grocery shopping w/ screaming kid

Ashlea - posted on 12/12/2010

I wouldn't suggest pretending to buy him something and then not getting it. Bribing your children to behave isn't a good idea because once you get them use to getting something in the store for being well behaved they will expect it every time you go in. I have left the store more than once because my daughter has thrown a fit in the middle of an aisle. She doesn't do it very often but, when she does I leave my cart whether it is full or not right where it is and leave. I reward her good behavior with verbal praises. However, I do a sticker chart with my daughter and at the end of every week if she has done what I asked her to do every day with her small tasks (she's not quite 2 yet) she gets a special snack on the weekends..like ice cream or something like that. At the end of every month if she has done what I asked her for the whole month she gets a small toy or stuffed animal. But, usually her gifts usually consist of something she needs..like if her blankets or sheets get ruined I'll buy her new stuff for her room. And, she is content with it because she loves blankets.

I hope you find something that works for your son.

Brenna - posted on 12/11/2010

You may feel embarrassed, and for good reason, but remember that as long as you stay calm, people will generally believe that you have things under control. Also remember, a good chunk of the people at grocery stores have been in your shoes, so they may not be as judgmental as they seem.

I do my best to stop screaming melt downs before they begin by carefully planning shopping times, thoroughly discussing the store rules beforehand (i.e. no running or yelling), and having them repeat them back to me, and getting my kids involved in the shopping experience - whether that's holding the list and telling me what I need to get next, helping me remember numbers so I stay on budget, searching out each item (or the last item I plan on picking up), or even just an age appropriate version of I Spy or the alphabet game, they're doing something.

When a melt down occurs, there are generally three ways I handle it. I base my reaction on three factors: how important the trip is, how much time pressure I'm under, and my sense of his ability to recover effectively. In some cases I simply ignore it; usually this results in his insisting that he'll behave, but he has to prove it by being quiet for a few moments before I take him seriously. In other scenarios, we immediately head out to the car, where he will sit in his seat (buckled, if need be) until he is able to be calm and quiet, at which point we will try again. And finally, there is the going straight home route. This generally means that he will be screaming bloody murder all the way home, and he will sit on his bed until he is capable of going about the day (minus shopping trip) once again.

I NEVER threaten going home unless I'm willing and ready to follow through; depending on his ability to recover, I will give him three chances to improve behavior - but he's out immediately following the third strike, end of story. And I randomly give rewards for good behavior - picking one candy from the impulse items by the register, or getting a treat at Burger King. I keep it spontaneous so they don't have a melt down from not getting an expected reward, but emphasize the "because you've been so good" part when they do get it.

Rosie - posted on 12/10/2010

Pretend that you will buy somehing for him in the store. when you get to the register, give it to the cashier. that will keep him quiet till you leave the store. tell him, later, that because of his bad behavior the cashier worker took it away.

Itsa - posted on 12/10/2010

In Norway they just ignore it and continue shopping, as if nothing is happening! After a while when the child isn't getting any attention they stop!

So what do I do when my son tries this? I just keep on shopping. If people give you dirty looks ask them if they watch DR. Phil... then say "well he says ignore it so that's what I'm doing, you try to do the same". And walk away!

Liz - posted on 12/10/2010

It is way better to deal with the tantrums immediately. I just push my cart up to the front of the store and tell one of the store workers that I need to leave. I worked at a grocery store. It happens more often than you would think. We preferred people did that rather than having to listen to their screaming child and their empty threats of "If you don't stop screaming we are going to have to leave" for 30 minutes. I have not had to do it with my daughter as she is just 7 months old but when I worked as a nanny/housekeeper I would have to take the kids shopping with me. Don't feel embarrassed. It is the sign of a good parent that you left, despite it being inconvenient, and you felt embarrassed about ditching your cart. You did the right thing

Kimi - posted on 12/05/2010

You deal with his tantrums however you like cause someone will think you're doing it wrong no matter what you do. I'm sure as you left someone was thinking, "she shouldn't let him rule her life" while another person was thinking, "it's a good thing she left this cart of groceries here so I don't have to walk to the back of the store for a gallon of milk".
Some people just make dirty looks without realising it and they aren't really thinking terrible thoughts either. My 5 year old gives dirty looks to people all the time without really knowing it and kills me to know what people must think of her when she does it.

Jackie - posted on 12/04/2010

It happens to me every single week. Its always the same so I startes going to the same store at the same time. I knwo when they open so I go when they open so were alone and I hurry up and get done. I know the clerk will be the same and its a small store. My son is Autistic and I explained that to her so I'm no longer embarrassed to go shopping anymore. I hated to have to get a sitter every week just to go grocery shopping since its something that I feel my son needs to get exposure to.
You did the right thing and I guarantee you did the right thing. Yes you had the right to feel embarassed and youre not the first mother to feel this way. Weve all been there. After all were not all June Cleaver. Ive heard mothers try getting their kids a treat at the beginning of the trip and taking it away if they act up and Ive seen them try rewarding them at the end of the trip if they act right. Try ine of those to see if it works for you.

Chrystal - posted on 12/01/2010

It's totally understandable that you were embarrassed. I probably would've been too. Babies and kids sometimes just have screaming fits and the only thing you can do is leave. Those people who are giving you dirty looks are just rude and judgmental. Don't worry about them. Just focus on your son. Karma is crazy. So 9 times out of 10 something will happen to them and they will be given the dirty looks LOL.