Getting laid - too crass?

Elle - posted on 12/08/2008 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Sorry, I just joined Facebook and Circle of Moms. I want to keep my profile away from my regular set of friends so I can ask real questions like how are you meeting people out here!?

I'm a 28 year old, with an 8 year old girl and no man to speak of. My options seem to be

1. 25-32 year old guys who think because i'm a single mom I might be good for a non committal sex only relationship. To be honest sometimes I think I should be. But I've tried it and the guy seems great and one slip up and they are gone.

2. Old Guys. Lots of late 30 early 40 types who seem to have no problem looking at a single mom with an 8 year old. But I feel they don't want to know me, just finally find somebody.

That's it! I only seem to find these 2 groups. When do you normally tell guys you have a kid?
Anywhere you know of that's good to meet guys, please don't say lavalife that was a disaster (although i feel like i could write a book)

Thanks and I hope to meet some friends out here!!

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Sunsearay - posted on 10/11/2012

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Hope you find the ONE...because I have quit trying. Be careful if the 1st words outa there mouths are where's her daddy, do you get child support or I'm not feeding another man's child...and yes there are some idiots that are that crass. Make sure that you keep that part of your life separate from your child and make sure Mr. Wonderful(or Mr. Mine tonight) understands to be gone before breakfast.

Trish - posted on 01/10/2011

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There's always someone out there for everyone. You just have to wait for your one. Like that old cliche'... "good things take time"..and "it comes when you least expect it".



My advice enjoy your freedom now...go out and have fun if you can. Date (internet dating, speed dating, etc) as many people as you can (movies, dinner, dancing all that stuff) and when the right person comes along you'll know for sure. When I use to date I never gave up my punani. However I did kiss most of them (you can tell a lot from a kiss). Unless you have an itch and that itch needs to be scratched. If you want give up some punani, now and then, in a safe way. So don't put all your eggs in one basket...explore what the dating world has to offer.



And when dating, don't bring these men home to meet your daughter. Keep dating and your daughter separate. But tell these men from the get go you have an 8 year old...and you're proud of it. You got nothing to hide. And if the guy is cool about it...then he's a viable option and when he's the one for you then you introduce him to her.



The world is your oyster...enjoy it now before you get tied down with a relationship. Be confident. Love yourself, that beautiful woman you are...and enjoy your independence and freedom.

Haley - posted on 03/07/2009

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Dont give up!! you will find him, after being hurt real bad I decided to excuse the french but f#@% men and concentrate on just being me. I learned to love every inch on myself and then .right under my nose was my prince ..............be confident and true in yourself and poeple wont be able to help but fall in love with you ...and your daughter

Laura - posted on 03/06/2009

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Quoting Melynie:

so i guess i'm not the norm on this ( if there is such a thing) but when i was single with my daughter....8 months at the time...i totally went for a guy that was supposed to be a one night stand. that was all i thought i had time for. plus i was terrified of getting hurt again so soon. as it turned out, he was the one. an amazing man and father figure to her. 5 years later we are married with a house and a 9 month old son and new baby on the way. sometimes when you aren't looking things just fall into place. i wish you luck on your journey.



Same here! I was 18 and my son was almost 2 (so I know what its like to try and find a boyfriend!), and I went to a party and met a guy, and hung out with him a couple of times. He invited me to his birthday party, and he turned into what I THOUGHT would be a one night stand.. And now we're about to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary, and I am due in May with our second child.

I was very upfront when we started talking about a relationship. I told him that I am not looking for a "daddy" for my child (as he already has one in his life), but that I was looking for a partner in life. He needed to accept my son, and know that no matter what, he comes first. He needed to understand that if we got together, that things would be different for him. He would have more responsibilities, and the partying would be much less. He jumped on board like you wouldn't believe. Get it all out, and if they run, it's better they run now than later!



 



I wish you luck!

Codi - posted on 03/06/2009

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I am currently seperating from my husband so I cannot really say much on the subject, but all I can say is, speak of your child often. Don't drop the ball on them saying "Oh, by the way, I have a child" You shouldn't have to worry about your personality, it's not just you anymore (I know that might sound bad, and I'm sorry) but you and your daughter are a packaged deal, take it or leave it. So let them know ahead of time. While you're in a conversation about music, even when you just meet say something like "Oh, my eight year old loves Hannah Montana, I don't know what gets kids into music now a days" Give them a preview, let them know ahead of time that you have a child, but you are still interested in a man. Don't get so far into the relationship that when they find out, you're the one who gets hurt.

