Grandparents? How often do they see their grandchildren?

Sophie - posted on 04/14/2012

i have two boys 2yrs n 9months my dad only sees my eldest every fortnight on a sunday it dont bother me as long as they see him now and then there my children so my job to look after them he has my edest for no more then a few hrs a fortnight to give me a break even tho i have the little one still

Sharon - posted on 04/13/2012

I know exactly how you feel. My parents never make an attempt to be part of my children or any of my brother's children's lives. The only time they see them is if we go to see them. They don't call them, come to anything they are involved in, or drop by even when they come through town. We have a lake house which is only 30 minutes from their home, and even then, they expect me to bring the boys to their house. It has hurt my feelings for years, as my oldest is 17 and my youngest, 12. It's really sad that they've really made no real memories with any of their grandchildren. When I've call my mother out on it, she makes excuses, gets defensive, and let's me know that she doesn't think it's her responsibility to make sure my boys see them, it's mine. However, I've recently, through therapy realized, my parents were never interested in my activities as a child so expecting them to be different with my children is just my inner child still wating for my parents to play with me. They are the ones missing out because they are awesome kids and you cant possibly get to know them when you only see them on holidays!

Good luck with that, they probably won't change even if you politely bring it to their attention. They will just be definsive and mad at you for acknowledging their defeciet.

Ashlea - posted on 04/21/2011

Well, I live in the same town as both my parents and my in laws, so my son see's his grandparents at least once a week for well more than an hour. My in laws come over a lot. They bring over dinner at least once a week but they sometimes see him 2-3 days a week for a few hours each day. It's a lot. Both my parents work a lot so he see's them at least once a week if not sometimes twice a week.

Kristy - posted on 03/05/2011

My mum sees my daughter 3 or 4 times a week, she watches her when I go to work and also pops in if she's in the area. My Dad lives further away and visits about once a month.
My partners mum doesn't make any effort to see her, we haven't seen her for nearly 3 months.

Kristy - posted on 03/05/2011

I know exactly how you feel!!! My mom lives 12 hours away and has seen my son more times than my husbands parents who live 45 MINUTES away!! Its HIGHLY frustrating and now we are considering moving to the other side of town and they want to try and guilt trip us by saying that if we move even further they wont be able to see my son (when they dont see him now!!!!) Sorry to get carried away I didnt mean to make it about me lol! The point is I feel your pain, and your not alone!!

Carly - posted on 03/05/2011

My daughter sees both sets of her grandparents every weekend or every 10 days. We live in Liverpool away from mine and my husbands families so its not as often as we'd like, but often enough for her to know who they are.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 03/05/2011

Due to my work hours and my fiancè at school across the country I live with my parents so my older daughter's been around her maternal grandparents since I brought her home from the hospital. She sees her great-grandparents (whome she calls Great ma and Great pa) when they come over for dinner or when we go visit them.
My ex's mother lives in the same city, but she only checks in when she finds the time (she's on SSI and hasn't worked since before I was with my older daughter's father in 2000) and right now since I'm pregnant and she has roaches in her apartment we really don't go over there. Also due to geography (my fiancè's family lives in BC and I live in NY) my daughter only talks on the phone with my fiancè's parents- she calls his mom grandma triangle or Grandma Cathy though his mom says she can also call her Nana. She calls his dad granpa Dan and my parents are Mama and pop.
My situation is just very different from everyone elses. But I do believe you should talk to your MIL and tell her she may stop by when she wants, but you're concerned as to why they don't get more involved in your daughter's life. If they're in their 50's they could just be tired from work. Or they could be concerned that they'd be intruding. Just talk to them

Italia - posted on 03/05/2011

Oh wow sounds like you might want to talk to them just to be on the same page because you obviously had different expectations of them and you don't want that to lead to resentments. I'm on a different boat here my MIL wants to come EVERY single day and well I don't really like that. She would come unannounced or call me more than 2x if I didn't pick up wondering where we were etc. But your situation is different. Maybe they don't want to get too attached? My mom is very controlling so she doesn't like the everyday or frequent visit so that doesn't happen. I think if you talk to them it would really help you feel better knowing what the deal is.
Good luck with that... and remember if you do talk to them come from a loving place because it might be a touchy subject.

