HELP!

Whitney - posted on 01/05/2010 ( 67 moms have responded )

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I had my son at the age of 21 and i am still not married to the father of my son, but have been together for over 2yrs. Is it bad not wanting to get married after having a child? I feel pressure from everyone about us getting married.

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Tanya - posted 2 days ago

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Getting married because you have a child together is a bad reason to get married. And if you are together you have a common law marriage I would assume.

Ashley - posted on 10/02/2012

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Ive been going through this with my kids dad for 10 years. We are going to get married, but only when we want to and when we can afford it. We love each other very much and have a great family together and have everything a marriage does minus the marriage licence, just a piwce of paper. Havibg a baby is no reason to get married. It will necer work if tgats the reason for a marriage. dont let them pressure you into it. Dp it only when you are both ready.

Ashley - posted on 02/22/2010

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I was 19 when I had my first, and me and her dad where together for 5 years and never got married! Not with him now but that has to do with other reason than our daughter, but there is nothing wrong with doing that way, I would say do it whatever way makes you feel comortable with the situation and not what others may think....

Hope - posted on 02/20/2010

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Dont Get Married if you dont want to! Just becouse You have a child you should never Get married Please Belive me I did that and Now after having another one I am going to be a single mommy of 2 at the age of 23! and really if you think about it in the long end its better that you are all still friends not enemys ! for the kids!

Anna - posted on 02/20/2010

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i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to get married. marriage is a HUGE commitment. If you dont want to, or dont feel like your ready, dont do it. There is nothing wrong with that. you can be just as committed without being married.

Chelsey - posted on 02/20/2010

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Honey listen i am 22 now and me and the father of my 2 girls have been together for 5 years now i had my first one at 19 we had only been together for 6 months when i got pregnant with her we talked about getting married this last year but then i found out i was pregnant with my second girl and he doesnt help much eather hes like well if im good than im worth wating for sometimes i think we will never get married dont sweat it it will all come together with time

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2010

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ive been with my childrens father for 5 years. we have a 3 year old son and an 8 month old daughter and we are not married. i am now 21 and we are very happy.

Kayla - posted on 02/09/2010

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I am also 21. We have been together for 5 years now and have a 19 month old son. Everyone asks if we are getting married. Whats the rush??? I just makes things more complicated i think especially at our young age.

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2010

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I wouldn't worry about it. I'm 30 and have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, we have a 31/2 year old son and are finally getting married this summer. We didn't want to get married just because we had a child we wanted to wait until we were ready. Let other people think what they want and don't let it bother you.

Bethany - posted on 02/05/2010

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Well first of all, I wouldnt get married just because everyone else is pressuring you to and I wouldnt get married just because he is the baby's father. you have to get married to him because you both love each other deeply and want to make a life long committment to each other. No one can tell you when to marry cause it wont be them involved in the marriage. Hope it all works out for you.

Maggie - posted on 02/05/2010

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I am sure you're feeling lots of pressure from friends and family but I have a cousin who was in a similar situation and she ended up getting married and it didn't even last a year because she was so unhappy and then you and your baby have to go through the painful process of a divorce. So my advice is if you're not totally sure don't do it because marriage is hard even if it's something you both wanted. Try not to let that pressure get to you. Do what's best for you and your son:)

Leanne - posted on 02/05/2010

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Personally i think you should be the one to make that call and not have the peer pressure to do it before you are ready. Forcing a commitment now could make you resent that decision. It is best to listen to your own feelings and your partner's. If one or both of you aren't ready to take that step, then don't.

[deleted account]

Don't let others pressure you. Especially if it is something you do not wish to do. There is nothing wrong with not being married or not wanting to get married. As long as you both are happy and your son is happy. That is all that matters. This is your life. It's only about you and your son. Some people say a marriage is just a ring and papers. I don't believe that you should have to be married to be happy and have a complete life. Everyone has different opinions so of course not everyone is going to agree with your choices. Just remember that it's your life. You have to live it your way.

