Feeling Sorry for Yourself????...GET OVER IT!

Taylor - posted on 12/12/2010

I AGREE WITH THIS 110%. our closest friend's daughter is a week apart from our daughter and they have 2 other kids from his wife's previous marriage. they go out EVERY thursday. plus, they have a sitter STAY AT THEIR HOUSE WITH THEM every friday night - monday morning. so they can go out/not have to deal with their kids. it's the craziest thing i've EVER heard of. and they're almost 30.

i was a pretty big partier before i got pregnant. but as soon as i found out i was pregnant, i was done. i rarely even drink at all anymore. and i don't miss my old lifestyle in comparison to the life i have now. i think i've gone out 5 times in the past 10 months and i'm not falling into a depression or pulling my hair out or going crazy. i gave up my life the moment my daughter's began because i chose to take on raising her and spending time with as my responibility. and mine only. not my parents' or my boyfriend's parents' or anyone else's

people need social interaction, but not to the extent some people take it to. i mean think about what people did before there were phones or internet. social life was nowhere near what it was today and people were fine.

i think once a week is even kind of excessive... but thats just my opinion. yes, mothers need to take care of themselves and be happy, but i dont think anyone NEEDS to go out once or twice a week to be happy or even healthy.

Candace - posted on 12/12/2010

I had my child a month before I turned 24 and even though I can't just get up and do what I want when I want I don't miss those days at all! I never was the partying type so you can't miss something that you never did anyway and all of my friends have kids! I was the last one to have a baby and though we do miss the nights that we would just stay up all and gossip and talk about men all night we find other things to do. We have date nights with the kids. We'll watch kid movies and things like that and when the kids are all sleeping then we have girl time! Babies do change your life but I feel like you can still do some of the things that you enjoyed doing before you just have to include baby that's all

Maria - posted on 12/12/2010

Me too. I got pregnant at 19 and from then on i changed myself and world completely i knew that i need to step up and those teenage day were over. It came as a surprise however i was ready. Idk but to me a big of it is seeing how your parents raised their children i mean thats where u get most of your knowledge from.
I have a friend right now and she is beautiful!! she is a little older than me got pregnant 20 is now 21 and she has a terrible story. I mean she got prego and her man left her didnt say anything just up and left ( he already had 2 kids from previous gf) so she was left alone and had to move back in with mom and dad. And i feel so bad however even tho i do not judge simply because i do not kno how i would act if i were in the same situation i do kno what is right from wrong. Her baby just turned two months and already since he was born she has been out to he club she had been to bars she drinks with friends all the time because she knows she can leave baby at home with her family. Her parents are gettin extremely upset and their fighting is getting intense but still to no avail has she changed. I hope she get is thru her head that you cant be the way u used to be! that life is over. I never go out and im not sayin its bad to get out every once in awhile but the time i have gone out was when she was 4 months and i took her with me to go eat out with girlfriends. But thats just me. I feel like when its a habit and your partying and social life comes before baby its so wrong. I feel so bad for those babies :(

Ashlea - posted on 12/12/2010

I enjoy spending time with my daughter everyday. However, there are those days where I like to hang with the girls and go shopping or something. But, drinking..I don't do but maybe once in a blue moon.

Amanda - posted on 11/29/2010

I agree that once someone becomes a mother there "own" life is over. If you aren't 100% committed to being with your child and are more concerned with going out or getting drunk than maybe your child is better off with someone who really wants to spend time and be there for their kid. It really does get to me. I have friends who have kids that still go out and drink every weekend. As soon as they have their kids there out and about, bragging how fun or great it is to get away from their kids. Seriously?!?!?!? I'm a sahm and I also do daycare! I don't get a break and I don't complain! My fiance and I get to dinner alone once a month if were lucky and neither one of us complain! Deal with your consequences or give the child to someone who will!

