Grow Up People

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/29/2010

The guidelines to this community are posted here:
http://www.circleofmoms.com/young-moms-a...

Please take a moment to read them. I'm locking this thread. Circle of Moms has members from all over the world. If you post a question, expect many diverse responses. I don't expect every mom in the world to parent the same way that I do. Just because someone disagrees with you does not mean they are attacking you. When you participate in a forum like this keep an open mind and stick to No THUMPS. If you see anyone violate No THUMPS then please report it so myself or one of my moderators can check it out.

Thanks,
Sara
Admin

Dominic - posted on 12/29/2010

I couldn't agree with you more.

Candi - posted on 12/29/2010

When I ask for help on here, I look at all opinions. Some work for me, others do not. Some are just not my way of doing things either. No one is a bad mother just because we are all different in raising our children. I turned my child around to forward face at a year old, I put oatmeal (not rice) in her formula. Of course, pediatrician recommended for the oatmeal. She was protein sensitive and had already changed formula 3 times and had reflux on top of that. Oatmeal was suggested to help keep her formula down. I wasn't using it to get her to sleep better or to keep her satisfied. I was having to use it to keep my daughter's food down and hoping she would gain weight. Now, she is perfectly healthy. I couldn't breastfeed because I didn't produce anything. Only option of course was to bottle feed. None of these things makes a me a bad parent. I know that many moms out there have done the same thing as me too. We are entitled to our opinions, but there is no need to bash each other. We all feed our babies different foods and at different ages, some bottle feed while others breast fed, many of us faced our babies forward in a car seat at 1 while I have known others to wait til 2 or so. Discipline is different for everyone and that seems to get people attacking others. I see nothing wrong with piercing my child's ears or any parent who chooses to or not.We haven't killed our children. They are all healthy, loving, happy and energetic children. Regardless of what professionals say, there is no right or wrong way to raise your child. I have heard several times, do this and do that or maybe don't do this or that by a professional, and 6 months later they have changed their minds. I choose not to listen to any professional. I have seen professionals on tv trying to tell me how to raise my child, when they have none of their own. No way I would listen to that person. I do believe there is trial or error. I have tried one thing for it to fail and another and it will work. Just the fun of motherhood. I see no "bad parent" unless they are abusing/neglectful to their child. So, I do think that we as mothers should stop attacking each other. We give our opinions hoping to help another mom. Just because we might not agree with what another mother says doesn't mean we have to get our feathers ruffled and start flogging each other.

Kendall - posted on 12/29/2010

I completely agree with you, Christina! Is it not ok to give an opinion? Or simply ask a question? Last time I checked it was and that's what COM was for. hmmmm....

Christina - posted on 12/29/2010

usually the people getting attacked are the ones who are so ignorant that they don't care what other people have to say. they are right and thats that. if you can't handle others opinions then you shouldn't even be on here because this website is all about advice and opinions.

Tristian - posted on 12/29/2010

well said...

ChrisTina - posted on 12/29/2010

Jax YOU ROck! Thank you for being the better person and stomping on all those judgmental hags! Moms are here to HELP not JUDGE!! Help your sister mama! Give them the love and advice they are here to seek! YOu are a super mom in a wonderful way Jackie. Thank you for being a hero and sticking with the facts!

Hayley - posted on 12/29/2010

Oh God! WHO CARES! I'm assuming all your babies are still alive? They haven't choked to death on rice in a bottle or fallen out of a car seat that faces the wrong way?
Although I'm just waiting now for someone to turn round and say "yes actually, I knew someone who knew someone who knew this woman who's child was sitting in her forward facing car seat AND with a bottle of milk with rice in it......." etc etc. In which case this argument is probably going to continue. But hey,,, I'm not attacking anyone here so its ok lol!

Jennifer - posted on 12/28/2010

when I was pregnant I remember being so freaked out that I had no idea what I was doing or how I was going to handle being a mother...but my mother just kept telling me that I wasn't always going to do everything right but that ultimately I was going to know what was best for my baby. No one can tell you that something is right or wrong b/c every baby is different and responds to things differently....no one knows your baby better than you do. When it come to big issues personally I follow my doctors advice or instructions...or in regardes to car seats the laws in place. When it comes to your childs health and safety you just can't take any chances...it drives my husband nuts but i'd rather be over safe than sorry later.

