friends after babies

Cat - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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im 26 and have just had my first child with my fiance. we have been together 5 years and had some pretty solid mates that we would go out with every weekend. after having our son, we have slowly lost contact with them, as our priorities have changed. we have made some new friends with kids and enjoy doing family activities with them. its been months since we heard from our old friends, not sure if we should call them or go see them anymore. we get up for swimming lessons on a sunday morning at 7am, they are just getting home from town at this time. dont think we have the same goals in life anymore, we want to grow up and settle down... do we forget about prior friendships and keep our new ones, or do we persist in being friends with our friends from our past partying days??? confused.....

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Krista - posted on 09/15/2010

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I am going through the same thing. I'm the only one in my group of friends who have a baby, and things have definitely changed. It is hard to mix our worlds together because I am also so busy with my son and my priorities have changed also. I no longer even want to go out as much, I'd rather be with my son.

What I do is still call or text them once in a while to say hello and when there are times to go out I'll see what they are up to. I haven't given up because that isn't totally fair to them, they can't understand what I'm going through. And when they have children I'd like to be there for them.

Meilan - posted on 09/12/2010

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Hi! I was really scared this would happen to us.
We too are the first in our social circle to settle down (bought a house, got married and had our daughter). All my girl friends have boyfriends, but no one owns a house, is married or has a child. And it will stay like that for another while, I think. My best friend even doesn't want to have any kids.

A few months after I had Ziva my friends started this thing. Now, once a month, us girls go out for dinner. And once a year we go away for the weekend.

I really think you'd loose contact if you don't catch up regularly. And I have to say, we haven't missed one dinner date since Sept last year.

Amanda - posted on 09/12/2010

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Went/Going through the exact same thing. We have also moved to a new place and even trying to make some new friends to hang out with, has been challenging. I think it's just that now you know who your friends are, and if they can't accept that you now have a "family", then they aren't worth the hassle.

Sharon - posted on 09/11/2010

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why dont u invite them over for dinner, when the baby is in bed... u must remeber...if u dont have kids, they u dont have a clue!!! they proable feel that cant cope with all the baby talk...im sure they like it up to a point but when parents do nothing else but talk about their kids, for people who dont have them it gets kinda boring..... if ur husband talked about sports ALL day would u like it??? ur lives are different but it wud be a shame to lose good friends, :)

Carolee - posted on 04/26/2010

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As your old friends have kids, there is a chance that you can hang out again... but probably not until then. You can try to keep in touch, but if their life goals are so different than yours, it may be better (less frustrating) to just enjoy the times that you did have together. Ask yourself if the friendship was good enough to keep the lines of communication open in hopes of re-kindling a different type of friendship later on down the road.



Unfortunately, a new stage in life often means new friends that fit that stage.

Alaina - posted on 04/26/2010

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My husband and I went through the same thing. We were the first of our social circle to have a child. We like you made friends with other parents, but we stayed in touch with our single and childless friends. Other friends of ours from the past are now getting married and having kids. Now they turn to us for advice because we have already been in their shoes. I would say, stay in touch, yes you have different goal in life, but they will get there eventually and may appreciate being able to turn to you. Also, you never know when you may need a night away. And single friends with no kids come in handy for that! My daughter is 18 months, we've only felt the need to go out and party once, but it was nice to let loose for a night.

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