Amy - posted on 11/29/2010

I have been out exactly FOUR times in the 9 and a half months since my daughter was born. Twice with friends, twice with my fiance. And every time I found it hard to enjoy myself because I wanted to be at home with my girl! Some days I feel upset or lonely, but now I've started going to the Y with some friends and I get my "mommy break" for a couple hours while I work off the baby weight, and I get crazy when she is fussy, but NEVER will I complain about wanting to go out. Every now and then I miss the freedom, but wouldn't trade it for the world! I love my daughter and my life.

Rosie - posted on 11/29/2010

i think i get what you are saying, but at the same time making yourself a martyr for your child is no good either. people need balance and DON'T get it most of the time when they are a mother. i can completely understand that, and don't think that it needs to be degraded.

i do agree that you give up alot when you have a child, but to give up my identity as a wife, and woman solely because i have children?. it's not fair to them to have a mother that isn't operating at her best.

Julianne - posted on 11/29/2010

hahaha my life didn't start until i became a mom

Angel - posted on 11/29/2010

I can agree with your post. Once you have a kid things should be expected to be different, on the other hand I can relate very much to those moms that are single parents and just desire a companion. I for one can say that I have been withy my baby since the day she was born, sometimes I just wish I could have a moment to myself or go on a date.

Stifler's - posted on 11/29/2010

I agree with Lacye, it has nothing to do with young mums or teen mums. I'm sick of the "older people judge me" posts too. Everyone judges everyone who has kids!!

Tiffany - posted on 11/29/2010

I have a neighbor with 2 daughters and she goes out all the time I don't see how she can do it I spend all my time with my little girl. I understand her going to work and school but after that don't leave the babies with nana it's so frustrating, have your friends come to your house and be with your children!

Nicole - posted on 11/29/2010

stereotype much? Sometimes people need a little support and care. Sometimes it is none of your business and a careless post could have negative consequences for a woman dealing with real issues like depression. Putting it out there that a woman is not allowed to care about her own happyness and emotional health after having a baby is a dangerous and naive stance to take. Some people think those thouhts then do the unthinkable because they feel they have no where to turn because of the attitude that mums can deal with everything, this is not true you are not superwoman because you can concieve and some people need a lot of support just to feel like a mum.
It is also slightly insulting that the topic of this thread went from irresponsible mothers to young irresponsible mothers somewhere along the line. Like I said stereotype much...

Jessie - posted on 11/29/2010

I am with you. You made that baby, deal with it for the next 18+ years.

Lacye - posted on 11/29/2010

I don't think it has to do if the person is a young mother or not. I've seen a mother or 2 in her 30s that have said the same thing! I know some mothers in their 30s that have said the same thing! It's just the fact in general that they sound like they are being selfish. They might be miswording what they are saying but with the way they are saying it, it sounds like all they want to do is go out and party and get drunk all the time.

Louise - posted on 11/29/2010

maybe these mothers just need some advice on how to organise themselves around their baby to create the "me" time....it's easy to get flustered when your a young mother making like the biggest decission of their life and then getting lonely and feeling like they can't cope....all they really mean is they need to get out once in a while and have people to talk to and relax.that's my opinion anyway.

Stifler's - posted on 11/29/2010

I don't like the "hubby duz nuffin around da house" posts either for that matter. Make him do things then!! Stop obsessively cleaning your house and live then!!

SONJA - posted on 11/28/2010

I agree! The lil ones did not ask to be born nor do they become a bother on purpose. You made your choice to get pregnant- now YOU need to suck it up and be the BEST mother you can for your baby! BC he/she deserves the best life you are able to give them! NOw SUCK IT UP! and stop acting as if your child is an inconnvenience and go lookl at how much God has blessed you!!!

Shane - posted on 11/28/2010

Totally agree. They chose to have a baby, and if giving up drinking and partying is what you have to do to look after your child, then so be it. I wouldn't even call it a sacrifice. There's so many women and couples out there that can't have children, I'm sure they would give anything to have a child.

Amber - posted on 11/02/2010

Amen to this post

Vanessa - posted on 11/01/2010

@ ashley, i hope u didnt think i was having a go at young mums...coz i wasnt, at all. I just hear all this negativity towards women who need to vent..its not easy becoming a mother, and not every woman adjusts with ease. I for one know that at my ante natal classes i wasnt sitting there blissful. I wanted my baby to stay inside for another good while!!! haha.

