Found condoms in my boyfriends travel bag

Theresa - posted on 02/03/2012 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I recently found 2 un-opend condoms in my boyfriends travel bag. We use them soemtimes but this bag is the only bag he uses to travel to and from work. He works away from home for 28 days in Brasil. I confronted him, he seemed shocked. Explained to me time and time again that they wasnt his. He said some times are bags get mixed up on the rig and they might have got put in the wrong bag..I DO not believe this. So he went away again and asked about the condoms and supposedly they was someone esles. I found text messages in his woirk cell phone telling 2 girls love yah and sending them xoxoxo's..what should I do???

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Christine - posted on 02/04/2012

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Ok. He works on a rig. Do you realize how few places there are to do anything of the intimate nature you are writing about? Another thing, he said that he's "not in this relationship to play house." Only a real man will say that sort of thing. Hon, he sounds like he's telling the truth. I know my husband was in the military for four years and the condom prank is EXACTLY something his friends in the military (especially the single ones) would pull. Give him the benefit of the doubt. As for the two girls...have you met them before? Insist that if they are "just friends" that he arrange something (i.e. dinner, bowling, movies, drinks, whatever...) so that you can meet these girls and get to know these friends that he obviously cares so much about. If he loves you so much and is honest, he won't have a problem with introducing you to these girls. If he refuses THEN get concerned.

Tina - posted on 02/09/2012

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i'd still be asking why he'd say love ya to other girls. If it's something he normally does I wouldn't worry but if it's out of the ordinary I still wouldn't trust him. The simple fact some women aren't trust worthy either and people do go the lengths to hide things. Hope that's not the case though.

Trish - posted on 02/04/2012

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Is these girls are just friends tell him to invite them over to your place so you can all get to know each other. If he declines you will know the truth!

Tiffany - posted on 02/03/2012

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I am going on my 7 year anniversary with my husband & we just celebrated out 3 year wedding anniversary a few months ago. Over the past year we've had problems even talk of the D word. Making it through has been tough. While we were having problems he became good friends with a girl who called him "honey" & "babe" via text. He denied even knowing her and lied to my face. Since we both have iPhones & I am extremely tech savvy with them, I went through a lot of efforts to find proof. I trust my husband completely and didn't think he had cheated. he might've considered it when we were talking about divorce. My problem was the communication and the fact that the lying and hiding was so extremely out of character. After I found proof that there was something he wasn't telling me (he thought she might've been interested and then blew it off but my hubby is a dunce in such matters), he came clean and told me all this and admitted that he was being passive aggressive about his behavior. That he was acting in response to my own previous poor communication. He also behaved this way because he was afraid I would be upset, over-react, & jump to conclusions. Once we talked it through I expressed that his communication with this girl made me uncomfortable and he agreed that there would be no further friendship with her because she doesn't respect boundaries. So we opened up our communication and worked things out.



The point is, you really need to talk these things out and set boundaries. Certain kinds of communication are not ok with you. If he does love you and is sincere he should agree. Especially cause he probably wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed. Seeing as how he works far away for a period of time you need to be able to trust him too. And guys will be guys, and most likely they play pranks like that. Or maybe it was more innocent and he had the condoms in a pocket from one of his encounters with you and slipped them into the bag when he noticed? Only you know him and can gauge his behavior. Try to open up those lines of communication and set boundaries that probably didn't need to be discussed before. That 6 year mark was really rough for us too but we've made it through! Good luck Theresa. Message me if you want to talk. Or just need to vent.

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2012

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I married a man who I never dreamed would cheat on me. But years down the road, he did. As much as we like to think that people are honest, reality says that is not the case. We all lie at one point in time or another, it happens. Doesn't make what he is doing right!



My advice: be honest with yourself and decide what you want out of "your" life and the things that you can and can't live with. You already know the answer to your own question, but its up to you to make the next move. Only you can change, you can't make some else change!



I understand that ending a relationship is not easy, but looking back, letting go and leaving was the right choice for me and in more ways than I cared to admit to then. My life is much different now, not easy, but at least I know that I am okay with it!

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38 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 02/20/2012

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I speak from experience..once trust is broken in a relationship it is VERY heard to get it back. My husband broke my trust 8 months ago and it is still not back to where it used to be and I can honestly say that i'm not sure it ever will be. The best thing to do would be to talk to him, be open and honest about how you are feeling and that even if these girls are just friends, that it makes you uncomfortable. If he loves you and respects you, then, hopefully, something will be done. Go with your gut. If you love this man and are willing to work at things, as well as him being willing to work, then I would suggest making an effort and hopefully things will work and if not, at least you tried. Almost always our gut instincts are right so if something seems "off"....look into it further.

