having a baby out of wedlock...

Lin - posted on 06/29/2010

It is questionable as to whether we were pregnant when we got married (the date of conception was estimated to be sometime that week), and with a high-risk pregnancy we didn't really get to have a honeymoon period either (heck we had to cancel our honeymoon that we had planned later in the year). And life got even more hectic after that. Taking the time to communicate and spend time together has really helped us get through these first 3 years.

AMBER - posted on 06/29/2010

well my boyfriend and i wont get married right now cuz we arnt ready to and i have a 3mth old boy. he has always told me not to get married just cuz of a baby. you do it cuz you love the other person. you may love your husband but if you didnt have the baby would you have got married? just ask your self that.

Sharrae - posted on 06/29/2010

Dont let people outside your marriage cause drama in your marriage! everyone will have an opinion but only you know whats best for you and your boyfriend/husband! I had to learn this the hard way!

Carina - posted on 06/29/2010

i had a 7 month old daughter at my wedding and unknown to us we were 1 month pregnant with our second. we have been married now for 3 years and we never really had a newly wed time were it was just all about us. it is hard but it also does get better. hang in there.

Thia - posted on 06/29/2010

if i offend i am sorry in advance

i dont believe in couples getting married because of a child..i've seen so many relationships fail because they try to keep it together for the child, yet the child is miserable because the parents argue constantly or are going through a rough divorce. my son is 14 months old, and though i live with his father, we aren't married. yes i love him, but things arent smooth enough in the relationship for us to get married and stay married long =/
besides, why do you need a piece of paper and a ring of metal to prove that you love someone? if you know in your heart that you love them then what others think shouldnt matter. right?

Carly - posted on 06/29/2010

My now husband & i were together 8yrs before we had our son (now 2) we got married 2 months ago. In this day and age i don't think its that big a deal unlike the gerneratoin of our parents who thught it wrong.

Denay - posted on 06/29/2010

My boyfriend and I are still not married our little girl is just about 17 months and we are expecting our 2nd in Feb of next year. We had some rough patches and still do but we love each other and work them out.

Tiphanny - posted on 06/29/2010

im a young mother and my child was born out of wedlock i have been with my partner 4 nearly 4 yrs n we are happy in oour relationship when we are ready we will get married some day but i dnt see it as a big deal

Morgan - posted on 06/29/2010

i was married after my daughter was born but we waited 3 years after, i didnt want to be pregnant at my wedding cuz then i thought people would talk and say oh they just got married for the child no the love you know

Misty - posted on 06/29/2010

I was 4 months pregnant when my hubby and I were married. He was 19 and I was 21. We are Christians and had genuinely been trying to wait before marriage to even have sex. Almost made it, lol. Our first year was REALLY hard, as we were on our own for the first time and at our first jobs. The first year is hard for everyone, but especially when there's a child involved. Also the disappointment from our parents was hard. Mine took a bit longer to forgive us and it was terribly hard for me emotionally, because it was the first time in my life I was unsure of our relationship. I was always really close to my parents.

Marriage takes a LOT of patience and good communication skills. That has been one of our strengths, but most couples are lacking in that department. We also had the love and support of our church family and my in-laws. They were understanding and loving and did SO much to help us.

Many people have the idea that love and marriage should be easy, but it's not. Marriage is like owning a vehicle. You have to give it fuel regularly- do things together, be open and honest with each other, use kind words always. You need routine maintainence. Be supportive of one another and respect one another. You won't always have the warm fuzzies and butterflies, but continuing to love each other is a choice you make once those are gone. You make the choice to be a good spouse and do what you can to make them happy and care for them, and they WILL reciprocate. Hope this helps.

Amy - posted on 06/29/2010

I was 5 months pregnant when my husband and I got married. We had been together for 5 years when we found out we were expecting. Our wedding anniversary is July 28th 2007 and our daughter was born November 8th.

Sharrae - posted on 06/29/2010

My husband and I got married Dec. 7th 2009, my daughter was born April 26 2008. So needless to say no honeymoon period. We've definitely had our ups and downs, but we try to remember honeymoon isnt forever, our marriage is (prayerfully)! We often need breaks, we try to have date nights where we get a babysitter and think about us. Also my mom takes my daughter for a month every summer so that gives us time to get back on the same page. I think the thing to remember is that you have to make time for each other, otherwise you both will forget what drew you together to begin with! So don't worry your not alone!