So please dont think i was saying young parents are selfish...i just wanted some 'quick to judge' people, to see the other side. This thread..really isnt too helpful for a site designed to be supportive.

Tiffany - posted on 11/01/2010

I AGREE WITH THIS TOTALLY BUT MUMS DO NEEED TIME OUT TOO

Ashley - posted on 11/01/2010

Vanessa McD,
I understand what u r saying about having a child at a young age is selfish. Trust me, I don't regret having my son, he is my world, both of them. I wish I would have had him when I was older so I could be more financially stable. Have a home of my own, a good job, a good car, and maybe even be married, it didn't work that way. I was raped when I was 17 and ended up pregnant with my oldest son.

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2010

Okay I'm agreeing here too. I've been a single mom for 9 years and the first 5 years I was a SAHM (my ex husband worked so I could stay home but NEVER spent time with the kids) and after that I had to work. When I am not working or at school I am with my daughter. As a mom you don't just take time off and decide you're not a mom for a bit.

Alecia - posted on 11/01/2010

its all well and good to be one of those moms whos "me" time is washing ur hair....but in reality most ppl need more than that. i am a SAHM and have a wonderful 13 mnth old daughter at 23. i sure as hell "get my hair did" !! lol but its usually a girls day out with my mom and my daughter. ive gone out with just friends about 6 times since she was born. every mnth or 2 i need to get out and just be me. and having friends without kids makes it even more fun bcuz then we can talk about...well whatever (of course i do talk about my daughter alot. thankfully my"single" and "childless" friends have all stuck around since my wedding and my baby!!) i havent read any post saying "i wanna party but my baby is in my way." i agree that that is not "parent thinking", but if a mom wants to go out and dance wth some friends once in awhile, she totally should. i am still a young, vibrant, fun and fun-loving person and i want to get to be a mommy AND me. hell, i usually even go out without my hubby (though only cuz he is not as social as me.)!! i have always had a job since i was 16 and talked tons no matter where i was. its not as easy for some ppl to be "kept" at home. it is my choice, so i also choose to have adult interaction when i need it. i feel i am a better mom becuz i make sure i am happy so i can happily take care of my kid. once in awhile mommy does need to come first.

Amanda - posted on 10/31/2010

I agree! I know too many girls who always complain because they can no longer go out as much. Guess what.. that baby is your life now so get used to it! I got pregnant at 19 so I had to grow up but I wouldnt change it for the world ♥

Christina - posted on 10/31/2010

I never partied when I was younger so when I got pregnant at 17yrs old, it was nothing for me to give up my "life" to become a mom. It didn't slow me down, I just had a kid in tow. I figure I have all the time to live my life when my kids are 18. But that doesn't mean I have any qualms hiring a babysitter for our brew of 5 and spending a few blissful hours alone with my husband

Lyndsay - posted on 10/31/2010

Agreed. Having a baby does not mean giving up your whole life, and if thats whats happened for someone then that person really needs to re-evaluate. You can still go outside when you're a mom.

Charlie - posted on 10/31/2010

Being a mother is about prioritizing and finding balance , mother not martyr , childrens health and wellbeing come first but mummies health and well being need to be met too to be able to have a well functioning family , happy healthy mother means happy healthy family .

My baby doesnt tie me down when i go out to meet up with my girlfriends for coffee i take my kids , when we all get together for a BBQ i have my kids when i need alone time to regather my thoughts and have stimulating adult conversation i trust my equally capable fiance to take care of our kids while i get some me time at the gym or catch up with my girlfriends and i afford the same curtosy to him , should i feel ashamed , no way ! we have a blissfully happy family because we take care of our kids AND ourselves in the end our children will grow up with parents who love them unconditionally , with parents who love each other unconditionally and with two parents who can freely express their individuality as their own person WHILE maintaining a strong , loving family unit .

And if someone feels the need to come online and express their frustration at this massive adjustment then let them im sure getting it off their chest is theraputic , who is anyone to judge this transition some people go through .

