help!

Kim - posted on 01/21/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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im not due to have my first baby until the 24th March 09. I'm really nervous. in April 08 i had a miscarriage caused by the contraception i was using - didn't even know i was pregnant until it was too late. Since then I have been suffering with depression. I had to have an operation following the miscarriage and I had to go through it alone as my partner was in France working and couldn't get a flight back until after the op. It was the first time I'd ever had an operation and I was frightened silly! I also had to spend two weeks in the hospital.
Before I even had time to think about the miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again - the contraceptive injection works wonders by the way! We decided to keep it. Even though I had just been diagnosed with depression. After loosing the first I couldn't kill the second! But all the way through the pregnancy I've had nothing but problems. At first the morning sickness was so bad I lost over a stone in weight and ended up being hospitalised, I've never been able to put the weight back on and have lost a little more since, even though my belly is huge! The morning sickness started to clear up around the 15th week but starting the 16th week I developed migraines - 2 different types - one of them causes stroke symptoms. When this first happened I was so scarred. The hospital had thought I had actually had a stroke as I couldn't walk or talk for the next 6 weeks due to the paralysis down my left side. These have become easier to manage but are still scary at the time. I have at least one a week.
At around 24 weeks I was hospitalised with kidney stones and kidney infections. These have reoccurred nearly ever 2 weeks since, and each time I tend to end up in the hospital.
At 30 weeks I started with a stomach bug and now she isn't moving around as much as she used to. At 31 weeks I went to the hospital on my midwife's instructions. And they are asking me to keep an eye on it and if she doesn't move at least 5 times by 1pm today I have to go back in.
All this is not helping with my depression, my GP has booked me in to see a psychiatrist but will this help? I still think what if? about my lost baby. Would that have been a boy or a girl too? If i hadn't lost that one what would the pregnancy have gone like? As stressful as this one? My partner doesn't understand. He thinks I should just forget about it, I've got this baby now, I should be happy. I'm constantly worried I will lose her too, like the last one but he doesn't understand this at all. He thinks things aren't as bad as they are. He called my a hypochondriac and a drama queen when I went in the hospital when her heart beat was raised and she hadn't been moving for days. Even though it was the hospital that told me to come in! They rang me!

I would really appreciate some advice from someone who has or is in the same or similar situation.

thanks

xx

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5 Comments

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Jenny - posted on 01/21/2009

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hey you are having a really rough time. i feel for you. iv never losted a baby but when i was pregnant with my daughter second child i was in the hospital every week with movement problems pain al sorts not as bad as you kidney problems iv heard you can have a bad time but you top it

all i can say with you losing your last baby is if yopu have got this far with this one and you keep making sure the baby is moving you shouldnt have anything to worry about some times there moving and you cant feel it everytime i went to hospital they put me on the machine she was moving but i never felt a thing which is not good cos its makes you panic then. men never understand what your going through because they can never feel it or see it so they never understand my other half used to moan all the time when we had to go to hospital we had to get a baby sitter every week for my first child then pay them aswel and get the money for patrol and parking its a nightmare im not surprised your depressed try what the doctor said you might find it might make you feel better if not you cant lose anything from trying. if you ever need to chat you know where i/we are just give us a shout hope everything goes ok for you

Kim - posted on 01/21/2009

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thank you all so much for the reply's
I appreciate it so much, I think I will speak to my GP and ask for more help and advice on how to deal with all the issues I've had. Thanks again.
Just writing it all down has helped me feel like a weight was lifted off my chest.
I would recommend it to anyone!
Thanks again!
xxxxxx

Julie - posted on 01/21/2009

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hi your story really touched me i have sufferd with depression since i was a teenager and sometime find it hard with four children to cope pregnancy can be a very scary time with out the added pressure that you have as the baby grows inside you they tend to move less as there is not so much room try not to worry to much and men never really understand your hormones will be all over the place at the monent and its hard to make sences of thinks but hang on in there you havent got long to go after the baby is born it will be hard to begin with but please take all the help that you can from midwifes health visitors ect i made the mistake of thinging i could cope on my own and my depreession got worse and i nearly lost my kids i now take all help offered to me there is no shame in needing help i hope i have been able to help you in any way and i hope the rest of your pregnancy runs smoothly

Joanne - posted on 01/21/2009

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hi kim i became a mum in sept 08 and it was a bit scary 4 me as weel i lost a baby two years befor i had maisy-ray. i tried for another baby and i got preganant 2 years later. i was so scard i was going to loss her i started bleeding with maisy at 6 weeks like i did with the first baby it went on for about 9 weeks on and of. but she was fine .i also could not always feel maisy move but when i went to the hospital and they checked her she was fine i just did not always feel it, also when they get bigger they don't have so much room to move about so the movement are not as strong as b4. just relax and enjoy it everything will be ok and men don't understand anything anyway please feel free to ask me anything u want to no

Jax - posted on 01/21/2009

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ow my god you poor thing you've had a real tough time these past few months I know how bad an awful pregnancy can be and also how hard it can be to get over the loss of a baby.



Like you with my eldest I had severe pregnancy sickness not just morning but afternoon and usually before night times too after I finally got over the sickness at roughly 30 weeks I wieghed in at 7st 5lbs and felt awful by that time I was huge and began to have back problems it was also discovered that my little girl was in brech position and I would have to have a planned c section however 2 days before I the operation at 38 weeks gone my baby turned the right way and had her head engaged (or so we thought) it was actually her umbilical cord which had got wrapped her neck whilst she was turning we didn't discover this until I was 42 weeks gone and had been in and out of labour for 3 weeks contracting but not dilatting I ended up having an emergency c section and things still get better there she would scream almost constantly and would not breast feed I didn't feel like a mum at all and ended up with sever post natal depression it took months to get over but in the end it was really all worth it me and my now 5 yr old girl have a bond that no one ever can ever break because of what I went through with her I was only 17 when I gave birth to her and I think with out the experiances we went through that I wouldn't of tried half as much as I had too. sometimes we have to go through the rough to get to the smooth just remember theres the biggest light at the end of the tunnel and soon you'll have a beautiful baby to love and adore.



 



With your miscarraige I don't think you had proper time to grieve from what you've said it all happened to fast. you need to admit to yourself that however un expected that baby was you lost a child and its okay to be upset and hurt by this. When I mis carried It didn't occour to me what i'd be missing at time as I had 2 beautiful girls to contend with as it was. its not because I didn't care or didn't want another baby its just that I had to pick myself up and get back on with it after my girls started going to school full time I became deeply depressed (again) but couldn't point out what was making me so un happy until one day a found an old bonnet from when they were born and it dawned on me that I hadn't just had a mis carriage I'd lost a child and I missed that child I still have my bad days on that subject it's okay to no one is ever meant to get over it but they a few and far between now and the bits in between more than make up for my loss. I hope I've helped aand I hope that you start feeling better soon but don't worry if it gets worse before it gets better its well worth the wait xxxxxxxxxxxx

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