Lesli - posted on 06/29/2010

it's not just you, in fact the first 4 years after having a baby it's hard on everyone. There are support groups and a lot of information about the topic.

i got married before i was pregnant. I was engage for about one year before i got married, so i've been with my husband for a while before i got married and had kids. We argue a lot, lately we fight a lot due to lack of sleep and exhaustion. I have 6 month old twins, so i get no sleep and i get no help from any family so i'm always trapped at home with crying babies so i know i'm very irritable. It really has nothing to do with not having a honey moon, i think it's mostly because your life changes so suddenly and there is really no way to be prepared to abandon most of your privileges and take care of a little one who is 100% dependent on you. Remember to be a woman, to make sure he sees you as an individual and not just like the mother of his child. What helps a lot is to try to understand his point of view on the situation. For us women it's way easier to give up what's necessary to commit to our children, and we sometimes sacrifice things our husbands can't understand and want to keep. I try to resolve things by thinking about what he goes through, how his life change and how much more pressure he has now that we have little ones to think about, and try to put things in a way that he feels valued but still explain that the change it's hard for me too, and the the issues i have are common and normal.

I know right now i'm concentrated on being a parent, but it's important to keep in mind the person you used to be and the lifestyle you both used to have and revive some of that passion... guys feel like they are often competing with the baby for attention, and if all the dialog between as a married couple is about kids and home life, they feel like there is really no interest on them like it used to be...

i hope it helps, i'm trying to resolve it too... being married with kids it's hard, but it's so worth it :)

Karissa - posted on 06/29/2010

My "husband" and I have been together for almost 5 years and will be having our 3rd together. Well our 2nd together and a total of 3 children as he had one before we got together. He is 11 years older than myself and we are just waiting for the right time to get married. Its mostly me actually. Hes okay with a Justice of the peace wedding but i would love to have one in Vegas. I know how we are and if we do a JOTP wedding we will NEVER do a fun wedding in Vegas. Its been crazy, but we know we are stable and have no worries of it ending. We will get married eventually but for now we are content with our rings and our love for each other. We know it will happen eventually but we want the kiddos to be a lil older and I want to be able to celebrate along with everyone else.

Jen - posted on 06/29/2010

When I got pregnant my husband and I were not married. He was actually about to propose to me before we found out we were pregnant. He did still propose to me, but I told him we were not getting married until I graduated from college. His mom practically begged us to get married before the baby and I said no. She finally gave up and we were married 2 years later. Our daughter was 17 months old and was a flower girl in our wedding. We went on our honeymoon a few weeks after the wedding and our daughter stayed with my parents. We've only had 2 "fights" in the almost 4 years that we've been together. Now we're planning for baby number 2.

Atinuke - posted on 06/29/2010

Hiya!!!
what i would just say is that there is no marriage without 'issues' and 'challenges'. whether, you've been best of friends for years before getting married, whether you had one year of honeymoon or you did not have any, there will always be issues cos i mean, marriage is not a bed of roses. Just make up your mind with your partner to make it work no matter what you face. Even identical twins have diff characters and av rough times how much more two pple coming from extremely diff backgrounds. don't be deceived by 'honeymoon' or no honeymoon, that is just the fact. wish you all the very best.

Nichole - posted on 06/29/2010

I wasn't pregnant when me and my husband got married, but I found out 4 weeks after the wedding that I was 2 weeks along. So our honeymoon period just lasted the honeymoon... Then we were preparing to be parents. We have rough times and get stressed but we are young and haven't been married long and have a little one (21 and 24 with a 10 month old and we will have been married 2 years on Dec. 20.) But we work through those times and I think things will get better as we age and grow together. Marriage basically as new to us and our son.

Charlotte - posted on 06/29/2010

When my last child was born me and my man had no plans to marry. We only got engaged when our son was 18 months old and we still haven't fixed a date. But we're doing just fine! However I had my daughters nearly 2 years after I got married to my now ex-husband and our relationship whent from bad to worse after our marriage. I don't think the fact of having kids so soon has anything to do with relationship problems, but it could make them worse.

Caitlin - posted on 06/29/2010

My Belly was pretty bug you could i was pregnant

Enelya - posted on 06/29/2010

My husband and I got married April, 2008 he has 2 sons from a previous relationship and I have 1 son from a previous relationship. Both of our exs are not a help so we have been raising our kids together for 5 years now since they were 1, 2 and 3. So we married with 3 young sons no honeymoon there. Then during our first year we suffered a miscarriage and I had to under go a DNC then by our 1 year anniversary I was pregnant again with our son who is now 6 months old. So we have also had ups and downs no honeymoon by far and money issues to top it of. The point is you make your relationship what it is. Remember a marriage is about traveling through life together, helping each other out and making it through the rough times together allows for the good times to be that much more meaningful.