Casey - posted on 12/28/2010

I know what you mean about the "attacking" that goes on in some of the conversations on here and then they try to back track when they realise just how nasty they have been, I think it's great to express your opinion or give advice on something but there is no need to be nasty and rude to someone else just to get your point across.
As for the whole carseat topic I think it is really important that people check with they're own local authorities before taking anyone else advice because the laws change all the time, I am in Australia and I know it used to (when my son was born) go by the weight of the child not the age cause obviously all kids don't weigh the same, so once your child reached 8kgs or over they were safe to turn around so my child was turned around at 8 months but I know other children that were turned around earlier so it's important to check the guidlines for your local area.
Also I think rice cereal in the bottle is a bad idea except for when it has been recommended by your doctor or health nurse because of health concerns, I think any kind of solids shouldn't be attempted until the baby is at least 4 months old and is actually ready for solids, you hear to many mums forcing rice cereal down little babies necks just so they might sleep for longer ect and really it's probably just to much for their little bodies to digest.
But really it's up to everyone how they want to raise they're children and there is no right or wrong way to do things, as a mother you are the one that knows your baby best and knows what is best for them.

C. - posted on 12/28/2010

I just want to say, that if a pediatrician recommends using cereal in a bottle, you should get a new pediatrician! It is a choking hazard and they have thicker formula specifically for reflux. There is absolutely NO NEED for anyone to use cereal in a bottle and risk their LO choking to death! That is all.

Amy - posted on 12/28/2010

^^^ case in point ^^^

Sweetie, there is research that supports rear-facing for the first 15 years of life and that is fine. The law wouldn't be 20 lbs and 1 year if it hadn't been proven that it is perfectly safe to front-face your child after they reach those two milestones. This is the point. People were attacking people who live in other countries where the law wasn't even 1 year and 20 lbs. We are aware there is research supporting it. You don't have to argue it to death until you get every mother to agree with you. Just accept that some of us are not going to do things the way you do, that you can preach and show videos all day long, fact of the matter is, we are each going to do what we want, hopefully at least in the best interest of our children and within the means of the law of our land.

Ramona - posted on 12/28/2010

Can I ask how forward facing is safer for any child? Or for you? Most convertible car seats are made for 35-40 lbs rearfacing because, although that may not be the law, it is, in fact, what is recommended. Some people just want to make sure other mothers are aware...if that's attacking, then fine, but at least more people are aware now!

Nicole - posted on 12/28/2010

I do agree that when it comes to internet forums, it is important not to come off as attacking. Because it is just that, the internet. It is hard to tell how someone is talking because you can not see their face or their voice. So when somoene may just be giving an honest opinion, it may be taken out of hand or taken the wrong way.
I saw a post earlier about the rice cereal in regads to howunhealthy it can be. I do agree tht sometimes it is over used. I was a young mother and everyone kept telling me "put cereal in their bottle it will help them sleep and fill them up more". I breast fed my son for a few months but then realized he was not really getting full because well i couldnt give him everything he needed. So I gave him a little rice cereal mixed in my milk in a bottle just to see if he would even like it. He loved it and it did seem to help him feel a little more satisfied. But it gets hard to determine if they have had too much or how much it really is helping. I never had a problem with him sleeping so that was not the reason for me giving the cereal to him. I think it is important to use a mothers discretion in this case as to whether or not it is needed.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2010

I am not going to say that women don't attack, belittle or harshly judge one another here, it would be plain old ignorant to imply or think it doesn't happen. BUT, (and I have no idea which threads you're talking about since apparently their titles were of little interest to me and I just havn't read them) ALL too often some mother comes on and claims everyone is attacking the OP simply because she posted a controversial topic or asking if it was okay what they did when 99% of moms would never have done it and the other mothers didn't say "Oh, you're a wonderful mother, you did a great job!" Even if it was a mother who didn't USE a carseat for the first year of her child's life! (Not that I've seen that thread,b ut other similarly dangerous things.) Some women can, and do, read an attack in everything taht doesn't directly agree with them or the OP.

Not that I think that's you Jackie, you seem very level headed to me, but there are some pretty dramatic mothers on here and I just wanted to point that out. Sometimes, not agreeing with someone is not an attack, and as posters and repliers we all need to keep THAT fact in mind as well.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2010

Actually, pediatricians DO sometimes recommend rice cereal in bottles for reflux...... but that should be the only time it is used, and only after consulting your health professional.

Ianina - posted on 12/28/2010

Just to be clear since I don't live in US...is this
http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/gerber-...
the rice cereal everyone talks about?