Meggan - posted on 02/04/2010

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Oh girl! Don't let anyone pressure you to get married if you're not ready or don't feel like he is the right man for you. Having a baby is not a reason to get married and you may regret doing it. Marriage should be something that you look forward to. My mother got pregnant with me out-of-wedlock and I did not meet my father until I was 19 and I consider myself a very successful/happy person. Do what your heart tells you and you will be much happier :)

Kristine - posted on 02/04/2010

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I had my son shortly after I turned 22 and I am still not married to the father and we are not planning on getting married anytime soon you shouldn't feel pressure if people can't agree with your decision tell them to mind their own business it's your life and as long as you and your son and the father are happy that is all that matter!

Jen - posted on 02/04/2010

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If you're not ready to get married then wait until you are. Don't let everyone pressure you into something you're not ready for. I had my daughter a few months before I turned 21. My now husband and I had only been together 6 months before we got pregnant and the pressure was on. We knew we wanted to get married (in fact he was ready to ask me shortly before we got pregnant), but I wasn't going to get married just because I was pregnant and having a baby. I wanted to finish college first and I did. We got married last May when our daughter was 17 months old and she was one of our flower girls. Just tell everyone that you will get married when you are ready. Good luck.

Laurel - posted on 02/04/2010

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why rush the best events in your life? My partner and i have two kids- 3 and 2 months. we have no immediate plans to get married weve been together 6 years, we are going to wait until they are old enough to take part in the ceremony seeing as though we had babies before getting married. dont feel pressure to get married its just a bit of paper. if your happy as is, great!

Rolana De Bruyn - posted on 02/03/2010

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Dont let anyone pressure you, it is your life and youmust be sure before making any drastic discitions. Do not listen to the other people, do what you think is right.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2010

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no way! lol. I had my daughter at 17, stayed with her father, and we just got married in 2008. and had our son last sept. Its all on your own comfort! what ever is good for the two of you, no body else counts! ( I will be 29 this yr....ahhhh! so close to 30!)

[deleted account]

Well im 27 and have a 4 mth old and i have been dating his father for 2 yrs also but have had some trust issues and want to get married if we can overcome them. I feel very pressured and also pressure myself, but i think you should wait until you are positively sure! and you will know when you are:)

Camille - posted on 02/03/2010

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The decision to get married should be based on the relationship between the 2 people. It shouldn't be effected by having a child together. Otherwise if you end up getting a divorce, the child will feel at fault. Or one of you could develop resentment toward him for forcing you into something you weren't ready for. At best, you'll be married and not really want to be, and that's not right.

Mapula - posted on 02/03/2010

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When it happens it will happen, my son is 5 and we are not married still. Women tend to think kids should then be followed by marriage if the couple is not married yet. Married or not, u r still a family. If u r a happy family without marriage, fine, if u r in a marriage, still fine

Erin - posted on 02/02/2010

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Don't worry about what other people think. I am 28 and our daughter is 7 yrs old. My husband and I didn't get married until she was 6 and we had been together for 8 years. And honestly, due to financial reasons I wish we would have waited another year. Do what is right for you and your family.

[deleted account]

Just tell everyone just to mind their own business because it is up to you two when you get married. I have been with my man for 5 years almost, we had a little boy and we are not married. I get asked about it alot too, all I say is we will do it when we do it.

Helen - posted on 02/02/2010

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HEY WHITNEY. IM 28 AND I HAVE TWO BOYS AGES 7 AND 21 MONTHS AND ONE ON THE WAY(THIS ONE IS A GIRL).IM NOT PROUD TO SAY THIS BUT THEY ALL HAVE DIFFERENT DADS. THE GUY IM WITH NOW IS THE FATHER OF THE ONE IM CARRYING NOW. IM NOT MARRIED BUT WOULD LIKE TO BE WITH HIM ONE DAY. DONT RUSH IT OR LET ANYONE PRESSURE YOU BECAUSE THATS WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP WILL FAIL. USE YOUR TIME TAKING CARE OF YOUR LITTLE ONE.