Courtney - posted on 10/30/2010

I agree, but I can see where they are coming from. I had my son when I was 20 and found out I was pregnant again 2 months before my 21st b-day.Now i'm not a drinker but it would have been nice for me to be able to carry out my plans of at least buying and drinking my first alcoholic beverage.I'm not saying i'm sad cuz I didn't get to go party on my twenty first. Because I've never been a partier but it would have been great to be able to celebrate that milestone in my life. Maybe some of the post you're upset about are just saying something like that. I've had people who don't know me and over hear or see a convo. think i'm "one of those" moms. lol Just a different point of view.:)

Maria - posted on 10/30/2010

Being a mom at any age is hard. Especially having one young. Young moms in my opinion have to work harder b/c everyone thinks b/c their young they are automatically a bad mom. At any age if a mom is crying to you that she's having a hard time w/ anything then she probably wants advice not sometelling her to suck it up! She may actually need someone to tell her to take it easy b/c she's putting herself on the back burner too much. I work w/ children and have seen young moms that do think that everyone should help them just b/c they have a baby young and on thier own. But I'v also found that the best way to HELP them is to suggest ways to offer encouraging advice to them. They either take it and go on or stop complaining to me. But I always offer support, never critisism. You never know what that mother is going through in her own life.

Jodi - posted on 10/30/2010

I think it's completely natural to feel that way...it is a HUGE adjustment in our lives to go from self-centered individuals to back-burner mommies. I think anyone who claims that they haven't felt this way at some point in time or another is lying to either themselves or to everyone else or both. Even innocent comments like "I remember when I could shower for half an hour." or "IYeah, I used to be able to just get up and leave the house in under minutes at one point too!" are clear comments that one feels the same way.
There is no shame in coming onto a supportive forum (or what's *supposed* to be supportive) and looking to make sure we're not alone and that other people have survived on those days that we aren't dealing so well.

Amanda - posted on 10/30/2010

I am with you. Young mothers have a bad enough reputation, we don't need any more whiney women! Selfishness from parents of ANY AGE should not be acceptable. If you are complaining about being tied down, you need to stop and check yourself. HELLO! YOU ARE A MOTHER!!! YOU MADE THE CHOICE TO HAVE YOUR CHILD(REN)!!! NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU! ... At least I don't, anyway.

Nicole - posted on 10/30/2010

There is natural grieving that comes with a loss of lifestyle some mom's experience when they have a baby. It is normal and it is natural.

It's a challenge getting your needs met when you are a mom. It takes careful organization and planning, which is hard to do when you are sleep deprived and put under multiple physical and emotional demands.

Please have compassion for mom's who have yet to figure out how to be a good mom AND good to themselves. They need suggestions and guidance not ranting and raving.

Amy - posted on 10/30/2010

I don't disagree with the point that once you have a child you should be committed to that child and put his/her needs above your own but what is going on here is not constructive criticism. It would be constructive if it were in reply to a post wherein someone was just complaining about not being able to party but starting a thread to complain about it is just an excuse to bitch.
Yes I love my son, Yes I made the decision to be a mum but wanting a social life and enjoying a glass of wine does not make you selfish, or a bad mother.
And to echo Carolyn, I would be interested in seeing a link to all these posts with these young mothers complaining they can't go and drink and party because I have yet to see one single incident of this. Quite frankly bad mothers aren't on here complaining about a lack of social life, bad mothers will carry on their drinking and partying every night and ignore their responsibilities.

Heather - posted on 10/30/2010

Sometimes we all need a little constuctive criticizm to help us realize we're being selfish or unreasonable or mean. This is a site for opinions and support, but those opinions can be critical and controversial. If you put your business out there on a public forum...expect to be criticized in one way or another along with the support and understanding.

Brittany - posted on 10/30/2010

i didnt kno this was a sight where we criticise pple i thought this was a site where you give your opinion i mean i dont think some of you kno the difference becasue this is definitley a post where you are criticising and this is jus my OPINION (see the difference)!

