friends who never want to see you anymore?

Amy - posted on 05/16/2010

join coffee groups swim classes and other mum & baby activities .. there are so many mums in your position .. (like me) i think its because as a young mum like myself our friends are still out partying and almost on a different level socially than us .. try to meet new friends who have young ones - its also quite good when you can swap babysitting with them ...so you can have a full day out !!

Sidra - posted on 05/16/2010

true friends can never do ths so ths is the tm tat they should encorage u how to deal with the problems

Amanda - posted on 05/14/2010

it happens to us all hun once u have a baby people start to disapear it then u know who ur real friends are...try reaching out to other mothers

Britta - posted on 05/14/2010

just remember in life your kids are the best friends you will ever need i was the same way and now my girls are all i need they make me smile, they bring me flowers everyday and they are all the answered prayers you ever prayed for so forget all of those friends and make your kiddo your friend play games watch a movie or turn the radio on and act like a kid again

Cat - posted on 05/14/2010

I'm seeing the pattern start already and i'm still pregnant! some of my closest friends are joining groups on facebook like "all my friends are getting married or pregnant and i'm just getting drunk" meanwhile i'm the only one of us pregnant and no one is getting married, and i feel almost targeted. It was awkward for me to even tell them, it wasnt planned, and i found out late around seventeen weeks, now its been about two and a half months and i haven't seen half of them since they were told and the few i have seen are awkward and its been short and few situations mostly public. sometimes i feel like i have the plague =( i spend alot of time on facebook, watching tv, working probably more than i should, hanging out with my parents. even cousins my age, have been reluctant to even go to gigs and shows with me. you're not alone in how you feel, but i hear it gets better with time. hang in there! xoxox

Melissa - posted on 05/14/2010

Well I have that problem to...the best thing I could suggest is to find friends who have kids....which sometimes can be hard. I spend more time with my fiance than anything...

Kirsty - posted on 05/14/2010

i know how u feel i was 18 when i fell pregnant, pretty much all of my so called friends stopped talking to me or lost touch because they where either working out out partying and i was at home with baby. i found out who my real mates are although i only have a few, i couldn't ask for any thing else, they are great. i also met a few mums through swimming lessons and dance lessons my daughter does. don't be afraid to talk to people i was for a long time and i regret it now my daughter is 3 and i have only recently realised that the only way to make friends is to come out of my shell and make a effort to talk to people :)

Nancy - posted on 05/14/2010

I am 25 and the only one my age who has a kid, look to the older parents I say. You can learn tones and they are more mature and understanding about what your kids are going through. Most people who don't have kids ahev no idea what to do with them or what to talk about with you. Start your own play group at home. Good Luck!!

Cera - posted on 05/14/2010

i find friends that have kids...they understand and its fun for you and the baby!

Tanith - posted on 05/14/2010

I thought I was the only person who felt that way. I was in a very close nit group. Us girls would do everything together, go out partying untill late hours, go to movies, coffee.....now that I have my gorgeous boy, they all scattered.

I confronted one of the girls and asked why I wasn't invited out anymore, she said "Because you hardly come out anymore".
A friend who is not considerate and can't accept your new found responsibilites is NOT a friend. In other words, what she was actually saying is that I am no longer fun to be around because I'm a mother.
When you have children you soon realise who your real friends are.
I lots all of my "party buddies", but instead gained more mature, understanding, faithful friends who have children of their own and don't care if you don't see or speak to them for months, they are still there when you feel like a chat.

Lift your head up and be proud because you have something they don't, and that's a beautiful child.

Krys - posted on 05/14/2010

I think i would find like ppl like yourself to be friends with bc some friends who dont have kids their intrest changes as ours do..its wht ive had to do:)

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2010

i am experiencing the same thing. do you have friends with children? maybe contacting them (that's what has saved my sanity)...

also, your local hospital or Ob/Gyn might have info into mothers groups where you can probably find some friends who have more in common with you.