Casey - posted on 02/02/2010

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no its not im 21 we've been together for 4 years and have a 21 month old and we have no plans of ever getting married.

Lauricia - posted on 02/02/2010

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Well I've read the other responses and I agree that in this day and age it is not uncommon at all for children to be born and raised with unmarried parents--whether they stay together or not.

My advice is to ask yourself: What would I want my son to do? Whatever you do will set the example for him.

I always try to watch what I do and imagine seeing my children doing the same things. And if I don't like what I see, then I change what I do.

Personally, I feel that children would be happier with two parents who were married 'forever', so that they could always feel safe and secure.

Those are my thoughts.

All the best.

[deleted account]

its not bad. My fiance and I have been together forever lol I call him my husband because weve been engaged for over 3 years!! when the time is right you will know. We planned on getting married 10/10/10 we had this date planned for 3.5 years...lo and behold my daughter was born 10/10/09 and we dont want to get married on her birthday...so were still engaged and havent bothered picking a new day,

I have friends who got married after finding out they were pregnant, and i dont really know if they are happy or in love.

marriage is only a stupid piece of paper

SHELEISHA - posted on 02/01/2010

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Just because you have a child with a person doesn't necessarily mean that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with that person. If you don't want to get married...DON'T!!!! You cannot live your life the way that others feel you should because they're on the outside looking in. I got pregnant at the age of 16. My son was born two months after I turned 17. Two weeks after my 18th birthday, I found out that I was pregnant for the second time. We got married for the sake of our children and our families. Two weeks after we separated, I found out that I was pregnant for the third time. We were divorced three months before my 23rd birthday. We are both remarried and I can't speak for him...I can only speak for myself, but this is the happiest that my children and I have ever been!!!! My husband accepted my babies with open arms and they did just the same. They have a wonderful relationship with their daddy (my husband) and they still communicate and visit with their father. I'm not implying that you're not gonna stay with your baby's father. I'm saying to you.....wait until YOU are ready!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!!!!!

Katherine - posted on 01/29/2010

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I was 24yrs when I had our first son, we aren't married yet we now have 2boys and i'm due with our 3rd on 8th June, we want to get married but we can't afford to so we are just going to wait until we can afford to, heeps of people sort of look at us funny and say why aren't you married but we don't care, we are happy and as far as we are concerned we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that we are married as we think that way anyway.

Courtney - posted on 01/29/2010

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I feel the same way 23 with a baby not married. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 6 years and just had a baby and are not married....and we don't see the need to hurry up and get married just because we had a baby....babies don't make it so you won't get divorced..so why rush what your not sure of!!

Cookie - posted on 01/29/2010

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hello whitney my name is cookie and I know how u feel I have 5 children and I didn't get married until I had my fifth child.sometimes u have to sit down and think long and hard to see if that is what u really want don't let anyone pressure u beacuse if u get married to him beacuse u feel pressured to do so. it wont work u will be back at square one

Laura - posted on 01/29/2010

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you shouldn't feel bad at all. marriage is not for everyone and it's not for anyone who feels pressure to be married. if you want to be married you should be but if you don't feel the need or want to then don't let anyone try to make you all that will do is sever the relationship you have. always do what feels right for you and your son.

Kathleen - posted on 01/29/2010

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I am 25 years old and have been with my sons father for 4 1/2 years now, but we're not even close to marriage yet! Its not bad at all, everyone is different! For me I just don't feel ready to get married. You'll know when the time is right for you guys. Enjoy all the blessing you have, you have plenty of time to think about marriage!

Sarah - posted on 01/29/2010

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no it is not bad at all i had my son at 21 and me and his dad were together for 5 years and were still not married. now we are seperated

JEsse - posted on 01/29/2010

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Me and my guy have been together for 9 yrs we are expecting our fith baby in my opinion you do not need a wedding to be married I tell people I am not ready to get married and its non of their business wether we do or don't. My guy wants to really bad but I will not settle for what we can offord I want the wedding I want and will not get married until i can offord just that!!!

