Fed Up! Baby DADDY Drama!

Jennifer - posted on 11/18/2011

what's even more ridiculous is that the reason it's twenty a month is because he is supporting two other children. their mother recently passed away. so what the court is saying is that because he has two children full time and one other child he supports(never sees) our son doesn't need as much help. they decided that our son has me and so he doesn't need his daddy's money! i understand that he's got kids to take care of but what about our son? where does that leave us?

Liz - posted on 11/18/2011

Leaving your son with him shows that your using him as a weapon but I can see your point. Unfortunatley my ex has never even seen my bump let alone the baby that came out. He will scream every few months about seeing her but never comes through. He has never spent a penny on her and if I apply for CSA all I'll get is £5 a week which will just get me her milk or her nappies. Get your little boy back and tell him to pay up or shut up. Maybe you should hold back the visits till he does pay yeah its not fair on your son but his father has to see how much you need this money and should be paying more. If all else fails go on Jerry Springer if you still have it over there lol.

Heather - posted on 11/18/2011

I would just tell him the truth that hes f...ing himself over.... my sons father did the same thing. So I went to the state and got Child Support from my Ex's sorry butt. Now hes paying over twice as much as he was and because he refused to pay me he had over $2500 in back payment to make up..... now he tries to make me feel bad about him oweing me money. Sorry no go there! Since he does not even see his son anymore since he moved 2hours away I told him that he can atleast help pay for what his son needs. And my Ex is 38yo and I'm a 22yo single mom!

Catalina - posted on 11/17/2011

& w/ the child support it does come out of his paychrck; but if he's not getting a paycheck what can he do?? He lost one of his jobs and so that's why I only get $50. The CSA did take him to court tho so hopefully I will be getting more soon.

Catalina - posted on 11/17/2011

Well in my opinion, by his reaction he has when you do leave him in his care is not really convincing that he actually wants to be there or is it? Seeing that you said he thinks u are now the "scum of the earth" by doing so. So what I meant by "pawn" is if he doesn't want to be there why force him to be? Money is not worth a child feeling unwanted, even if he is the father. I agree with Michelle that if he chooses not to bring him back out of spite, there is nothing you could do about it unless you had a court order. I wouldn't put that past him because you never know what someone is capable of. I hope this does not offend you, just trying to help! But I know everyone's situation is different..

Erica - posted on 11/17/2011

So how can the father have an option to "Not Pay" Child support when it is court ordered? Doesn't the money come straight from his paycheck? That's how it works here in Chicago. Once the order goes through he doesn't have an "option" to not pay! That shyt is coming straight from his check to the crib!..lol. I did finally receive the $50 of the $90 lastnight..smh he put It in the mailbox. I'm sorry i just don't feel like im "Pawning" my son off. That's his FATHER! Not some flipping stranger!. We BOTH are his PARENTS not just me. Oh well i'll be glad when all this stuff is over..that's for sure!..

Catalina - posted on 11/17/2011

and oan $90 is NOTHING ; he should have been happy to do that because the courts will make him pay more than that most likely.

Catalina - posted on 11/17/2011

I was in the same boat w/ my baby-daddy. I have a court order for child support for $200 and half the time I only get $50 of that. I understand where you are coming from but I could not just pawn my son off when I have been his primary caregiver from day 1. Even though his dad wants to spend time w/ him he also needs to take care of him financially. So I went to court and got full custody w/ him having visitation. Do what you have to do and make sure it's what's best for your son and not just you. Good luck:))

Teresa - posted on 11/16/2011

$20/month is ludicrous. Even if you are unemployed over here you get your child support counted as if you were working a full time minimum wage job. Minimum per month per child is $70/month. It just recently went up from $50/month.

Mary - posted on 11/16/2011

$20...there is something way messed up about that. why don't men feel guilty for being so selfish. some guys are ridiculous.

Jennifer - posted on 11/16/2011

i hate to play the it could be worse card but my ex only pays 20 dollars a month! (court ordered!!!!) and since the child support went through he's only paid two months of it

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2011

I have been in the same situation and if I were you I would not be leaving my son with him over $90 or $90 000! My kids are more important to me then the money their dad doesn't pay and there is a risk of you losing your son to him and his family if you "dump" him on them to teach him a lesson or whatever. If they turn around and say no we aren't giving him back there is really not alot you can do. Your son will find out when he is older what his dad Is really like so in the meantime I would suggest you and your son get on with your lives And dont say a single bad word about your sons dad to him or in front of him because it will bight you in the arse later on in life.