Vanessa - posted on 10/30/2010

well .. some people might argue that having a child at a young age is selfish too. Becoming a mother is a transition, and some people dont adjust/change/adapt as well as others...and it takes a little time....but then again some people just like to whinge about things. I dont think this website was really designed to criticise. Its here to support and help. Provide and swap information etc etc.

Emily Jane - posted on 10/30/2010

I completely agree too Rosa!
i got pregnant with my first at 16 and having my second one soon and now im 20.

alot of girls are just thinking about themselves and not the fact that they were the ones who decided to bring a baby into the world!...it seems to be everyone elses fault they have a baby...its ridiculous!
i had my son younger and as a result i didnt go out clubbing or drinking but my son comes first and to be onest im not that interested in going out getting blind anyway..

my ''me'' time is my son goes to daycare on a friday and i go do the food shopping or have a browse at the shops by myself.

i really hate seeing how much everyone says kids drag them down!
take note girls- you dont want babies...make sure it doesnt happen..simple

Liz - posted on 10/29/2010

I completely agree. I got pregnant at 20 with my b/g twins and had them at 21. I am 23 now and also have a three and a half month old son in additon to the two year old twins.

Although I was never the party type most of my friends were, and as a result we drifted apart. I have a few friends who have stuck by me, and they mean the world to me. I've also made a few new friends with kids my twins age.

Having some " me" time is important I agree, but not when you're going to be irresponsible and go out and party and drink. Your child's well being should always be first and foremost in your mind.

Allie - posted on 10/29/2010

I agree! I mean, I get the whole feeling lonely sometimes.. I want some female/adult friends too. But I agree that once you made the choice to have a child, its not about you anymore. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband, so I do have a girls night probably once a month (at least once every two months with friends from ELEMENTARY school who are typically single and babyless) and I have other mom friends and we have "play dates". But I think saying that having a baby "ties you down" is a bit ridiculous. I can honestly say that I have NO desire to go out and "party".

Jennifer - posted on 10/29/2010

There a big difference between taking some time out for youself now and again, I do, and we also have time together with just me and my husband about once every month and it allows you to be a much better mother, but you do hear of some mothers who expect their parents to look after their children so they can go out twice or three times a week for example. I think the OP probably means generally not just on here.

Carolyn - posted on 10/29/2010

am i missing something ? i dont think i have come across any recent posts where a mother is saying their child is getting in the way of their partying .. can someone point me there ? i mean i have seen posts where someone talks about how their parents think going out once a week is too much and asking for opinions and said opinions giving, but i dont recall reading any of the moms pro or against saying they feel tied down and that their kids get in the way of their partying.

i guess i am one of those selfish mothers who think that dad can handle baby on his own for like 2 % of the week so i can go dancing, or shopping or have a ladies night that involves a few glasses of wine. shame on me !!!!!!!

Itsa - posted on 10/29/2010

I AGREE!!!!!!!!

Who CARES if you want to go out and get drunk, thats just sooo selfish. You're somebody's mother for crying out loud! Thank science (not scientology, just the field of Science lol) someone else had the guts to post something like this!

I haven't had my hair done since before I was pregnant and you know what? I don't care, I don't have TIME! I have a person, whom I created (ok, with the help of my husband lol but I did all the work!) who depends on me for EVERYTHING and yes, sometimes it's hard and I feel like screaming, but I suck it up, and get on with it!

I CAN however understand the need for a little "me" time, although I don't think it should be a huge long thing... like once in a while it's a nice luxury to have a bath... without baby lol. And washing my hair... that's my "me" time. 10 mins every other day. I went to the store last weekend while baby was sleeping and hubby was home with him... I felt like a part of me was missing!

And there is nothing wrong with having friends, meeting up so the kids can play together and you can have a coffee and a mom chat!

Jennifer - posted on 10/29/2010

At the end fo the day whether they gave up their childhood or not, they decided to have that child, they had sex protected or not and they fell pregnant and had to make the decision. I didn't have to make a decision, my son was planned and I was 18, married and had my own place so I can't comprehend how hard the choice would be for some. But all in all the worst thing a mother could ever say is "I wish you weren't born" and in effect some of these girls/women are acting as though they mean this.