Kaylie - posted on 05/14/2010

thats something you only see on like lifetime movies and things like that and then when you get pregnant and have a baby, you realize that its actually true. when i got pregnant, none of my friends even wanted to contact me and when i had the baby, they all came over once and saw her. that was about it. my life long best friend didnt even talk to me. now that shes 3 months old and a little more "social" my friends are starting to come back around. i think thing will definitely get better for you. i thought i was gonna be stuck in my bout of depression forever but im dramatically turning my life around and having a blast with the things and people i do have in it.

Kara - posted on 05/14/2010

thanks everyone for the advice and the pick me ups. =) i really do appreciate it.

Summer - posted on 05/13/2010

i feel the same way....im 22 and have 2 kids and am down to 3 friends and they barely hang out with me and when they do it seems like they're here because they feel bad for me or something, like they feel obligated....i guess the best thing to do is be friends with other moms and dont worry about the friends you thought you had, you can always make new friends.

Natalie - posted on 05/13/2010

Don't feel downhearted. You will meet lots of nice new people, but also lots of friends do come back to you, at the moment you are in different stages of your life. Keep in touch with them as much as you can, if you really value them but build some more friendships with people who are at the same stage of their lives as you are.

Do go out like other people have said to playgroups etc.
There are lots of Surestart things that you can do.

(Woops I've just realised to answer your post I've passed myself off as 20-30 :-) To be honest though this is probably one of those things that when you are older you know you don't lose your treasured friends forever, they do come back :-)

Julia - posted on 05/13/2010

Dont feel so bad, I've had this problem for a long time and the best thing that I did was to go back to school. I didnt really make friends but staying busy with school made me feel a lot better. Little by little you will meet people, just try not to think about you being lonely. Think positive. You should try to find your friends on Facebook and keep in touch with them. Hope this helps.

Stephanie - posted on 05/12/2010

I'm with you 110% for sure! I'm a work-at-home-mom and hardly ever leave the house. A lot of my friends are younger, and most of my close friends don't have friends. They all have their own lives and are able to kind of pick up and do whatever they want.. so I feel pretty left out a lot. Right now I'm looking to get involved with playgroups in my area, so hopefully that will help. Meeting moms here on CoM has been helpful, too, because I know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. I'm here if you need to talk :)

Kerri - posted on 05/12/2010

I would find some mommy friends in your area. Then you kids can play together and you don't get soo lonely

Corissa - posted on 05/12/2010

i was in that same boat.
just let things ride out.
if it really bugs u ask them what is going on with them. for real friends don't leave real friends out

Esmeralda - posted on 05/12/2010

i'm 25 with 4 kids... i hear you! but hanging out with friends just doesn't fit in my life anymore now.. hard to immagine this 8 years ago though...you should try toddler and mom groups, even threads like these can find you friends, i did and i got a few friends now close by!

Christina - posted on 05/12/2010

Def. feel the same. I'm 21 and I have a 5 month old. All my friends kind of forgot me. The only thing that keeps me going is my mommy friends. Meet other women who have children. It doesn't even have to be a play group... but other mommies are gunna understand more than your old friends will.

Ashley - posted on 05/12/2010

I'm right there with ya hun! Now I know who my REAL friends are...which I can count on...half a hand! I won't beg for someone to come over. If no one wants to come see me, then I just spend more time with my son. I spend a lot of time outside with him, that's his favorite place to be! I get lonely sometimes too. I'll take my LC to the park, or to the waterfront, or something to get out of the house so I won't go stir crazy. Yeah, it's nice to have some adult company sometimes, but if just feels like my friends are too good, or too busy to hang out with me now...their loss, not mine. :o)

Amber - posted on 05/12/2010

story hour at the library. they usually have one for all different ages. highly recomend it.

Lauren - posted on 05/12/2010

I hear you - I'm 21 with a 9 month old daughter. All my friends are in college and out partying all the time, and before pregnancy I was the go-to girl for that kind of stuff. But now that my nights out are limited to expressed milk and available babysitters, I rarely get calls. And if I do, its for a couple of hours during the day before everyone heads out to the bars.

