Grandma

Antonia - posted on 03/16/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am currently living at home with my mother and father, and have a 1yr boy. Some of the time living with my parents is okay, but for the last few months, its been more bad than good times here.

My father i have no problem with, but my mum really gets on my nerves.

She is always telling me what, when, and how to do things in the way of household chores, and bringing up my son, and I dont know how to get her to stop!

We have been arguing AT LEAST every other day, and while I have now learnt to keep my temper in check, eg: not yell or swear at her, Mum doesn't have the same control-- she alwasy gets to the point where she is shouting the odds at me and swearing or saying things like "shut your face" or calling me names, often infront of my son.

I have tried to talk to her several times, explaining feelings and wishes for our relationship and tried to work out ways for us both to get along, but the peace never lasts as long as a week.

Also when I ask her to stop shouting or swearing she says "Don't you tell me what to do" and continues, but then if I swear under my breath at something, she will tell me not to and expect me to follow rules and respect her wishes, even though she ignores me when I say the same.....



After all that, my question is:



HOW DO I STOP MY MUM FROM TELLING ME WHAT TO, AND GET HER TO FOLLOW HER OWN RULES??



Sorry this has been long, it has been a very heavy weight for me to walk around with and any help would be greatly appreciated :)

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3 Comments

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Barbara - posted on 03/16/2009

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You too must show respect for your Mother's home and her opinions if you are going to live in her home. If you cannot do that, then you should find your own place and be independent. She should not dress you down in front of your child but examine yourself to see if you too have been disrespecting her. I don't know what kind of mother she was to you but if she mothered you properly though maybe different from what you are choosing to do, it would go a long way in preserving your relationship to affirm the things you feel she did right in a conversation with her and just tell her that you appreciate what she did for you but there's more than one "right" way to mother, and you would like to do this and this a little differently & you would like her support in trying that. If you'll take your defenses down, you might actually learn something from her and in turn she might be more willing to compromise. It is definitely hard for two grown women to live in a house together, no doubt, but it is her house and she is the only Mama you'll ever have so be mature and try to make it work.

Casey - posted on 03/16/2009

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Man, it seems like a lot of women have this problem. I've always laid down the line with my mom, so I can't imagine being walked all over by her.. but it must mean that you have had a good relationship with her in the past.  But, what most women have said is it works out after they have a long, serious, thought out, calm talk to their mothers.

Sharleen - posted on 03/16/2009

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Hey Antonia! I have a 4 year old daughter and I also stayed with my parents for a few months when she was first born, so I know what that is like completely.  Your mother probably thinks that because you are her child, she can speak to you any way she feels like, but what she needs to realize is that YOU are the mother now and she needs to treat you like one and not just like her little baby girl.  It is so hard to fight with your mom all the time and it is not right at all. There is no excuse for your mom to curse at you or put you down ESPECIALLY in front of your son!! She should have more respect for you and your son,  and for herself.  You need to demand that she respect you because you are the one who is responsible for your son and if she can't do that then maybe you should consider moving out if possible. As for her rules...parents will always have rules they want followed if you plan on living with them and they are not always fair but you should try to follow the ones that are reasonable and even if your mom doesn't abide by them, you should follow them . That should show her that you are an adult who is willing to live by rules and that you respect the wishes of others...even if you don't always agree.   Just try sitting down with her and really explaining how you feel. maybe you need to get someone to watch your boy so that if you and your mom get into a screaming match, he's not there to witness it.  Ultimately  the things she says to you , affect you in some way and your son is sure to pick up on the unhappiness and the tension and that is not good for him. Maybe if your moms sees that, she can begin to understand and work with you to reach a common ground.  In the end, you are her daughter and the mother of her grandson ....she should see that this beautiful life you've brought into the world is worth getting along with you for. Don't forget that parents are always parents and they will want to impose their thoughts and beliefs on you no matter what... that's what parents do lol. so just take some deep breaths and think serenity now and you'll be able to get through it. who knows, you may have a better stronger relationship with her in the end. and when you get your own place, she'll have to obey YOUR rules when she wants to visit. :D Hope this helps a little.  Remember that YOU  have the power here!

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