Kristi - posted on 06/29/2010

I was married March 20th 2009, 5 months prego with my little girl..I wasn't showing too much but enough that you knew I was growing another person in there. My husband and I pretty much did the whole wedding thing for our families because I could have cared less if Remmi was born with her parents being married or not. I still don't feel married and it's been 18 months because I feel it wasn't my wedding to begin with(it was low budget and not very well put together), but at least we got a priestess who was willing to give us the hand-fasting ceremony we wanted.

Heather - posted on 06/29/2010

My husband asked me to marry him in November of 2005. In March of 2006 we found out we were pregnant. We married when our daughter was 8 months old and our 3 year anniversary is fast approaching. We have had quite the tough year and are definetly having some rough times. My mom and a friend both said that the first five years are always the hardest with and without kids. You are still getting to know each other and your quirks. It is tough but I believe that if we can manage our small families at such an early time in our marriages and stay together through it we will be good. Keep your head up. :)

Julia - posted on 06/29/2010

I was pregnant for my wedding only 2 months pregnant so I didn't look like I was. We didn't get married because I got pregnant (we had already planned to get married, but we did it so soon so my mother could be there before she passed.
We are doing okay, but do have a few more arguments because I have a difficult time getting things done because our baby is only 2 and a half months old; and it's not because I got pregnant before we were married.

I hope things get better for you and your husband.

Barbara - posted on 06/29/2010

Its normal to have the rough times. My husband and I were married one month after our son was born. I was 18 he was 20 and the first years were extremely rough! But it will get easier as you grow together and learn together. Having a child and a new marriage at the same time is hard but it does get easier.

Tasha - posted on 06/29/2010

i got married when my daughter was 4 monthes old

Nikki - posted on 06/29/2010

when my husband and i got married, i had a 1 1/2 yr old boy from my last boyfriend and i was three months pregnant with our first daughter. we never got to enjoy a honeymoon phase either. we dont fight. every now and again we will have a small argument but those i feel are due to stress from him working alot. we have been married 7 yrs now and we have no doubts about our relationship. every married couple will have a spat now and again but as long as you love each other it should all work itself out.

Christi - posted on 06/29/2010

i didn't know it but i was seven weeks pregnant when we got married. we have been married two years and i will not lie, it makes things really really difficult. we didn't get the honeymoon phase or spend any time really just us, a month in i found out i was pregnant and alreay three months along and it put us straight into parent mode. we were happy because we wanted kiddos, but we just thought it would have been a few years down the road.

Caitlin - posted on 06/29/2010

You don't have to be married to be happy!Nothing changes when you get married just your last name

Ashley=) - posted on 06/29/2010

I found out i was preg a week after we got engaged,we were together a year before then and now we have been together 8years altogether with two girls who are our world...we have not married,its not something we thought of since we had our first child,we love each other dearly and maybe one day we will get married but for now we are just cool with not being married.
Whether or not you are married any realationship demands work and effort.Best of luck to you both.:-)

Caitlin - posted on 06/29/2010

I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter when i married my husband.I have been with him since i was 18 so i haven't really dated any one else.We were engaged for two years so when we found out i was pregnant there was no rush to get married.Also it is sad when you do not have a honey moon.

Michelle - posted on 06/29/2010

I was 18 when I had my daughter and was only with my now husband for a year and a half. We didn't get married until she was 18 months old because I didn't want to marry just because we had a child together I wanted to marry because we loved each other enough to do so. We have had plenty of hard times we even broke up for a year. But we have been married for going on 5 years in july and just had our little boy on Feb. 9, 2010. A lot of it was being young parents and not knowing what you fully want at a young age.

Carmine - posted on 06/29/2010

Our daughter was born Jan 28/09, we got married Aug 23/09 but we'd been together since we were 18 (for the past 6 years). Originally we found no reason to justify ourselves in a man made tradition of being married and we're just going to stay common law. But at the last minute, it just felt right to do it and got it over with by private ceremony where the only people who even KNEW about it were our best woman/maid of honor and our photographer (who was the best woman's husband). We got the same JP who married my mom & stepdad and call our parents as we headed back to town from the lake and told them (we got married in a gazebo off the lakeside). In the end, nothing had really changed between us, marriage only changes you if you let it.