I know a couple of girls from my high school who also have young babies, and although I wasn't that close with them in high school we've all become friends via facebook and now playdates. It really does help to find other moms your age who are probably going through some of the same stuff you are. Not to mention, it gets you out of the house and puts some of the loneliness to rest :)

Carmelina - posted on 05/12/2010

play groups then there are local talk groups for moms. I have the same problem try not to feel so alone it will get better people who dont have children sometimes dont like to hang out with people who do for some reason..

Melissa - posted on 05/12/2010

i had the same problems, i even had some of the friends i knew who had kids didnt really hang out with me anymore and they are always "too busy"to do things. i just stopped bothering with those people and only pay attention to the ones who care the ones who ask how we are goin and wanna c me.

ive also heard playgroups are also a good way of making friends and gets u outa the house!

Kate - posted on 05/12/2010

I was going stir crazy in the house. I joined a playgroup when my daughter was 2 months old! She used to just sleep the whole time as she was too little to play but it got me out of the house and I met other ppl, we still go (she is 14 months) and she loves playing with the other kids and I enjoy the company of the other mums. It also helps to get out occassionally if you can, I used to leave my little one with my Mum for an hour twice a week and just go for a walk I know that is still by yourself but it does help.

Rebecca - posted on 05/12/2010

Have a chat to your Maternal and Child Health nurse - she should set up a mums group in your area. Je Joul / Je Jour I think that's how you spell it also organises mum's groups. I'm in Coburg, Vic if that's anywhere near you and always up for a chat - send me a message if you'ld like

Monique - posted on 05/11/2010

let them go you will make more friends.. TRUE friends I may add

Venessa - posted on 05/11/2010

Besides joining playgroups you can join adult groups too, like and excersise/running club (if you enjoy physical activities) take a course your interested in at you local college or community center. It's important for moms to get out on their own sometimes and you'll meet great people who can become good friends.

Nikita - posted on 05/11/2010

get out there and create new groups of friends i struugled having my daughter at 17 but still managed to get out there, you just have to join some community events oor groups

Amy - posted on 05/11/2010

I know how ya feel. Since I had my son, the only time I see my "friends" is when they want something. And the only ones I see other than that have kids too. I had just turned 22 when I had my son, and I feel like I missed out on a big part of my "college" life. Not that I would change having my son, don't get me wrong, but try to find people your age to hang out with that have kids. Go to the park and meet other parents there

Kirsty - posted on 05/11/2010

i agree PLAY GROUPS Are awsome i go to one and my son plays with the other kids and i talk to mums it really does make it a lot better and they understand also

Lisa - posted on 05/11/2010

It's a part of life friends come and friends go, though some may be friends for life. We all move in different directions throughout life. Go to play groups, reading groups at the library for children and babies readings ect. It's a good way to make friends with other mothers who are probably feeling alot like you. Just remember you are not alone alot of mothers feel the same way at times.

Aleksandra - posted on 05/11/2010

I feel the same way, I am 20 and find that I have lost so many so called friends since having my daughter. I kept in touch with some girls from my antenatal class and we meet up once a week for a chat, and the babies get to interact (well as much as they can at this stage lol). I am going to join a play group soon to meet even more mommies, and my daughter is 6 months next month so I will be able to take her to swimming classes finally, so I hope to meet more mums there as well. Try to find a play group you feel comfortable with, it sometimes takes a couple different playgroup try outs to find a group of people you really like and feel comfortable with. I hope you find some friends you can relate to soon, I am sure you are a very nice an intelligent person who should have no problems meeting new friends :) Best wishes!!!

Monica - posted on 05/11/2010

go to playgroups and meet other moms that understand what it's like and your kids can play together!!! u can find playgroups in your area at ymcas or family newspapers, on the internet, etc...