Sarah - posted on 03/05/2011

my in-laws live about a half hour from us and up until my daughter was about a year and a half only saw her on holidays. She was their only grandchild at the time but when my boyfriend's sister got pregnant I guessed they realized how much they were missing with their first grandchild and started inviting us around more and not cancelling as much when we invited them.

Julia - posted on 03/05/2011

At one time i ived with my inlaws and my MIL would watch her while i went to school or went to the store but i would always get rushed to hury home to take back over. Now that we have moved out only, 5 to 10 min away, we have to ask more for her to baby sit but it seems like to me she always hurrys us up to pick them up. Im not sure why really since she said she would be my babysitter. Here lately my daughter if able to spend the night but once morning comes the smallest issue like not wanting to eat will make her call my husband to get her. My inlaws wont even come visit us we always have to go over there and if we dont they complain. I think for some grandparents they think its normal not to watch there grand kids. Maybe it has to do with them not wanting to becomelike a second parent like some grandparents are but who knows. It can get annoying not having them willing to spend time.

Liz - posted on 02/24/2011

Deffently talk to them. My In laws have issues with seeing the kids. Especally my youngest and we had to talk to them and now they finally see the older kids every sunday. They've only seen the youngest a handful of times. My oldest ( b/g twins) will be three in June and my youngest will be 8 months on March 12th

Lindsey - posted on 02/24/2011

well my parents see my daugther 24.7 because we're living with my parents..my fiance's parents see her every week...your situation Shelly blows my mind because with your in-laws being in the same town as you guys and havent spent more than half an hour with your child is mind blowing..like how could you not see your grandchild especially being that close so that tells me there's a problem lurking around somewhere..i would say something wether they like it or not and if they still act like that then oh well they are the ones missing out on their granddaughters life

Cherish - posted on 02/24/2011

my min lives with us and my daughter is very close to her

Amy - posted on 02/24/2011

I don't know if it's normal for those IL's with only sons or what, but my IL's live on the same street and still don't come to visit our kids, and we recently had twins. My FIL has only seen them once since being born almost 2 months ago. We don't worry about it anymore, BC they are the ones missing out. And if they never come around, the kids will see that for themselves and know who comes around and who doesn't and they will choose if they want to be around them more when they get older or not.

Joy - posted on 02/24/2011

Don't feel bad my in laws don't see my 3 kids that much either. Just for birthday parties and holidays. My parents come over all the time. I even told my in laws they could come over whenever they wanted too. Then they wonder why my kids preferr my parents. The sad thing is my in laws live around the block.

Holly - posted on 02/24/2011

My daughter sees my mom a lot because we go to the same church and are involved in similar church related activities. Plus my mom and I are really close so we just get together a lot. My dad drives truck so he is not around as much but whenever he's home we get together as much as we can. My mother-in-law lives in the same town as us but rarely sees my daughter. She seems to prefer to watch her grow up on facebook. Sometimes if we want to go out we call her to see if she wants to babysit but it rarely works for her. My husband's dad passed away a little over 10 years ago so he's never met our little girl and that is really hard, too.

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2011

In the beginning grandparents are always there more often as the excitement of having a grandchild is amazing to them but as that excitment tones down the visits become less... How ever every family is different i know with mine im really close to mine and when my son was first born i lived around the corner from her so i was over there everyday :D I do think that if your the only one making the effort for them to see your baby then that is wrong.... My mom doesnt come visit us either that often though now but my son is 3 years old now....When we go to see my parents we are there as an all day thing to... I wouldnt be to alarmed about it but if it does bother you i tihnk that you should ask them about it.... It doesnt hurt to express your feelings as you dont want them to miss anything as they are the grandparents :D Hope This Helps

Christina - posted on 02/23/2011

My in-laws always see my daughter my mom on the other hand is a different story. And my dad never sees my child since he lives out of state. I think that its importatant for your child to see there grandparents.