Sheelah - posted on 06/29/2010

we were engaged for two years before and i would never marry anyone because i was pregnant cuz thats just not fair to you, him or the kids.....

Sheelah - posted on 06/29/2010

my husband and i were married feb 26 09 and our son was born may 19 09.....althou we planned everything to kinda be that way....

Carla - posted on 06/29/2010

I got married 7months after having my first child! I loved having him there and i wouldn't of changed it for anything, Was more Special having him there! Did you get married because you were pregnant or because you are in-love, everyone go's through rough times, if you are truely ment for eachother then you will be okay. Just talk to your husband xx

Yamilis - posted on 06/29/2010

I met my boyfriend when I was 19, We moved in together 3 months after meeting and we were pregnant 3 months after that. I decided that I didnt want to get married because I was pregnant. Kids dont make a marriage last! We have 2 beautiful daughters now 1 and 3. It's been 4 years and even as a non-married couple we have our rough times but its worth it and we decided now to get married by the end of 2010 :)
situation works for {ME}!!!

Stephanie - posted on 06/29/2010

Me and my husband got together when I was 6 in a half months pregnant and we had alot of rough times. Then we had my second child (his first). We were together for 1 year when we finally got married. We have now been married for 2 years and now have 3 kids. He calls them all his babies. We have alot of problems but we always find a way through it all. Just stick in there thing always get worse before they get better.

Katie - posted on 06/29/2010

My now fiance asked me to marry him about a year before we found out I was pregnant. We both knew we wouldn't be able to afford a nice wedding for a long time and he knew I wanted kids so we got pregnant and planned on getting married after she was born (not a big wedding). Our daughter is 19 months now and we plan on getting married sometime this year hopefully but if not its not a huge deal I just told him we better be married before we have another baby.

Destinee - posted on 06/29/2010

im 21 my boyfriend is 34 our daughter is almost 5 monthe we have been dating for a year and a half and are planning our wedding now we have been friends for almost 3 and a half years and are very happy together we went through our rough patch shortly after her birth but now everything is a lot better if anything having a daughter together has made our relationship stronger and more joyful! the main thing i can say is talk if your not happy even if its something small because its the little things that eat away at you i can assure you that you'll both be a lot happier if you let each other know whats wrong but for every little bad thing you have to reassure eachother with all the little everyday things that you love about eachother

Megan - posted on 06/29/2010

I was 23 when i fell pregnant, At the time my boyfriend and i had only been dating 10mnths. Both of us had just lost our jobs and times were hard. He asked me if i wanna get married and i said no. He only wanted to do the right thing. So when our son was 5 months we got engaged and saved enough money so that when he was 18mnths we had a big dream wedding and he was our page boy. We only married 6 mnths now and our son is 2yrs. so there still no honeymoon stage for us either. But we extremely happy. We only had our honey moon 2mnths after the wedding and we had 2 take our son with us. But it was a great vacation.

Chassity - posted on 06/29/2010

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years this August we have 2 boys that are 4 and almost 2. Not married and don't plan on getting married anytime soon. Except for the whole name change we pretty much are married.

Tabby - posted on 06/29/2010

I have yet to get married. Jeff and I have been together for 5 years. We met in 05 and had our son in 06. We were planning on getting married and then we found out that I was pregnant agin with alyssa. We had Alyssa in 08. Its hard being a young parent and that puts strain on a relationship. Plus not being able to spend the time together like you did before having the baby makes it harder and sometimes it feels like it will tear the relationship apart. Jeff and I are still struggling and it does not help that our parents our against us every step of the way or that we cant talk to anyone outside of the relationship because either they dont like me or they dont like him. The only thing that helps me is looking at what he have been through and looking at the babies and saying "Well I have made it this far. I can sure make it the rest of the way." Remember that if you have hit the bottom theres no where else to go but up.

Bri - posted on 06/29/2010

me and my husband were only dating for 3 months (Apr. 2007)when I found out I was pregnant....he was in the process of buying a house for himself and I ending up movng in with him in June of that same year. Our 1st daughter was born Dec. 2007 and we got married in May of 2008....we did fight a little more right after we were married, mainly about money, but now that we have had our 2nd daughter in Feb 2010 we get along pretty good. But every relationship has rough patches here and there, u just have to learn to get through them without messing it all up. Good Luck! :)

Krystle - posted on 06/28/2010

Well, not exactly the same situation here. My bf and I have been together 5 years and all of my children are his. We've talked about getting married and as many people would say, we might as well be married...but we're not. We do, one day, want to get married, but we also know that just because we've been together this long and have 3 kids together, it does NOT mean we absolutely HAVE to get married right now. After 5 years, we've still got a lot of issues that need to be worked through before we even want to think about planning a wedding or even getting engaged.