Amy - posted on 02/15/2012

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He is a DOG. Leave him immediately and find someone who will appreciate you!

User - posted on 02/14/2012

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all you're showing the little one is that you can get away with lying. he doesnt respect the fact that of every women on this earth YOU are the ONE who gave him a CHILD. my cousin found out that after 7 years of marriage and 2 kids that his wife was having an affair. #5 actually, and that they had begun befrore they were even married. it wont change. im so sorry. you are living every woman's relationship fear, stay strong especialy especialy for that little one. you always have each other!!!!!!!!!!

Delia - posted on 02/14/2012

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Why are you asking what you should do?? You KNOW what you should do, though perhaps you're wishing for someone to tell you that you don't have to do it.



Forget the part about cheating, I'm more concerned about the distrust you feel, and his choosing to lie to you. Sorry it has to be Bye bye time, but you are fortunate to have learned more about his poor character and comfort with dishonesty while boyfriend/girlfriend rather than husband/wife/parents!!



Get going young lady and make a positive change for yourself.

Miriam - posted on 02/14/2012

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OMG!! Of course he cheated, I might have even bought the excuse but def. not after the text... Hope you dont have any kids with him!! LEAVE well make him leave... good luck. you dont need that looser!!

Proud - posted on 02/13/2012

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Are you sure the surprise trip was really for you? Or did he plan to take another woman and when you caught him with the condoms he told you the trip was for you?

Leyla - posted on 02/13/2012

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This sounds a typical excuse , honey i wish i could reassure you but i truly think this is guilt. leave him! keep your pride.

Or if that is not an option sit down and tell him to tell you truth! Threaten him it over you want to know everything!

**Jackie** - posted on 02/13/2012

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WHAT THE HECK! He may have cheated on you and is making you feel dumb but keep your pride and leave his ass! No one can take your dignity away! What a loser! Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2012

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Stop going thru his stuff, pack yours and leave. If you are finding things and don't believe or trust him its no relationship you want to stay in, it will go on and you will only get more hurt. If you need to call the other woman do it, but is it really going to matter? Even if he's not cheating you'll always have that thought in the back of your mind and will continue to go thru his stuff. You don't trust him and he clearly should NOT be sending other woman those kind of texts which means he's not into the relationship as much as you are which means your with the wrong guy. He cant even tell you the truth... his bag got mixed up with someone else? Put a secret mark on his and I bet you the next time he gives you that excuse the mark WILL be there...how did all his stuff manage to end up in the wrong bag? Be strong honey you may love him, but he doesn't love you.

Katie - posted on 02/12/2012

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Call the number's back and speak to the women. Record conversations and then confront him. Then LEAVE his ass!

Munique - posted on 02/12/2012

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Personal experience..... I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt because I knew he was a flirt.... he took full advantage of the fact that I didn't get jealous and brushed off his joking around and ended up cheating on me for years, I just never knew for sure and no matter how many people told me I wouldn't confront him without all out proof.....I found sext messages & emails but still he swore on his kids we were raising that he'd done nothing and it was all jokes, after 8 years I found out he contracted something & passed it to me.... CURABLE, THANKFULLY!!!! just an antibiotic, but that was the end, I left him, even after moving to another state he kept beggin me for another chance and swearing it was only 1 time 5 years ago, but all the recent "activity" and actions still have me convinced differently. My friends, family, coworkers and his fam & friends even tried to warn me...... He even brought his side-pieces around to show I had nothing to worry about...... I was a fool, I hope the same isn't the case for you........

Take the trip, see what there is to see & go with your gut.... but keep in mind, people will lie for him--especially if they are involved or are trying to stay "out of it".......

hope you have better luck, but don't be blind :)

Rafaella - posted on 02/12/2012

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I would make it seem like i believe him and try to get more proof.... something that he cant deny.... I am sorry but he is cheating on u.

Amanda - posted on 02/07/2012

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You should not judge your boyfriend by your ex-husband's standards. If you do that then you would be constantly looking for him to cheat on you. Even though he may not be doing anything. As kay said, trust him until he gives you a reason not too. Good luck.

Kay - posted on 02/06/2012

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Sometimes it is hard to move on from what has hurt us in the past. That is what pain is for--to remind us not to do the things that have hurt us in the past, so that we have a healthier future.