Amy - posted on 12/28/2010

oh and Julianne I agree with the rice cereal thing, I think there are some posts I've seen on here where mothers want to give their babies rice cereal because they are going through too much formula and it is too expensive for them. THAT is wrong. I'm sorry, but it is a FACT that babies need breastmilk or formula exclusively as newborns. My pediatrician recommended to introduce rice cereal in the bottle at 4 months. A lot of women just want to give it to them younger to get them to sleep through the night and that is wrong., I think we all can agree that you must do what is best for your baby, not for yourself.

Hopefully these mothers did take the advice and didn't force rice cereal on their newborns!

Amy - posted on 12/28/2010

These women post these controversial topics just to start an argument! How many times do I see "Should I pierce my baby's ears" popped up on the main screen. Umm, do a simple search and you will find plenty of recommendations on the topic. I believe I am a good mother, my daughter is thriving and I suppose my gut instincts are good. Don't attack me for feeling that front facing my daughter when she meets the requirements stated by LAW will be safer for her and I. Sorry I wasn't able to breastfeed, doesn't mean my child is less intelligent than yours. These mightier than thou mothers really do bother me too. I have very strong opinions and I will state them, but I am not going to tell someone personally that THEY are a bad mother. Thanks for putting on your big girl panties and posting this, lol lets see if anyone pays attention. Or they are too busy accepting their mother of the year awards.

Julianne - posted on 12/28/2010

Sorry i just had to put that out there.


Now everyone thinks their opinion is right, if they didnt it wouldnt be their opinion. Its your job to sift through the bs, take what you want. and leave the rest.

Julianne - posted on 12/28/2010

Rice cereal - there is no law against using it in a child bottle. Many pediatricians recommend using it in bottles in small amounts.





Sorry but, a lot of pediatricians are wrong about that. Period.



Canada released a book on child safety last year(anything printed before dec2009 is outdated) and 1. It causes choking.(PROVEN NOT THEORY)

2.It causes digestive problems.

3.Rice cereal is actually the WORST first food you can give a child, loaded with carbs and not many nutrients.

No, its not law, but nurses pediatricians midwifes dulas and other child professionals and safety experts all across Canada agree. You should NEVER do it. Maybe moms who know this are just trying to helpfully educate moms who are doing this to their children. So they dont die or end up with digestive problems.

Laura - posted on 12/28/2010

I don't really care when people have different opinions I welcome them and different parenting styles. What works for you may not work for me and visa versa. The thing that I hate is when you disagree with some one (or they disagree with you) they go and say you are a "bad mom" or are "ruining your child" and yes I've seen those phrases before. That is not an opinion and is an attack and just not appropriate for grown women.

Stifler's - posted on 12/28/2010

Internet is srs bizness guys.

Candace - posted on 12/28/2010

I understand where you're coming from which is why I choose to avoid certain topics. Naturally people are going to feel that what their doing and saying is right and if you're against that then to them you're wrong

September - posted on 12/28/2010

Just ignore the things that bother you. It's as easy as that :)

Stifler's - posted on 12/28/2010

And just because it's your opinion... doesn't mean you're right!

Bonnie - posted on 12/28/2010

Giving opinions is what is expected, but it is your opinion so you have to be prepared that others are not going to agree with it and if you come off strongly, they will consider it as attacking.

Stifler's - posted on 12/28/2010

Oh dear.

Jackie - posted on 12/27/2010

Christina - I've seen thread I thought were intersting and before I post my responce I read thru all the comments there and in one certain thread (that I wont mention by name) theres constant attacks and then the rebuttle is "I wasnt attacking you". I myself have been attacked and not just in a thread. I've gotten messages telling me to watch my back and that I'm a horrible person. I'm not a horrible person I'm just very blunt and opinionated. I try my best to be politely blunt as far as not naming names or blowing stuff out of proportion. After reading 2 particular threads tonight I was about sick of the crap and thought about writing a nasty thread to the other women but decided to do this instead so that everybody can read it.

I have no problem with anybody letting me know that they feel that I have personally attacked them. I never intend to but as we all know some things can be taken as being attacked. I have no problem apologizing for my own actions.

I'm just tired of seeing people defending themselves and I'm a sucker for the underdog. If I see an injustice I have no trouble saying something in their behalf.

Rachel - posted on 12/27/2010

AMEN!

C. - posted on 12/27/2010

Where are you getting this 'attacking' thing?