Erica - posted on 11/16/2011

I hear you Teresa! Oh no i wasn't getting offended at all dear..:) I'm just frustrated at the whole situation. But yes you all are right! I can only control MY actions and so i'll just continue to do what i can on my own. But im gonna continue to nag his azz about the money! Believe that!..lol! At least until slow azz CS kicks in! But yea placing Gavin in the middle is not cool! I'm tired of being mad at his irresponsible arse anyway! Thanks again ladies for the insight!.:)

Teresa - posted on 11/16/2011

OK... this is going to be really rude, but since my ex currently owes the state almost $30,000 I'm going to say it anyway... get OVER the money. You are right, it's petty money and you are letting yourself get upset over it which is doing nothing to hurt him and everything to hurt you.

Yes, I CAN relate.... just because I don't think you are right doesn't mean I don't relate to the situation. My kids only see their dad 2-3 times/year and he's never given me a single penny of support (and not even really ever given his kids any Christmas or birthday presents) in 3.5 years. It's NOT about the money. It's about the kids. Yes, him being a deadbeat sucks, but you can not change him. The only thing you have control over is your reaction to him and by letting him upset you.... you let him win. Period. It's a game to these guys and I, for one, refuse to play.

Erica - posted on 11/16/2011

I'm glad SOMEONE can relate! This here shyt is madness! But when i got off i sent him a text and he had his mother bring my son home. So when she got there i said, "He didn't give you any money to give me?" She's like, "No".Well of course not! That would be too much like right! And he would have his mama bring my son..flippin coward! So i send him another text saying, "Where's the money??" He replies" I'm gonna come over tonight and put it in the mailbox". *Sigh* So this morning whats in the mailbox?.. NOTHING!!! But there's a text on my phone from him saying, "I couldn't make it lastnight. The money will be in your mailbox when you make it home tonight." Smh.. here it is Wednesday and this mofo got paid LAST Friday and I have yet to get anything! And all im asking for is $90!! It just pisses me off just thinking about it! Cause its petty money!. He is consistent with being inconsistent! That's for sure! Lets see if i get it tonight!..smh. Thanks for listening and sharing ladies.:)

Kathryn - posted on 11/16/2011

Omg Erica! I totally feel you on that one! Every point you made makes sense and I feel like I could say the same things about my baby daddy. A good father, WHEN he's around, but why is it the mothers job to take care of everything?? I can't stand when fathers fail to understand the enormous responsibility of being a full time parent. Must be nice to wake up whenever you want and go to work without having to find a sitter. Even going to the bathroom on your own can be a luxury to a mother who have full time care of their kids!

I do agree with leaving your son with his father, but I also see the point that your son might not be the best way to solve the baby daddy issues. If he can't be a grwon man on his own, I'm sure whatever tactics you try use won't work. Probably just make him more mad at you instead of realize what he's doing is wrong. One thing I've learned, men always make it about the mother, nothing about the best interest for the child.

Goodluck sweetie, keep being the great mom you are!

Mommy - posted on 11/16/2011

The fact is, the women are responsible for caring for the children in our society, because even when women go to court for child support, too often it takes forever to even get started, and when the fathers don't pay, there is little/no consequence. Unfortunately, you made a baby with someone who has no business being a father. That being so, you are going to have to accept that he is not going to be responsible, do what you need to do to take care of your son (which it appears you already are) and just live happily with him.

Side note, I wouldn't be able to live a day without my daughter, even if she was right down the street. I agree with Teresa, the only one being taught a lesson here is your son, and it's that mommy and daddy don't get along and I am in the middle.

Erica - posted on 11/15/2011

Yes i totally feel you. And so thats why im going to get him tonight once i get off. No it's definitely not worth loosing Gavin! i dont see how i could "Loose" him anyway tho. It's not like im signing away my parental rights or anything. I don't like placing Gavin in the middle of all this mess. It's just that this fight IS for him! I am sick and tired to death of these men thinking they can be a half azz parent!. They ALWAYS get off so easy! Now i wouldn't be quick to tell him to take my daughter if i had one. IDK just seems easier b/c i have a boy. But i dont take away from the fact that he is a good dad. I mean he spends time just not money! But hell im a great mother too! And he gets no pats on the flipping back for doing something he's S'POSE to be doing any dam way! I'm just fed up!!.. Arrrgh!!!

Teresa - posted on 11/15/2011

He sucks, but you are trying to use your son as a pawn and that sucks even more. The only one that will truely lose in this game of your's is your son.

Yes, child support would be nice and it is your child's right, but the only person's actions you have any control over are your own. Is $90 every two weeks really worth losing your son over?

My ex flat out refuses to pay child support (even though it's court ordered... he's a lying manipulator) and it makes things extremely difficult, but I'd rather have my kids than all the money in the world.