Crissi Lynn - posted on 02/23/2011

Honestly, yes it does seem a little strange that they wouldnt want to see her... however, i have a mother in law from hell and so that scenario seems very peaceful at least. I have a mother in law who goes from phase to phase... buying crazy amounts of gifts and visiting often to skipping 5 months of visits with her only grandchild- who is two today- because she does crazy things like steal from us or go into my place of work to spread rumors lol When our daughter was born we had forewarned her that she would not have the baby alone or at her home ever as its unsanitary and very smokey but that she could visit our home once a week. As time has gone on she feels she should get our child alone and if she cant then she doesnt care to see her...which is where we are now. If these people are decent people and you are trying to push for them to see her as you think it will benefit your child then by all means ask... if its anything other than that i would leave well enough alone

Shemika - posted on 02/23/2011

My parents get my 23 month old daughter for 4-8 hours on weds. to allow me and the hubby a lil free time, the also stop over to visit for an hour or two on sundays because our house is close to the church that they attend.I would talk to them and, I the weds visits with my parents are the result of me asking my mom if they they thought that they got to spend enough time with their granddaughter and she said no, not by a long shot but they did not want to seem intrusive and ask could they have her over one day a week or so for some one on one QT, when I was thinking that it would be invading their time and space to have her spend the day with them on the regular.

Noami - posted on 02/22/2011

My mum and dad see my little boy all the time and also take him while me and my partner are at work at the same time so we dnt have to put him in day care. My partners parents live an hour and a half away but they still come over every weekend to see us and take my little man home for a night or two if we need a break.

Maria - posted on 02/22/2011

My parents probably see my daughters once a week. They are very hands-on grandparents. My FIL passed away before my first daughter was born and my MIL didn't know I was pregnant with my first daughter until I was 7 months pregnant and she only saw her until she was 2 months old. She didn't know I was pregnant with my second and found out when the baby was 6 weeks old and she didn't meet her until she was 8 months old.
We don't have a good relationship and she doesn't really ask about the girls. My parents call or I call them and I let them hear the girls during the week. We also try to visit at least once a week. Sometimes it goes a little longer, so I send them videos or pictures through Facebook. LOL
But it all depends on the people I guess... I didn't have a relationship with my only living grandmother when I was growing up, but it's not because she didn't love us, she just wasn't that type of person to be all affectionate with anyone...

Amanda - posted on 02/22/2011

Everyone is different, i live far from home so i make one trip to my hometown so all relatives can see my kids and the grandparents and one aunt makes an annual trip. My MIL used to not call often and still doesnt push to see the kids much more than i offer on my trips, but i think it is more that she doesnt want to intrude (not that she is!) Are you close with your Inlaws? Is it possible that they dont want to impede or change your plans incase you had other things on the go? Try offering or inviting them to dinner or outtings. They may feel awkward offering to babysit or take your daughter for a weekend, or are not sure how involved they should be or you want them, Mention an outting that you would like your daughter to experience and ask if they would like to be involved or have that as something to do with her on their own. If they decline and are still seemingly uninterested i would have your husband talk with them and see if there is something going on (uncomfortable with her age, diapers, etc)

Alexis - posted on 02/22/2011

My mom has only seen her only grandson a few times and hasnt bothered since, we are also not on talking terms right now. My dad sees his grandson a couple times a month, babysits if I need it and used to watch him daily for 2 hours while I was in school. My MIL and FIL babysit whenever I need it, which is about once or twice a month and they are always coming over or going out with us to do family stuff. My dad does the same thing if he doesnt have to work. We were all like this before any grandchildren came into the picture though.

