nothing wrong with asking him not to reply back. You was just letting him know that you didn't want to be a bother to him nor did you want him to be a bother to you...you was just respecting him as the father of your son by wishiung him a Happy Fathers Day. SN: The message you received from someone stating that you should take it all to court and let a 3rd party determine what is best for the child, I've been there and done that and you either have to pay for that court appointed 3rd party or depending on the both you and the fathers incomes you will have to split that cost and it is not cheap. So if need be just go for the child support and visitation issue but decline that 3rd party. Try to work it out amongst yourself, the father and the judge! You are really working hard at doing the right thing for your son and if it fails then you can have peace in knowing that you've done your part. I wish you the best!

Ana - posted on 06/22/2010

Charnae-
Girl take it to court. that way in some way he is still helping out with his child. I'm sorry you and your son have to go thourgh this, I went through it a not to long ago with my two daughters and their father. Luckily everything worked out with us but anwayss..

I pray for u girl. no child should ever go without a father. Its good he wants to see his son AFTER A YEAR.. but don't get your hopes up to high. If he can go a year without seeing him, it goes to show what he is cabable of.

Charnae - posted on 06/22/2010

to every1 thanks for the support...i think this site is beautiful...and its crazii as hell that we gotta go thru this as single parents and all but we are strong and i am strong and i have ppl here to support me in this journey that im n...thank u again....love always tinie

Tawanda - posted on 06/22/2010

IT SOUND GOOD, BUT MAKE SURE HE KNOW YOU R ONLY FRIENDS FOR THE SAKE OF Y'ALL SON, NOT SO HE CAN COME OVER, OR DROP BY WHEN HE WANTS. IF YOUR SON LOVE HIS FATHER AND HE WANTS TO GET IN HIS SON LIFE THEN LET HIM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. DONT SET UR SELF UP TO GET HURT AND DONT ALLOW HIM TO HURT UR SON.

SAVANNAH - posted on 06/22/2010

well sounds like you should be telling yourself HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! and there is nothing wrong with that!! dont let him bring you down because one day he will regret not being in his childs life. AS FOR NOW-DO YOU FOR [YOU AND YOUR SON] GOD BLESS♥

Krystal - posted on 06/22/2010

u wasn't wrong at all.... im not about to call him names cause i don't know him but if a guy want to be a part of his child or children life he will do everything in his power to make that happen.even if he was in another relationship the next female should't stop him from being a father to his kids or child or being a part of his life. some men just haven't grown up and some may never. its sad cause men that want to be a part of their children life cant cause of the baby momma and and guys that don't get every opportunity to be in their kids life.... ms lady from a mother who have been what u going through keep god 1st keep your head up and stay strong stay focus on u and your child u r a mother and a father to your son and trust me your child know and love u for that. i use to say all the time i will never bring another man around my kids, but me and the man im with been friends for years and i took the next step and we became more then just friends, this man is my soon to be husband my best friend my love he step up and became a father to my kids and he cant even see his child.... just remember your child dad is the past leave the past in the past that's y its called the past... i know father day is over but happy belated fathers day and if u want to talk more email me krystaldavis3@gmail.com have a blessed and wonderful day

Erica - posted on 06/22/2010

I agree he was disrespectful but I think you caused yourself a bunch of unnecessary drama by even messaging him in the first place. I know your intentions were pure but you just shouldn't talk to him. You have a baby to take care of and the last thing you need is baby daddy drama in your life. Anyway, he doesn't deserve to be called a father if he has nothing to do with your son. Your his mother and you do the father role as well so if anyone should've gotten a nice message for being a great parent it should've been you. Forget that jerk.

Erin - posted on 06/22/2010

If your ex wants to see his son then I would let him. If it were me, I would take it all to court, so they work out the child support and you all have an unbiased 3rd party that can help you all nail down a parenting plan that is in the best interest of the child.

Lyndsay - posted on 06/22/2010

I just read your last post, before mine. If he wants to have a relationship with his son then you should let him, but I would start off very slowly with supervised visits. You don't want to just hand your son over to him because your son probably doesn't even know him any more, and I'm sure would not appreciate that. You have been caring for this boy for the past year without him, let him know that he needs to work very hard to make up for that.