Tina - posted on 03/06/2009

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I was the same, aged 20 i had been single from 5 months pregnant and once i had my son i thought i would never meet anyone as a single mum. Anyway i started going out socialising with friends again when my son was about 6 months old. I was not interested in finding anyone really as i was quite happy as i was.



One night when i was out i got chatting to a friend of my friends boyfriend we got on well but that was it, a couple of months later we met again by acciedent at my friends house and he asked me out. I was up front from the begining so he knew about my son.



We went out and i never really expected too much as he was only just 19 anyway to cut a long story short we have now been together 7 years, married for 4 of those and have a 3 year old son together. Love really does come to you when you least expect it.



it is strange as we had attended the same school, had many mutual friends and lived in the same area but we never knew each other .



You will find someone just relax and it will happen when you least expect it

Katie - posted on 03/06/2009

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all these ladies are right... as hard as it is, once you stop looking and just relinquish controll. the right man will fall into your lap. i know it sounds cliche but it truely works

Sophie - posted on 03/06/2009

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i was 17 when i had my little girl and i had sworn off men for good! but i got chatting to this guy on myspace and invited him out for my 18th.... surprisingly he actually turned up. we didnt hit it off as i was too busy worrying about keira (3 weeks old and 1st time id left her with my mum) but he wanted to meet up with me again so i told him to meet me at this cafe.



what i didnt tell him was that i was bringing keira along and it was the place where the NCT breastfeeding group met, and id arranged the time to co-incide with it.



I dont know if i was testing him or trying to scare him off.... but he didnt care in the slightest and was really good with keira. however i didnt see anything at all happening long term, he was only 17 at the time, and how many 17 year olds wanna hook up with a teenage mum?



we kept meeting up though and eventually we started a relationship, 6 months later he proposed to me, and surprising myself i said yes, as i had found that id totally fallen in love with him. (his parents were'nt all that impressed though, but eventually got over it, kinda).



2 years later we are still together, not yet married though (money situations) and expecting a little boy.



i didnt mean to find a guy, he was just ment to be a bit of fun.... but it turned out to be the best thing for both me and my daughter!



so the best advice i can give u it, dont look for mr right, he will find u eventually!

[deleted account]

so i guess i'm not the norm on this ( if there is such a thing) but when i was single with my daughter....8 months at the time...i totally went for a guy that was supposed to be a one night stand. that was all i thought i had time for. plus i was terrified of getting hurt again so soon. as it turned out, he was the one. an amazing man and father figure to her. 5 years later we are married with a house and a 9 month old son and new baby on the way. sometimes when you aren't looking things just fall into place. i wish you luck on your journey.

Allisondduncan - posted on 03/05/2009

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Wow. Really only one woman responded to you? That's sad. C'mon gals, we don't have to pretend we haven't asked the same questions at some point in time :)



Sorry for the small rant, elle. Anyway if you aren't looking for the one night stands [and a mom with a kid doesn't really have that luxury anyway], then you have to decide what you are looking for in a guy.



Be up front about it. You don't have time to waste diddling around with any loser that thinks he's god's gift to a lady on the net. And we've all met them at some point or other on here. Besides, a real man will appreciate the direct approach of "this is what I'm looking for and I don't think you and I will work". Why waste each other's time?



Alternately, you don't want the guy who is as desperate as the men on the net like to perceive women on the net to be :) And to be honest, I have seen those too.



Here's a great idea for finding the man you are looking for: http://www.OKCupid.com



I found my guy thru a blogging site: http://www.mindsay.com We met through similar life circumstances and got on really well. However, the OkCupid site seemed to have LOTS of great guys who didn't mind a picky Mom being straight with them.



It's all about your future. Take charge and don't give up. Your man is out there somewhere :)



Good luck.

[deleted account]

I can't suggest where to meet any men, or even how I've been married too long I'm afraid I'd be clueless. But I love the idea of a book, I bet it would be comical, frustrating, and emotional. I love a good read, and maybe I could pass it along to some friends looking for the advice you seek! Who knows; single woman mid-twenties, fabulous daughter writes witty touching book and lands dream life... give it a shot!! Like I said "who knows"

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