Having kids with big age differences!

Veronica - posted on 07/10/2010 ( 79 moms have responded )

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I'm 21 with a 2 year old and I was worried about having another. I wont have another until my daughter is about 6 or 7 and I'm afraid that it will be very hard to have them at such a big age gap. I'm terrified that she will hate the new baby, turn on me, or even I may not want to go through the baby age since I will have been out of that stage for quite a while. I know it's early for me to think about it, but it's something that has been worrying me since I've had her. Anybody have any advice or anything that would help it would be greatly appreciated!!

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Victoria - posted on 07/11/2010

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Hiya, I have two children. My eldest was 6 on Jan 18th this year and my youngest was born on Jan 16th this year, so there is almost exactly six years between them. It's brilliant! Baby looks at his big brother with total adulation, and big brother adores the little one - he helps care for him (in a 6yr old kinda way!), cuddles him, makes him laugh. He even got out all his old baby toys to give to him. It works perfectly. Also, neither of them miss out on my time. While the eldest is at school at day, I give loads of attention to the elder one, and then when the elder one comes home I feed baby and put him down for a nap and spend plenty of time with the older one. So I don't feel like either of them are having to miss out on quality time with me.



I have friends that have their kids 2/3 yrs apart and they have all the jealousy issues, but I have none at all. And I am not totally exhausted from having a toddler and a baby!



If you want to have a 6/7 year gap then do it. It'll work absolutely fine as long as you approach it right. I would advise you to involve your daughter in the pregnancy when the time comes though - talk to her lots about the baby, take her to the scans maybe. She will be of an age where she can understand better and she will probably be really excited.



Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 07/11/2010

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My son is 1yrs old and his step siblings are 23, 21, and 7... And honestly the rockiest relationships we have are with the older ones that feel that my husband went and "started a new family:" (the 7yr old is from a different mother than the olders). But my 7 yr old step daughter couldnt be happier to have a little brother. I was worried that she would be jealous and once in a while of course she is but we never ever make her feel like she was not included which I think is the most important thing. We included her since day one.
From other my friends experience the 6-7 yr age gap is MUCH easier to handle than the 2-4 age gap only bc they are over being a baby I guess.
My point is our success came with including her as much as possible with everything. She was in our maternity pictures, she felt my belly all the time, when my son was born she was allowed to hold him all the time whenever she wanted. And now that he is 1 she is allowed (with supervision) to pick him up, help he walk around the hosue etc. She is always talking about all the things she is going to teach him and she is always playing with him showing him new things. Just keep her included and pump her uup when she is going to be a big sister.

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Tinker1987 - posted on 10/19/2011

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me and my brother are almost 7 years apart,we werent close growing up,but are closer now as adults.we just had no common interests when we were younger... and faught alot! i have a couson who has 4 kids,2 are younger and 2 are older,and the older ones get along with the younger ones just fine. and love their younger siblings.

Linda - posted on 10/19/2011

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i'm 31 and i have a 13 year old boy and a 11 year old girl and i all so have a baby that just turned one this mouth. no your little one will be the best help ever, so you will be fine. me well my 13 year old boy is not much help he is getting into to much and might not be around for any help with the baby...

Dawn - posted on 05/13/2011

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Hello! I had my son when I was 26, I'm 36 now and he's 9, going to be 10 In October. I am about 2 months pregnant with my second child. My husband and I have already talked to my son about what going to happen. We started getting the baby's room ready, we moved the office downstairs and I asked my son If he wanted to help, he did. To my surprise when I ask him to help with cleaning the baby's room he enjoys spending the time with me, It makes him feel very Important. I know It's early but It's Important to talk to your child every step of the way and have them help. I even went online and showed him what the baby looks like at 2 months along. If you keep your child Involved every step of the way I think It will be less shock for them and also Involve them after the baby Is born. oh! My son also asked If he had to share his Legos, he loves his Legos, I said no. Your child needs their privacy and you have to respect that.