I think that if you love each other, (which I'm sure you do) then together, you can conquer anything.

Francesca - posted on 06/28/2010

Marriage is hard work. And troubled times isn't just isolated to young couples or couples who didn't have a longer honeymoon period.



My grandfather often gives this advice to most couples he sees.

"The first 48 years of marriage is hard work. After that, senility sets in"



My grandparents have been married 55 years. They very honestly tell us of the rough times they had to go through to get to their happy 55th.. My grandfather had even moved out at one point when all their kids were young.



And my mom and dad are very honest about their wedlock. My mom and dad had one date. And then my mom showed up about to burst 9 months later. My mom said she had no interest in marrying my dad until after she saw how committed he was to raising my sister. They got married a few months later and have been happy ever since. They now have 6 kids, 2 grandchildren and still chase eachother around the kitchen table. I have never seen a happier couple. They never got a honeymoon. In fact, they didn't even have a wedding. They just went to city hall. But they made the best of it.



Things will get better. It will just take a little work.



Good luck!

Megan - posted on 06/28/2010

I am engaged but not married. We have been together almost 4 years. We were very close from the beginning of the relationship and pretty much lived together from the beginning and we also worked together. We saw each other all the time and really got to know each other extremely well. We moved away after being together for 8 months. We decided after our first year that we wanted to start a family together (initially thinking it would take us up to a year to get pregnant). We got pregnant month 13 of our relationship. Our daughter was born August '08 and we celebrated 2 years together October '08 got engaged December '08. We are pretty much married except for a piece of paper that says so and I have a different last name then my fiancee and daughter.
We have not set a date but when we do our honeymoon will include our daughter being there.
While we were home for Christmas in December '08 a lot of our family thought that we should get married while we were there but we did not want to just throw together a wedding nor did we just want to get married because we had a baby together. We also wanted to wait until our daughter could partake in our day. Chances are we will have another baby before we are married on paper!!!

Stina - posted on 06/28/2010

Childless couples have rough patches in the early stages of marriage too. When they have kids they will continue to have rough patches. Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of commitment and a refusal to look to divorce as an option when the going gets tough. It takes choosing to love even when the mushy feelings of amorous passion have fizzled out.



That said, My husband and I were married when I was 5 months pregnant. We had been dating all of 6 months. I was blissfully happy and blindly in love. Had I known what the next 6 years would have in store for us, I probably would have wiped that big grin off my face as I walked down the aisle. Honestly, while we didn't want to get married for the baby, if it wasn't for the pregnancy, the marriage wouldn't have happened so soon and knowing what I know about him now, I don't think our dating relationship would have lasted a year.



But, I was pregnant and in love and we did get married and were determined to stay married. We recently pulled through another fight and at the end of every dispute, when we come to a place of understanding again, we have more love and a deeper commitment to each other than the day we said "I do." 6 years and three kids later, I can honestly say that I love him more today than I did the day I married him.

Andrea - posted on 06/28/2010

i found out i was preggo the month after we got married, the conception date is still not determined haha buti think he was a "honeymoon" baby. we deff went thru some rough patched but he was working out of state til i was 4 months prego, and left agaon when i was 8 months. but i think our problem way not ever seeing eachother, because we are great now

however, i do see alot of people getting married and/or staying married for the kids, personally i do not agree because kids can pick up on negative feeling to eachother. you do not have to be together just to make the "perfect" family. you guys can love the child away from eachother and have the happy family. not saying you guys shouldnt try to stay together :) i could go on forever haha, i like to talk :)

Brittney - posted on 06/28/2010

My daughter was 8 months old and I was technically 3 days pregnant with my son when I married my husband. Didn't know I was pregnant with number 2 at the time, but we married because of love. We had a night getaway at the beach for our honeymoon... That was a year ago, in the past year I've seen my husband physically for a total of 5 weeks because of deployment. So yes it's tough as hell being young, married, with kids, and no real honeymoon. But at the end of the day it's worth it even thru the fights.

Soleil - posted on 06/28/2010

I was 19, knew the guy for 1 month and we got married 2 months later due to the pregnancy and pressure from his family. We got divorced less than 2 years later. Everyone goes through rough patches, but if you're both working on it, keep your spirits up.