However, don't make your husband pay for your ex-husband's mistakes. I would say keep your eyes open, enjoy the vacation, and trust until he gives you a reason not to. :)

Theresa - posted on 02/06/2012

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I am still worried, I guess it will always be in the back of my mind...NOT sure what will happen and weather or not I believe him. I have been cheated on soooooooo many times by my ex-hisband so the track record for having faith isnt too good...

Amanda - posted on 02/06/2012

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That's great! It seems like things are working out after all... Good thing you weren's too presumptious and ended the relationship.

Theresa - posted on 02/06/2012

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I spoke with my partner several times over the last few days about my fidings and he is upset that I think hes cheating. He has reassured me that he isnt. I spoke with one fo the girls he works with and she has also reassured me that he acts in a very respectful way towards everyone there as I knew he would. Little did I know as well that he had a planned a surprise trip for me, HE is taking me to Brasil where he works on vavcation the end of MArch. So I gues I have to believe him, he wouldnt take me there if he was cheating...RIGHT???? This is still hard to swallow as I told him, it hurts me to know end that he might have hurt me and would make this life we have end over a fantasy but HE is telling me and showing me like he always does that I am the only one.

Amanda - posted on 02/06/2012

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Hmmmm, this is a sticky situation. Only you would know your man, but it seems to me he's telling the truth. I very highly doubt someone would go through the commitment of such a long relationship if they were not interested, not to mention the financial commitement he made by buying a home and a car with you. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and invite his "friends" for dinner, if he declines then you would have an idea of what's going on. You definitely do not want to be hasty and end the (seemly successful) relationship based on a hunch.

Viridiana - posted on 02/05/2012

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also, he obviously wants to get caught. respect urself, and leave him. imagine the next 10 years of ur life. now imagine urself with some kind of disease he gave u..was it worth it? Hell to the no!

Tami - posted on 02/04/2012

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Ok. This can always be a difficult situation to be in. It's always going to come down on you either believing him or not and no one can tell you which way to go. As far as the condoms and texting other girls are concerned, that is inappropriate right there. I used to be a believer that guys and girls can be friends, and granted there are exceptions to every rule, 90% of the time guys and girls CANNOT be friends. In the end, it always means something more to one of the parties involved. I've been there many, many times and I finally saw that majority of guys and girls can't be friends. If you already talked to him about the texts and you still aren't sure, you need to bring it up again. No girl besides you should be telling him "love ya."

Lee Ann - posted on 02/04/2012

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I of course can't tell you what to do, however in my opinion he's not being honest with you, he may not be cheating , but then again he might have intentions to do so, i mean you never know, but by him acting shocked you found them in his bag and then saying they were not his is what caught my attention b/c he could have easily said they were because you stated you use them, you just have to go with what you feel in your gut to be true, i dont endorse cheating or back it up by any means and no one should disrespect their relationship in such a manner but its up to you what you do and if you want to stay with him and work things out, good luck dear

Theresa - posted on 02/03/2012

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I did confron him about the texting and such and he says they are just friends. I even went as far as emailing a girl he works with, that I am friends with through skype and facebook, about what I found and she said she knows that he is always respectful, he talks about me non stop and there is no way he would be cheating with the 2 girls that I mentioned. She also told me that the guys on the rig like to play sick jokes like the condom thing..I am really so uncertain..we have been together for 6 years, we just bought our first home and new car together....so confused as to what to do? He swears to me they are just freinds and he tells me that he isnt in this relationship to play house..PLS somebody help me...I am drinking myself into a bad way..so HURT, LOST and Confused...

Sunny - posted on 02/03/2012

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Honestly, you could always just start the conversation off with.. "look, I know you don't want to admit anything but I'm not stupid. the odds of that happening with the condoms are slim to none and I check your phone and seen your texts to 2 differe girls. I'm going to ask you by {certain amount of time} if you still want to date me and if so by then you better have all of this bs figured out and put to an end." Put him in a situation where he doesn't have to admit it and it will make him more likely to play along.

Sunny - posted on 02/03/2012

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Well I can tell you this much. He doesn't feel the same way about you.



In what circumstance would condoms be put in to a bag that someone never even checked to see if it was theirs. If the bags did get mixed up on the rig, wouldn't the person who put the condoms in to that bag, have THAT bag? If he's texting someone a WORK phone.. he probably felt safe enough to not have you check it since it's not a personal phone. Him texting that is inappropriate for ANY person in a relationship. He is probably sleeping with or dating them girls as well as you.

Kaitlin - posted on 02/03/2012

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You kidding? He's cheating on you and he's lying. Do you love him or do you love the relationship?

You can do better. You deserve better.

Theresa - posted on 02/03/2012

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U really think....I am so confused..I love him sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much..

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