Maggie - posted on 07/26/2010

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My sister's baby girl is 7 years old and she always queries about having a brother or sister.I think she feels lonely coz of the neighbours kids who are about 2 or 3 in a family.I recently told her to get another kid so that my niece can have a sis or bro whom she will play games, share the fun around and also to avoid being lonely. I will have my second born when the other baby is four years old.coz the gap of 4 years isn't bad to me. It is good to have more kids coz it make a fmily happy, lively and interesting;. Kids are a blessing form God and they should be treasured no matter the gap.Thaxs

Maggie - posted on 07/26/2010

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My sister has a 7 years Old girl and recently she querried about a baby, coz she wanted a sister or brother, they do get jealous esp. if their neighbour has a two or more kids, and they sometimes feel lonely and bored when alone, coz she needs someone like a sis or bro to share food, play games and also fight etc of which i find healthy. for me i would want to have a second born when my baby is four years old.
Remember loneliness is a bad thing which cannot be care for.

Michelle - posted on 07/24/2010

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the age gap between my two children is 5yr and from since my youngest was born my oldest has wanted to protect his little baby sister, and yes now she is older she follows him around and wants to be where he is and play with his toys, which can annoy him, they have their ups and downs but i would never change to age gap, while my son is at school i get to spend all day with my daughter, and yes it was tough going back to the baby things again but its worth it!

Amy - posted on 07/24/2010

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Even though your 21 having another child in 6-7 years may be whats right for you. I had my son when I was 18 and then I had my daughter when I was 23. It was a great age gap in the beginning but now I wish I would've had then closer together. My son is off in his own life while my daughter is off in hers. My son hates playing with his sister a lot because she doesn't like the same cartoons and they are so far apart. Do what makes you feel better. It was pretty easy to have that age gap since 1 was self suficiant and then the other was a baby then I always had a helper. But now I wish they would've been closer. I also wish I would've waited till I was financially stable and had a stead income. I have been living by myself for the last 7 years but my mother has been a huge help with money and helping me buy things for my kids. Do what your comfotable with. I always wanted my kids when I was young so when they got older I was still a young mom but thats how I felt.

Bobbie - posted on 07/23/2010

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I have two kids and they are six years apart. When i found out i was going to have another baby i made him apart of everything he went with me to the ultrasounds and i even let him pick her middle name. She is almost four now and they are best friends Im so glad that i waited!

Kristi - posted on 07/23/2010

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There's an 8 1/2 year age gap between my two boys. My ODS wanted a baby for "us" at the age of 3, but my husband and I didn't start trying until 2 years ago, and then it took another year to get pregnant. Initially I only wanted one child (had ODS at age 21 and said "There! Done!") but changed my mind after meeting my hubby. YDS absolutely adores his big brother and the feeling is mutual. I kept ODS updated throughout the whole pregnancy, and he was actually the very first person DH and I told after we found out. He's such a big helper and I honestly look at my friends and relatives who've had kids close together and wonder how they do it, because I certainly couldn't! :D Good luck and know that as long as she's kept in the loop things will go much more smoothly. :D

Cassie - posted on 07/22/2010

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Hi Veronica. I have a 10 year old son and a 4 year old daughter and expecting my next one March next year. There is a 6 year gap between my son and daughter and I found and still find the gap to be a good thing. My daughter looks up to her big brother and adores him. They have their problems at times like all siblings do but I find it makes things easier as for the most part my son knows when to back down (he has high function autism so sometimes its hard for him to realise the mark.) There will be an almost 5 year gap between my daughter and my next baby and I am enjoying the gap as it makes it easier for her to understand and it gave me the time to just spend with her. Just remember though that if/when you have the next one to spend quality time with just your first born, otherwise it builds up resentment between your eldest and the baby and you. And you will end up with a very attention seeking child like a friend of mine has when she had her last child (she has 4 kids.) Best of luck with it all.