Tania - posted on 06/22/2010

so be honest ..... CHARNAE i got one thing to say to you .... HAPPY BELATED FATHERS DAY .... one day ur son will be old enuff to come to u on fathers day and say ...MUM happy fathers day .... beacause ur his mother and father ... dnt beat ur self down .... he doesnt deserve a fathers day congratz coz hes not a father ... but a sperm donner .... HONEY ... be proud of wat hes given u a bautiful son and dnt ask for nufing more .... xxx hope u feel better

Lyndsay - posted on 06/22/2010

Why would you even bother to text him that message? If he hasn't seen his son in a year, he's not a very good father and therefore the day does not apply to him.

Charnae - posted on 06/22/2010

thank u ladies, so an update from that he hit me up and apologized for how he acted i said ok, then we got n2 the convo of how the baby is doin and stuff, and i told him and he asked how i was doing and i said we are fine and i said if u was sorry y did u act the way u did he gave me a lame escuse(sorry cant spell at the moment) but any way so he told me that he wants to be friends and have a relationship wit his son....i told him that we can start off slo...
girls idk wat to really do...and i dont keep him from his son...:::sigh:::help!!!!

Brandi - posted on 06/21/2010

He hasn't spoken to his son in a year??? Sounds like he doesn't want to be a dad (actually seems pretty obvious to me). Also seems pretty obvious that you weren't "trying to be nice" sounds like you were trying to get a dig in to him, which isn't very mature. I would presume that you KNEW he wouldn't want to hear from you and that he didn't care that it was father's day. If he doesn't want to be your child's daddy, then you need not speak to him (in any form) ever again. I think (perhaps subconsiously) that you really meant to upset him. My advice would be to let it go and just cut him right out of you and your child's lives.

Lacye - posted on 06/21/2010

you are a better woman than me that's for sure! i wouldn't have sent him a damn thing (even a message) for father's day if he hadn't even tried to see my child in a year! you did nothing wrong! he did. if he was gonna act like this, then he should have kept it in his pants!

Erin - posted on 06/21/2010

If dude hasn't been there for a yr then I wouldn't bother with the loser! He doesn't want you to message him, don't. I wouldn't call, write, text, or NOTHING! Take this as a learning too and don't bother with someone who has no desire to step up!

Sheryl - posted on 06/21/2010

hey amber if i where you i would talk to him about and be honest let him know his wrong and that he don't get the title daddy anymore. just like you charnea( sorry if i didn't spell it right.) even write a letter let them have it. plus i just wonld let them have any type of contact with them. so sorry you ladies have to go through this. but you has there moms are the people that got to stand up for them. i wish my mom did but no thankfully my aunt did. my dad growing up my uncle and grandpa. i'll keep you ladies in my prayers and those babies too. some men!!!

Sheryl - posted on 06/21/2010

he just upset cause you rem. him that his a father and got some rep. to your guys child! if he wants to be like that i would try to make sure you child has like a grandpa or uncle to someone that like a dad. since he don't want to be a dad. if it where me i wouldn't even call him his dad. dad is someone who is there and it does not matter for what reason. just there cause they love there child. did you child even till him happy father day or did he even call or come to see him? sound like you are one loveing and caring mom don't let him get you down. some men are just only care abou them self and don't want to grow up. but anyways best of luck!

Jennievy - posted on 06/21/2010

My friend had the same thing happen to her. If your kids so called father isn't in the picture and doesn't try to be then don't bother with him. If in the future as your son gets older and asks about him then maybe then email him and ket him know that your son would like to meet him and if he's still an a$$ then there's nothing more you can do.

Amber - posted on 06/21/2010

I know what you mean. I let my 3 year old son call his dad yesterday (after texing my ex and telling him it would be our son calling) and he picked up and hung up on him. So my son left a voice mail just saying hi daddy. He didn't even bother to call him back. Last time ill make that mistake.

Rosa - posted on 06/21/2010

You shouldn't have wished him happy father's day. Why even do it he hasn't seen his son in a year is he really even a father? Just cut off contact with him all together why worry about someone who isn't worth it focus on your child...best of luck!

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2010

the only wrong thing you did was to remind him that he has a child- and that is not wrong- he just didn't want to hear it.
don't even fool with him, obviously he doesn't want to be a father if he can't see his own son. what kind of man acts like that?
and he should be respectful to you b/c you're the mother of his child. you shouldn't be walking on eggshells trying to be nice to him! he needs to man up!!