Lacye - posted on 10/29/2010

FINALLY! i've been wanting to say something so badly but the last time i voiced my opinion i got reported for being too harsh. i agree with you 100%! before i found out i was pregnant, no i wasn't much of a partier then, but i would get some wine coolers every once in a while (at least twice a month). but after i found out i was going to have a baby, even though she wasn't planned and i didn't really want children, i knew that that child was mine! and she was my responsibility, and she depended on ME! now, i don't drink, i spend most of my time with my daughter, and i love every second of it. to me, my baby is 10 times better than a party or drinking.

Brittany - posted on 10/29/2010

i think maybe the way they are saying it is wrong, but we have all felt like this at times it is natural and apart of being human. Having a baby and takin care of a baby is alot of work and it doesnt stop until they are 18+. i dont think they are being selfish i think they are being human with an human feelin its jus like having a full time job and needin a day or two off because your boss is working you or takin a vacation from that job! A baby is definitly a life-time job! especially if they are young moms sometimes a break is best for them because without a break things like postpartum depression and woman snappin and givin their kids up for adoption or leaving their kids in trash cans occur! jus my opnion! we all need a break sometimes! some pple more then most because alot of these young moms 9 times out of 10 were not ready to have a baby and give up there child hood but accepted the fact thatv they were and dealt with out probably because they didnt beleive in adoption or abortion! im jus saying

Jennifer - posted on 10/29/2010

I agree with you completely. When we decide to have a child or continue with an unexpected pregnancy, we then take responsibility for that baby and the fact that their needs will always come over ours!

Ashley - posted on 10/29/2010

I agree with everything all of u is saying. I was a young mother. I got pregnant at 17 and had my son 3 months before I was 18. I did the partying when I was younger, but once I got pregnant I knew it was about me anymore. Since, I dropped out of school, I went back and got my GED when my son was 4 months old along with holding down a job. Neither one of my kids were planned, but both of those are long stories. I do miss going out and hanging out with friends, or being able to stay up later to watch movies or listen to music. Some mothers, specially if they did start young, missed out on alot. They weren'y able to really find out who they were. Going out to explore the world. I love both of my kids and they r my world. I just wish I would have had a chance to really really find out what I wanted in life so I could have made their lives better.

Erin - posted on 05/18/2010

I agree with you! I think it is rediculous that women will piss and moan that they didn't get to go out drinking for their 21st or what have you! OMG! I think its important to have a night out w/girl friends where you can reconnect w/out children present...I don't dig the whole getting drunk aspect though. I think irresponsible drinking is a bad idea no matter which way you go about it, how old you are, whether you have kids or not! Once we had kids we didn't hang out w/our childless friends soo much, but the same went for when we got married...we didn't hang out w/the single friends so much either... still have a few that linger, but then again they still linger after we had kids too... I can surely understand that lameness of conversations w/ppl who are talking about getting all messed up over the weekend and all you've got is the consistency of your child's stool since switching to solids or some crap :( But you can have YOU stuff to talk about that isn't about the kids, just as they probably have deeper stuff to talk about that doesn't concern last weekends party! Its a transition if going out being irresponsible was what life was all about for you...I suppose that's my problem, I was never young, dumb, and irresponsible...Waited 6 yrs to get married, 3 more to PLAN having a child, 3 more and had another planned child. I don't, nor have I ever missed that life that my young dumb friends talk about! I miss careless nights w/my husband where we had time for foreplay...once upon a time... ;P

Nicole - posted on 05/18/2010

No prob. I've seen some peoples post asking if you feel you don't have any friends or companions since you've become a mother and that girl got a LOT of replies. So I was just defending them. Seem like nice girls who are lonely.
So yeah, I can totally relate with you feeling that women who feel their babies are in the way of drinking and partying is selfish. I completely agree. Once you become a mom, that baby comes first. If a women wants to once in a while go out and have a girls night or something that's fine, but going out every weekend and partying while the babies at home with a babysitter isn't ideal parenting.