April - posted on 07/22/2010

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i wouldnt worry too much about it hun .. my oldest daughter is 8 years old and have a 20month old as well and pregnant with my 3rd... she is so helpful with her baby sister... she does get a lil annoyed sometimes but i think you are gonna have that with any age difference... just remind her when the time comes that you love her unconditinaly

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2010

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I am 6 and 8yrs older than my sisters and when they were first born i remember everything, i loved being my mums helper and gained alot of confidence for raising my own children. I got to see my sisters grow up which was so special! my sisters and I are very close now we are adults. i have two chilren 26months and 12months and although we wanted our babies close i feel a little sad that if we dont have anymore they wont get to grow up with babies in the house which is such a wonderful thing! whatever you choose to do there will always be a pro and a con, so dont stress to much about the age gap because there are plenty of people that loved it that way too! good luck

Erica - posted on 07/22/2010

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My childeren are 13,6,18months and 9 weeks.... I LOVE having older children around. The two older ones help me out and keep me from going insane sometimes when my 18month old is acting up. My son(oldest) is one of the biggest helpers. He watches his sister for me while I'm cleaning and doing other things to keep her out of trouble and she absolutely loves her big brother! My oldest daughter plays with the oldest baby while I'm giving the youngest bottles and such. Me and mu husband included the 2 older kids in every single part of their little sisters from the time we found out we were pregnate. We even took them to ultrasounds so they could say"hi" to their sisters. this last time we had an awesome technician that printed out a pic for all 3 of the kids w/their names on it. I think you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Your daughter won't be in the baby stage anymore and will understand a bit more and know your not just forgetting about her.When the time comes, have her help you with things like getting you diapers"babysitting"while you use the restroom, or even something as simple as having her pick out a special toy or blanket for the baby that's just from it's big sister and make her feel kinda like she's a little mommy. That's what I did w/my 6 year old and she looks so proud of herself when she gets to do something for her younger sisters.

Louise - posted on 07/22/2010

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There is 3 and a half years between my two and that's the way we wanted it. I always sai I'd only have one child in nappies at a time. It worked for us as we were able to explain all about the new baby and mommys tummy and he was old enough to understand. He hugs and kisses his baby brother every day and they have to have the same clothes and they are jut so cute.
I also have a cousin who like you had a baby young. She was 20. There is 7 years between them. She thinks it's great cos when she's busy with baby he's old enough to understand and to do something himself.

Tara - posted on 07/22/2010

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Well I was married at 19 Got pregnant shortly after we were married then lost the baby. Pregnant again with my son Ian at 21. He is now 3. I didn't even want to think about another baby for the longest time I was happy with him. Then one day I told my husband I'm ready to have another baby. We got pregnant 2 times and lost both babies. Then Early last year we got pregnant for a 5th time and in October we had a beautiful baby girl Zoe. I guess what I'm saying is don't worry you will know when your ready and it don't sound like your ready now. Ian and Zoe are almost exactly 3yrs apart in age. I had a hard time adjusting to having another baby not by lack of loving Zoe but adjusting in the sense of going from a potty trained kid to a baby in diapers, going from a kid who slept through the night to a baby who wakes up in the night, going from not being tied down to breastfeeding to breastfeeding. It didn't take me long to adjust to the new addition. It was only hard the first month maybe if it was that long. I dont know what it would be like to have them closer I just know that I think no matter the age difference there are going to be things you didn't expect, but the love for and of your children will make those differences seem like a tiny grain of sand. Relax and know that you will know when your ready and you will adjust because thats what moms do.

Erin - posted on 07/22/2010

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My brother is 8 years younger than me. I love him dearly and always have. My sister was 6 when he was born. She did have some jealousy for a little while, but I think that has something to do with personality type too. I think as long as you continue to give her attention and maybe have her help with the baby she'll be fine. Also, I believe you will know when you're ready to have another, if at all. Don't feel guilty, do what's right for you. Everything else will fall into place.

Marie - posted on 07/22/2010

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I went through that too. My son was 6 when my daughter was born. They are 9 and 3 now, and he absolutely adores his little sister. We did a lot to prepare him, like picking a name early and talking about her as if he already had a little sister, but they just hadn't met yet. He had a huge part in helping to buy everything for his little sister. He even got so used to the idea, that when we went to the hospital for her birth, he ran into his room and got his piggy bank, because he wanted to "help pay to bring Aislee home." I let him pick out a present for her instead to bring to the hospital. Don't worry so much, it will work out when you are ready for another baby.

