Had my third biological child 6.5 months ago, and cant get my sexdrive back. . . any suggestions??

Leanne - posted on 06/20/2011

Can't comment on the physiological things, but as far as the drive goes, don't be so hard on yourself and maybe look at your whole picture. You now have 3 kids. Do you get any spare time, or time to yourself? It may be as simple as you just needing some time out or "me" time. I have 4 kids and there's been "adjustment periods" after each one. Good luck.

Misty - posted on 06/20/2011

it feels "normal" when we arent having sex, thats what doesnt make sense to me!! the day after we have sex tho it feels like my insides are falling out, cramping, soreness, swelling, and then some. . . . ill bring it up to doc again. . . . thank you for your help :)

Nicole - posted on 06/16/2011

We use a product called Astroglide. Love it! But, I think there may be a larger physical problem going on than just a simple lubricant problem. I would meet with the doc again and if he seems to brush you off, I would go to another. You should NEVER be apprehensive about sex with your spouse due to pain. I don't think breastfeeding can be to blame for your pain during intercourse. I have been counseling women with breastfeeding for 6+ years and I have never heard of breastfeeding linked to this kind of sexual problem. How does your vagina feel when you are not having sex? Any soreness, burning, itching? It may sound gross, but it's not. Our vaginas are very temperamental body parts and any time the ph balance is not just perfect, "she" tends to let us know by causing us problems. ;o) I ended up with bacterial infections following my 2nd and 3rd births and I would bleed and be in a lot of pain during sex. I would make sure that when you see a doc this time that they not only take a look at your cervix (inflammation of the cervix will be easily visible if that's what's causing the bleeding), but that they take a smear and at least take a look at the smear under the microscope. Again, I think this is more of a medical issue versus just a simple lack of natural lubrication and you need to make sure that the doc does everything they can to help you. It's not fair to your husband to not get sex and it's not fair for you to have to "bear it" and not enjoy it when you finally give in. You both deserve to have an enjoyable sex life.

Misty - posted on 06/16/2011

yes, i am breastfeeding, which was why we tried lubricants, bc i heard breastfeeding can mess with it, but i always had the issue of having "too much natural lubricants" too, even after my first 2 children!! pregnancies and deliveries were all normal, deliveries were vaginal (which also made me curious as to how a 6-7lb baby was easier to deliver than having sex with my husband) just sucks!! my doctor said to try different lubricants, he suggested something silicone based as it lasts longer and even works in water, and does not get sticky afterwards, it HELPS the penetration not be AS painful/uncomfortable, but it doesnt prevent the ripping or bleeding, or all of the discomfort, havent had a chance to talk to the doctor about it again since he recommended the lubricant. my husband is very gentle when it comes to this issue bc he knows it hurts, but he also knows that i push him away sometimes bc i'm scared to get too close and become intimate the majority of the time. he doesnt think i want it, even tho i do, i'm just scared to. he says he knows i'm not making excuses but sometimes he feels like its an excuse to refrain from holding eachother or even kissing or holding hands. i'm always afraid 1 little thing will lead to pain. it's annoying and frustrating!!!

Nicole - posted on 06/15/2011

Are you tearing and bleeding due to vaginal dryness? Or from something else? Was this last baby delivered vaginally? If so, was anything different about it? Any complications, etc.? Are you breastfeeding? I ask these things because many things can interfere with sex drive and vaginal dryness. Either way, I would talk to your doc about it. It could be hormonal, it could be stress, or it could even be a physical problem.



Before I had children, I had the opposite problem of vaginal dryness. If I even got remotely turned on, it was like I peed in my pants! It was embarrassing! (Although, I was told that it was actually a turn on, I still didn't like it.) Well, after having children, I need to have the help of a lubricant at least half of the time my husband and I have sex and I can't help but think, "why can't that extra lubricant come back!" It's usually cyclical for me-close to when I'm supposed to be ovulating, I am much more lubricated than I am 2 weeks later. Luckily, when I'm more dry, my husband and I am aware and we take steps to make it more comfortable for me. And if we realize that my body is having a hard time maintaining lubricant for a long love-making session, we make it a short one. ;o)



Just talk to him. Make sure that he knows this is NOT his fault and you are going to try to do everything you can to fix it. Tell him that, even though it is NOT his fault, you may need his help to make sex sessions work to both your standards and to understand when it doesn't.



I also have some pain when penetration first happens (something that happened after my third child) and that means we only have a few positions and speeds we can start off with. After explaining this to my husband, he has gotten very good at being gentle at first and then very good at reading when I am okay with things to be kicked into high gear (lol). The biggest things that sex after children has taught me: That YES, having children can change your body. YES, having children can affect for your sex drive/sex life. And YES it is very important for your spouse to know that it is NOT their fault (when it's not) and that you two may have to change your routine a little so that sex will be more achievable and more comfortable so that it can happen MORE OFTEN. ;o) Hang in there, schedule an appt. with the doc and talk to your husband... Let us know how it goes...

Karen - posted on 06/15/2011

You might have to see your doctor and get on something. I think it's estrogen but not sure. There are women out there with this condition (being so dry they bleed during sex). Or maybe they have a perscription treatment for you to go through. I have a coworker who had this problem and she never had kids. But she somehow got the problem taken care of. She hasn't talked to anyone about it since then so I don't know what she did. But she has talked about being sexually active now with her boyfriend. So there is hope somewhere lol.