Kerrie - posted on 02/22/2011

i think it depends how busy they are with work etc
but there is no excuse for not seeing them for that long they are missing out so much!
my daughter sees my partners mum and dad twice a week for the afternoon while i am at work this would prob be different if my parents were around

Sarah-Jayne - posted on 02/22/2011

My parents are around every day to see there granddaughter and my MIL would be if she was able to get out of the house (she has MS) so we take our grandaughter there as often as we can my mother first looked after my daughter for me when she was 8 weeks old so i could get used to leaving her cos i was scared if i didnt do it i never would so yes i think the behaviour mentioned above is not normal at all

Lisa - posted on 02/22/2011

my parents see my kids all the time, but my inlaws never make the effort to see my kids, but always make the effort to see there other grankids weird things are inlaws lol

Stephanie - posted on 02/22/2011

My parents watch my daughter every Saturday while I work and she stays over for a sleepover about once a month or so.

Sara - posted on 02/22/2011

i guess it just depends my inlaws never see my son the past 3 yrs seen him a total of maybe an hr... my parents will meet me half way to get him they live 6 hrs away.. my parents are active and always push to see him more the inlaws act like we don't want them apart of my LO life becouse we don't travel all the way accross the country to see them.. I work and go to school and my LO goes to school also.. it just depends on the effort they want to put forth to see their grandchild i'm guessing

Cyndel - posted on 02/22/2011

My MIL only sees my son once every few months, but then again there isn't much of a relationship between my hubby and his mom.
My parents see my son 2-4 times a week because they basically live next door. But then again, when we lived an hour away they saw him 2-4 times a month for long visits, all day or over night. We have an excellent relationship with my parents.
Also my parents have been waiting for grandkids since they accepted the fact that my mother was never going to have more then two children. So they love spending time with him.

Angela - posted on 02/22/2011

My MIL sees my daughter usually once a week she'll ask her for an overnite or dinner with her. That is after we confronted her and asked why she never offered to take her or spend more than a 1/2 hr with her on my MIL schedule. that was a few months ago and so far so good. My mom watches her on Mondays for us. We are pretty lucky to have both sets of grandparents within a 1/2hr of us. Good luck with your situation!

Kelly - posted on 02/21/2011

my dad never makes the effort to see my daughter but expects to see her regular, he never even made the effort when she was 1st born and complains that he didnt see her till she was 3 weeks old..grrrrr ... anyways i dont talk to my mam so never and my in laws havnt sean her since xmas but they do live miles away

Samantha - posted on 02/21/2011

Shelley, we live 5 mins drive from my inlaws. They don't make much effort to come around. we've given up asking them to, as they always seem to have something on. My MIL is a bit uncomfrotable outside of her home and prefers to have people come to her (this is not just with us), and she also talks a lot about how her mother would ALWAYS come around when the kids were little and it got really bothersome, so i think she prefers it if we say we want them here. If you'd like them to see their grandchild more, the best thing to do would be to talk to them about it. It may be that they are just waiting for you to ask them sit regularly. Maybe you need to express your expectations to them, as they may not have experienced having an active grandparent, may not realise that this could be their role. We usually have my in laws' babysit regularly, so that they are seeing the kids, or we go over once a week for meal, just call up and ask what's for dinner. It frustrates me sometimes that they don't seem to want to come here, but they do if its a special occasion (birthday or something). We have just deicded to compromise, because when they are with the children, they do seem to genuinely enjoy them. Hope this makes sense. My own mum is about 20 mins away and I see her at least once a week, and she asks to visit the kids or to have them even for overnights now they are big enough if I don't manage my usual visits. I would prefer my in laws were more proactive liike my mum is, but i think sometimes you have to accept a happy medium just because its difficult to change people.

Ashley - posted on 02/21/2011

My parents live 14 hours away so they don't get to see my daughter much but they would LOVE to!

My SO's mother lives maybe 5 minutes away and NEVER bothers to see Kiri. I think shes seen her maybe 5 times and she's 11 months old. It makes me so mad because I'll ask her if she wants to see Kiri but she's always "tired" and I can't really take my daughter over there because she has two big dogs and it's a really small house... They're friendly but... meh.