Christy - posted on 07/22/2010

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I was close to 7 years apart from my brother and we never were close. He was graduating high school when I was going into 6th grade. He never wanted me around but now as adults we get along just fine.

EMMA - posted on 07/22/2010

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i wanted another baby but cos i struggle with my 4 yr old she's a hand full so i decided against it although it's sumtin i really want but ive accepted that i couldn't cope.

Bridget - posted on 07/22/2010

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Well I don't have kids of my own that are that far a part, but my stepson is eight years older than my daughter and nine years older than my son. He love his brother and sister. They do fight sometimes, but they wouldn't be siblings if they didn't.
Also I am about eight years older than my brother and sister and I get along with them better than I get along with my other sister who is only eleven months younger than I am.

Am - posted on 07/22/2010

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I am sure she won't hate the new baby, you have to do what works best for your family though. I have heard that when there are big age gaps the sibling end up not being close later in life but I bet when she is young she will love helping out. My kids are really close in age 3,2, and 5 months. I am very busy but at the same time the kids have each other to play with and stay pretty busy. I don't think either way is wrong, it is whatever works for you, whatever you do you will make it work, that is life. Good luck in whatever you decide.

CJ - posted on 07/22/2010

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I don't know about for you, but for the kids it should be fine. Me and my siblings are 6 and 7 years apart. Me and my younger brother are really close, and I was a big help when he was younger. Me and my older brother didn't get along as well, but that didn't start happening until I hit preschool age, and I think it's more a personality clash than an age issue. I hope this helped to calm your worries a little.

Katie - posted on 07/22/2010

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Hey Veronica, i have a 2year old son n my daughter is 8months. they are 14months part. When i told my son that there's a baby in my belly he was happy. He always put his head on my belly to hear the baby n try to put food in my belly button. But i wouldnt worry

Ruby - posted on 07/22/2010

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I have two daughters, one is almost 11 and the baby is almost 3. I had my oldest daughter at 18 and decided to finish school and be financially stable. So when baby # 2 came I was better prepared emotionally and financially which made it easier for me to be a mummy 2nd time around. 1 thing more than anything, the big gap gives you peace of mind and you also have the help of the older sibling which is fantastic. Dont succumb to pressure, just give yourself as much time as you need so you can always be the best mummy you can be.

Deborah - posted on 07/21/2010

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I'm 30 and have 2 biological children and 1 step child my oldest is 13 and my step daughter is 6 and my youngest is 14 months so there is a big age gap but they both do very well with the baby .My 6 yr old has some jelousy issues sometimes but thats natural for any kid and my oldest adores her but is sometimes aggravated when she gets into his stuff wich again is pretty normal for any age difference so if thats the age difference that is good for you then go for it the kids will adjust .

Leanne - posted on 07/21/2010

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i had my second child when my daughter was 6 years old, and she has been nothing but amazing! its alot easier with bigger age gaps as the older ones dont need your 24/7 attention, so u can deal with the new baby and they can be very helpful with the situ, im having my third child in 7weeks, and my son is one in 2 weeks, im more worried about that age gap!! x

Rachael - posted on 07/21/2010

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i think all kids will get jelous of a new baby. you just have to reassure them that you love them both the same and try your hardest to treat them the same. it was hard for me because i have a 2 yr old and my step-son is going to be 12 in October. but its different in my case because when a kid isn't really yours you dont have that same connection so yes maybe i do favor my 2yr old over him but i have reason....

Shandy - posted on 07/20/2010

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hey there i have a 7 year old daughter and a 11 month old son and he adores her and she truly loves him there are little jelouse issues here and there but we just talk to her and help her throught and as long as we give her alone time with mom and dad when her brother goes down for the night then she seemes completly fine with it they love ecohter so much and they both protect echoter already so i would not worry about it and i hope this helps you

Heather - posted on 07/20/2010

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I have an 8 year old and a 9 month old so there is 7 almost 8 years between them and i love it. My son is such a big help with his brother and the baby looks up to him half the time I think he prefers his bubba over mommy

Amanda - posted on 07/16/2010

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i have a 9 year old and a 4 year old and they get along very well... i find my oldest always watching over his little brother to help him or make sure he doesnt hurt himself... it doesnt matter the age gap the will love each other and help each other

Terri - posted on 07/16/2010

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I have 2 older sisters, one is 10 years older and one is 12 years older. I always wanted to be with them, they may not have always liked it, but now we couldn't be closer.

