Have any of you been through a divorce or seperation? How did you know it was the right thing to do?

Vera - posted on 04/28/2010

Hi! I got divorced when my son was only 9 months...to me i thought to myself that things wouldn't change no matter if we had a child or not, so i didn't want for my child to hear us fight and live with us in that constant fight!! I look back and realize it was the best thing to do, now a days my son is 3 years old and 4 months and i got remarried and his dad has a girlfriend with which he has a child also, we are good friends and we respect each other very much! That's the experience i had, also the person i married loves my son so much i was very lucky, he respects him and loves him as he would be his dad!! I can't complain about what happend to me...but a divorce is very sad and it hurts, my son had a phase where he would ask his dad to stay with me and to not leave!! That always hurt me very much, i never understood that, cuz i left he was only 9 months how could he even remember that we where a family at some point??!! Now a days it's all better and he loves his new Daddy!! Hope things get better for you

Rebecca - posted on 04/28/2010

Ok so before i answered this i looked at your page to see how old your little one was.



The best piece of advice my husband and i were given was the first year is the hardest. It takes at least that long to adjust to being a parent and to get used to each other in the new roles as mommy and daddy and not husband and wife. My husband took all the parental leave and i went back to work when our first was 3 weeks old.



I can tell you right now, if i wasn't given that piece of advice i would have walked within the first 6 months. I owned a busy gas bar/convenience store and was working 14 hour days 5 days a week. I would come home and feel guilty about being gone all day so i would spend all the time i had with our son instead of spending it doing something as 3. When my son was first born though, my husband was ALWAYS on some stupid computer game...until about 1am every day! He would get home from work at 4pm and stay on this until then and it would drive me nuts. I couldn't even get a shower in. When our son was about 2 weeks i did leave and he realized i wasn't kidding around.



Still, with me working i would come home to a dirty home and him sitting playing xbox while our son was on his lap or in the jumper...it again drove me nuts!



We now have 2 kids and are doing a lot better but we have our moments for sure. We fight over the dumbest things sometimes and once we start it's hard to stop.

I write a note once a month on how i'm feeling and if anything was bothering me from that month and we would talk about it. He does the same. We are sometimes too busy to communicate properly so we do this and it helps a lot!



Try writing your feelings down so you can't get cut off or yelled at and let him read it or read it to him. Read it in full and then go back point by point so he can say something in response.



He really has to see the full picture and if he's not willing to do it then maybe he isn't ready to settle and be a father. He might have been ready to be a husband but a father is different and you lose most of your freedom.

He;s probably also bummed that you are the only one bringing in money and it's dragging him down. Give him confidence. Tell him you say a job that would be perfect for him! Brag him up even if you don't mean some of the things but it will help.



I wish you luck and i hope things get better.