Brittany - posted on 02/21/2011

My parents live five minutes away and if my mom doesn't seem him at least every other day, she's calling to say she misses him. lol
My husband's mom is totally different, though. They live 14 hours away, but even we have visited with them there or they come here, his mom isn't that interested. She likes my son to be around, but has never wanted to hold him or interact with him much. He is number 10 of her grandchildren, so maybe it's just old hat now, I don't know. But I feel kind of wierd about it. My grandmother (my son's great-grandmother) is much more involved than my husband's parents, and they live far away too. But they make an effort to come and to really get involved.

Maggie - posted on 02/21/2011

Well, my parents live 50 minutes away so we rarely see them sadly. I would love to but it's a long drive. My husbands parents live like 8 minutes away and we rarely see them either. When our son was born they couldn't get enough of him and always randomly showed up almost every weekend. And this I hated. But not it's like the thrill is gone and we barely see them. The other day my husbands sister came over and our 15 month old cried and didn't recognize her and didn't warm up til 20 minutes later. Idk to me it sounds like the thrill is over as well like whats happening with us. I wouldn't worry too much unless you want to address the issue. Good luck!

Emily - posted on 02/21/2011

my parents see my son about once a week or so, my grandparents see him ALL the time. (live closer to the great grand parents than grandparents, and grandparents are busier) on the other hand, due to MIL being a B**** and step-FIL not even attempting to hold or play with my son, they DO NOT see him at all. And is not even invited to first birthday party. God parents of my husbands see him when we all can get together and have fun which isnt often. So it just depends on peoples schedules.



My son will not know that my husbands real mother and step father as grandma and grandpa. They do not deserve the title, on the other hand he will know grandpa and grandma vannatta (my husbands god parents, who has helped us in many many ways,) as grandma and grandpa. He will also know that my husbands parents have chose to not be a part of our lives, and as a family we tried to let them. (VERY long story) He will also know that my grandparents LOVE him very very much (our lives were turned upside down and the true love of family was seen when my son was born at 27 wks.) He will also know that my parents Love him just as much as we do, and are so grateful to have two grandsons 16 days apart and 8 days difference both ways from my dads birthday. nephew the second, my dad the 10th and my son the 18. My dad cant wait to share bday parties. lol. Do i think they see him enough, no. But I know and so will my son, that if he needs ANYTHING grandparents and great grandparents on mommys side is where he can go, if mom and dad cant do it.

It doesnt matter if blood is shared, its the LOVE for family that matters.

Pamella - posted on 02/21/2011

I believe that it all depends on your family dynamic. As my In-laws and my parents are always asking to see my son. For my in-laws this is grandchild #3, my parents, their first. My son is also in the care of my aunts while I am at work. So my mother sees him weekly at lunch. My In-laws at least bi-weekly depending on what things are going on.

again all depends, before xmas did you see them more often? or is this a new occurrence?

Lorraine - posted on 02/21/2011

Hello Shelly!!!



In my opinion as a mother...Grandparents should look for there Grandchildren..at least onces a week or so...sometimes grandparents hold back thinking that the parents don't want them around but that shouldn't be an excuse family is family...in my case my grandmother never looked for me and I was fine with it but now that I'm grown I started to think they never cared about me...sometimes is never bad to ask if grandparents love our kids. sometimes lack of miss communications lead misunderstandings and you don't want that!!! but asked them once at the end your children will now who's who at the end!!! hope this was helpful to you!!!



Sincerely



Lorraine

Candice - posted on 02/21/2011

my family lives 3 provinces away and have never seen my 18 month old but weve adopted a couple here as grandparents for my little guy and he normally sees them about once a week at least.

Barb - posted on 02/21/2011

My daughters grandparents see her a lot 3 times a week usually more. Not an entire day, but it seems like a lot, though I need a little help cause I am a single mom of a 14 month old. In May when I move it will be only once or twice a month. I am not sure how to wine my parents off her seeing her so much much there have been weeks were my mom has come over and seen her every day. I feel bad for saying no dont come all the time, cause I need my space.