Caroline - posted on 07/16/2010

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hi my sister is in her 40's and has a 13yr old boy and has just had a little girl. we were all worried he might react badly but were really surprised that he is really good with his little sister!!! hes a normal teenager away from the house but once hes inside hes a model babysitter!!!

Tessie Lee - posted on 07/16/2010

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I am expecting a boy in september and my son is 7years old. He always helps me when I baby sit my god daughter and he is really excited to meet his brother. I think if you introduce thing early get your child use to the idea of having another baby around it should be ok.

Rebecca - posted on 07/16/2010

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I am the third child out of four, and my older siblings are 7 and 9 years ahead of me and my lil brother is nine years behind. So I was nine when he was born and there was some jelousy for me, but mostly it was fun because it was like having a live baby doll. But some kids are different and i wouldn't worry to much about it, your daughter will come around eventually if she has issues with a new baby...just be sure to let her know how many responsiblities she has now that she's going to be the big sister, and like helping you and watching out for the baby.

Jodi - posted on 07/16/2010

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Hi Veronica,
I had my daughter when I was 19. She is now 7 and I now have an 11 month old boy. My daughter loves him to bits. She is such a great help and is so protected of him. I keep her involved and still make her feel special because she was an only child for so long. Everyday I remind her she is still my baby too. I wouldn't of done it any other way. I have had time to concentrate on both of my babies. I feel blessed to have had lots of one on one time with both of my children. Just relax and your family will adjust.. It's just probably worrying because families generally choose their kids to be born close in age. Do what suits yourself and your family. Goodluck. xxx

Tiffany - posted on 07/15/2010

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hey, i have an older brother josh who is 23, i am 21, katie is 10, ethan is 8, emily is almost 7, and allie is 2. then there is my kids who are 2 and 10 months. me and my mom were preg together. She didnt stop having kids till she was 39 and had an 11 year gap between me and my oldest little sister. I personally loved the age gap because i started raising my siblings at a young age because my mom worked nights and slept days, and it worked out great that way. and it was an agreement between me and my mom to do it that way cuz i loved watching all of them. and it also made it to where when i had my own, i didnt freak out over every little thing that happened to my kids. It will be fine as long as you spend enough time with your older child and not make her feel left out. and its not to soon to be worrieing about that. Everyone keeps telling me i need to get my tubes tied cuz i have a girl and a boy and apparently to them thats all i need. I plan on one more but i dont plan on getting them tied then either cuz i dont know who i will be 5-10-15 years down the road. I may wait 15 years and decide i want another one. so its never to soon to think about things.

Aleson - posted on 07/15/2010

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I know exactly how you feel. I'm 23 and have a 4 year old who will be five very soon. It feels like every day, more pressure is added to me to get pregnant so that he will be close to his sibling. I feel like its my fault if they aren't close because I got pregnant at 18 and wasn't ready to start planning for a family. I don't really have any advice:( Just want to let you know that you def aren't alone. I think its just one of those things that you can't deal with until you are in the moment.

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hey veronica! im 26 w/ a 5 year old and a 8 month old, and to be honest with you its wonderful! my 5 year old daughter is very involved and absolutley adors her bubba, if anything its brought us even closer than what were already were, but i most definantly prepared her while i was prego, and let her know that we were having a baby ( more like her baby, lol)... at times she would ask me to talk to her like i do to bubby, and i knew it was a lil jealousy when she would say it, but i would just explain to her that hes a baby, the more you explain and teach them the better they will understand.

