help 4 1/2 yr old going on 16 !!

Rachel - posted on 04/13/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 4 1/2 yr old is starting this thing where she things she nows all and her way is the only way she picks fights with my 20mth old and when i tell her no she ignores me in public then when i have to resort to raising my voice she throws a big tantrum what do i do we are running out of idieas!!

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Rhiannon - posted on 02/15/2011

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i have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 2 1/2yr old and they are both going through the same thing me older 1 has attitude so bad i swear she gives me a run for my money when i was a teenager. im at wits end with my girls i have tried EVERYTHING with them like timeouts, behaviour charts, removing toys, no tv, no special treats i seriously have tried everything but what gets me is thats for nana (my mum) they dont misbehave at all and on th rare occasion that they do she gives them a timeout and they listen GGRRR i have done the exact same things she does tone of voice and everything. i dont have anything to suggest i just wanted to let u know that u arent alone

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2011

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I'm going through the same thing with my son, who just turned four. I've got a 2 1/2 year old and an 11 month old as well, and they're picking up on his attitude. The two year old will talk back and yell, "NO!" if things don't go his way, and the 11 month old just watches, taking it all in. I fear that if his behavior doesn't stop, she'll be worse than either of them!

What we've begun doing is keeping a star chart. We have five simple rules, and both boys start the day with 5 stars. For every rule broken, they get 1st) warning 2nd) time-out 3rd+) time out and they lose a star. They can earn the stars back by exemplary behavior (sharing a special toy, etc.) We carry a notebook when in public to record the stars earned/lost when we're not at home. The following morning, they get to exchange their stars for privileges. They can choose between 15 minutes of TV or computer time, a treat after lunch, stay up for an extra 15 minutes at bedtime, extra time outside or at the art table...etc. We limit it some (you cant use 10 stars to get 2 and a half hours of TV time,) and they can use the rest to 'buy' "Bruce Store Credit." Once weekly, we open the "store," and allow the kids to "purchase" a special family activity using their combined credits. 15 credits gets them a trip to the museum. 10 a visit to a kid-friendly restaurant. 5 a trip to the park. They can save them up and create a super awesome fun day. Once, they saved and spent them all at once; we went out for breakfast, then to the museum, napped in the car on the way to a picnic lunch at the playground, rented a movie, and played board games til bedtime. The activities available change due to our budget (i.e. we had been given a museum membership that year, but can't afford to renew it, so that's no longer an option.) If they don't have enough credits, or don't want to spend them, we still have a family fun day at home. We let them know that we love spending time with them, regardless of how any stars they've received, but that being able to behave at home, and therefore earn credits, lets us know they'll behave in public. So far, its worked great! In fact, we started using the chart about 6 months ago, and it worked so well that I hardly ever took stars off, and ended up forgetting to use it! After a few months, the behaviors started again, and so did the chart! lol. I'm going to remember to use it no matter how well-behaved the kids are. :)

Rachel - posted on 04/14/2009

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thank you all so much !! megan i have tried being strict and time outs it worked for awhile then she started all over again we even tried what i call stop signs and stars if she was being bad she got a stop sing if she got three it was a time out if she did something good she got a big yellow star to put on her shirt she loved that part ! bu teventually thoses didnt work ither. but my almost two yr old is learning her tricks fast and well shes abigger handfull then my 4 1/2, Puritie !



Lindsay Bribeing is a excellent way and i dont care what others say it work s sometimes but then when shes bad and i say you dont get your prize, treat or whatever she throws a fit kicking screaming saying very mean things! she never used to be like this she always was a sweet girl growing up now im not sure could she be thinking if she acts like patience my almost 2 yr old that shell get more atttinchion ? Thanks to all that help!!

[deleted account]

well my daughter is only 2 and she was doing the same thing!  So i tried being very consistant and strict in her time outs at home and even in public.  I put her in timeout for two minutes and as I sat her down I told her exactly why she was there.  I also had to ignor her and make sure she stayed in her spot.   Then when I would get her up I would tell her again what she did wrong and what I would like in the future and then made her apologize.  after all that I told her i loved her and gave her huggs.   It took like a month or so but I have seen a major improvement!  Now all i have to do is give her a look and she knows to knock it off.

Lindsay - posted on 04/13/2009

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Well I'm going through the same with my 4 yr old daughter. I know it's rough because on top of all that they have that sassy attitude or at least mine does! It doesn't always work but if we are going out somewhere in public I tell her, at home, what behavior is expected and if she follows it that she will have a good reward when we get home(she loves memory so I may say "Madeline if you follow all the rules and are quite in the store and don't ask for anything, then Mommy will play you a game of memory"). Then when we are driving there I ask her to tell me the rules. I remind her again once we get there and ask her if she understands. She's old enough now that if she can remember and repeat it back to me she gets it.



This doesn't always work and I know people say you shouldn't "bribe" your kids but sometimes I feel there is no other way. And she also gets to feel like she is big because I tell her the decision is hers. She knows what happens both ways. And if she gets off track in the store I may just say "were you wanting to play memory?" That's enough to get that back in her head without having to go through the whole senerio in the store.



Sorry for rambling...Hope this helps and Good luck!

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