Beth - posted on 02/21/2011

my mum and her fiancee visit practically every week but my father in law is not very intrested in my boy. the way i see it is that it is his loss, its a shame that he doesnt visit but my son is happy with the family that do make time for him.

Jennifer - posted on 02/21/2011

My children have 3 sets of grandparents and we are lucky enough to have one set that lives in the same town as us. We often see them on a weekly basis(or more) and if life gets busy and we go longer, we will often gets phone calls asking if they can hangout with them for the day! My parents live about an hour away and they are usually down to see their grandkids every other weekend and talk to them every few days on the phone. My children have often had sleepovers at their house and my parents have even driven down to help out for the day when my husband was away for the summer! My husbands mother and stepdad also live an hour away and hardly ever make an effort to see them or even call to talk. We can go months at a time without seeing them and my children have only ever had one sleepover with them, in 5 years. And when they do see them, it takes forever for the kids to warm up to them and they always act suprised over things they have been doing for months (my youngest walking and talking...he's 29 months). At first this bothered me and we tried to make an effort to see them but when an effort wasn't made in return we realized that it was them that was missing out and we have since made less of an effort.
I think it is really up to the individual family members and if it is bothering you, then talk to them about it, they might not know that it is.

SONJA - posted on 02/20/2011

MY parents NEVER see their grand-daughter and it hurts me every day that they choose NOT to be in her life. BUT I have done everything I can to encourage them to see her. Now the ball is in their court. When Ali asks about them I will NOT share my anger, resentment, and hurt on her-BUT I WILL NOT lie for them either. If and when she asks (and I am most certain she will) I will simly tell her some people chose to share your special times with you and some make the choice NOT to. And the grandparents she has LOVE her VERY VERY VERY much and would do anything for her. So she must hang on to and enjoy the people that DO choose to be in her life. Mommy's family has their priorities mixed up AND they are missing out on an AWESOME person-but WE don't have to.

Now my mother-inaw talks to my daughter on the phone almost everyday. AND sees her atleast once a week for a few hours. I encourage her to visit with Ali and hope it never changes. Ali's 'God Parents' ALSO see Ali as much as they can and they are known as her 'Nana and Gramps' and my step-dad- and his wife also visit Ali when they can. They are known as her 'weetee and tappaw' so even though my parents are never around-she is DEFINITELY NOT lacking in the grandparents love department=) we are VERY blessed for the people we do have in our lives. Family doesn't always have to include those related to us by blood-the blood is NOT what binds us to eachother- its the love in our hearts for one another.

Ashley - posted on 02/20/2011

Just to add my story in we r very fortunate to have family to help us with our LO so we don't have to use daycare ( SO EXPENSIVE). my in laws have her 1 day a week that i work n my parents have her another day that i work so she sees both sets once a week which is really nice:)

Rosie - posted on 02/20/2011

my boys see my parents at least once a week, if not more. my husbands parents dont' call, don't bother with the kids. the only time they see them is if they are having a birthday party for someone in the family, or every now and then his mother will stop over, like once every 2 months or so.

- - posted on 02/20/2011

My son see's my mum every day, 'cause we live in the same house lol.
He see's his dad's parents every week

Leoni - posted on 02/20/2011

my little one sees my mum couple times a week and my partners mum bout once a week,

Christine - posted on 02/20/2011

M kids see their nana nearly every day as she lives round the corner from us, they love going to thier nanas house and she loves having them over

Amanda - posted on 02/20/2011

i ive 30 mins from my parents and they see them at least twice a week. we come to visit anytime we can, usually during the weekends. My daughters great grandparents on my side see them three times a year but they live 3 and 6 hours away. My daughters grandma on their dads side see them atleast four times a month and their great grandma on the dads side see them about the same. Both grandparents and great grandparents call about everyday to talk to them.