Michelle - posted on 07/15/2010

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I think you will be ok.
I am 29 yrs old and my father is expecting with his new wife a baby boy. so I will be 30 when he is born. I have two sisters and 4 brothers. The closest sister in age to me is nine years younger. I was so happy when she was born. The only problem came was when I was 14 and starting high school my first brother was born. Because He was an infant I missed out on some after school activities that first year. However it is really cool to have all those siblings. I was really like a cool big sister to my next three siblings and the youngest three I'm like a mom figure. I had very little jealousy issues.

As long as you give your daughter plenty of attention when the baby is born the rest will fall into place.

Stina - posted on 07/15/2010

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My brother was born when I was 7 years old and I was SO excited for his arrival! He actually was born the day after my 7th birthday which to me seemed like a birthday present (I had even prayed for him to be a boy)

Having a brother 7 years younger than me, my mom was able to teach me how to change diapers. I also babysat him quite a bit once I was a teenager (parents divorced when I was about 8)... it gave me good experience to be able to babysit other peoples kids for money.

We weren't close playmates growing up since I was more big sister/one left in charge when mom was at work, but now that we are both adults (21 and 28) he's a super Uncle to my kids who see him as a child/adult hybrid. We get together to go hiking, rock climbing, or to just hang out when I can manage to get away from my kids for a few hours.

Christine - posted on 07/15/2010

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My brother is 9 years older then i am and my sister is 6 years older, and my sister and I have always been so close. Im 23 and I have a 15 month old and a 13 year old step daughter, I'm the queen of age differences! lol( they get along great)! Its normal to feel bad for the older child and there will be times where you feel like you arent paying any attention to them but its only temp. its not forever once baby grows and becomes more independant then it will be fine. I would stress about it to much!

Cristal - posted on 07/15/2010

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I am 25 my oldest son is 6 and my youngest son is 5 months it's so much easier! My oldest is a HUGE help and he adores his little brother.

Arelys - posted on 07/15/2010

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Hi I have a 7 year old and a six month old they are both boys. I didn't have any problem with the age difference, the oldest was very exited that he got a baby brother. Now he can help with bath time and other things aswell. I do give him extra mommy and daddy time so that he still feels special and gets the one on one attention that he needs. He's not jealous, he really loves his baby brother.

Jillian - posted on 07/15/2010

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Hi :) I have a 5 year old and a ten month old. I found the difference in a age a pain in the butt at first. It took me a while to get back into the swing of things. I loved going out with my first daughter and doing things that I can't really do with her now with a younger child. I also brestfeed which holds me back from doing things with her.. I would have rathered have my second child alot closer, there would have been alot more benifits. My first daughter loves her little sister and has a lot of patients with her but she has also shown signs of jealousy towards her, seeing im breastfeeding and were missing out on activities we used to do..

Sandra - posted on 07/15/2010

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Hi Veronica, I have an 11 year old and a 16 month old and at first my 11 year old was a little jealous because he thought that the baby was getting all the attention. I had to explain to him that the baby is little and he cant do anything for himself. I also told him that he would have to help me look after his little brother and from that day on it's been great! He loves his little brother and I love watching them interact now. But I do give my oldest son his mommy time. We even have mother son night out.

Leticia - posted on 07/15/2010

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My son is 20 months old and I have a step son who is 14. I was nervous at first but my boys are extremely close. My little one just loves his big big brother and vise versa. Ryan is such a big help for me and they are crazy about each other.
Hope this helps :)

Crystal - posted on 07/15/2010

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Its not a bad thind to have ur kids several years apart my son is 12 and my daughters are 6 and 4. He was actually a big help when it came down to it he helped with bottles and feeding when i was busy cooking or keeping them entertained so i could get the house woork done. My thing is im now having to adjust things around the house because my stepsons r now living with me and one of them is adhd and so far we havent been able to find any meds that work on him so im trying to put him on a daily schedule/routine and keep him busy.

S. - posted on 07/15/2010

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@ jenn,
my children also don't have the same dad's either. some times my oldest daughter get's upset as other children say thing's like "sienna's not your real sister, cos you dont have the same dad's" i tell them that yes biologically they are half sisters but there not half sisters they are just sisters, i tell my oldest it's how we feel in our hearts not whats running through our vain's :)

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