April - posted on 01/29/2010

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Don't get married because other people want you to get married. Do you what you want to do. It's ok to not be married and have a child together...It's 2010! ha ha. I wasnt married when our son was born :)

Yve - posted on 01/29/2010

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I have been with my BF for 2 years and have a baby together. IF we really went through with it and one of us wasnt ready it could ruin the great relationship we have now. Also its alot of stress to plan a wedding. Your still a family at the end of the day.

Just enjoy your self and family all will be right in the end.

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2010

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My fiance and I have been together for almost five years. We just had our first baby and still aren't married. It will happen eventually. Our society still acts on old morals. Do not feel bad because you are not married yet. It will happen in time. Honestly, I usually tell people not to marry because of a child, they should marry because they love each other. My brother and his wife are living proof of that. They got married because of a baby and they can't stand each other.

[deleted account]

I was 23 when I married my ex. I was 8 months prego and the only reason we married was cuz of that. We lasted about 18 months before we called it quits. If the only reason to marry is cuz of a child... don't do it. It is not enough. If you don't want to then you don't want to!

Cassie - posted on 01/28/2010

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I had my daughter at the age of 16, and the father and I tried to ride it out, but in the end you have to do what is best for your son. Don't let anyones opinions get in the way of what you and your son needs.

Colette - posted on 01/28/2010

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Me and my "hubby" have been together for 7 years, we have a 1&1/2 yr old and a 5yr old ! We are still not married and don't plan to be married ... It drives my mother crazy but she has come to terms with it ! We don't need a wedding or piece of paper to remind us how much we love each other and what we share is special. Everyone is different and you need to do what is right for you !!

Kristian - posted on 01/28/2010

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If you get married because of other peoples opinion you will not be happy with your choice. Maybe. Don't let other people tell you what is best. Only you know what is best for you, your love and your little love. God is the only true judge, judgment from others should not matter.
I did get married because of other people and was not ready, even though we had a one year old. I would not take it back but I would have changed so much. Reguardless, do what you know in your heart is right.

Kenyetta - posted on 01/27/2010

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Girl, listen to me closely. I've been with my daughter's father for 7 yrs and June 2010 will be 8 yrs. We had a miscarriage on 1-31-08 and a daughter born on 11-29-09. Everyday ppl ask us when we're getting married since we have a child. I told them don't rush us let us do that. We're not getting married anytime soon. After you have a child you start to see them differently so don't feel bad.

Marla - posted on 01/27/2010

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I think that if you do get married, you will be blessed. Why not get married? Finances are just an excuse, in my opinion. We didn't think we could afford a baby, but we were able to because it was the right thing to do. And if there's a will, there's a way. You may not be blessed financially, but maybe you will have a security, knowing that you will be together forever. I didn't go into my marriage saying 'I could get divorced one day" because i'm not going to get divorced. Sorry, I'll get off my soap box. That's just one opinion.

Kara - posted on 01/27/2010

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Don't get married because it's what people want you to do or are pressuring you to do. It should be something you and your partner both want and just because you aren't married doesn't mean you both don't have the same commitment to eachother that a married couple does. When you are ready to get married you will know.

Gail - posted on 01/27/2010

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don't let anyone sway you one way or the other. its a decision between the two of you. not anybody else.

Melinda - posted on 01/27/2010

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I have been with my husband for 6 years but have been married for about 5 months. We had our son july 2008 and we had gotten married in September 2009 before we had our second child in December. I know where your coming from. My family kept asking me when we were going to get married. I never pressured him and I knew that some day we would get married.

Nicole - posted on 01/08/2010

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I was in the exact same boat. I had my first son when I was 25. I am married now, but we married a year after he was born. Before that, I was with him since I was 21. Everyone kept telling us to get married, but we wanted to wait until we could afford a great honeymoon. Plus...We were in no rush. We loved each other and knew that none of us was going anywhere. Take your time. It will happen when it's supposed to. XO

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